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Best Funny Love Poems

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Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Awaken

.








                        shower curtain’s hiss
                        wakes me up, wakes us up
                        king size tent waits






.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

My Puppy

My puppy sure loves to lick me
He thinks I’m a lollypop.
Every time I get home he attacks me
Then kisses me nonstop.

You’d think I was gone forever
When I just left the house for the mail,
He is right at the door when I get back
With a rapidly wiggling tail.

He wants to eat everything I do,
Mom says, that’s not good for a dog.
We want to keep him fit and healthy
So daily we go for a jog.

My toys are all tattered and ragged
My socks are his ultimate aim,
Doesn’t matter how much it upsets us
He thinks it’s all some kind of game.

I know he’s a bit of a stinker
That always wants to be fed.
But I sure am in love with my puppy,
Every night when we cuddle in bed.

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
2012

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

" Ike and Jane "- sequence 2

The name's Ike.
Some a ya might a met me before,
in my very first write,
and knew me as the stalker with the walker.
"Retired Romance" was the name,
Spoke about meetin' my wife,
She's here with me, name is Jane.
I likes ta call her the Mrs.,
cause I never thought that would happen again.
Now she like ta near smother me with kisses,
but gives me room ta write now and then.
We had us one of them honeymoons,
she says it ain't over yet.
But dang, if'n it ain't over soon,
we'll have ta call me in a vet!

Ennyways, I wanted ta give y'all a heads up
that I'll be a writin' from time to time .
We'd like ta thank y'all for the nice thumbs up,
'bout our first little Retired Romance rhyme,
and let y'all know that me and the Mrs. .. well..
.                                                  ..we doin' just fine !
.                  "Nite nite darlin."

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Basements Basements

This is just for fun..=)




In the basement of my heart
there is a basement
and in that basement there are two basements. 

You open one
and enter the basement 
only to find out there is yet another basement

That basements basement 
was light and blue
But that basements basement
was black

from basement to basement you walked 
until you couldn't anymore

The basements basements 
basements basements basements 
basements basements basements basement
of my heart.

You found my love...

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Your Skin

You will always be my favourite coat 
Skin on skin has always been in fashion 
The ensemble can be for any season 
When you’ve been sat in the sun for hours
On a hot summer’s day, I wear a darker shade
A tanned hide 
Or the milky tones of a winter’s day 
Pale and beautiful 
I know the design well 
Every detail down to the button
I know every crease 
There’s three on each side of your smile 
And four on your forehead when you sulk
You also have two little veins on each eyelid 
I checked when you were asleep
Just so I could make a mental note 
Your skin will always be my favourite coat 
I’d like to think I wear it well. 




 

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

one-sided romance

I put you on a pedestal;
You take me down a notch.
I love you with an aching heart,
You know it never stops.
You are my one my only,
You probably have a few.
Well, today, I think I’ll say
I really don’t need you.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

A poem for YOU

In this world of Uncertainties I’m the man that you can trust And in my words of sincerity That my love would never last. And if you could only feel, what i feel for you You can ask me “why?” so you can see the truth Like our love that tightens the rope, Like a light that would give us hope. As you watch the dark skies Let me grab the moon for you, And as I catch the bright stars That’s the way you can see me through As this planet turns as it always will And things go wrong and you don’t know what to feel Hold my hand for it will make us strong Like a wind, we will carry on The wind blow that sings a hymn for you For they know what does love means for the two Love is blind, and not deaf So how’s success if you’re not ready to bet? In this poem with full of rhymes, A full of love, Babe can you be mine? I don’t expect too much from you Why should I? If you complete my whole. “Till death do us part” that’s what they have said But why do struggles crash them ahead? Don’t ask me when my love will last, To count all of our quarrels, is that a must? Now and Forever is all that I promise No day dreaming and without reminiscence As the matter of time, as the time passes by Together we stand, together you and I
A poem for my Girlfriend for our anniversary :) pls comment and rate... you are free to judge and criticize my work :) God Bless

