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Thomas Gieseler Poem
Brutal honesty I dared myself to write, so without hesitation writing brutally honest I begin. Demons control the facade of angels that surround me, I'm loved, though demented. Webs of deceit control the strands of truth I spin, sober under the constant influence of drugs. Justifying sin with the temptation of forgiveness, because only My God not yours, can judge. So vengeance erupts forth with haste, though your God forgives, mine allows to seek revenge. So within no future ado allow me to introduce, my new poem, "Who I really am". A force, a disciple, a testimony of hardships, a story needing to be told. A convict, an addict, a prisoner by law, a tainted and unsaved soul. Manipulator, manipulating my manic depression as an excuse to continue my sin. Cheater, liar, thief, praying wrongfully that some others life may come to an abrupt end. Evil intentions intended on indicting others sickness to hide my own sickness within. Plotting revenge on enemy's, not accepting apologies, refusing to forgive and forget. Brutally honest I dared myself to write, but now with hesitation I allow these words to be revealed. Yet it is up to you to believe these words are honest, or am I using them to keep my secrets concealed.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2014
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
All the demons had to now was patiently wait, knowing time was the best form of attack. Knowing the Phoenix was to powerful to to fight, knowing his will to succeed could never be matched. So they did what he himself had once done, fought fire with fire and burned his family and friends. The Phoenix coming upon the flames, watched it burn, the fire consuming his soul, swore vengeance, now deadly and very determined. Knowing their mistake, the demons returned to hell, warning the masses that the spawn their hell created, the Phoenix, was on his way back. And with hate in his heart and Love by his side the survival of hell wouldn't stand a chance. For their master, afraid of defeat escaped the day the Phoenix gave flight, escaped armed with manipulation and lies. Laughter quickly fills the tainted souls, for as the Phoenix approached, their master, the purest evil, Love, their standing at his side. For Love had created the Phoenix, and now Love, whispered, welcome to hell, your birth place, your home... This whole time I, Love have made you believe we could survive hell together....... Love you where always alone.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2016
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
i stand here my back against the wall, nearly defeated, sedated physically, mentally well and alive. Death threatening to cease the beating of my heart, my blood runs cold, i pray, lord please allow me to die. These trials and twisted tribulations you predict have hardened my soul, my body has been bruised, battered and torn. I feel as if i too have carried a wooden cross, been persecuted by my peers and now i too wear a crown of thorns. My life is held
Within your hands, my death within Lucifer’s, a war i alone will stand and fight, though sadly will not win. I am conscious of the consequences i must serve, it is surviving eternity i cannot contemplate, or fathom the sins you must forgive. Sinfully i have walked your righteous path, morally i hold contempt prisoner within my heart, my faith diseased, walls constructed and built. You alone share my darkest regrets, my unshared secrets, you
Recognize that in my mind i have raped, cheated, plundered and repeatedly killed. To serve you i must repent, completely turn from my ways, fall to my knees, pray, trust only in you, born again, and then saved. To walk hand and hand with you, sadistically i must suffer, shed blood, be horribly mocked, betrayed and ironically enter heaven’s gate through a six foot grave. My back is against the wall, a decision must be made, live for you or as you promised spend eternity in the lakes of fire burning, screaming, forever in pain. Demented though isn’t it, it seems like a reflection of my life, the only difference lord, these flames can be extinguished if only you would allow it to rain. I stand here naked, vulnerable, offering you a glimpse, a very open and deadly game of truth or dare. The simple truth, i cannot believe my head is bowed right this moment, the dare if you choose to accept, lord, please make this my last prayer.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2010
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
His eyes can not register the disbelief, that his defenses were not at all a defense. The equation was
too complex, nor could his brain fathom how stratigically his opponent manipulated him. He believed his
plan to be flawless, every piece placed with intention to ensure his enemy could not advance. There
had been no sign of threat, constructed no weakness, ignored the pawn as he began his brutal attack.
Swiftly he dispersed his knights, galiently defending his honor, the two working as one. He attacked
the outside with his bishops, eliminating the possibility of escape if his victom decided to run. He
slaughtered his prey with no remorse, destroying any threat or position of power, be ruined by haste.
