How to Recognise a Sheep

Written by: Lee Leon

How to recognise a sheep - let me tell you, dear 
The rules are simple, so take note of what I tell you here. 

You can rule out any creature that has fingers, fur, or wings 
Amongst its decorations, for sheep don't have these things 
Neither will you see it with a scarf on, or a hat 
Unless you see it eating one - a sheep just might do that. 

But you don't see them on bicycles, and rarely on a train 
They will not use umbrellas, not even in the rain 
They are not messy like a pig, or grumpy like a goat 
They do not delve in politics, though many of them vote. 

A sheep's by nature placid, it will never get annoyed 
Its brain is strained by nothing - it will contemplate the void, 
But mind and body wander, it is prone to go astray 
And it runs in one direction which is, typically, away. 

If you see it climbing high, or swinging in the trees 
These are not the sort of things that sheep can do with ease 
Typically, your average sheep can normally be found 
Standing with four little hooves placed firmly on the ground. 

If he's standing in a field, on four legs and on grass 
If he does not look that he'll molest you if you pass 
If he's looking woolly, in body and in mind 
With a woolly face in front, and woolly tail behind 
If he looks around with the tranquillity of sleep 
That will be a sheep, my dear, 
That will be a sheep!