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

The 70's

Back in those heavy times when everything was so far out Our words were but a whisper, the mans were but a shout Flower power was spreading, and everything was out of sight Preaching peace through out the days, and gettin our groove on into the night But we were always gettin hassled, by the fuzz, the man, the pigs They didn't want us smokin doobies, and flashin peace signs, can ya dig? Then peace and love had flourished, we needed to get funky and do our thing We needed a place to get our groove on, so the discos were the scene The threads we wore back then were styling, some were off the hook! It's hard to believe with the slim bread we made, we could carry that funky look? Bellbottoms, platform shoes, and jump suits people were a cravin Boogieing away the nights in the discos, where the lights were just a blazin Then the foxy chicks started getting pregoed, and the discos no longer Dyno-mite! Men needed to start makin more bread, and trying to live the family life But gigs weren't easy to find, and life became somewhat of a drag Some of the dudes skipped town, leaving the foxy mamas holding the bag Well thats the skinny of the seventies, the lowdown of peoples ways So keep on truckin all you cool cats and foxy mamas And remember all those ~Freaky, ~Far Out, ~Out Of Sight days
Dan Kearley:1-21-12

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Poetry Destryer Vs Gareth James (round 3)

For who is this poetry destroyer
A cop, but who else would employ her?
As she spies no end
No poet, she pretends
Vanilla ice in leopard skin fur.

You ask If I want mommies hug
wouldn’t that be nice, lovely and snug
You just want to hold me
Under that great oak tree
And kiss me on your picnic rug

You want the vultures to enjoy
My sweet flesh, is that your ploy?
Wanting to be them
Eyeing up my sweet gem
Tell the truth, you just want a toy boy 

Well our future together would be bright
Injets, pens and cartridges in sight
You’d color me in
Goodness what a sin
As I would always do the best write

Hang up your gloves as your are weak
You are also classed as an antique
A low blow I know
Don’t cry, don’t go
You can come back with a new technique.

If I don’t hear from the poetry cop 
I will know I have come out on top
Good bye little girl
Give us one more twirl
Now, this should be the final full stop (.)!

P.D, this is the first one ive done. Took me a while. Very good fun though. I kind of limit’s 
the write.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Driving My Kids Crazy

Driving my kids crazy
Every day and night
Because my mind is hazy
Nothing comes out right

Still, I keep on teaching
The foggy lessons in my head
At the end of all my preaching
There's but one thing said

"I know what you are saying...
You said that yesterday."
In their heads their praying
I will go away

Still, they do consult me
When they are truly stuck
But, if I get to wordy
They'll be out of luck

The message will start hazing
From their doe-eyed sight
This act starts with a glazing
Of eyes and face and light

I see their minds have left me
They are waiting out their time
And if, they ignore me
It is a small crime

I know my kids all love me
And I feel just the same
Still I hope they'd all agree
In this there's no blame

And so I may keep yapping
Each and every day
But If disaster's tapping
I'll be on the way

I just want to guide my kids
Not drive them away
As I watch them roll those lids
I see the end of day

Okay, I'll be quiet now
No more torture, pain, or strife
And if, you'll just show me how
I'll go e-mail my wife

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Anniversary Card

I splashed out on this greetings card,
It cost me 50p,
I thought that you were worth it,
For putting up with me.


But yours, I know, will cost far more,
(Perhaps a quid or two), 
But that’s because I’m worth far more,
For putting up with you.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

a really bad love poem

 
when you're in love you write really bad love poetry when you love a woman you want to relive with her every great moment you ever had both of them. clouds look like hearts, and a few look like ducks you know, quack, quack ducks. if you love someone, you walk into the wrong house you stain your tie during lunch you walk into people (a big guy peoples, he's not happy you run...really fast) to a man in love roses look perfect even if they're tulips ...sorry honey. you build a white picket fence with the pickets wrong side up when you love someone you take out the trash from someone else's house when you love someone you quit your job as a superhero you get rid of your trusty sidekick you give away your bat mobile you give your arch nemesis the bad news. you write goofy stuff, and mickey stuff too. i'm in love so i write really bad love poetry really? really! really? really, i'm in love, so sue me!

