Best Humorous Poems
Below are the all-time best Humorous poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the best examples of humorous poems written by PoetrySoup members
View ALL
Humorous
Poems
Search for Humorous poems, articles about Humorous poems, poetry blogs, or anything else Humorous poem related using the PoetrySoup search engine at the top of the page.
Definition & Discussion of Humorous Poems
Read Humorous Poems
See also:
Best Famous Poems
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
Looks Can Be Deceiving
There was a young girl whose silk skin
Was sewn up with some thread and a pin.
It would drive the men mad,
That sleek layer she had,
Well, until she took off her silk skin.
By Anne Currin
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
How The Big Mac Got The Gherkin
Once upon an ancient time
in long gone languid days,
when distant misted myths bechanced
in lovely rhym'ed ways,
when time was so much freer,
less allotted to the minute.
‘Twas then the mighty Big Mac
got the gherkin in it.
The night was one made fit for gods
and stars made white the sky
and drunk, dylsexic old McDonald
sang Oh Eee, Oh Eee, I.
His greatest yet creation
lay on his barbie plate,
it was the mighty Big Mac,
with no inkling of its fate.
McDonald thought the pattie lacked
ce qu'il ne savait pas.
He decided what he'd give it
was this green thing from a jar
The Big Mac cried out, ‘Hang about!
I like the way I am!
And I think that what I need the least,
is a prostate gland exam.'
McDonald growled, ‘Don't be a sook!
It's not gonna hurt a bit.
Just close your eyes and grit your teeth,
and keep loose where you sit.'
Big Mac firmly grasped his bun
and held it really tight,
he had Phallicvegiephobia
and would resist with all his might.
But McDonald was too smart by far,
Big Mac was not his match,
the old bloke snuck up from behind
to by surprise him catch.
Beneath an unsuspecting arm
he applied a little tickle.
The burger gave a little laugh
and got a little pickle...
So the Big Mac we all know today
was born of subterfuge.
And although the gherkin in it
aint really all that huge,
remember that it's only there
by the skullest of skullduggery,
and that bit we discard's the fruit
of the foulest burger buggery.
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
Poems for My Alien Abductors: a Ride into Space
I thought I could wow them with poems from earth
Poems of joy and humor, poems extolling it’s worth
So I laid out poems from Michael, Gail, and me
From Andrea, David, Gwen, and Ilene
From PD, Harry, Mandy, and Chris
From Jack, Craig, Cyndi, and Liz…
For I was sure once they read our beautiful works
They would embrace us and love our humanly quirks!
So last night I taped them all over my skin
Knowing they’d find them if they took me again…
When I woke up, they were gone and I had a reply:
“We enjoyed reading those poems last night,
And thanks for the names of the earthlings too -
We have many more experiments to do!”
2/7/13
For Michael's boomerang...send your poem for a ride contest
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
HOSTILE HEAD TAKEOVER PART 1
I'm near cuckoo
This Monday blue
A day not eas'ly recommended
for making sense
I'm way too tense
And hung-over to comprehend it
My mind's on the bend
my imaginary friends
are threatening to abandon en masse
I was perfectly sane
till they pissed in my brain
negotiations are at an impasse
It pains me to mention
the bone of contention
menacing our peaceful existence
my voices of own creation
went above their station
with mutinous and unfair persistence
Old Mother Hubbard
had sneaked to the cupboard
to steal skeleton bones for her yapper
the skeletons in-wait
welcomed their bait
with little resistance then managed to trap her
As to why she'd no clue
their demands were few
and until met they'd keep her as hostage
twixt two skeletons squeezed
the hag was well-pleased
only in dreams she was ever in bondage
The skeletons vacated
on their long-awaited
crusade for their rights to be equal
a sudden scurry in my head
then the voices I have bred
all became hushed, which was rather unusual
The spokes-skeleton
passed a colorless wind
voiced their single demand: to remain
"We were made to vanish
to a dark cupboard banished
we demand henceforth to share your domain."
A resounding "No!
You'll stay down below
we're totaling 20, including the yapper
there's hardly space
the din to embrace
and an hour-long queue to the crapper."
"Then the beldam Hubbard
will remain in the cupboard
as lore would have it, bare to the bone
the cupboard, that is
not the hag, whose Maltese
diced up raw will be fed to the crone.
We implore you most
kindly engage our host
in negotiations and if necessary plead
we want into his brain
and share your domain
or prepare for a skeleton stampede."
PART 2 TO FOLLOW. THIS MIGHT TAKE A WHILE, AS I'M LOCKED IN HOSTILE NEGOTIATIONS
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
Stage Fright (for Frank's contest)
Jake took to the stage, limping with a leg brace
And more than a mere trace of fear on his face
The humorous speech competition was on
He’d made it to finals, prior contests he’d won
Jake’s lifelong bout with muscular dystrophy
Generated sadness and much empathy
He shook and stammered as he started his speech
Competitors thought his composure he’d breach
“Stage fright is shared by many,” the boy explained
And as he began, his eye contact seemed strained
We wanted to rush to his side, offer aid
Little did we know Jake’s point was being made
He’d soon have us laughing at the “crutches” WE use
To gain confidence when stage fright ensues
“I’m picturing you all naked,” he laughed, smiled
Soon his sharp wit had us rolling in the aisle
His strength and courage built fast as he spoke
Jake finished up with a memorable poke:
“You thought I would fail; I read it in your eyes
Seeing only my handicap, I realize.
Those who can’t see beyond disabilities
Are mired in self fear; YOU have MY sympathy.”
