Why I'm Alive
First started with an attention disorder.
Then the medication started...and escalated.
Fixed my behavior, but not my grade.
It wasn't good enough for them.
So higher the dosage, the lower my personality.
Soon I had no personality, and I was becoming sick.
Later my mother left my family.
The medication went higher, and so did the depression.
Finally off the medicine for my attention deficit disorder.
But the depression got worse, anxiety was getting horrible to stand.
Stopped eating. My body dying.
Few years after, I was in the Hospital with ulcers, my stomach almost ripped open.
Surgeries started, fixing the problem.....and different medication.
More doctor appointments started up, my immune system weakend.....medication for that.
Getting sick and having blood tests done...they dont know whats going on...more medication.
Several more hospital trips, from heart murmurs, and the pressure beating in my veins.
Regular doctor appointments....medication.
Broke my foot, high medication.
Failing school from it and sleeping more.
Attention medication came back, getting higher.
Bone spur surgeries, more pain medications.
How much could one kid do in there life?????
Pain meds go on for months, then finally ending.
A month later, I get a contusion, severe swelling causing severe painful headaches.
Pain meds are higher than usual, hardly able to see, cant stand people, tender to touch.
More hospital visits, x-rays, medication.
Then an infection.
Spots. All over my arms and legs. Itching, scratching.
Never knowing what it is.
You would've thought I would be dead by now, but no. I'm only alive from my medication and surgeries.
Copyright © Samantha-Jane Smith