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Nothing But the Truth

Tell me I am pretty and sexy and hot
Tell me you like everything that I’ve got

Say that my clothes fit me just right
Even if some things are a little too tight

Laugh at my jokes even if they are dumb
Massage my neck ’til your fingers go numb

Don’t get mad becaue I make more money
Do the dishes, vacuum, and call me honey

Respect me for my intelligent mind
Treat all my friends friendly and kind

Tell me that I cook better than mother
Say that you’ll never love any other

Kiss me goodnight and good morning
Make love to me without any warning

Call me at work just to hear my voice
Say that being with me is your first choice

Watch chick flicks during a football game
Give me a sweet little sexy pet name

Tell me my lovely face is all you see
But darling, don’t you ever lie to me

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Chocolate Pleasure

Will you,Eat me; eat me,
please, like A piece,
of Reese's Pieces, 
chocolate pleasure, 
I melt in your mouth, 
I am that Kit-Kat,
who will satisfy, 
your whatchamacallit, 
to make the Skor, on
Your Nutroll,
and go nutritiously,
 nutrageous, 
over my babyruth, 
for you are, that mounds,
of full almond joy..

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Dragons Wish

One night while stargazing, Dragon and I, got to see a falling star… descend.
I thought that would be great, so I told him he could make a wish on them…
But Dragon’s are really quite unique, and don’t always think, like you and me. 
No, NOT at all! And you should believe, things began to unravel, immediately:

About to make that wish… He realized the moon descends every night.
And the sun descends, like the moon… every single day, at every Twilight.
Becoming horrified that so many wishes had gone by him, totally unused!
He decided to wish upon the star, that all past wishes, can now come, to be used.

There is logic here, I think, as Dragon hordes things; he’d do it with wishes, too.
When I tried to explain, that’s not how wishes work, they have to be rare and few.
With falling stars, it has to come from one, that came to ground, willing to share.
Now Dragon is a stubborn thing and decided, I wanted them all for myself, to snare.

He stomped his foot, as the 2 year old he is, crying he didn’t want to share not one.
So I patiently explained that there are bigger stars everywhere, bigger than our sun!
He was sure I’d done him wrong and had lied, after all, his eyes are very keen.
The bigger, the better, and our sun was the biggest thing, that he had ever seen!

It’s brightness has gobs of power, in fact, I’d said it powers all the Earth, he recalled.
So its wish couldn’t be small… he said it’s not nice, to not share, with him at all.
Now a tantrum was about to ensue, from our 2 year old who’d skipped his nap.
And don’t forget he’s a Dragon, too! It wasn’t a good idea to fall into this trap!

Some things are better to not go through. Why fight the battle, if you can stop the war?
In the end I took that wish… and wished I’d never took him on that wishful tour.
You know what? I did find that peace finally came back and did preside, in a wink.
As I got his blankie for his bed, and tucked him in so nice and neat, I paused to think.

Next year would be a better time, to view the meteor showers, after we both have…
A well-deserved nap. Don’t you think? When he’s a tad more grown up, I did add…
Besides my wishes, in the past, have served me well, as they brought him here to me.
And I ’d need one more wish this year, to help him when flying… to not hit the trees!

