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In Twilight

               left behind
               fading trails across the sky
               in twilight
               at the nursing home
               my father asks me my name
              
              

(3/7/3/5/7)

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  1. Date: 5/24/2015 8:55:00 PM

    :( Drop by my latest comment on my pj party blog... posted before your apt assessment of the situation on the "newest country club" on Soup. Stomach turning. But I think TPS is actually trying to prove his point ... they won't get it. Hugs... scary stuff on soup these days. Zombies have eaten their brains!!!!
  1. Date: 5/22/2015 4:56:00 PM

    Man, oh, Man, Soup is doing me in. I may need to go away, for a bit, after I close the workshop. What the hey is going on here? A crooked publisher, wealth over common courtesy, fake comments over working on the art... I'm tired, my friend. I have a 101 degree temperature, its like Soup itself made me sick. Thank goodness Hatman was around today... I won't pack my bags, as I'm using soup as a platform.. but the peeps are getting strange.... :( Me sad!!!
  1. Date: 5/22/2015 3:37:00 PM

    Ruben, this is very moving 7,
  1. Date: 4/25/2015 11:28:00 AM

    Nice and short, good stuff
  1. Date: 4/17/2015 9:59:00 AM

    forgive me if I can not join the fray in arguing what a tanka is or isn't...what this is...is a touching important write...perfect in its breath from your artistic voice...i love it...i hope my fav helps...thank you for your write. love, armand.
  1. Date: 4/16/2015 11:35:00 PM

    Hatman, were you really unable to access your account? Was that you???? Sent you soup mail! AWK!
  1. Date: 4/11/2015 8:11:00 AM

    Found this on the top 100 list, good onya. A most truthful poem, a sad situation for all involved. Well captured.
  1. Date: 4/9/2015 9:28:00 AM

    Ooooh. hit me hard. You do this so well. Working my way back. It was more than Soup. The world just left me worn. So much out there, you know? I need to remember the other half of the equation, the good, the beautiful, the full-hearted... like this tanka. Hugs.
  1. Date: 4/8/2015 8:52:00 AM

    hi Ruben, love this poem, and u2. just wanted to let you know that i had written that message wrong, the guy at work made sure i seen that he was not wearing a ring.... but... shooting stars pass quickly in the night. nothing's happening there. HA! love and hugs, catie :)
  1. Date: 4/5/2015 3:38:00 AM

    Wow....this one deserves to be in the show...this is why the soup exists...for these moments...unreal good, Ruben! jimbo
  1. Date: 4/1/2015 7:26:00 AM

    Oh that is emotional, how things fade away whether miles away or right by our side.
  1. Date: 3/30/2015 10:04:00 AM

    Brilliant mastery of form and compelling (for different reasons) on both sides of the twist. Congrats on your great win Ruben!
  1. Date: 3/30/2015 9:30:00 AM

    Great the second time too. Congrats on the selection. Love, daver
  1. Date: 3/29/2015 2:58:00 AM

    Sorry, I keep on popping up here. I read your comments on mine--thank you so much for the nice words,I wasn't really confident with that, or will ever be ---as for following my advice- and ummmm, uh-oh then? Are you really sure?? I am not so sure if my advice is even sound? I just wing, wung(?) and go by feel,, not really knowing anything much with how to write tanka (even write 'tanka', try to pass them off as such)-have to dig more into it, hopefully soon. ok, what I am saying is...I am really clueless when it comes to this form and just go with my instinct, so following my advice (ie instinct), might not be the best idea after all. > . <
  1. Date: 3/29/2015 1:17:00 AM

    Ooh ... :( ... Ouch ... I felt this one ... What a great tanka, though ...
  1. Date: 3/24/2015 6:02:00 PM

    so so stunning this left me quite emotional as mum has early dementia:-( Hugs jan xx
  1. Date: 3/24/2015 11:58:00 AM

    This one is special. So glad to read lit Ruben O. Congratulations on your well placed win. 7
  1. Date: 3/24/2015 9:28:00 AM

    This is just about perfect, Ruben. The pivot is perfect - I don't always make it on that line. Wonderful to find a tanka nut. At 85 my eyesight is terrible. Use a magnifying glass for everything. So, the haiku and the tanka, but the two forms are the very essence of sensitivity and mystery. Love, daver
  1. Date: 3/23/2015 10:01:00 PM

    Ruben, this tanka really touches the heart! Congrats on your win! Love, Kim
  1. Date: 3/23/2015 5:26:00 PM

    Hello dear poetic friend of mine ! As your usual, a wonderful write from you ! I liked that you used this form, so as not to dwell too much; into a realm of our parents some of us wished wouldn't exist. I know all too well how important it is to share this experience, yet I believe that this is the: "Lot" of a write; the space of a Tanka were vent should prevail. Anywho, God bless you fine Fellow.....much love, james
  1. Date: 3/23/2015 2:25:00 PM

    Wonderful Tanka, Ruben. What an emotional, dramatic twist at the end. Congratulations on your fine win. Sandra
  1. Date: 3/22/2015 10:31:00 AM

    Oh.....Ruben, you know how to touch the heart, and squeeze our emotions to the surface. So poignant is the lasting trail this leaves behind. Top of my list!
  1. Date: 3/22/2015 10:10:00 AM

    or was also leaning towards 42135-- ok I better stop since I got myself all confused on which arrangement read best (kinda reminds me of sudoku), I was arranging in my head so much last night and even leaning towards those, not really following the short-long-shhort- long-long thing.
  1. Date: 3/22/2015 10:06:00 AM

    Back again and also to say big congrats to you! As for your question-- hmmm? not sure if my opinion has weight (I am hazy sleepy minded now --umm when am I not?) actually, 45321 flowed better for me. But last night, I leaned towards reading it as: 42153, I dunno, somehow "in twilight" seemed to also give another meaning/layer for me, a lasting impression & reference to your father's condition-not sure if that's acceptable, last 2 lines being long short? I'm no tanka expert, that's for sure!
  1. Date: 3/22/2015 7:05:00 AM

    congrats on the win Rubin, a sad but all too often occurrence.
  1. Date: 3/21/2015 10:15:00 PM

    this is outstanding, a huge congrats. BG
  1. Date: 3/21/2015 9:49:00 PM

    this is superb, though sad. Congratulations on your win!
  1. Date: 3/21/2015 9:04:00 PM

    wow, Rueben. Long time no see in one of my contests. I am thrilled that you entered and I gave you a good placement. I just loved this one. Congratulations. (hope it is not based on truth, but it happened to my stepdad).
  1. Date: 3/21/2015 11:54:00 AM

    Hi Ruben! This is so sad yet so poignant, and I can't help but imagine seeing myself during that moment. Also,just me saying hi to you, and hoping all is well. I can't help but read this, switching lines. It's so cool how it can still make sense even if rearranged. I think I read this differently last night? Sorry wasn't able to comment then...could just be me, but the previous seems more coherent (for me)? Then again, don't mind me since my mind can be so topsy turvy...
  1. Date: 3/21/2015 12:38:00 AM

    RUBEN....Oh...this is so so sad and beautiful at the same time. Amazing! Is it fictional? Oh...I have so much to say on this, but....I won't. Memories of my Mamma. Lovely....Good luck for the contest. Ruben...I sent you a soup mail. Be so kind as to get back to me. Hugs
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