I hated you for your iron,
cracking and slipping through my
engraving linoleum into my bones and joints
and praying to stand but never having the heart.
You shoved my face into the wall so many times-
forcing my skin under your fingernails while you smiled-
I began to think it was an embrace,
shaking my head to shake you off
and hoping you didn’t love me
as much as you claimed.
I dreamed of the day I could return the favor.
Then you turned back.
I already had my fists raised and
curled around their handful of air,
stretching the atmosphere taut
while you covered your face.
Unexpected fingers draped
careless over your head,
and choking me into stillness
-the lone candle wick before your sorrow-
You sobbed from your own crumbling center-
the kind I make when no one's listening.
You felt for my mouth, and desecrated my lips
into pillars of salt -
the ones you mocked time and again
And maybe I deserved it,
because I stood with tears in my eyes
and fire in my veins
and metal in my mouth.
while the world wheeled beneath us.
I stood downcast amidst the stars,
and all the ashes of god and gomorrah,
and mumbled to myself
I can’t ever trust you.