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

not me two cats and a mangy dog

the rain fell 
outside 
dogs and cats
Sunday 
was late in coming
rolled over in bed 
played dead

until a red 
long haired cat
named Fred
sat 
on my head
and my face 
turned red

then a stray 
mangy yellow dog
named Yellow
decided to play 
with me
chased Fred away
and decided to stay

his body heat 
was hot
and I rolled over in bed
until a cool fat black cat 
named Frank 
chased Yellow
outside to the riverbank


Frank the cool fat black cat 
started to scat 
at the top of his range
at the edge of my bed
his blues 
went straight 
to my head

then Yellow and Fred 
returned 
with guitar and bass
and played backup
to Frank
while I played the bed
to save face

it was all 
going swell
until my neighbors 
who didn’t like our chops
banged a different tune 
on the wall
and called the cops

they broke down
the door
and took away us four
along with our instruments 
less the bed of course
into a paddy wagon 
we sped 

it was in a cell 
with a cot
that we realized that we were hot
to trot
and started our prison band called 
not 
me two cats and a mangy dog

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

A Winter Walk

I needed some time, some space to think
And it was either take a walk or drink
And since I knew drinking would solve nothing
I put on my shoes and I started walking

The wind blew the chilly air
Through my unkempt locks of hair,
But I hardly felt the biting cold,
Walking with memories warm in my soul

The street was dark, cold and silent
It was funny the places where my mind went
While I slowly walked across the blacktop road
No destination in mind where I would go

It's funny the things you will remember
I recall a day in mid-December
And how suddenly, nothing seemed the same
After that man at the door called my name

I followed him into a secluded office
Where he would tell me his diagnosis
And suddenly I felt my beating heart
But the rest of the world had just stopped

I felt a hand in mine get tighter
I don't think the room could have been quieter
I shook my head in total disbelief
Too numb to feel anything, even grief

The question asked, "What does this mean?"
But the answer didn't mean anything
My head too fuzzy, my thoughts too jumbled
I turned to my love to speak, but mumbled

I don't remember what else he said
Because of the swirling thoughts in my head
It took three days before I could even think
Which led me to tonight: walk or drink

So I walked and I thought and I truly remembered
Dreams of the past, love treasured forever
Friendship and laughter, sorrow and pain
As though I was reliving my life over again

Little things that I'd sorely taken for granted
Things that didn't happen the way that I planned it
Promises made and ones that were broken
Love that was shared, love still unspoken

The frosty air filled me with a sense of renewal
Inside my soul was fighting a duel
The angel, the devil, both battling demons
Inside of myself I fought to redeem them

I don't know who won the ethereal battle
And I'm not sure right now it even matters
Where once I believed everything for a reason
I'm finding that harder and harder to believe in

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

To the Pint

O Guinness, lovely Guinness,
Irish black rose of the night.
I drink in your beauty,
a wonderment of sight!
Velvety raven body,
filling out that cold glass,
I look into your dark eyes,
you wicked, sassy lass.
I watch your tiny bubbles
cascade down and sigh,
like feather-like snowflakes
falling down from the sky.
Your heavenly head leaves
foam above my lip,
I cherish our shared moments
with each tender sip.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Footling Around

Footling Around Shoes off Clothes doff Feet reek Spray seek Romance Last chance

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Would You Be My Concubine?

I've asked this of many women,
And get strange looks towards my way,
And in all honesty,
I think I ought to say,
What the hell is a concubine??
Is it an imprisoned porcupine?
I just don't really know,
But, ask it I do, often,
With results too easy to show,
That's not a healthy rosy cheek,
But face-slaps I seem to seek,
Stings like all hell,
Oh, what, by God, do tell...
What the hell am I saying aloud,
And why does it leave me less than proud?

Gotta' get me one'a dem fancy dik-shun-arees
Else I be beaten down to my knees..........

