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My Turn To Cry

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Below is the poem entitled My Turn To Cry which was written by poet Laurie Ginn. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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My Turn To Cry

I’ve distanced myself
I didn’t mean to
Didn’t set out to do it
An unconscious act of the mind 
For self preservation

My visits went to once a week
Sunday dinners that once lasted for hours
Became shorter and shorter
Until now its get in
Get it cooked
Clean it up 
Visit
And we’re out

Occasionally circumstances would
Happen and one would be missed
Oh well I’ll go during the week
Sometimes I did
Sometimes I didn’t
Today my heart cried to be near you

I entered the home and immediately
Settled my mood into the atmosphere
Funeral home-esque for lack of a better description
I speak in hushed tones
Slow my movements
And quiet my spirit

You want something
Oh thank you give me a job
What do you need???? Anything
I’ll gladly do anything

So many things hurt you now
You who were so tough reduced to such pain
Questions, answers, questions, answers
Over and over and over
This is the part I know
I’ve practiced this so many times before

You speak and in mid sentence you cry
Have I seen my sister,,you can’t remember 
Ever seeing my sister, have you seen her
Yes mom remember mom
My answers are calm
Almost rehearsed
Repeated
Sterile

You look searching in my eyes
Yours, sunken, confused,
Pained, with a depth of sadness
I haven’t seen before
I look away.

I meet all the needs you’ve asked of me
I pat you, hug you, pray with you
I look at my brother, the saint
He’s tired, worn, sad
 
I leave, I’m OUT
I drive
How’d I get here
How long have I been driving
The sky so desperately gray
Muted tones of nothingness
The air feels so heavy
Like a shroud encompassing me
Choking me

The river runs beside me
It rages from the wind
There’s no stopping its power
It’s dark and gloomy and brown
And suits my mood

I try to pray
HOW DO I PRAY
Do I pray for healing,
Health, life, death
Joy, maybe peace

I cry out to you
I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PRAY
I look to the sky and see
The smallest spot of the most beautiful sapphire blue
In a sea of nothing
And I cry

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  1. Date: 3/12/2009 3:39:00 PM

    This brought tears to my eyes. Though as sad and heartfelt as it was, it was an Excellent write. God Bless you, Laurie.

  1. Date: 3/12/2009 8:36:00 AM

    I've read some of ur poems today I love reading your words. You give them feelings, I hope to learn from them as i feel mine are to simple.

  1. Date: 2/24/2009 2:59:00 PM

    Oh golly Miss Laurie...Usually I read your wonderful poems and comments with a grin, you have such a wonderful wit and soul, ....but somehow I missed this amazing poem until just now...caught under Hot Poems. What a discredit to you had I not had the chance to read such a heartfelt, poignant piece as this. You have written my very own experience as if I were that person driving away with such sadness in my heart. I am truly moved to tears with this outstanding piece. Wow~ love ya...Carrie

  1. Date: 2/24/2009 5:28:00 AM

    Whew girl, it makes me want to cry...Sometimes I feel like crying when I write anyway so it won't hurt me now. Great writing. Thanks for your comment on my lyric The Kids Have All Been Fed. Lawrence in Lou. Ky.

  1. Date: 2/20/2009 1:13:00 PM

    I decided to read this poem at the moment I saw its title, it's a great one. The seventh stanza is amazing. I know what you mean. Sensitive, powerful, remarkable. This poem bring me joy and inspiration. Thank you, Laurie. Good job. Ruben.

  1. Date: 2/20/2009 11:20:00 AM

    We do our best and then beat ourselves up for thinking we could have done more. I liked this as my brother has taken care of my Dad for so long and I try to visit at least once a week and that doesn't always happen. Prayer is a talk with God, not a structured repetitious pre-worded conversation. This write was heartfelt. God Bless. Vince

  1. Date: 2/19/2009 11:18:00 AM

    a beautiful sad poem

  1. Date: 2/17/2009 11:57:00 AM

    Oh sweet poetess, Laurie, I so understand this well penned entree served on such a warm plate. It is eaten slowly so that i can draw from your painful frustration of how to deal with a parent ,now frail, lonely and yet, still the Mother she is. .You described it with brilliance. It hurts a compassionate soul's heart. I found you by poet, Raul's dedication to you. You have wonderful friends here. I hope to know you better in time. aloha, Koko

  1. Date: 2/16/2009 4:35:00 AM

    This one wasn't fiction sweetie..you kill me Laurie..LOL..

  1. Date: 2/15/2009 9:39:00 PM

    My heart hears your despair... God knows every thought and the intent of it thereof. Sometimes we have lack of communication we think, but that is the problem, we think that somehow we didn't do something right, didn't express ourselves to the ones we love and our God... In the essence of love, it is pure and far overweighs any evil. Love is forever, never ending. God has blessed us with this. Searching the depths of our hearts, we know it's truths and our Miraculous God omnipotent!

