There was a time in my life when I had it all. I always held my head high I always walked very tall. My head full of dreams and my heart full of hope. One day that all changed and I was unable to cope.
My pain fell like rain it began to flood all around. To tired to swim I started to drown. The most precious things in life had been taken from me. I lost not only my mom but my whole family.
Now my heart full of sorrow and barely at tear left to cry. Few days came along that I wasn't ready to die. I thought I could take it and stay consistently strong. But as I sat there in tears I knew I must have been wrong.
One can't be strong all of time not in anyone's world and I know not in mine. I know there are those who have been through much more but only experience I have are my times at deaths door.
Though not my own life and that I would rather but it was those that I love that death came to gather. With each death I lost a piece of my soul each one left me more shattered feeling no longer whole.
As my own health declined sadly at my own hands. My life would now dangle by a few delicate strands. Now with nobody left no one to save. I had to focus on me before I dug my own grave.
I've never been good at taking care of me. I guess it was easier when there was an "us" or a "we" I had been numbing myself I had all I could take. Waves washing over me In an emotional wake.
Now with nothing to lose my last card had been played. Time to refocus my life with plans carefully laid. I had to remove myself from the pressures in life the conflict, the struggle always living in strife.
To be happy in life you must learn to be happy alone. A hard lesson in life from which I have grown. I've decided my next funeral will be my own. And I've learned that's true we must reap what we've sewn.
So now with some wisdom placed under my belt. I feel more equipped to play the hand I've been dealt. Some may think I'm selfish I feel I've paid my dues. Time to hum something happy instead of singing the blues. Now its on with life's journey a trip I will happily make. For I know the key is if you don't bend you will break.
By JD Berryhill 06/2010