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The Gift of Ignorance

Reaching out I can almost feel it
My sanity brimming over
And yet it's still so far
When will it be a part of me?
Letting people know it's alright to talk to me
To tell me things 
And know that I will be fine
And yet I'm not 
They know that I'm not
I see what they see when I look in the mirror
And how I hate it
How I wish for the bliss of not knowing
But my sanity is there
I can almost touch it
And a part of me knows that it's soft
That it would be a blanket protecting me  
    from my mind
Thoughts so infectious I feel them creep 
    and spread
It fills my soul green
What happened to the lovely purple hues 
    that used to surround me-
The one that settled my soul?
A subtle cast of lilac in a world full of 
   gangrenous mold
And so my head keeps swimming 
In the muck and the filth and the swill
Searching and groping
Feeling for my way out
Touching this unclean thing and that 
   unclean thing
A blind man stumbling through a corridor
   of webs and dust
Not knowing where it ends
Only feeling with his fingers 
Hoping with every step that it's his last
So I reach out
I take each step
Looking for the lilac
Hoping for such bliss
Knowing that it's out there
And remembering the feel of the long 
   ribbons of warmth
Encircling my mind and hugging it tight
Wishing for that embrace again
To feel it once more would be repayment 
   enough
Compensation for the dank living quarters
   of late
Never to be repeated
Nor to be remembered
Nor to be released to the air
Never to be shared with the rest of the world
The world that sleeps on so peacefully
And so this is my only gift to give
The one that I toil so endlessly to attain again
The gift of continued ignorance

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