Oh I hate to tell ya how granddaddy died,
It brings such a tear to my eye
I remember that Christmas day
When granddaddy got blown away.
See granny wasn't the best of cooks,
Tryin' new things got her strange looks
Granddaddy never said a word,
Even when she burnt the Christmas bird
Learnin' after 50 years
To accept the good with the jeers
He ate her cookin' without a peep,
And mostly passed gas in his sleep.
Sometimes silent sometimes loud,
Granddaddy was always so proud.
Never wantin' to seek medical attention,
it is just to private to mention.
So that Christmas she served baked beans
The gas was the worst you've ever seen,
Granddaddy didn't feel so well
And with the second helpin' he began to swell.
Didn't help that granddaddy had hemorrhoids
So fartin' wasn't something he enjoyed
It started about half past eight,
The smell too bad to contemplate.
Rollin' in agony clenching his rump
His rear end getting rather plump
Awakin’ granny with a bang,
One final groan of agonizing pain.
A little after midnight,
He just gave up the fight.
It is said that with the coffin walk
You’d swear you heard a squawk.
Each time the Hurst hit a bump,
A loud protest came from his rump.
Hazy fumes filled the car,
thank goodness the cemetery's not that far.
Mourners paid their last respects
Eyein' his coffin rather perplexed
Emerald green his burial casket,
Granny whisperin', he just blew a gasket.
swollen eyes, with walks of shame,
followin' the smelly remains.
on his tombstone it read,
Here lies granddaddy farted himself dead.