Details |
Caitlin Potter Poem
Poem
I sit there silently as the sadness builds up in my eyes
My body won’t stop shaking, while on the inside I die
So much self-hatred; now the crying will start
Why does it feel like there’s a hole in my heart?
Why can’t I control it; the pain I feel within?
Why can’t I accept the person living in my skin?
Why do I feel like a burden to everyone I know?
I feel like they would be better off if I were just to go
I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me
It’s like the love he felt is gone and a problem is all he sees
I want him to look at me the way he did at the start
That look that said you’re everything, you’ll always hold my heart
Why can’t I be happy? Why do I let the voices win?
The voices that tell me that only fear disappointment and lies live within my skin
They tell me that there is no point in fighting; that I’ve already lost this war
And nobody could ever love a fat, depressive whore
I know I’m hard to be around because I keep living in the past
By now I should have realised that nothing good is built to last
I used to be pretty with long hair and skinny which was enough to make me smile
Because I believe as long as I can be beautiful people might stay for a while
But now I just do drugs and drink to try and fill the hole
To try and fill the emptiness that I feel within my soul
Why does it feel like pain is constantly tearing me apart
Why does it feel like there is a hole in my heart?
Copyright © Caty Rose | Year Posted 2021
|
Details |
Caitlin Potter Poem
I am oh so tired, I didn’t sleep last night
How am I meant to sleep when we just had a fight?
Your words are like a broken record still echoing through my head
It’s been so many hours but I still wish I were dead
Sometimes I can say some things that may not come out true
But honestly I’m really sorry I ever lied to you
I’m sorry I get too distracted on my laptop or phone
I’m sorry that sometimes I just leave you alone
I’m sorry that most days I don’t even look up to say hi
I’m sorry that quite often I can’t help but cry
I’m sorry that you think drugs are the only thing on my mind
I wish I could start over, but I can’t just press rewind
You’re my reason for waking up and staying up each night
You’re the reason I’m getting better, you've made everything alright
I can’t stand going to work anymore I don’t want to leave your side
Your helping me beat depression and restoring my pride
Sure I still cry too much and talk to people you don’t want me to
But I’m completely certain I only ever want to be with you
You’re the one I've chosen; the one who has my heart
If you give me just one more chance, can we take it back to the start?
Let’s pretend that we just met and nothing ever went wrong
I want to be in your arms forever; I want us to be strong.
So please baby, never forget that I’m in love with you.
And to keep you with always there is nothing I wouldn’t do.
Copyright © Caty Rose | Year Posted 2012
|
Details |
Caitlin Potter Poem
It is hard to explain the thoughts that run through my mind or the feelings that run through my soul
It is hard to explain the emptiness I feel; it is hard to remember the last time I felt whole
Do you know how it feels to only care about gathering knowledge but having no motivation to pick up any books
To once do everything you could to be beautiful but then loose interest in your looks
Do you know what it's like to feel constantly bored like there is nothing in the world that could possibly keep you sane
Have you ever felt the constant misery that drags you down leaving you with a cloud over your head that always seems to rain
Have you ever felt so special until your world was torn apart
Do you know how it feels knowing your best friend broke your heart
What about the feeling of abandonment where your two favorite people take off when your breaking down
How about trying to face the world with a fake smile when on the inside it's a frown
I no longer know how to socialize the thought of trusting people makes me scared
There was a time when I loved meeting new people, it felt great knowing so many people cared
After having everybody who pretended to love me walk out the door
I forgot how to have friends I don't even know who I am anymore.
