The Hunchback Of Tennessee

Written by: Milton Toran

My cousin owned a beagle,
A horny ol' dog;
He hunched everything in sight,
Even a hollow log!

I looked out in the back yard,
What do you think I'd see?;
That peanut-head beagle,
Hunchin' on a willow tree!

Hunchin' on a bicycle,
Hunchin' on a car;
Hunchin' on a porcupine,
That left an awful scar!!

I woke up one morning,
Squeaks echoed through my head;
I looked down at my feet,
That mutt was hunchin' on my bed!

He never rolled over,
He'd never fetch or beg;
But he could sure work up a sweat
On the shin of your leg!

One day I had enough,
I called my cousin on the phone;
I shouted loud and clear...
"He's hunchin' on a pine cone!!"

That's when I realized,
Milk and oil will never mix;
Once again I shouted out...
"Why don't you have him fixed?!!"

My cousin then replied...
"You know that ain't no good!"...
"It wouldn't be right,
To take his manhood!"

One day we went fishing,
The sun rose from the south;
That stupid ol' dog, 
Started hunchin' a cottonmouth!

He was struck many times,
Perhaps eight to ten;
That silly ol' beagle,
Keeled over on his chin!

Out in the back yard,
Beneath that willow tree;
We laid to rest our horny friend,
The hunchback of Tennessee!