Out of four thousand entrants, Jake took first place
Impressing us all with his wisdom and grace
Oh, how we all cheered when his win was announced
Jake’s humor skills were by far the best pronounced
Today Jake coaches a college debate team
Having mastered the art of building esteem
*I was fortunate to see Jake give his amazing speech at the national collegiate speech and
debate finals in Niagara Falls. Like many others, I had feared he was truly
experiencing “stage fright.” But he used his humor to make us see that people often exceed
beyond the abilities others think they have. If he didn’t see himself as “disabled,” why
should anyone else? And what tremendous success he’s had in his career! His message had
a profound impact on a lot of other college students.
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
The Dart Chalker
He threw the dart,
it missed the board,
it hit my foot instead.
The next dart flew.
it hit a wire
then ricocheted t'wards my head.
It's a dangerous thing,
the game of darts.
Not for the faint of heart.
"Cause once they're drunk
they miss the board
and try, your hair, to part.
I can add
and I can subtract
so I don't mind keeping score.
But when those darts
miss the board
they don't always hit the floor.
I have scars
and I have bled
from darts, like missiles, thrown.
But if they don't stop
aiming for me
they can bloody well score their own.
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
Cat
Lounging licking leaping
Prancing pouncing peeking
Corners closets crouching
Tail twirling twitching
Sniffing sensing sneezing
Hissing huffing hunting
Pretty purring preening
Curiosity kitty killing
Nine long lives living
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
School
Why does a child have to go to school?
Why do we have to spend so much time working?
This seems simply cruel.
Isn't it just irking?
Some people say school is important for learning
Couldn't a child learn on their own?
It would cause much less yearning,
After all, we can learn from our phones.
I can somewhat see a parents point in sending their child to school.
But why would you choose what we wear?
It just allows us to look like fools,
We may as well come to school bear.
As you can see school is not fair,
So please don’t force us to go if you care.
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
Call Me Tex
When I was just a teenage lad, and growing up out West
I never wore a cowboy hat or fancy leather vest
Never put on cowboy boots or western shirts with snaps
Never wore tooled leather belts, much less a pair of chaps
To be in style the Ivy League was what one wore to school
A skinny tie and button-down was how you dressed up cool
We wore Weejun penny loafers and tapered chino slacks
The boys all sported flattops, kept up straight with wax
Rock and roll and sock hops, my dance was then the twist
Cotton-eyed Joe and two-step didn't even make the list
Good ol' Willie Nelson could hardly make a sound
'Cause the King and Frank Sinatra were the coolest guys around
But when I joined the service, and moved outside the state
It didn't matter where I went or if I spoke my name out straight
For a while I thought I had some kind of omnipresent hex
'Cause anywhere outside Texas, they'd always call me Tex
When I said over yonder, they'd all say “Over... Where?”
When I talked about a horny toad, I'd get a funny stare
It didn't matter if my name was Buck or Roy or Rex
'Cause anywhere outside Texas, they'd always call me Tex
When they shipped me overseas, I thought that I would die
Couldn't get a Dr. Pepper there, or any Frito pie
When I wanted longneck Lone Stars, all they had was Beck's
And all those Europeans would always call me Tex
Any label kind of burned me, so right then I made the call
I'd learn to talk just like those guys, to hide my Texas drawl
I practiced on my diction, with elocution persevered
And soon the sideways looks and grins had finally disappeared
I traveled all around the world, got married overseas
Learned myself a few more tongues and got a few degrees
Now if I talk to British lords or English-speaking Czechs
When I masticate the lingo, they never call me Tex
Finally made it home one day, after way too many years
Came back to salute old pals and maybe share some beers
I wondered how the touch of time had treated all those lads
To my surprise, those preppy guys had all turned into their dads
Each one wore a cowboy hat and dandy leather vest
Some sported a bandana, some with bola ties were dressed
Some shod those M.L. Leddy boots with fancy pull-on straps
Each had a set of bootcut jeans and western shirts with snaps
Something then came over me, something that felt right
I heard my voice inside me say "Well boys, ain't y'all a sight!”
That educated accent that I'd worked so hard to gain
Had evaporated quicker than a light West Texas rain
I guess that you can travel, and learn lots of fancy stuff
But with friends who knew you when, there's no way that you can bluff
They might be polite with you, and humor you no doubt
But you're better off to cut it loose and let it all hang out
They all let out a holler, yelling “Waitress bring the checks!
Give 'em to that ugly hombre yonder with the handle Tex.”
Now if I were any other place, I'd likely wring their necks
But when I'm home in Texas, then you can call me Tex
|
Details |
Humorous
Poem
Five Great Limerick Guys
Caleb Smith, southern gent so refined,
has an interesting, humorous mind.
He not only can write,
but can farm, fish and fight,
and on critters he hunts he has dined!
Also clever at limericks is Tim.
He does footles for friends on a whim.
The bright bulb in his brain
comes on time and again.
May Tim Ryerson’s light never dim.
A third limerick writer, Mike Dailey,
has some fifty of them we can see!
Though I don’t know him well,
by his poems I can tell
that a doting grandfather is he.
There are oodles of limericks by Jack.
Sheer wit our dear Horne does not lack.
But his vampire obsession
can leave a gal guessin’. . .
Am I friends with a maniac?
In praise of the Duke I now sing.
All his poetry has that cool “ring” -
a limerick each one -
making Beauford- bar none -
The PoetrySoup limerick king!
*A SHOUT OUT also to five OTHER great limerick guys: Sean Kelly,
Charles Sides, Charles Clive, Harry Horsman, and Robert Hinshaw & Soupers,
Let me know of any other limerick guys out there I should know about!
For : Sandy Ivy D's Poem of Dedication Contest
|
|
|
|