Bantam Bertie Brown

Written by: DAVID WALLACE

Bertie Brown the Bantam weight was training for the fight
The tickets sold the seats laid out all ready for the night
‘Buster Brown can knock ‘em down’ the posters all agreed
But this one worried Buster sending tremors to his knees
He badly needed solace to prepare him for the war
but all he found were cronies and the Yes men at the bar
so with seven pints of Guinness drunk to sharpen up his wits
Bertie slipped down off his stool and flexed his mighty fists
To the cheers of husbands everywhere he set out for the bout
Followed closely by the eager mob and half a dozen louts

The front row seats fell silent as Bertie took the stance
belt pulled tight, and sleeves rolled up, shirt tucked into his pants
his opponent came out swinging, a jab, a swinging right
as full of Guinness Bertie swayed with all his wobbling might
But as he counter punched his right with a wild and powerful swing
He spun round twice and lost his feet and landed on his ring
Then struggling dizzily to his feet his face now pale and wan
He didn’t see the knock out blow from Elsie’s frying pan

The Friday fight was over, and the crowd dispersed quite sad
It hadn’t been the best of scraps, though the best that Bertie had
At least she hadn’t cut him up, or blackened both his eyes
For Berties missus, Elsie was at least three times his size.
For fifteen years each Friday night Bantam Bertie fights the fight
But up against a heavyweight it’s not a pretty sight
So Guinness drinkers everywhere remember and relate
When fighting after drinking, never punch above your weight.