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Chris D. Aechtner. Click the Next or Previous links below the poem to navigate between poems. Remember, Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth. Thank you.
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Chris D. Aechtner
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flowers for Chinaski -- part ii
There was a time
when I wanted to be one of them,
to somehow fit in
with the fancy rituals
of their high society.
But the da-Dumb, da-Dumb, da-Dumb
made me want to puke,
made me want to bounce my head
off the table, hopefully causing the bone china
to add clatter to their snobbish
Words like "gossamer"
flitted around the room,
word so thin but veiled
even the candle light appeared
to shy away from those dry wings.
The snobs talked about how
I was too simple with words.
They did so with such a simple,
the irony provided oxygen for flame
And the critics proclaimed that
I wasn't able to love,
when really, I just wanted to get away
smoke a cigarette in peace
while hitchhiking back to my chubby cherub,
feel her belly fall and rise against my skin.
I was finally able to love,
and she died.
The previous pain had been for show:
"Look at the drunk ham
feeling sorry for himself."
But when she died,
I distilled tears
into a different type of proof.
I was no longer willing to be
their carnival attraction
placated under the table,
listening to them upstage each other.
When I was able to stand again,
a cold, sharp thing was birthed in my mind,
I wanted to shoot them all between the eyes,
splatter their degrees and deeds
with their blood and brains.
I found peace though -
stopped wanting to be one of them.
I found peace
away from their chatter
about what to carve on their headstones
or what type of fancy imported granite
their mausoleums should be constructed of.
I found peace in readying myself to be
to be perspired into the open, fathomless sky --
the same deep blue as the bird
who finally pecked his way
through the rusted cage of my heart,
freeing us both.
April 12th, 2014
“i am with the roots
sending up my passionate blossoms
as a flight of rockets
-- Charles Bukowski,
"The Roominghouse Madrigals: Early Selected Poems, 1946-1966"