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last days

Francine Roberts Avatar Francine Roberts - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled last days which was written by poet Francine Roberts. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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last days

aromatic scent

of baby pink carnations

permeates the air

even as they hang their heads

while dying in their green vase

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  1. Date: 3/12/2013 7:47:00 PM
    "even as they hang their heads/ while dying in their green vase"!! Interesting suggestion from C.L., I re-read this tanka and I agree with him ... but I see that you want to maintain the 5/7/5/7/7 format ... what about "just to die"?? I dont know if you like this kind of comments, let me know if you want me to delete it. Anyways: great job! Ruben.

    Roberts Avatar Francine Roberts
    Date: 3/12/2013 8:19:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    "just to die " is too short but I did think C.L.'s suggestion would improve it, and constructive criticism is always welcome Ruben
  1. Date: 3/12/2013 12:46:00 AM
    A really poetical imagery. Happy to read it.I've posted some tankas and haikus, too. I adore this genre.

  1. Date: 3/11/2013 1:02:00 PM
    Happy to read this here too..just lovely !!