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Va Gurl Poem
If you Really Knew Me
By Kevin Robey
Febraury 16, 2013
If you really knew me, you’d see through these lies
The smiles and laughs, can’t conceal my eyes
You won’t ask questions, you won’t suspect
You won’t see it coming, my final misstep
If you read this now, you know it’s true
Maybe there never was a me and you
So many times, I fall so hard
Don’t rise again, joy’s much too far
I wish I was stronger, but my mind is stuck
I made it this far, based solely on blind luck
I know you’d tell me, to take it easy
This upcoming part may make you queasy
Be kind, and notify my next of kin
Leave out the part of my final sin
Another one in line with many
Proof I was my own worst enemy
Join me in my dark and twisted fantasy
Of opened wrists, my last reality
My breathing slows, as the crimson glistens
My thoughts are peaceful, lean in and listen
Let’s make this emo, and write a note
I’ll even throw in a depressing quote
Maybe goodbye, sorry, and such
You say I had it all, I say not so much
These medals and trophies seem to say
That I made the most of every day
The truth is I was simply biding my time
None of those moments were truly mine
You see everything, but I leave with nothing
Didn’t believe me, you accused me of bluffing
So see me now, as I bleed to the floor
Take time and read to me that final score
The end is here, the war is won
The battle is lost, but wasn’t it fun?
Torturous dreams and false realities
Were the only real friends to me
So it’s time to sign out
I promise not to shout
Sweep me under the rug
Let me go, I’ll pull the plug
The end is here, I’m so relieved
Despite of all I managed to achieve
Don’t cry for me, I’m finally happy
This is my last wish, my final plea
So I close my eyes for the final time
I think to the beauty in words that rhyme
My final exhale marks the final scene
Knowing nothing is ever, quite as it seems
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2013
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Va Gurl Poem
DROWNING
By Kevin Robey
June 21, 2013
I’ve got this bad disease
That haunts my daily dreams
No dispose of the rage inside
Flash the smile of my disguise
Pretend you’ve figured it out
Tell them you don’t have a doubt
Or show them your demon wings
And hear their warning bells ring
One day they’ll finally let you be
You’ll cast your sails into the sea
No better part of me, can’t you see?
The captor and the captive, never free
I always found questions but never the cure
Your eyes kept me so bright and so pure
I can’t resist the lure any more, just carry on
Fading echoes of the fighting songs are gone
This is the status quo, a fairly average day
Heads or tails they say, doesn’t matter anyway
This is the time I look ahead and leave it behind
I’ll stare at the sun until the fire leaves me blind
Gone from the world, I’ll see no more pain
Black or white they say, it’ll all be the same
It will not matter if it’s day or if it’s night
The world will fade to my imaginary design
These are the thoughts that brought me to this drain
Take the world from my eyes that caused all this pain
Let the raging sea claim every single part of me
The world will never hear this final, desperate plea
Just save yourself
It’s too late for me
I’m drowning again
Drowning again…
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2013
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Va Gurl Poem
Privelidge
By LoLa
Sometimes all you have is piercing darkness
The kind that fuses with the echoes of every lost kiss
It Fuses to your pores; reminds you of the score
Surviving wounds deep in the core; the girl I never was before
Surviving myself is such a stupid dance; left only to chance
While Poverty has molded me by circumstance
Depending on blissful thoughts pierced by my lonely heart
Maybe, somehow, theres a way to slay the fire that lives in the dark
Leave me in peace; a simple tranquility
Spare the memories and degrees of rage in the sea
Letting go of it all; the life that I never lived
So give me chaos and a blinding light and the sweet relief of lost privelidge
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2018
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Va Gurl Poem
By Laura Dee Battle
November 15, 2014
When I held your hand
Did you ever understand?
Could it be the way our stars align?
I prooved to be a flawed design
Did it show in my blue eyes?
I could have been the perfect bride
Never thought it'd be that way
I would've had much more to say
I should've been just as you are
Couldn't be much more bizarre
Did you see all that pain in my eyes?
See through my perfect alibis?
