Tartar Blues

Written by: Frances King

WELL … Ah woke up this mornin’,
Had a ringin’ in ma head.
Ma backbone felt like rubber,
An’ Ah wished that Ah was dead …
Ah crawled into the bathroom,
Pulled myself up to a lean.
Saw ma choppers in the mirror …
Such a tasteful shade o’ green!

    Ah’ve got the tartar blues.
    Man, Ah’ve got the tartar blues!
    Ah’ve got the feelin’ oldie,
    Green an’ mouldy,
    Sad ‘n’ lowdown tartar blues.

Well, Ah sidled in the drug-store,
Saw this kid behind the till.
She said, “Sir, how can I help ya?
Man, you’re lookin’ awful ill!”
Ah said, “Ah’m a mite embarrassed …
Ah cain’t tell ya what Ah need …’
She said, “Sir, I know precisely!”
An’ she sold me a pack o’ three!

    Ah said, “Girl, Ah’ve got the tartar blues …
    Girl! Ah’ve got the tartar blues!
    Ah’ve got the feelin’ oldie,
    Green an’ mouldy,
    Sad ‘n’ lowdown tartar blues!”

‘Cause mah pearlies ain’t so pearly;
They look as if Ah’ve died,
An’ Ah been layin’ in the graveyard
For a century or five … 

Well! Ah need some Arm & Hammer,
The toothpaste with a “WOW!”
So that Ah can tell ma tartar
“Tartar, ta-ta for now!”

    Girl, Ah’ve got the tartar blues …
    Girl! Ah’ve got the tartar blues!
    Ah’ve got the feelin’ oldie,
    Green an’ mouldy,
    Sad ‘n’ lowdown tartar blues!