Yup, just like this. This is how dad told us about the wonders of life. No eye contact at all.
One day my father told his four sons to climb into the car,
He wouldn’t tell us where we were going just that it wasn’t far.
I sat in the front next to dad the other three sat in back,
Boys it’s time we had a talk about a subject that you lack.
I want to talk to the four of you about something that’s called sex,
Collectively we held our breath because of the horror that came next.
I am sure that you have started to notice there’s a difference in girls,
Their bodies are soft, curvy and round and their hair looks good in curls.
I promised that I had taken some notice, there was no need for him to fear,
Because I was now sixteen years old and had been dating for over a year.
Then this talk is for the benefit of the younger ones in the back,
Be helpful and sit quietly and don’t give me anymore of your flack.
This trip in the car with him was the longest that could ever be,
Then he asked, “Can you define ridged for your brothers and me?”
The only thing that I could imagine worse than his talk selection,
Was when he extended his left arm in order to demonstrate an erection.
It hung flaccid out the window but slowly it started to rise,
Until it pointed straight to the left, a stiff arm, hard on prize.
Out the window the visual aid of my dad’s left arm boner,
Made the guy behind us think that we were turning at each corner.
As we returned to home dad said that mom had found some books,
They had information with helpful pictures and we should take a look.
From this whole experience there was something for me to learn,
Sometimes I’ll turn to my wife at night and signal for a turn.