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When I look In The Mirror

You told me I could not.
You said it would never happen.
You told me these lies.
And so I never even imagined.

Your words filled my head.
With such hate and such disdain.
Your words flooded my mind,
As the alcohol flooded my veins.

Your words they cut me,
Like a butcher and his knife.
They left behind their bruises,
Like a man beating his wife.

You never said anything nice.
No, never at all.
You got your kicks watching,
All the times I would stumble and fall.

That voice in my head began,
To believe the words you spewed.
Never for once thinking,
They simply can't be true.

So many years of hearing,
Eat less and suck it in.
I never knew being chubby,
Was such a horrifying sin.

I'm sorry I didn't realize
My worth was defined,
By the number around my waist,
Not the IQ of my mind.

I'm sorry I didn't realize,
The value of being thin.
I've been disturbingly degraded,
For the flaws on my skin.

I'm sorry you feel this way.
It must be hard on you
To have to look at me,
From your point of view.

But believe me when I tell you
I can't make it any clearer.
Your words aren't half as hurtful
As what I say when I look in the mirror. 


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