For you the makeup is your face
To them it's my mark of disgrace
When all you want falls out of reach
Identity is constantly breached
The fear on your face is leaching out
The seeds of doubt that suddenly sprout
Growing hate when the skies are grey
Loving my SELF despite what they say
Maybe one day I'll find they're right
Their way may too hard to fight
But that will be the day that I die
The final bed on which I lie
I'm begging you to save me please
Laura Dee; the man I'll never be
My breath is cold as the coming winter snow
But my heart is no longer six feet below
For the first time at night
I might be all right
Hope might be the only word
To finally stray from the mindless herd
...
I open my Virgin eyes to spotless sunshine
Now that I know her warm lips are mine
She is just like me; so free from our disease
Destinies for memories between the burning trees
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2014
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Va Gurl Poem
Ready my heart for the rise of it all
Embrace the echoes as everyone falls
Settle the pettiness poisoning you
Take a brave leap into the darkness you knew
These are the scores which remain at a stall
Steady she goes as we tear down the wall
Leave it behind; rusted shackles of lust
Admit it; this life is the prison in us
Must I digress when I'm speaking my mind?
Always a war of the bittersweet kind
Cause we win and we lose, or nothing at all
Put down that sharp needle; you'll never be tall
You'll never feel strong or enough to be judged
This isn't a nudge and it isn't a grudge
I gained everything that I wanted to find
It all left me broken and trapped in my mind
So I'm shoving you; can you please lead the way?
I fell into lies and the greed yesterday
Desparately searching for a haven from the light
Only to find my devil awake in the night
I'm falling away from their outstretched fingertips
Turning my cheek when they go for a kiss
I'll never be wealthy as I wanted to be
I'll stay in the dark till the day I can see
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2015
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Va Gurl Poem
I feel sorry for all the people in this town that look at me with contempt or disgust, spout homophobic slurs behind my back, and condemn my lifestyle. It's funny, because they almost never have the courage to say it to my face. I just wanna say to them, my name is Battle so bring it bitch! I live in this world open and proud. Not only am I a transgender
GIRL,
but I'm gay as well (that means I like girls). If you know where I'm coming from, then that is one of the most courageous and frightening things you can possibly do. I feel sorry for those people, because I am free in every way they are not; and they know it. Their fear meets the face of my strength, and they choose to react with anger and spite. They say I'm disgusting and some of the good-natured ones may even pray for me. Why you ask? Am I all that different by appearance? No, I simply wear nail polish. I'm not a make-up and sundress kind of
GIRL
but still I meet these looks daily. My nail polish, by my best estimates, costs me roughly 200-300 dollars a month in tips from my delivery route, and it's worth every penny.
Am I scared every day?
YES.
Do I struggle with accepting myself?
OF COURSE
Are there days I hate myself for what I am?
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!
I go through the same struggles as all those haters out there do. The difference is, I do not live in the dark, and I do not live in fear. Darkness and ignorance breeds fear. Knowledge is salvation. I lived in my own world of darkness for so long because it was safe. In the end, it's only made me bitter, alone, and lost. For those who have struggled, this quote endures; "it's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything". Just let go of all the things we use to shelter ourselves from the unknown.
If you still don't know what I'm talking about, try living in a town of 2,000 sheltered people that is separated by any other major city by 130 miles or so. I know other people are scared for me too, and that's ok. But they should know that this is my code, and I will die for my code. This is my spine, and I'll stand until my dying breath. Sometimes, in the end, living means finding something you are willing to die for. Stay true to yourselves out there.
