Searching the Crowd
My life was simple
Until I held the door
For one man, and nothing more
A simple thank you would have been enough
But I turned around
In a split second
My life turned upside down
For a man I don’t know
And never knew
Pale white skin
Dark brown eyes
I lusted
I sinned
I swore I’d never do it again
You came
We talked
Blah blah blah
My nerves settled in
Palms sweating, eyes meeting
Talk felt like vomit
A name; all I knew
Then I kept seeing you
We locked eyes and stared
Anxious; you told me to calm
But you had plans,
And I was stuck
Still stuck; this is what I am.
So I made my decision,
To look at you like a stranger
For I knew
What I’d do to a man like you
My looks deceiving
My body hiding secrets
Bearing a child
Covered in scars
Hidden away; a partner patiently waiting
At night I look to the man in the bed,
Never wanting to be myself again
Lusting for a man I never knew
You stopped and stared
Searching the crowd promptly at noon
I looked back, never daring to say a word
For I knew what I would get myself into
My heart aching and beating
Watching and waiting,
While you stood patiently
Ignore you, I could not do
I just glared
And the eyes were returned
But I didn’t stand my ground
I was stuck.
And this I swore not to do to you
While he plans
And I stay awake, wishing for more talks
Talks we shared, now I can only rehearse
Lying wide awake in my bed
Thinking of a smile and tattoos
Since those days
I have looked for my exit
My way out
And his eyes once more
To be given a second chance
But he is gone
Never to see this man again,
Stuck in my regret,
I am stuck.
Copyright © Raychael Tone | Year Posted 2013
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