Notes of a Suicide

Written by: Michell Reddy

Before I start this
I want you all to know
It was never your fault.

Mum and Dad.
I just want to say how sorry I am.
The grief I’m putting you through. 
It’ll get better.
I love you both.
I wish we could have held each other.
I wish we could have cried together.
I wish I could have said thank you.

My sister.
My baby sister. 
Everything will be ok. 
I know you’re scared.
Don’t worry,
I’ll be there when ever you need me.
Don’t let them take you.
Always be true to yourself. 
I love you.

My brother.
By the time you can read this.
The memory of me 
Will only be in those photo albums
That no one looks at 
In the cupboard.
But I always want you to know
I never meant it 
When I yelled. 
You’ll always be my little baby
The one I told everything.
Don’t worry.
I’ll forgive you 
If you forget me. 
But I’ll never forget you. 

My best friends.
I know you won’t forgive me.
I know you didn’t see it coming. 
No matter what happens.
You’re not alone.
You never have been.
I’ll always be here even if I am gone.
I don’t ever think I told you
That you’re my best friends.
I know I have no right to ask
But I need you to do something
Take care 
Everything will turn out alright. 
I know it will.  
Remember 
All those times we laughed.
Remember
There will always be something to laugh about.
I won’t say
I’m in a better place.
I will say
One day.
One day.
We’ll walk home again.

My love. 
I hope this message gets to you. 
Don’t blame anyone. 
Don’t blame yourself. 
If you have to blame anyone 
Blame me. 
Those times 
We spent hiding our love
Don’t forget them. 
I never told you how much I loved you. 
How much I still love you. 
I want you to know
It’s ok to cry. 
I want you to hold me 
That one last time
And press your lips on mine. 
I’ll feel a tear wet my face.
And I’ll tell you its ok. 
That there’s nothing to be afraid of.
One day, 
Again. 
We’ll find each other. 
I’ll always be waiting for you
The drops of rain 
Slowly running down my face
My trembling hands will always reach for you.
You’ll always be close.
I’ll always be yours.  

For all of you
Who ask why I did it. 
When I look in the mirror
And see a face that isn’t mine. 
That isn’t me. 
And once you feel this. 
You’ll know why I did this. 
You’ll know why 
I couldn’t live. 
At the end. 
I’m sorry 
I have nothing left to give.