Haiku Three by Richard Lamoureux

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 1/6/2013 3:59:00 PM

a nice picture, richard. I remember doing one about a rabbit one time!

Richard Lamoureux Date: 1/7/2013 7:48:00 PM

Dont know why I wrote about a rabbit, maybe residual affect from Easter.

Date: 1/6/2013 5:52:00 AM

the subject is now clear [rabbit] as a free verse writer coming to haiku was hard and this write is now more objective so that's a big speak in the right direction until you get a hold of the conceptual 'hang of it' try line 1 suject/line 2 action [one action only..since it's one frozen moment in time] & line 3 the surprise bit of sensory input [line 3 is the hardest to 'get']

Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/6/2013 5:58:00 AM

my monoku [which means only haiku in a single line] [smudged charcoal on a full page--the kettle whistles] the subject is the drawing 'shown' by the smudged charcoal- showing rather than telling is the main key to haiku bringing the reader into the moment with the poet..my line 2 would have been on a full page [3/4/5] this is a modern haiku..you need to work awhile on the traditional ones

Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/6/2013 5:54:00 AM

a white rabbit/leaps leaving prints in the snow--a coyote howls

Irfana Ali Bhat

Date: 1/6/2013 3:19:00 AM

creates a nice visual....:)

Rollo West

Date: 1/5/2013 10:30:00 PM

Really a great Haiku my friend. Rollo

Richard Lamoureux Date: 1/6/2013 12:23:00 AM

Thanks Rollo

Carma Reed

Date: 1/5/2013 10:25:00 PM

Great haiku Richard

Richard Lamoureux Date: 1/6/2013 12:23:00 AM

Thanks Carma

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 1/5/2013 6:49:00 PM

try for 'simple as porridge'[ Jack Kerouac, On the Road ... “A real haiku's gotta be as simple as porridge and yet make you see the real thing] if you are speaking of a rabbit say rabbit and the juxtaposed line must be a surprise, cause and affect is an easy trap to fall in but if you think is this tid-bit of info I am gifting a shift in perspective, a surprise bit of extra info? that will help you. Light & Love

Richard Lamoureux Date: 1/6/2013 12:25:00 AM

Does this work better?

Victoria Anderson-Throop

Date: 1/5/2013 6:32:00 PM

Visual puzzle...nice

Richard Lamoureux Date: 1/6/2013 12:24:00 AM

Thanks, I hope you still like with changes Imade

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Haiku Three

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