Details |
Annie Justice Poem
I hated myself.
I hate myself
I am hating myself.
Torture.
Is what I do to myself at 2:33am when I'm thinking about how much of a waste I've become, am becoming and how I think, think about how no difference will be made if I was not here. Walking, talking, eating, breathing, living.
Just take it all away - it turns me upside down, inside out when I can't stop those wheels from turning in my head; they never stop - like some unstoppable tape record playing in my head- over and over and over again.
I don't sleep to good.
Maybe it's the way I say your name at that present moment in time and my mind automatically swells with
Nostalgia.
Or maybe it's the way I always think of your pretty big eyes that are the perfect shade of brown in the midst of my sorrows.
We once shared those.
But now they're just unequally balanced upon my shoulders, wreaking havoc in the last of the ruins that have been provided.
Oh look what I've gone and done.
I wanted to be alone not lonely.
I hate myself for what I have done to myself
Sadness is what I have become,
Consumed me in a way that is not visible to the naked eye- so only I can see.
It hits me at any given time of day - it slams against the mental capacity I have for the self loathing I have assimilated throughout my tiresome life.
All the self regret and self deprecation that has surfed through my mind during those lonely nights I laid there motionless and bitter have finally come and took over.
My mind, body and soul.
My troublesome inner demons taunt me. We are no longer shy acquaintances, we are the best of friends who spend each passing hour of the day together.
I don't want to live this way. Nor do I want to die this way, I'm entitled to spend the days of my life as openly and freely as I please but I still have sinking feeling - this clawing sensation, drawing me back to my sadness. Like a heroin junkie high as a kite - I'm addicted. And I don't know how. I'm addicted to my sadness and there's no cure for that.
I have to go now.
I have to cease this sharp self afflicted pain,
With the only way I know best.
There is a saying that says,
Destroy Anything That Destroys You
So I did.
Copyright © Annie Justice | Year Posted 2013
|
Details |
Annie Justice Poem
I longed to belong.
Just one friend would be nice.
I want to know what it feels like to have - that special bond with someone.
I guess noone wanted that special bond with me.
Watched the people pass me by,
My chances ruined by my nefarious anxieties
I always tried to be impervious to my own feelings.
But somehow they always found a way to break me - chipping against my hard exterior that I created so i could not feel.
But the truth is, I long to feel something -
For others mostly.
And when the clock hits that late hour
I feel everything and I mean everything, like a tun of bricks falling upon my shoulders - I fall apart.
I almost wished someone broke my heart. Trampled on it even -
So I could have a reason to be so ****ed up.
Messed up, broken, torn apart.
Copyright © Annie Justice | Year Posted 2013
|
Details |
Annie Justice Poem
I was in love with you.
Well that is pushing it,
I would say I thought I was in
love with you.
But still, the feelings I had for
you sure were strong.
You were the only one I ever
had those feelings for
And you didn't even know.
You treated me so - 'regularly'
It hurts to know you didn't
have to move on or cry or die a
couple of times before YOUR
feelings dissipated.
Now you've made me hate you,
I can't even look at a picture of
you with someone else without
anger clouding my mind.
I guess a new set of feelings for
you have arrived.
You don't even know what
you've done to me -
Are doing to me.
And I hate myself because of it.
I just wished you knew
How deep I had fallen
For you.
Copyright © Annie Justice | Year Posted 2013
|
Details |
Annie Justice Poem
It's common to want to be
happy
It's common to want to be
loved
It's common to want to love
someone
It's common to want to be
different
It's common to feel sad
sometimes
It's common to feel alone
sometimes
It's common to cry sometimes
And it's certainly common
To not be ok all the time.
And that's ok.
Because it's common not to be
perfect.
Copyright © Annie Justice | Year Posted 2013
|