I then found something, something that seemed to be the answer to making me feel okay,
something that seemed so trustworthy and it promised to always stay
It destroyed my family and forced me to starve but that didn't matter to me
It was making me skinnier and took away my misery
It gave me a rush that I'm not sure anybody could understand
It stopped me from drowning; it brought me back to land
Now I've found a person who I love so much more but he wanted me to say goodbye to my new friend
I didn't want to say goodbye it promised until the end
I didnt want to let it go, it made me feel alive
It helped me through my darkest days; it helped me to survive
Although I still feel numb, reality scares me and my thoughts do as well
I'm always so unhappy which makes me so angry that I can't help but yell
I always feel so empty like the main part of me is dead
I've forgotten my interests; And how to have fun, all I want to do is play games in bed
After suffering a depressive episode and you forgot who you were it is unlikely you will ever be the same
I guess destroying the humanity in a girl is gods idea of a game
It's been one life changing year since I started searching for who I used to be
I've asked everybody I use to know but I'm not the only one who doesn't remember me
I may have forgotten who I am and all the stuff I used to do but I do know that I'm strong
I've had the decision between life and death and I lived through this downwards spiral; suicide is wrong
I don't expect you to understand; the full story is to complicated for me to explain
But this story is a story of a girl and self inflicted pain
Copyright © Caty Rose | Year Posted 2016
|
Details |
Caitlin Potter Poem
I've spent the last 7 years trying to find a cure for whatever's wrong with me
The sickness in my head and heart that nobody else can see
The sickness that caused a craving for something i could never find
A sickness that escalated every emotion in my heart and mind
People thought I was attention seeking and completely insane
But what they didn't know is I only did those stupid things as a way to deal with pain
My heart aches for something to fill an empty feeling that won't go away
My brain aches for answers about why I turned out this way
My family gave me the strength and faith to make it through my teenage years
My mum and dad were always there to protect me from my fears
My sisters were there for me too But thought my choices were wrong
I was always to jealous to keep our relationships strong
My relationships have always hurt me and I ended up in pain
They all told me to go kill myself like my emotions were just a game
It didn't matter how many people loved me it was still never enough
So instead of loving people I started loving stuff
I started loving computers, mobiles and everything I could get
I got credit cards and loans I put myself in so much debt
Still the empty feeling was taking over every aspect of my life
Erasing my ability to feel happiness at all and putting me in strife
My family thinks I'm getting better but what they do not know
Is when I am around them I do not let my sadness show
I try not to show my boyfriend but It's too painful to keep my feelings in
So now along with misery and anger i feel guilt for the way I've treated him
How do I know if it's worth it the amount I always try
Maybe this pain will never end, maybe I deserve to die
My diagnosis says my brain was under developed so now I can't deal with pain
I also can't deal with being alone I was destined to turn out insane
I was destined for money problems and drug addiction too
My sickness controls everything in my life, everything I do
I wish My brain couldn't Think and my heart couldn't feel
Maybe feeling nothing would would allow me to heal
My diagnosis says it's not likely to recover so I know I won't be fine
My diagnosis says everything will hurt me, There is no hope for a borderline.
Copyright © Caty Rose | Year Posted 2016
|
Details |
Caitlin Potter Poem
i open my eyes, i see nothing but
you
you tell me you had no idea what i
was going through
with watery eyes you grab my hand
and ask me what i was thinking
i tried to answer but nothing came
out, i felt your heart sinking
the last think i remember was crying
so hard i couldnt take a breath
i opend the alcohol cupboard and
drunk until there was nothing left
i looked around all confused, im in a
hospital bed
" you took so many pills it's a
wonder your not dead"
" how could you do this to me" your
voice kept on asking
you thought i was happy because of
the face i was masking
you leave the room to get some tea
a note you left " 72 hours i waited
by you, would you do the same for
me ?"
tears started falling i didnt know
what to do
would i go and finish the job or will i
stay by you ?
i ran away from the hospital bed
and i stood at the edge of a cliff
but i couldnt jump, my whole body
went still
i started thinking why does this feel
so wrong,
the boy that i felt nothing for,
feelings were now so strong
i gave you my answer and screamed
it so loud
everything i felt for you, i was so
proud
i ran back to find you but it was
much to late
you died for me so i believed
together was our fate
so here i lay on top of your body, i
put a knife to my heart
if i cant be with you in life, we'll be
together in death and we will never
be apart
Copyright © Caty Rose | Year Posted 2012
|