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2015
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Va Gurl Poem
The Swing Set
By Kevin Robey
March 26, 2013
In a playground amongst the frozen wasteland
They swung together above the littered sand
He didn’t understand why she felt ok
Swinging in the cold, just swinging away
They didn’t talk as they swung away together
Despite the wind, she didn’t feel the weather
She swung for reasons he could never really see
He stopped and stared, waiting for her to speak
His fingers were numb but he didn’t really care
All she had done for him, it was more than fair
He owed her the world, led by her selfless example
He smiled as he realized this was just a sample
He sat and watched now, couldn’t swing anymore
But she kept going; weary legs begging for more
When her heart was blown out by the unforgiving wind
He stood, waiting patiently by to return the fire again
Tapping along until his fingers turned to stone
He promised her once she would never be alone
He was not here as a lover, but as a friend
Her heart returned it all, again and again
But he saw no smile as her momentum regained
Her vacant stare spoke softly of a dying vein
She didn’t know if she would ever see the dying sun
In this torrid family affair that she had never won
He felt the silent tear streaming from her heart
Same place as his, where they’d never be apart
As she slowed down, her feet dragged on the ground
Her smile unbound, with the love that they had found
She felt the pain everywhere at once, but still she smiled
She sat on the frozen ground, and there they stayed awhile
Noticing for the first time the barren wasteland of their hearts
Her world was a shattered wreck, but this swing set stood apart
The pulverized remnants of her distant childhood memories
Lay all around them like dreams made by her worst enemies
As he held her close to him, she nuzzled her nose into his chest
Reprieve from the surrounding chaos, closed her eyes to rest
Finally she stood up and asked him if he was ready to move on
When he said yes, they ventured into the world they had drawn
With redefined smiles they saw their futures intertwined
The unlikely survivors of their own post apocalyptic minds
Endless horizons lay ahead as they left the swing sets behind
He couldn’t touch the demons that waged war in her mind
So he squeezed her hand tight, and she did just the same
Into the world they went, giving every street a new name
[sitting on the ground next to a swing set in florida]
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2013
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Va Gurl Poem
The Unwanted Guest
By Kevin Robey
March 24, 2013
He was there, that much was obvious to all
But he was unseen, as blank as the white wall
An unwanted guest, like the rodents that stayed
In the floor boards below, they could show him the way
Long ago he was an honored guest, greeted with fanfare
Now the subject of hushed whispers and lingering stares
He held his glass of red wine that had been left unfilled
His vice grip too tight, the glass was shattered and killed
He could not recall how long he had been here
Maybe a minute, an hour, a day, or even a year
This party it seemed was his eternal damnation
And so close he was to finding his true salvation
He wanted to make a move, and find the open door
But he forgot the way out, or the man he was before
Looking down at his hands, he read between the lines
Telling him where his broken mind and heart aligned
He looked across the room to the friends he once knew
Their blank eyes and stitched on smiles, his despair grew
These weren’t the warm bodied people he used to know
Seems all these years, they wore plastic faces for show
As the sea of lying faces faded into the foggy background
The sobering truth, his life passed him by without a sound
The wrinkles on his face increased by the pain he embraced
How could this be, a boy once so bright now old and disgraced
Held his hands to his face, protection from the impending dark
It’s time to say goodbye, the flame is gone, and so has the spark
He stands in the room now alone; the party has finally come to a close
His face once vibrant and full of life, now crumbling like a dying rose
He falls piece to piece to the cracked and worn marble floor
Black and white like his life was played on a giant chess board
But his queen had long since departed, and he was defeated
The army of darkness closed in, his final act was completed
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2013
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Va Gurl Poem
I dream this everlasting dream
Where I am her and she is she
We're so much younger than we seem
Completely alive in the audience of we
She is the senior captain of the soccer team
I'm just a little nerd who wonders what she sees
She makes me feel like I'm living in a dream
We share forbidden kisses in a poplar tree
We hide away inside ourselves every day at school
We steal our hearts in the halls with every coded glance
They would all make fun of us, the sinner and the fool
But we would be untouchable, cause we'd know how to dance
I would let her lead, be my homecoming queen
I would be her trophy for all her friends to see
She would be my guiding light, and I would be her heart
She would lift me up and together we'd be free
But this is just a dream that will never really be
I am just a girl who never had her teenage dream
This is not my memory, just wanted you to see
What I think of every night as I drift off to sleep
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2016
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Va Gurl Poem
By Laura
July 25th, 2016
I take another drink or two
Forget the things I never knew
To know the burning, searing pain
That things will never be the same
Insane they say, with charts and graphs
It's maddening; they never laugh
They'll never know what this is like
To sometimes feel, less of a dyke
I find peace in the dark today
It let's me live; just for a day
The life I never got to see
It's like I wasn't meant to be
They pray for me to go away
For me to find another way
But can't they see just who I am?
I never really was a man
I may have fit where they could see
I had the best abilities
But when I laid in bed at night
I cried because it wasn't right
Abused myself for years and years
Thoughts that preyed upon my fears
With echoes in my bed tonight
Awake until the morning light
Copyright © Laura Dee | Year Posted 2016
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