Tonight, after winning a hard felt battle with self, I felt the joy of that blessed
excellence of knowing that through all of the confusion, you tried your best. Tonight,
after winning a hard felt battle with self, I walked through my front door and my
youngest’s eyes lit up with expectation, and I felt the light of God.
I often meditate on my ingratitude to have what some men might kill for and still want
more, but there is a hunger that is searching for a blessed light beyond my greatest
thoughts and yet still attainable.
Sometimes as the fundamentalists accuse me and mine of heresy, I am made alive with
furious anger at their presumption, yet still they make me come alive and so they must
share the scent of God on battered souls that scarcely see through the pain of this
world’s rejection, for I can respect their courage to stand in some belief, rather than
hide beneath the obscuring visage of cynicism.
I have heard so many different truths, all told with conviction, that I am convinced of a
light that burns brighter than any system of opinion or façade of knowing faith. And when
I tell this light that I am a coward, she smiles and grabs me, she grabs me and shakes me
until I am over run with laughter and fully free from the memory of my shortcomings.
Yes, indeed, the world is in an uproar as our light shines from the silliness of self
importance to the serious foreboding of laughter. For some days, I care little about my
neighbor’s stance on the public option, and instead lay empty in dire thirst for a smile.
For I am coming to believe that surrounding the tumult of this spinning rock, is a smile
just large enough to hold us steady. For I am come to believe that at our core, we long
to share a smile across the lines of division, and when we’ve won the battle for our soul,
that tears would soon to follow.