I guide my body,
but my soul I do not.
They've slowly broken apart.
The darkness screams at me,
trying to reel me in.
"they're gone," they say.
"you're nothing but pitty and sin."
Though most think it's hard to step foot in this place,
it takes true strength to find another way.
As the black swallows me whole,
I see a million bright lights.
I lay there in my sorrow,
and know the stars are mine tonight.
Somehow they -- uniquely twinkling --
take my feelings on adventures to slow my breathing.
They strongly look through me,
and have my mind soaked
with things like courage, and happiness, and hope.
I lay there for hours until their vivid wisdom fades.
the dreadful transition of night to day.
When the sun gradually peaks over the horizon,
I notice the pain in my hand from clenching my knife.
But as the light shines upon me,
the only feeling I have is the feeling of life.
I stand face to face with the greatest star of all.
Feeding off of its power, I break down my wall.
The sun shows me the paths that I have to choose from,
but it's up to me to choose the right one.
I'm ready to cut ties with the sadness I hold.
I shall live my life right and pick the right way to go.
I'm eager for night to fall,
to show them that they were right.
They all found their way.
The stars are mine tonight.
From the bottom of an abandoned gravel pit
behind my childhood home, seated,
leaning against its hardpacked sandy side,
he watched the July sun set,
the empty prescription bottle at his side.
Did he walk that day to his unnatural fate
slowly, shoulders rolling like a big cat,
alternating first one, then the other,
forward, head bent, one black errant
curl tumbling across his troubled forehead.
Did he hesitate or did he hurry
and did he think of me, just 12,
soon to be fatherless, before he
began his two weeks of decomposing
in the hot Texas sun until
the man on horseback found him
while looking for a lost calf.
I couldn't blame my mother
for the divorce she filed.
I had wanted him to leave, too,
and hadn't I prayed he would die
when he dragged her over the yard,
by a handful of her hair clasped
tightly in his fist,
because she had cut it without his permission.
Especially the next day when I found
the clump of auburn hair caught in the lush
purple blooms of the wisteria bush,
I wanted him to die.
He played his harmonica for me,
and I sang, "Daddy's Little Darling,
Don't you think I'm sweet?"
But I prayed my dad would die,
and though I asked God to ignore those
prayers of terror, I will never be able to
love enough wayward men to save my dad.
It was a fair day for silence.
The sun had risen up courtly, almost mechanically,
Like a marionette on the strings of a puppeteer.
With the sun came Heat, wrathful to have been woken at such an hour.
As if avenging its early rise,
Heat caused oppression,
Discomfort and confusion
Upon the innocent day.
It was a fair day for exclusion.
Only one was oblivious to the relentless heat,
He sat there motionless, lifeless and corpse-like.
They would glance at him nonchalantly.
He was just a piece of the scenery,
Always had been there,
Always would be there,
It was a fair day for neglect.
Some say once he had been aware,
But life had hollowed him out,
Left him a shell,
The day progressed, the light dimmed,
It was as if fate and destiny had led him to this moment.
If anyone had cared to look, they may have noticed a glint in his eye.
He liked the sunset.
It was a fair day for an end.
The sun slowly made its way back home.
Heat gradually left, bored with the sun’s absence.
Silence was once more.
The sun closed its eyes.
The moon began its regime over the obeying night sky.
It was a fair day for sweet nothing.
He still sat there,
But no one knew.
So was he still alive,
If no one saw him die?
The time will come
When days will end.
All life will cease.
The end of Men.
The earth will die
With no remorse,
As nature takes
Its plotted course.
No children left
To wonder at the sky,
Asking all their questions
With wondering eyes.
The time will come
When the sun will rise,
Only to be seen
By dead men’s eyes.
No plants to drink
The golden light,
They all will be gone
Struck dead in their plight.
The population will perish,
The world will stop;
All will be gone,
Animal, plant, human, and crop.
The time will come
When all will grow dark,
No sun left
To find the earth as its mark.
Then the wounds are too deep,
Too many to mend.
Time will be over,
The earth is dead.