Greedily his rook captured the queen, raping the last piece of defense, no only one move away from....
checkmate! His king fell and his eyes can register the disbelief, that his defenses were not at all a
defense. Answering the riddle that confused him simply, " the plan he believed he designed, I had
designed for him". Every piece he believed he captured was purposely sacrifieced to produce the
illusion as real. What he thought to be only a game, was in truth my creation of a very lucid and deadly
battlefield. Move by move he obliged my creation, knowing as you you would, accepting every
oppertunity given to destroy everyone. And as his king falls, true and loyal stands the assasion, and he
realizes his army was no match against a forgotten pawn.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2011
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
The edge of the darkness lay right before him, the next step along his path. Light waiting to consume him, waiting to immediately reveal the secrets of his past. Hesitation follows, the darkness had become his home, after he destroyed one after another. Failed as a father and a son, he had planned the backstabbing and betrayal of his brother. His conscience guilt-free, the illusion of happiness he had portrayed very vivid and real. Long ago within the darkness he had let go of his ability to care and eventually to feel. The darkness had not been consuming him, the darkness he himself had secretly produced. Wanting to hide from others the pain, the facts, the drugs, alcohol and years of childhood abuse. Yet still his sins were not justified, he made no excuses, those facts he had covered with lies. It was not the truth he was concerned of revealing, it was the scars he hid and tears he had cried. So into the light he must step, for never again will an opportunity arise like this. Though just not I, but my demons will walk with me as I finally walk out of the darkness.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2016
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
THE PAIN INSIDE ME INTENSIFIES AS I REMINISH ON THE MEMORY I HAVE BECOME. DISAPPOINTMENT,
HEARTACHE, ADDICT, ALONE, A FAILURE TO A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND SON. A JOURNEY FOR PEACE, WHEN ALL
OTHERS HAVE LOST FAITH, LOST ON THIS LONELY ROAD. WANTING ONLY TO DISCOVER LOVE, HAPPINESS, A
PLACE TO BE HELD, A PLACE TO CALL HOME. HATRED BOILS INSIDE ME, CHAOS RUNS WILD, DEATH BECOMING
THE ONLY ANSWER I CAN CONTIPLATE. I MYSELF HAVE CREATED THIS HELL, I MYSELF WILL COMMIT SUICIDE, I
MYSELF I HAVE BECOME TO HATE. LOST, DESERTED, FORBIDDEN TO FIND LOVE, I LONG TO BE HELD, TO SMILE
ONCE AGAIN. THE MOST SADISTIC PRAYER OF ALL, ASKING MY SAVIOR TO ALLOW LAUGHTER WITHIN THIS
MAYHAM OF SIN. FALLING ASLEEP AT NIGHT WISHING TO NOT AWAKE, I ONLY WANT DEATH, TO NO LONGER FEEL
PAIN. I HAVE CREATED THIS LIFE, THIS HELL, I HAVE LOST MY SANITY, YES I AM INSANE. I FEEL NUMB, THE
HEARTACHE HAS BROKE MY SOUL, I NO LONGER WILL TRY. LIVING IS NO LONGER AN OPTION, IM SORRY, I HAVE
NOTHING TO LIVE FOR, TOMORROW I DIE.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2010
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
I AM FADING FROM AN INFESTATION I CAN NOT CONTROL, YET IT IS A DESEASE I HAVE MANUFACTURED MYSELF. INVOLENTARY SELF MUTILATION TRANSFORMS INTO AN UNWANTED SUICIDE, STRICTLY FORBIDDEN CONSTENT OFFERS FOR IMMEDIATE HELP. CONFUSED BY THE MIRROR IMAGE OF MANIPULATION, REMINISCING ON THE TEARS NEVER SHED, A HORRIBLE AND DIGUSTING TRUTH. A SOUL VOID OF ALL POSSESIONS, FOREVER LOST, HAVE GAINED ABSOULUTLEY NOTHING THEREFORE HAVE ABSOULUTLEY NOTHING TO LOSE. LIVING NIGHTMARES BEFORE DIENG IN DREAMS, THESE TRIALS A SISTORTED ILLUSION OF SELFIOUS SARIFICE, MY DESTINY NEVER REVEALED. DISCOVERING THE TOMB IN WHICH I SEEK, DESCENDING THE STEPS INTO ETERNITY, THE TRUTH THAT RIDDLED MY DEATH IS NOW FOREVER CONCEALED. MY CONCIENSCE UNABLE TO REGISTER THE HEARTAHE OTHERS MAY FEEL, SUICIDAL TEMPTATION INEVITABLE, A REGRETABLE DEATH I MYSELF DESPISE. MY BROKEN HEART, AN AMPUTATED ORGAN, MY SOUL A BURNING NOOSE, WHICH LONG AGO HAS BEEN BRAIDED, KNOTTED AND TIED. MY LIFES STORY HAS BECOME A VACANT JOURNAL, THEE POETIC TRAGEDY, A WRITTEN OBITURARY THAT LEADS TO MY FABLED FINAL DESTINATION. THESE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS HAVE REPELLED ME FROM CERTAIN FAITH, LOOKED FOR DEATH TO EASE MY PAIN AND GRANT ME ENTERNAL SALVATION. MY LEGACY HAS SURVIVED WITHIN AN ABYESS OF MISDIRECTION, CAUSING ONLY DISAPPOINTMENT, LET THIS BE MY COMFORT, MY LAST WRONG DESICION. SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED, ALLOW ME TO NOW FACE MY FINAL JUDGEMENT, FOR THIS IS MY FINAL CONFESSION.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2010
