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Facedown

Ruben O. Avatar Ruben O. - LIFETIME Premium Member Ruben O. - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Facedown which was written by poet Ruben O.. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Facedown

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                                                facedown on the floor
                                                the broken porcelain's moon —
                                                for Shinto's sake






Sponsor: Joe Maverick
Contest Name: Haiku challenge.

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  1. Date: 11/28/2012 1:48:00 PM
    Hey Rueben..re:remnants in my haiku please do suggest a re-write mean while I will continue the lesson with an explaination of your comment ;) ..make the suggestion under my write & [what was this poem about???] Light & Love

  1. Date: 11/23/2012 4:15:00 PM
    well I'll bow to Chris but, I'm not sure what I see here, a broken saki vase? a shinto priest with his pants down? [I know I know I would see that wouldn't I LOL] I have to go read what naughty Chas put as winner..I entered to LOSE with a fake ku, what I'd call free verse..go look at it now. Light & Love

  1. Date: 11/16/2012 11:36:00 AM
    *cont'd* -- Many strict modern writers speak-out against the 'one flowing sentence concept', when in fact they have missed the point that all of the Fab Four masters did it. When translating the haiku rules into a Western format, it appears that only the severe cut, wide-juxt style was focused on, when in fact, this was only one style in a poet's portfolio. You penned a superb haiku here :D

  1. Date: 11/16/2012 11:33:00 AM
    *cont'd* -- you have a fine example here of wot I consider not to be the boring type of cloned haiku being written on the Soup. Your juxt isn't too wide, the theme reminds me a little of Issa's introspective haiku after he became bored with writing severe cuts and juxt. My inner reading 'voice' can easily negate the punctuated cut after line two, and read this with such a soft cut that it is really one flowing sentence.

  1. Date: 11/16/2012 11:27:00 AM
    Hullo, Ruben. Dun worry, I am not offended by your comments on my recent haiku. Except for the "Tokyo, Spring 1945" haiku, I am not posting my ultimate personal favs that I have written lately. I am purposefully posting those haiku, fully realizing how the 'strict American' haiku writers will have something to say. I encourage any input. How many 'objective sensory input/add the kigo/add the cut/add a wide juxt-haiku' can one write before becoming stifled and bored?

  1. Date: 9/2/2012 4:52:00 PM
    Hi Ruben, look at your comment on my comment box.. you called me Sylvia ,,, hummm... oh! well..... stopping by to say thank you for the dare... It was very nice.. Now, i'm wondering who your next dare will be... xox~pd

  1. Date: 8/10/2012 5:22:00 AM
    Congratulations on your win in Joe's "Haiku Challenge" contest Ruben. Love, Carol

  1. Date: 8/6/2012 2:48:00 PM
    Hey big congratulations. This kind of challenge was right up your alley!

  1. Date: 8/6/2012 12:31:00 AM
    awesome write, ruben.. congrats on your well deserved win!..:) huggs

  1. Date: 8/5/2012 2:13:00 PM
    An excellent write, Ruben! Congrats on your wonderful win! Love and Blessings, Rhonda

  1. Date: 8/5/2012 12:19:00 PM
    congrats on your win. Lee

  1. Date: 8/5/2012 11:45:00 AM
    Ruben congrats on your win, love it...David

  1. Date: 6/7/2012 12:24:00 AM
    EXCELLANT Ruben !!!! what more can i say. Fav

  1. Date: 6/4/2012 7:41:00 PM
    Ruben. I think R is true of me too. And it's my middle initial! do you agree with your letter?

    Dietrich Avatar Andrea Dietrich
    Date: 6/4/2012 7:45:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    ok, I see you agree very much!!!!
  1. Date: 6/4/2012 7:28:00 PM
    Hi Ruben O.I think you did great ,,Today I'm reading poems from my aunt PD's account, hope you don't mind. Sincerely pd's niece SYLVIA }i{

    O. Avatar Ruben O.
    Date: 6/4/2012 7:38:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thank you so much for the honor, Sylvia!
  1. Date: 6/3/2012 9:52:00 AM
    Hey there Ruben, you are hilarious you know that.. You got me laughing with your comment.. Really love your wit, getting back to your Haiku, not sure if Joe has judged it yet, wanted to wish you all the best with this gem ;) love Wilma

  1. Date: 6/2/2012 3:02:00 AM
    Whooo! Excellent haiku Ruben. Very original, like you are.

  1. Date: 5/28/2012 12:14:00 AM
    A great haiku Ruben.. Very original indeed... I can see the broken porcelain's moon image... Charma

  1. Date: 5/27/2012 2:27:00 PM
    Great one...Your Sake should be in first place..I know that moon should be bringing you enlightenment...Thanks for stopping by my blog..Check out my contest read the rules very carefully and come up with a poem for me..I am feeling better today..Sara

  1. Date: 5/26/2012 10:57:00 PM
    Cool! Jimbo

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