I just swallow the pain down and paint on a smile
I go on to getting on, and pretend to be normal for a while.
it never works for long but, at least they can't see.
just exactly what not knowing you has done to me
maybe it would be different had I brought you home,
or maybe they'd understand if you had met them, or had a headstone.
but the truth is, this sadness.... well it solely belongs to me
No one in the world mourns lost babies they didn't see.
I didn't see you either, but I felt you move inside.
I did see your image on the screen, as the doctor said you'd died
the heartbeats they listened for, they never played out loud,
all I have to show of you is a pic of a shadow, of that I am proud.
I broke down today, I cursed and hurt someone I love dear
they couldn't drop the subject and didn't understand how bad I wish you were here.
I do not like this person that I have become nor, this bitterness that I have turned into,
But, I keep swallowing my grief, because I can not bare to think or speak of you.
some mommy I am huh? I can't even hear your name without losing my damn mind.
I am so sorry to all four of my dead babies, but peace with this I can not find