I cry, I hold it in, I cry.
I hate the way I saw you tonight,
Wrapped up in wires,
Sleeping beneath the shut off lights,
But this is no sleep your in,
Its just a moment before your passing.
I will forever hold the memory,
Of slick juice upon my face,
Sweet clementines dripping down my cheeks,
And long stripped socks at Christmas.
I will look back and dream,
Of slim jims and chocolate milk,
Sitting at the bar,
The lights dimmed,
And Barbie stamps covering my pale skin.
When I was less than five years old.
I will never forget,
Sitting on your black leather couch,
And watching Mulan for the first time,
Or the love and surprise I felt,
When you bought it for me,
Because I loved it so much.
I will always remember,
Walking the small trail down from your house,
To go look at your Harleys,
And feed the little ducks,
Crumbs of bread,
Or a whole damn loaf if I really begged.
I will never forget the time,
When you handed me one hundred bucks,
Just for Graduating, not even at the top of my class.
When I tried to return it,
You insisted that you wanted me to keep it,
And I cried, I hugged you hard and felt your love,
Deep in the nether regions of my heart.
I will strive to remember,
The smell of beer and whiskey and cigars on your breath,
What a sweet smell that now seems,
And oh how I wish, you would have stayed for that bottle of wine,
Just stayed a little longer for all of your visits.
I will never forget how I felt when Grandma told me,
You served in the marines,
And I could not believe,
That those Santa Clause eyes,
Could be that strong and brutal,
When you were always so nice,
And I found for you a new respect.
I miss you so much,
As you lay in your bed,
Strung up with wires, and tubes and struggling,
To find your last breath.
I am crying, I cant hold it in.