I have passion that burns just not for him. I am wild and desire to be touched, felt, seen just not by him. This troubles me because I have promised him forever. My mind wanders. My heart beats faster with each word. Thinking of how I should destroy this page before he comes home. The secrets in my heart are overwhelming, ungodly, and certainly not clean. He has no idea the intensity of my feelings for the men in my past. That burned so bright with unbearable heat compared to this small ever flickering ever fleeting light between him and me. The man I had been with before him, set me on fire. I looked forward to getting off from work and getting down on my knees for him, tasting his skin, feeling him explode in my mouth. How dirty is that! My past fornication haunts my mind but makes me oh so wet. The struggle I have is a disgrace. Pull it together, I say. Maybe I should have never married. Perhaps my desire and longing to kiss and touch other men is my curse, my punishment. Please God help me tame this beast that is coming up from inside choking the life out of me and him. I knew better than to settle for someone safe. Someone I knew would always love me more than I love him. So I will burn these words. They are never to be spoken again. I will pray for mercy and forgiveness. I will try to be a better wife.