Calendar Cats

Written by: Frances King

Calendar cats are the Pussy élite.
Silky or spiky, or butch, or effete,
Calendar cats are a privilege to meet …
They’re, oh! SO beautiful!

    My Bubble’s a bit smelly, and he doesn’t seem to care,
   And his poor old baldy belly has got ‘flying-away’ hair.
   He quacks and he sneezes, and he dribbles ev’rywhere –
   It’s not pretty at all …

Calendar cats have immaculate hair.
It’s sleek and it’s clean – not a flea anywhere;
But they’re paper, not real-life – it’s true, and you can’t
Hear them PURRing at all …

    Bubble’s greedy and he’s lazy, and his fur gets up my nose.
    He gets it in my dinner and he gets it on my clothes.
    He isn’t too hygienic at all, BUT – he PURRs
    Like a pneumatic drill …

My Bubble does nothing, and he does it all day.
When he’s not on my lap, then he’s still in my way.
He sleeps in my garden, and dreams of the old
Days, - when HE had it all …

But calendar cats only hang on the wall,
And when you need a cuddle they’re no use at all …

So I’ll cuddle my Bubble ...
Yes, I’ll cuddle my Bubble …
And I won’t want a calendar pussy at all …
No, I won’t want a calendar cat 
At all!



This is a waltz (3/4) rhythm, and verses 2 and 4 are in double time (6/8)
Sadly, Bubble is no longer with us, but he did live to nearly 20!