I wanted to write about how my doubts and fears
are simmering on the surface, how I am purging myself onto bleach,
to cleanse the grime staining what's left beneath.
And what's left, is love.
A romance for life,
a nearly hopeless romantic who cannot always transfer it properly onto paper.
Not the pure essence of it all.
No, not in flowery lines - not a cheap, plastic bouquet
compared to my true emotions,
my dreams, my hope.
And of dreams, my love.
The blank sheet of paper seemed too beautiful to tarnish
with my plundering hooves;
to be torn apart with horns sharpened by the Earth,
piles of peat-moss smoldering from the lightning of my Heart.
If I take the leap, show you my dreams,
and in doing so, push you away with the nightmares that are intertwined,
I will understand,
love you nonetheless,
even though there is a part of me
that doesn't want to settle for less,
in an all or nothing embrace.
I have been dreaming,
dreaming of light,
visions of darkness, of black holes,
of the wondrous womb that bore me
as a winged wolf.
Yes, black holes and white holes to accompany the stars.
I place a pen upon the sheet of blank paper,
wondering if I can be real enough for us....
The Evening Star, the Morning Star,
two halves of the same body,
the broken shards fuse, shine as One....
....wings unfurl, paws become talons,
I awaken in a dream, within a dream.
The words lodge themselves between my heart and hand,
so I roll up the blank sheet of paper into a tunnel,
a perfect circle to journey inside of.
Rolling out of my body,
I enter the tunnel,
following the Totems of this life and beyond.
There is a Wolf, Owl, Cardinal, and Starfish -
a part of me and something more,
an essence of Ladybugs, Ravens and Spiders.
In one end shines the Sun. It is I.
In the other end shines the Moon. It is you.
In the center, a crimson Cardinal alights upon an Evergreen branch,
before morphing into Seaweed brushing a red Starfish.
The Saltwater is my Blood,
Barnacles are my nipples
hardened by your Lunar tide.