The sun was blaring down
That August afternoon
When Jesse came into the town
Of Early Blossom Bloom
The sun had blistered up his skin
His shoes were worn and tired
The clothes he wore upon his back
Was all that he acquired
Jesse was a loner
Traveled light and all alone
No family he could speak of
No place to call a home
For food and basic shelter
He would trick upon the street
For a twenty dollar bill
His throat would be a treat
His body aged and weary
From the life now forced to live
A new found way of living
No man had chose to give
The effort once put forth
Strength he no longer had
To earn an honest living
A concept he didn’t have
What would come of Jesse
No trade to call his name
In life he loved so many men
Each one a different way
But love for him was just a fix
An action he would show
Not something that would stick around
And nourish his inner soul
He travels to the city
In hopes to find a friend
One last fool to take
Before giving up his sin
But in this town
There was no one
To cater Jesse’s ways
No place for him to go and stay
Or a simple bed to lay
He sat down on the park bench
As dusk filled up the sky
Weary from the journey made
In hunger he did cry
In life he played a hell of a dance
No partner came to stay
Deep down afraid
The city streets
Would be his home to stay
In Jesse’s heart was anger
For the people passed him by
Not one kind word was spoke to him
He sat alone and cried
His prayers of some compassion
Were seemingly unheard
This was life for him now
Banished from the world
He died that night a lonely man
On the park bench all alone
Laid to rest in a lonely grave
The place he now calls home
The life and times of Jesse
Now just a memory
He was a man most would forget
For shame of his company
Think back on the life and times
That Jesse brought to earth
Would you have shown compassion?
If you seen him all alone
Who is to say who is to judge
For a life lived on the streets
For Jesse it was all he knew
And all he could ever be
Wish it wasn't so cold around here
Wish I could stand up sometimes
Wish I had somewhere to go
Drowning myself to sleep with emo music
Wish you were near me
Wish I knew who you are
Wish I could see your eyes for a while
Dreaming in black and white every night
The sun goes down again
End of the act, see you idiots tommorrow
Hide in the darkness
Warm, comfy shelter
The day is gone again
Another time I can't be broken
I pull the strings here, in black and white
Curl up and cry for tonight
The sun goes down again
And you emerge from its ashes
Look at me now, in black and white
'cause colors hurt
Wish I could look at the sun
Without my eyes burning up
Wish you were here
Without your hands cutting mine
But I just sleep every night
Dreaming in black and white...
There's a feeling inside, I can't explain
Somehow good intentions have ended in pain
Its not what I wanted
Its not how I planned
But somehow true love has slipped through my hand.
You were my true love, My kindred, My life
Its hard to accept you won't be my wife
Destroyed and in tatters, beyond all repair
But never forget girl, I'll always be there.
Its sad and unfair how we fell apart
But although its in pieces, you still own my heart
With each sun that rises, with each sun that sets
My prayers are for you, the girl I can't get.
We'd laugh, we were silly, we'd sulk, we'd forget
But when bed time came round, I was so glad we met
Your face in the bath, when your hair it was wet
Your perfume, your toothbrush, I'll never forget.
I've paid for my crimes for what I've done to you
I've paid with my heart, for its broken in two
I love you my sweetheart, my breath of fresh air
The best part of my life with you I once shared.
Random thoughts of you run
randomly throughout my mind,
as I hold, looking through a simple picture of you and I,
smiles and holding each other,
embracing warmth brings me to sanity,
watching your hand on my forearm,
as you gaze into my eyes.
Oh the tears flood such emotion,
only you and I now in such madness we call love,
such madness we all call life,
such madness we all call reality.
Thoughts of me without you,
I cannot bear to see such a sight in mind,
to hear such words that tear my heart out
and sadness stabs me rapidly in the back,
and I can't bear to see such a sight as this.
Thoughts of you
running randomly throughout my mind,
my hair turns silver and white with stress
of not being with you,
and my liver covered with cancer,
and lungs black with smoke,
and stomach embraced with ulcers.
All I ask for you,
is not to be a thought anymore,
and come back to me in flesh and bone
in a portrait painting of you in reality
come to me with your beauty and glory
and kind heart and hold me again,
and let me kiss you again and love you again,
and call you mine again.
Don't say it is impossible,
when you know and I know,
that it is in fact possible
to love each other once again.
I do not know?
The music blasts in my ears, Blocks out all around me.
The screaming, the fighting, the crying, the dying, Some where else never here.
My mind ventures off to the land i created, where i am alone, no one to tell me I'm worth nothing, no one to tell me i do wrong, just me alone.
The sun rises the sun sets, The same routine everyday.
No escaping, No where to go, If there was any hope left, I would not sit here the way I am.
The happiness is gone, The lights have gone out.
I see the stars come closer, as the world around me slowly disappears, slowly vanishing, disinigrating, evaporating, My spirit is gone.
No one notices, no one cares, as for what i see.
How could my life be different?
I will never know.
If i stayed would things be better?
No more screams, No more tears, Everything is at peace.
The sunset bids
It leaves behind
That slowly dips into one's mind.