Dear Miss Monkey Manners: I’m a Spider Monkey in need of your help,
Recently someone yanked my tail and I cried out with a yelp.
It may seem like a little thing to cry when someone pulls your tail,
Unless, of course, it’s mating season and you’re the alpha male.
All of the sudden this younger guy is getting more looks than me,
And there’s a lot of chatter going on all around the banana tree.
I recently overheard some talk about putting me out to pasture,
But with all the Jaguars around this place, a pasture would be disaster.
So tell me is there a way that I can continue to have fun?
Please send your answer right away before setting sun.
My poor, dear Spider friend, please take time tonight to watch the setting sun,
Then apply that sight to your alphaness and grab your prehensile tail and run.
Remember to keep the memories of all the girls you’ve had,
But perhaps it’s best to move along because what happens next is bad.
There will be a challenger who will have impressively aggressive displays
And he will not give a banana flip about stories of your glory days.
So let the girls remember you the way you used to be,
Instead of getting humiliated for all of the world to see.
Go find yourself a lonely tree because that where you belong now,
And if you think that life’s unfair, it’s better than being Jaguar chow.