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TORN SUN RISES IN JAPAN

nette onclaud Avatar nette onclaud - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled TORN SUN RISES IN JAPAN which was written by poet nette onclaud. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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TORN SUN RISES IN JAPAN

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a torn sun once wholly wise, the kind that sparkled whistling eyes
now a broken porcelain ,echoing screams from windows’ stain
booming through shattered rooms, waters of black -skinned moons
swish-swash slammed again, those gulps that cannot quite explain
why serenity obi-sashed in stenciled rite, as current raged into that night
of damp coal rimmed with mold, of hours drowning seismic cold
until each mouth a frozen ice, a scarred  evening’s genocide
faltering without one chance, like rakes in dark shadow’s prance .


oh, rage that flung in past times, they murmured lantern chimes
in every road and  churn, more fires ate the swelling burn 
bones splintered from space; some offered vows, some said grace
now, thousands seek felicity,  to slowly walk in dignified  tenacity
hands pluck the soil, the rice fields; etching fresh name with gentle shields
as if to trace what’s left behind, on crepe stars a new hope they will find
the promise of a waking sun, to toil and build till weary nights are gone
and once more claim the gold of sky, until hearts’ wounds are mended dry.



*each line is a rhyme in itself


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SPONSOR: Debbie Guzzi
CONTEST: Tribute to Japan



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  1. Date: 5/21/2011 12:26:00 AM

    Many Congrats Nette on big coveted win in Debbie's contest. Luv & best wishes - Hitendra Mehta

  1. Date: 5/20/2011 10:07:00 PM

    congratulations on this ambitous write, Nette in the contest I was too afraid to ever enter. haha. I could never have pulled off one like yours!

  1. Date: 5/20/2011 9:44:00 AM

    Congratulatins on your fourth place, Nette in Debbie Guzzi's contest," Tribute To Japan". It's a very inspiring and moving poem written with deep thought and imagery. I wish you the best. Hugs, Andrew.

  1. Date: 5/20/2011 8:41:00 AM

    Congrats on your well deserved win!

  1. Date: 5/20/2011 3:25:00 AM

    Many congratulations on your well deserved win, Nette. x

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 8:46:00 PM

    This is so touching and beautiful Nette. Many congrats hun.

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 8:38:00 PM

    Knew this would be high in the winner's circle Nette. Many congrats on your BIG WIN. Lainie

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 12:59:00 PM

    Congratulations! Nicely done.

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 12:39:00 PM

    congrats on your win. cory

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 12:32:00 PM

    Congratulations on your well deserved win in Debbie Guzzi's contest Nette. Love, Carol

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 11:52:00 AM

    Hi Nette-Gleaning thru the harvested fields speaks of such desparation..love the ending where the wounded hearts are mended dry...cool idea since there was so many drownings. Thought of you today as my spouse and I toured an outdoor art exhibit-tried to think of the sculpture using different terms and emotion...U would have enjoyed the exhibit so! I may email a link to it! Congrats on this win...I think as far as this contest goes--everyone is a winner. These poems are great!

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 8:52:00 AM

    super congrats to you nette! This is really a jampacked write and for you to let it rhyme within is also very cool! Way to go for you :) btw sent you soupmail the other day ;) hugs

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 8:24:00 AM

    yours is lovely .... why did you change couplets to single lines??......your re-creation of the fear and death were particularly effective, especially line 6 ( of damp coal etc)...made me feel scared ooooooh (Mine is obviously superior in every way but was accidentally placed two spots below yours)....OK PEOPLE......O N L Y K I D D I N G ! ! ) best wishes as always Nettski......... from Hanks

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 7:37:00 AM

    WEll deserved congrats to you Nette....and to add rhyme within, is even more challenging! Wonderful poetry, and Debbie has great picks!! Well done!

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 6:00:00 AM

    Many congrats to you : )

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 5:54:00 AM

    Congratulations on the fourth place win in the contest of debbie, nette

  1. Date: 5/19/2011 5:22:00 AM

    Congrats Nette on your great win my friend in Japan contest.. enjoy luv ..super ..

  1. Date: 5/18/2011 2:31:00 PM

    Thanks for your entry nette Light! Light & Love

  1. Date: 5/15/2011 10:49:00 AM

    This is a nice tribute.I enjoyed reading it,each line is a wonder!

  1. Date: 5/14/2011 12:27:00 PM

    Thanks for your comments, Nette. I'm hanging in there and will know more after I see the neurologist on Wednesday. I appreciate you concern. Love, Carolyn

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 3:03:00 PM

    Hey hey hey! Nette, this is a nice write with rhyming in each line...I like the adjectives of motion..the sprinking of Oriental culture... and especially the etching of a fresh name with gentle shields..Holy smokes! This country has been to hell and back and I am in awe of her tenacity of spirit! I would change the last line to RE-claim the gold sky to show the get up and go spirit of these tenacious islanders. You students are blessed to be taught by the master poetess! Salamat! Gwendolen

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 2:07:00 PM

    Your internal rhyme is brilliant, Nette, and the poem is quite moving. There is sadness but also hope. Let's all join in offering prayers for the people of Japan. I see Deb loves the poem too, so I'll look for you in her winners' circle. Love, Carolyn

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 1:18:00 PM

    A beautiful poem, sad and sincerely touching. Good luck in the contest Nette.

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 5:45:00 AM

    a REAL GEM NETTE! oops ;) Light & Love

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 5:17:00 AM

    Just excellent Nette.Your poetry stands apart.Enjoyed very much.Best wishes.

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 4:28:00 AM

    Intensity my dear friend Nette.. this is an excellent description in beautiful language luv of the beauty and terror that Japan has endured .. good luck in the contest luv.. so happy u are feeling much better.. it is these times that u just experience our yoga practice exhilarates the spirit being inside.. looking at these happenings in Japan .. we must rise above the questions and see the plan coming for this lovely country and for us as earth creatures luv..good luck..

  1. Date: 5/13/2011 3:49:00 AM

    Deeply moving, Nette. Best wishes in Debbie's contest. Lainie

  1. Date: 5/12/2011 8:54:00 PM

    First really good poem I appreciate in my short-lived time on this site. <3

  1. Date: 5/12/2011 8:12:00 PM

    HI, Nette. It's very clever how you did the rhyme per line! I love the way you painted the Japanese people, particularly with that last stanza. I wanted so bad to do this contest, but nothing is coming to me! My muse is on a break!!

  1. Date: 5/12/2011 8:10:00 PM

    As powerful as the actual events..I feel battered by the staccato and word choice. Good luck, it should rank up there..Bren