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The Barmaid And The Pedlar

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Below is the poem entitled The Barmaid And The Pedlar which was written by poet Red OMara. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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The Barmaid And The Pedlar

There's an old English song called  All Jolly Fellows That Follow The PLow.  The tune works fine as is for the chorus and with the verses if the tune for the 3rd and 4th lines is repeated for th 5th and 6th. Well, it works for me but my singing has never been much hindered by tunes.



It was after that big game one long gone September,
the score line was one I’d like not to remember,
in a small Richmond pub not too far from the ground,
we all settled down with our sorrows to drown.
We were well on the way, as were most of the crowd,
when in came a young pedlar a shouting out loud.

“Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to eat out.”

Cried the barmaid, “How many do I get to a yard?”
“Madam, three if they’re soft or two if they’re hard”
She felt for the soft ones cos she wanted a lot,
but the more that she squeezed em the harder they got.
She found not a sausage was e’en a bit soft
so she told the young pedlar to go get far offed 

“Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to eat out.”

Said the pedlar, “Why madam no need to be rude.
And in fact what you told me was verging on crude
But you don’t look so bad for a foul mouthed old sow
so step on outside, if you like, with me now.
If you play your cards right I might squeeze your left breast.
If I find I like that I might squeeze all the rest.”

“Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to eat out.”

Said the barmaid to pedlar, “You are a right jerk,
I’m a barmaid and never do mission’ry work.
But if you're near to the shops and you buy me some eggs,
I might squeeze that there pimple you’ve got ‘tween your legs.”
Then she said something that made the whole crowd guffaw,
“And will you stop off at home and please check the back door?”

“Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to eat out.”



For Cyndi MacMillan's pub song contest

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  1. Date: 6/8/2013 3:15:00 PM
    Ok, I just started. THIS is ONE!!! (I will leave that same message on all the others chosen!) You already know I adore BIg Mac so that is in too!!

  1. Date: 5/30/2013 9:53:00 AM
    Well I like this ;} , glad you like my I'll say good - by now ;}

  1. Date: 5/22/2013 9:10:00 PM
    Well Mr O'Mara....I might have to call you back to chat about this one lol <3 Well done you funny funny man xx

  1. Date: 5/22/2013 7:58:00 PM
    Great rocking song. Congratulations on your win. Love, Joyce

  1. Date: 5/20/2013 6:54:00 AM
    Congrats on your well deserved win. AO

  1. Date: 5/19/2013 11:22:00 PM
    soupmail.

  1. Date: 5/18/2013 9:13:00 PM
    Hi Red, Congratulations!! a very xool pub song poem... it was a joy coming back here to read all of Cyndi's expression of raising the roof winning poem... hugs and more hugs.. :-) ~ Linda

  1. Date: 5/16/2013 5:17:00 PM
    Congratulations on your placement with this cracker. Very, very entertaining, Red. Licia :-)

  1. Date: 5/15/2013 11:27:00 AM
    Red, the poem sounds like fun. Congratulations with your pub song. ~SKAT~

  1. Date: 5/15/2013 10:13:00 AM
    Those sausages are a bar-gain for a barmaid for sure! Congratulations, Red!

  1. Date: 5/15/2013 7:38:00 AM
    Love it Red---had me laughing from the get-go with "My singing has never been hindered much by tunes" LOL Great poem

  1. Date: 5/15/2013 1:49:00 AM
    And great write and win. Rick

  1. Date: 4/19/2013 5:33:00 AM
    Red, this was very nice to read ..... you are unique in your enter. - I do not participate as often in the contest, but this has to be perfect in this contest. - I have answered the S-mail, hope I am forgiven. - Have a lovely day. - Good luck in the contest! - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)

  1. Date: 4/16/2013 5:36:00 PM
    the two poems I soupmailed you about. They are both on my most recent page of poetry.

  1. Date: 4/16/2013 5:32:00 PM
    OH MY GOSH, did you make all this stuff up?? You are amazing with these kinds of things. What an interesting dirty mind you have, my friend!! this is a very good example of a ballad. i did not know this tune you mentioned. But I think if I were Cyndi, I'd give this top placement. Soupmail.

  1. Date: 4/16/2013 12:50:00 AM
    lol. I'm assuming this is for Cyndi's "Bar song" contest. Brilliant entry, Red. The very best of luck to you, my friend. I'm rooting for you. Licia :)

  1. Date: 4/15/2013 10:54:00 PM
    Red this sure was a doozie, sausages sausages are ringing in my head, ll night tonight while I'm trying to go to bed! Loved it j