How to Recognise a Sheep
How to recognise a sheep - let me tell you, dear
The rules are simple, so take note of what I tell you here.
You can rule out any creature that has fingers, fur, or wings
Amongst its decorations, for sheep don't have these things
Neither will you see it with a scarf on, or a hat
Unless you see it eating one - a sheep just might do that.
But you don't see them on bicycles, and rarely on a train
They will not use umbrellas, not even in the rain
They are not messy like a pig, or grumpy like a goat
They do not delve in politics, though many of them vote.
A sheep's by nature placid, it will never get annoyed
Its brain is strained by nothing - it will contemplate the void,
But mind and body wander, it is prone to go astray
And it runs in one direction which is, typically, away.
If you see it climbing high, or swinging in the trees
These are not the sort of things that sheep can do with ease
Typically, your average sheep can normally be found
Standing with four little hooves placed firmly on the ground.
If he's standing in a field, on four legs and on grass
If he does not look that he'll molest you if you pass
If he's looking woolly, in body and in mind
With a woolly face in front, and woolly tail behind
If he looks around with the tranquillity of sleep
That will be a sheep, my dear,
That will be a sheep!