Trying to do my part for Earth Hour 2012,
by consuming less electricity.
Now, I realize the hypocrisy
surrounding such an endeavor,
but I can at least try
by adding a drop into the rusty, broken bucket.
Prior to shutting off the lights,
I didn't do the intelligent thing
of relieving myself,
nor did I remember having melted all of the candles the night before,
in a ritualistic attempt at summoning Vomiticus Grammaticus.
The flashlights are dead,
no batteries to be found,
and clouds have draped over the moon.
Finally making it to the loo
with only a few bruises to show for,
I am halfway through my release,
when a turtle begins peeking out from between my cheeks.
This starts a chain reaction of muscular clenching,
which causes me to piss all over myself
as I maneuver to extract the sneaky turtle with a loud splash.
Aside from using less electricity,
I also vowed not to use excessive amounts of water,
so I simply wipe soiled hands through my hair,
drop skivvies and britches to the floor,
and make my way outside, into the crisp, night air.
A breeze blows upon my *ding-a-ling,
filling me with contentment, causing me to sing.
Before I know it,
the neighbourhood dogs are all braying along,
and the Earth Hour has turned into a full night.
The moon breaks free from cloudy clutches,
basking us in its newly found freedom and light.
Together we howl up at the moon,
take turns sniffing bottoms,
and joyfully piss on the fence.
*the bell on my tricycle
If you can, please turn off your lights for an hour
on Earth Hour 2012, March 31, 8:30pm. Thank You!
Aside from my usual exploits of tree-hugging,
I can only try even harder in reducing my carbon footprint
by using less electricity, water, disposable items,
recycling anything and everything possible,
and also by continuing to plant more trees.
I urge people to go far beyond just a single Earth Hour,
turning words into actions, and an expanding awareness
towards a greener, more environmentally sustainable lifestyle.