There are twelve days of Christmas, everybody knows that
But there are only three signs to know, it’s time to start getting fat.
The first sign that Christmas is really getting quite near
Is all the new toy adverts on the telly that suddenly appear
They are on the telly before kids return to school after summer break
There are lots of toys to buy, they tell us, and even some Christmas cake
Never mind the partridge that’s sitting in the pear tree
Or the French Hens and the Five golden rings
The second sign is Cliff Richards' back, selling his songs and things.
'Calendars and tickets, to concerts round and about
I’m here come buy my wears is Cliff Richards only shout.'
The third sign of Christmas is also the television screen
The Coco Cola train runs daily, set in a pretty Christmas scene
Christmas isn’t Christmas without Coco Cola, they have us believe
We can’t have Christmas without it, because everyone would grieve.
Without TV and Cliff Richard, Christmas would not happen at all
No Christmas dinner or gifts and no works Christmas ball
There would be no Turtle doves, or Maids to go a milking.
No cheap deals and cons, for people to go a bilking.
No money spent at this time of year would be a catastrophe
We would just have to carry on with our same routine daily.
Christmas is not what is was, even the dates are a bit of a mis-leader
It was mixed with Roman Saturnalia, to appease the then church leader.
So for all those that celebrate remember you have Cliff to thank for it
Enjoy your time this year, and all those presents that do not fit
Don’t think of me as humbug or even a Christmas killjoy
I wish a happy time for every girl and boy
I wish everyone what they wish for themselves and others
And I hope that your Santa comes, to help all the mothers
Have a good time one and all, at this special time of year
And remember to thank the telly and Cliff, for all this Christmas cheer.