  1. Date: 2/14/2009 2:29:00 PM

    Nice work Laurie and I hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day...Raul

  1. Date: 2/14/2009 11:10:00 AM

    speaking as one twerp to another ..... yup there must have been a mix up somewhere Laurie.... :) This really is a great poem by the way

  1. Date: 2/13/2009 10:52:00 PM

    Laurie, this is such an amazing write. It is hard when caring for a loved one who at some point in time has no or little remembrance of their life or yours. You have been carrying a great load on your shoulders and now is the time for you to give that heavy load over to God.There is no perfect prayer, Just talk to him and tell him, Lord I don't know how to pray but I need your help today and list the all the ways. He will answer and supply all your needs.I pray you find peace. God Bless*Tyesha

  1. Date: 2/13/2009 3:53:00 PM

    Laurie, have you been overwhelmed in caring for a loved one? Many can certainly appreciate the words, "Yes, mom, remember, mom." If you're carying a heavy load, feel free to share. I enjoy reading your work - Carolyn

  1. Date: 2/13/2009 2:59:00 PM

    I love you too SUNSHINE!

  1. Date: 2/13/2009 7:50:00 AM

    A beautiful poem ull of heartfelt meaning. Laurie.Have a good Valentines.Rgds Brian & thanks for your welcome comments

  1. Date: 2/13/2009 5:11:00 AM

    Read soup mail.

  1. Date: 2/13/2009 2:36:00 AM

    Oh, wow, so very very sad, I'm so sorry, this must be so confusing, sad and hopeless feeling, big giant hugs to you from VT - this poem is freakin awesome. love you, Kristin

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 4:01:00 PM

    Laurie, this is one of the most beautiful and sensitive poems I think I have ever read, you are a very strong and caring( loving ) person. It is so hard to deal with aging parents that have lost many of their faculties and my hat is off to you for what you are doing, it has to be terribly hard, may God Bless you, Ron

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 2:51:00 PM

    normally i stay away from long pieces but you draged me in. form one who likes to be kept awake when i read. i had no trouble with this. you are on your way to being a great author if you continue to write like this. this was masterful and atrful. and subject probably painful and true. but it provides words for thousands and thats what we as poets do. great work. John Henry Loving III

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 11:25:00 AM

    Hi Laurie.. its uncanny how this poem just draws a person in, so raw. so real, so honest... takes a real talent to write about real life this way this way... I am so sorry for your hurt Laurie....

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 9:16:00 AM

    Powerful words , Laurie , interwoven with pain and guilt AND love .... You don't always have to kneel in Church to pray and there is always someone listening . As for the tears , they are always a form of relief .... Keep well ... Sean ..

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 8:21:00 AM

    The last two verses make an inner poem in a psalm form Laurie.Great writing.Rgds Brian & thanks for your welcome comments

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 7:35:00 AM

    My sweet KY friend, this is so heartwrenching and so sad. I stay suck it up and be happy!!! You know why? CAuse I love you!! That should make it ALL better!! LOL Seriously, this is just wonderfully written. I am snagging it for my faves cause I can...Love you lots, Christie

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 6:53:00 AM

    Laurie, this is abolutely moving and so beautifully written. Such pain weaved into your words. It stirs so many emotions as I read. It is heart wrentching to watch someone you love fade and guilt about time and living your daily life can be so painful too. Awesome writing, Laurie! Love, Robin

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 6:21:00 AM

    Don't cry~"God Always Hears You!!!"~No matter what you say, or how you pray? He knows what's inside the deepest of "Your Heart & Soul!!!"~"And all things work towards the good, for those whom 'believe!!!'"~So, "Have A Very Blessed & Beautiful Day Laurie Ginn~Love Always To You & Your Loves, John!!!"~"Beautifully Soulful Write!!!":)

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 6:19:00 AM

    Laure, there is such desperate emotion here, such pain. I am so sorry for the hurt you are writing about. You have written it so well, it is easy for the reader to experience it with you, within an event in their own life perhaps. I often feel I don't know how to pray either, or I am not doing it well enough. My heart feels you, and I wish you healing and peace. Such a moving write. Love, Shar

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 5:41:00 AM

    Laurie, I too am moved by this as it makes me question my distanced relationships with my siblings, my mom and sometimes my faith. We go to visit when we need is a sad thing, that's for us, but what about them too? Many times I wonder how I can start to make things better and therefore don't bother because I feel too far and I cry. This is amazing, it's as if you reached the inner depths of me and wrote it for all. Michael

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 5:40:00 AM

    Wow-- I'm speechless.. even trying to catch my breath.. I'm glad I saw this write.. wow again..

  1. Date: 2/12/2009 3:55:00 AM

    I am so moved by this remarkable piece of writing that exposes so much..The depth of pain in this piece comes through...the wanting to be heard and the voice that shouts out into the empty sky is very strong..I felt the emotions running and the heart gasping wanting to let out that tear..this is good writing..Your poetic voice spoke loud and clear in this piece..Love.