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Jumbleful Spring

Oh wonderful jumbleful spring 
hormones awakening after winter naps
making bumbling idiots
out of unsuspecting saps

Oh dopey me, I bathed
perfumed, powdered and dusted
picked out slinky sexy things
getting more and more flust’ed

I skipped down the lights
and locked the stairs
let down the dogs and
tripped over my hair

“Dames Javid” I purred
“come sugar me some lip”
as I swiveled my eyelashes
and batted my hip

He tongued on his trip,
as he blew in my eye
then gazed in my ear
and heaved a big sigh

Ah, Springtime, it’s jumbleful
don’t you agree?
Cause pobody’s nerfect,
especially me.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Ordinary Man

The Ordinary Man

In the kitchen where I feed, greed for you, my only need
Across the table, longing to be swept by your eyes
Like the average guy you speak of  long days
Tired and weary, not handy in bed 

Flames burned out the desire in hopes one day to return
I open the window, in hopes you feel and follow the tease
These feelings are so fustrating
I compare beyond mountains so boring

I hold back, missing your million kisses to none
Making wishes, I can't breath in my dream
A love connection ending like death
Your sex drive- gone cold, my wild sexuality ends in tears

The rage- The power - The hunger- Needs to be fed
No matter, tonight I'm setting the vibrator on high
One thing I won't deny myself, the pleasure my body needs 
Who needs the ordinary man, when I have a box full of batteries and toys!

...
               

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Limerick Of Love

Shelia is so fine,
She smells like wine,
Or maybe whiskey,
Real cheap whiskey;
But she is so fine.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

Gol Gappa In Hindi Version

khud ko ek gol-gappa samajh raha hoon yaaron,
haha! kya karun aaj insaan banne mein maza nahi hai.
niche maal road par use gol-gappe khate dekha, 
bas tabse gol-gappon ka deewana ho chuka hoon. 
do pal usne taanka bhi, to darr sa laga,
lekin fir uski muskurahat ne, himmat bhi di.
tabhi toh nahi, lekin uske jaane ke baad gol-gappon par toot pada.
usi thele par, pata nahi plate wohi thi ya nahi.
khaate-khaate aankhon se paani aa gaya, 
par uska ehsaas mujhe aur khaane par majbur kar raha tha.
jab aankhon mein itna paani bhaar gaya ki uske saare khwab beh gaye.
tab maine gol-gappon par rok lagayi.
saala baadme pata chala kal college ke liye toh paise bache hi nahi.
koi baat nahi dost kab aayeinge,
saalon ko khilaaya bhi toh hai, 
toh khane ka bhi haq rakhta hoon.
kal unki band bajaoounga.
aansuon ne uske khwaab toh baha diye par iss dil se uski yaadon ko kaise nikaloon.
aaj yaaron lagta hai firse neend nahi aayegi,
mahina bhar tanhai me jeena padega,
koi baat nahi ab toh aadat si ho gayi hai.
waise lagta hai ab mujhe gol-gappon se bhi pyaar ho gaya hai. ha!ha!
bas khuda se yahi ek guzarish hai ke, kal ko woh jalebi khaate huye na mill jaye.
mujhe besh nafrat hai mithi cheezon se.
kaise khaoonga main.........jalebi shayyyyyyyy! hatt yaar!##
agar mithe mein kuch pasand hai toh bas khusboo.
wo bhi jab woh khud mere kareeb aati hai tab.
ek ajeeb si mehek hai yaaron usme.
nahin yaar! har ladki perfume ya deo nahi lagati.
bas wohi uski khusboo aur kuch mitha pasand nahi hai,
chahe wo cheez cadbury dairy milk hi ho.
khair aap log pak gaye hoge, so jaao. subh raatri.
waise mujhe toh neend nahi aanewali hai,
haan yaar! kahaan uske yeh sapne chain se sone denge?
khair aap so lijiye.

Details | Funny Love Poem | |

The Tub Of Love

This tub is filled with different words that float in my life Most are still here because of my sweet loving wife She takes such good care of me every single day That is the reason these words never float away Without her I would flow right down the drain And all that would do is cause more pain So I keep it filled that's my usual plan Also jump into it whenever I can Always bathing myself in love Hoping that she will never P the P U L L U L G