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Failed Villanelle

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Below is the poem entitled Failed Villanelle which was written by poet Ashley Poort. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Failed Villanelle

Memories swirl down rivers like foam
My thoughts are sewing up the seams,
And life like leaves melts into silent loam.

Wolf hearts like ours know only how to roam,
Lone souls, breaker tossed, cling to the beam,
Of a thing, in a dream, called home.

Build a tomb, a gilt and effervescent dome,
To remind yourself with the gleam,
That life like leaves melts into silent loam.

Fate is fluid, not scratched in an ancient tome,
We dream, carried down the Styx’s stream,
Of a thing, in a dream, called home.

Forget for now that you’re alone,
There is no joy in such a theme,
Life like leaves melts into silent loam,
Like a thing, in a dream, called home.

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  1. Date: 11/9/2011 7:04:00 PM
    I agree with Catie; it doesn't read like a failure to me. Are you referring to the changes in the first word of the repeated lines? Line 3 begins 'and', Line 9 begins 'that', and line 14 begins 'life'. I suppose strictly speaking the repetition of the lines should be word for word; but I think the shift works in this case. Anyway, I enjoyed it; good rhythm and good images. Jim

    Poort Avatar Ashley Poort
    Date: 11/9/2011 8:37:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thank you, it's the first really structured poem I've been playing with and I was afraid it sounded forced in some of my attempts to keep the rhyme continuous. And you're right, keeping the line strictly repetitive didn't quite fit what I was trying to say, so, poetic license, you know.
  1. Date: 11/9/2011 5:17:00 PM
    hmmm... I can't see how you failed at this, it's quite lovely. I would have to go back and read the definition of villanelle, but whatever the case, it is an excellent poem. :) Catie