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About This Poem

last days

aromatic scent

of baby pink carnations

permeates the air

even as they hang their heads

while dying in their green vase

Please Login to post a comment
 
  1. O. Avatar
    Ruben O.
    Date: 3/12/2013 7:47:00 PM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    "even as they hang their heads/ while dying in their green vase"!! Interesting suggestion from C.L., I re-read this tanka and I agree with him ... but I see that you want to maintain the 5/7/5/7/7 format ... what about "just to die"?? I dont know if you like this kind of comments, let me know if you want me to delete it. Anyways: great job! Ruben.

    Roberts Avatar Francine Roberts Date: 3/12/2013 8:19:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    "just to die " is too short but I did think C.L.'s suggestion would improve it, and constructive criticism is always welcome Ruben
  1. Comporozos Avatar
    Vassilis Comporozos
    Date: 3/12/2013 12:46:00 AM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    A really poetical imagery. Happy to read it.I've posted some tankas and haikus, too. I adore this genre.
  1. Squyres Avatar
    Debra Squyres
    Date: 3/11/2013 1:02:00 PM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Happy to read this here too..just lovely !!


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