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only the buttered sun knows

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Below is the poem entitled only the buttered sun knows which was written by poet Anna Ruiz. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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only the buttered sun knows

You said: "You should have woke me up."
I said: "You didn't sleep with me last night."
how absurd
this pillow talk

morning hands on coffee cups
as if its warmth were enough,

aye, there be the rub!

as if a firebird could take wing, take this
distance between us and burn through
its aftermath, our eyes huge with weights, these
things that weigh
us down and these things of weight that keep us honest

like deer caught
in headlights, our hearts like daisies
that will never tell,
pushing ground to sky
sky to ground,

burrowing our way somewhere,
not here.

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  1. Date: 5/10/2011 1:15:00 PM
    Nice write with very suggestive title, Anna

  1. Date: 5/10/2011 10:49:00 AM
    * “This Is Sooo Beautiful Anna” * i could its moment in verse touching spirit * and ow how i love such as this * 'like daisies that will never tell * pushing ground to sky sky to ground' * love love love it * the ending opened unto doors of what where when * touching emotions in which brought upon a very lovely thought * “Beautiful” * hugs and kisses * kisses and hugs * sarah

  1. Date: 5/10/2011 8:07:00 AM
    THANK YOU for the critique. The line came to me while writing (and yes, it began with our conversation), Sometimes an unintended rhyme (cup enough, rub needs to come through and the thought of rubbing hands to keep warm and Shakespeare's eloquent soliloquies came together I guess. But I will bear that in mind....to omit or not omit, that is the question! ;-) ~Anna

  1. Date: 5/10/2011 7:19:00 AM
    Oh, this is really good! The two line, "morning hands on coffee cups/as if its warmth were enough" were sublime! If I were to make any one suggestion, if any tightening here were to be done, I would only remove "aye, there be the rub." It felt somehow out of place. The idea of hearts like daisies that never tell is brilliant. The childhood play with daisies (he loves me, he loves me not) in sharp contrast to the bitter reality of a relationship in jeopardy- SEND THIS OUT! Publish!!!