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
I LIE AWAKE AT NIGHT PONDERING THE SIMPLICITY OF MY ERRORS AND THE COMPLEXITY OF
SOCIETYS REACTION. JUDGED AND SENTENCED WITHOUT A TRIAL, ONLY A STATISTIC, LABELED,
CONFUSED AND DISTRACTED. SURVIVING ONLY TO DISCOVER DEATH, THE COMPLICATED
MYSTERY OF LIFE, HADES MY ONLY FRIEND. MAY MY CARNAGE DISCOVER AN EMPTY OUTLET,
ALONG WITH THIS PALE HORSE AND THE HELL THAT FOLLOWED WITH HIM. THE TWISTED
STRUCTURE OF THE INSTITUTION, BRAINWASHED INTO BELIEVING THE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF
REHABILITATION. BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS FORGED INTO MOMORIES, SCARS HELD WITH PRIDE,
A DRIFTER WALKING ALONG THIS TRIBULATION. TO CARRY THE CROSS FOR OTHERS, FORGIVE
THEM FOR THEIR IMMORAL SINS, EXCHANGING PEACE FOR PAIN, MY RESTITUTION PAID IN FULL.
REMOVING THE THORNS OF HATRED, FIGHTING FOR AN AQUITAL, A CHANCE TO BE RELEASED
FROM THESE SHACKLES FOREVER IN CONTROL. PRAYING FOR MY PRAYER TO BE HEARD, MY
LIFE A POSITIVE TESTIMONY AS DEMENTED AND SADISTIC AS IT MAY BE. IRONICALLY SAVE A
LIFE THROUGH MY DEATH, THEN LABELED AND ANGEL INSTEAD OF THIS FAILURE, THIS
OUTCAST, THIS DISGRACE TO A BLIND SOCIETY.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2010
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
Let's revisit, reimagine and re-construct the man who will write this poem. Begin from the start, the dark past, the battles that were fought on my own. Though only recently and from this moment on I will recognize the lessons I learned. No longer do I regret the trials and tribulations in which I alone endured. For so long I fought My God demanding answers I was to blind to understand. Slowly turning my back, losing faith, attempting to construct my own plan. Forward I believe I ventured, in reality father from myself I ran. Blaming others for failing, giving up, and telling myself I can't. Completely oblivious My God has foreseen the path I would take. Knowing only on this road of destruction I would eventually discover my faith. So hearts he allowed me to break and crimes he allowed me to commit. He allowed addiction, disappointment and a plaque of the seven deadly sins. Scars He allowed me to wear and judgement he allowed to rain down upon me. Yet a blessing in disguise, He cursed me with the unfailing moral to somehow succeed. Yet only now as I said do I comprehend why these particular lessons had to be taught. I have only gained strength and dignity with every battle won and fought. My God knew without that strength I could have never conquered my demons. And now because of Him, I can swoar from hells flames as a reborn Phoenix.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2015
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Thomas Gieseler Poem
Here it is, that glimmer of hope, a poem I will now be proud to write. I am switching sides from darkness to light on this star filled full moon night.Tom foolery and pride, manipulation and intelligence, with it multiple tables I turned. Gasoline and matches, my tools of trade, oh the massive bridges I burned. Addictions, temptations and pleasure, that was simply the life I would live. Carefully conning my way into the pros, ad lib, like a play with no script. When given no direction to follow, eventually left me with no direction to go. And with no direction to go, left me lost, lonely, with a trail of ashes and alone. An ocean of ashes surrounding me, I laugh nervously...I burned it all. Laughter turns to tears, under a star filled full moon night.... tears fall. Life from me dissipates slowly, I lay decaying becoming too....ashes. Yet my soul held such a hidden will to live, soar, and succeed....it was miraculous. From those ashes my soul became like a phoniex, erupting from the nothing, a force of will. A new sense of direction in life, and with nothing in life left to destroy, I started to build.
Copyright © Thomas Gieseler | Year Posted 2015
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