I guide my body,
but my soul I do not.
They've slowly broken apart.
The darkness screams at me,
trying to reel me in.
"they're gone," they say.
"you're nothing but pitty and sin."
Though most think it's hard to step foot in this place,
it takes true strength to find another way.
As the black swallows me whole,
I see a million bright lights.
I lay there in my sorrow,
and know the stars are mine tonight.
Somehow they -- uniquely twinkling --
take my feelings on adventures to slow my breathing.
They strongly look through me,
and have my mind soaked
with things like courage, and happiness, and hope.
I lay there for hours until their vivid wisdom fades.
the dreadful transition of night to day.
When the sun gradually peaks over the horizon,
I notice the pain in my hand from clenching my knife.
But as the light shines upon me,
the only feeling I have is the feeling of life.
I stand face to face with the greatest star of all.
Feeding off of its power, I break down my wall.
The sun shows me the paths that I have to choose from,
but it's up to me to choose the right one.
I'm ready to cut ties with the sadness I hold.
I shall live my life right and pick the right way to go.
I'm eager for night to fall,
to show them that they were right.
They all found their way.
The stars are mine tonight.
It was a fair day for silence.
The sun had risen up courtly, almost mechanically,
Like a marionette on the strings of a puppeteer.
With the sun came Heat, wrathful to have been woken at such an hour.
As if avenging its early rise,
Heat caused oppression,
Discomfort and confusion
Upon the innocent day.
It was a fair day for exclusion.
Only one was oblivious to the relentless heat,
He sat there motionless, lifeless and corpse-like.
They would glance at him nonchalantly.
He was just a piece of the scenery,
Always had been there,
Always would be there,
It was a fair day for neglect.
Some say once he had been aware,
But life had hollowed him out,
Left him a shell,
The day progressed, the light dimmed,
It was as if fate and destiny had led him to this moment.
If anyone had cared to look, they may have noticed a glint in his eye.
He liked the sunset.
It was a fair day for an end.
The sun slowly made its way back home.
Heat gradually left, bored with the sun’s absence.
Silence was once more.
The sun closed its eyes.
The moon began its regime over the obeying night sky.
It was a fair day for sweet nothing.
He still sat there,
But no one knew.
So was he still alive,
If no one saw him die?
At dusk the amber eye begins to close
Our dusty anthills fading from its sight
The midnight moonfright black-lit aura grows
Entrenching us in hollow, fiend-filled night
We lose ourselves and lose all sense of sense
We lose the light and then lose sight of sight
The baying wolves with daytime’s sun dispense
Their basest instincts echo through the sky
The praying men seek divine vigilance
And nighttime’s hooded chaos leads to sin
And hide the compass from humanity
And so the fearful seek the light within
Yet know they need the sun at reveille
The light and dark in order intertwine
Just like a rosary, a rosary
The summer sun has gone into hiding
leaving us with these cloud covered skies.
The west bound breeze is cold and damp.
Happy moods are dampened too.
Clouds equal depression
as sun equals joy.
Gone just one day,
I miss it.
I try to ignore the squirming Hyde within
And, with effort still,
I raise myself for the last traces
of sunshine and fun.
What was left of the day, I savor for me.
As the withering leaves of silence
have perfected the petals of stillness,
Such absence of sound
Never a serenity to the mind.
Disturbing solitude haunts.
Loneliness seems vivid as reality speaks
Even the poignant sadness never parts
Solitary confinement paints an art.
Like the spectator in a thousand theatre plays,
I achingly wait for the final curtains to part.
Then, as always expected -
Left were the
together with the late sunset wind.
Tiny golden flecks
imprinting on the soft white
laces and trims.
Catching shadow images
of the last rays of brilliance,
blending slowly in yellow embers,
forming orange coals,
turning into sunkissed glow
of a sad goodbye.
ever so softly fading
into dullness and cloudless cold.
And as the night falls,
its shadowy self dances
against the moonlit music of silence.
I listen and search still
for what is left.
No traces of the sun
whose magnificence and radiance
had touched the leaves of laughter
during my daytime slumbering; children frolicking,
early had the mind sensing.
And, gone astray were the seeds of kindness
the day had grown.
It seemed they were sown
by someone I wish I had known.
If only I could frolic
where little lads had been early today -
in the meadows,
by the pond,
along the shores,
around friendly trees and smiling flowers,
with the meadowlarks and chirpy games,
I’d give away anything.
Basking in the sun on such a lemony day,
someone sulks to find it's an emotional burn.
If only I could catch the loveliness of the sun,
I'd give away anything.
Just for something this grand.
The mind wills but the heart groans.
A moment of joy and laughter, so fleeting.
Forgot me, gave away the troubles.
Today could be A DAY,
If only, ever so softly, I could catch the sun.
Random thoughts of you run
randomly throughout my mind,
as I hold, looking through a simple picture of you and I,
smiles and holding each other,
embracing warmth brings me to sanity,
watching your hand on my forearm,
as you gaze into my eyes.
Oh the tears flood such emotion,
only you and I now in such madness we call love,
such madness we all call life,
such madness we all call reality.
Thoughts of me without you,
I cannot bear to see such a sight in mind,
to hear such words that tear my heart out
and sadness stabs me rapidly in the back,
and I can't bear to see such a sight as this.
Thoughts of you
running randomly throughout my mind,
my hair turns silver and white with stress
of not being with you,
and my liver covered with cancer,
and lungs black with smoke,
and stomach embraced with ulcers.
All I ask for you,
is not to be a thought anymore,
and come back to me in flesh and bone
in a portrait painting of you in reality
come to me with your beauty and glory
and kind heart and hold me again,
and let me kiss you again and love you again,
and call you mine again.
Don't say it is impossible,
when you know and I know,
that it is in fact possible
to love each other once again.
I do not know?
The music blasts in my ears, Blocks out all around me.
The screaming, the fighting, the crying, the dying, Some where else never here.
My mind ventures off to the land i created, where i am alone, no one to tell me I'm worth nothing, no one to tell me i do wrong, just me alone.
The sun rises the sun sets, The same routine everyday.
No escaping, No where to go, If there was any hope left, I would not sit here the way I am.
The happiness is gone, The lights have gone out.
I see the stars come closer, as the world around me slowly disappears, slowly vanishing, disinigrating, evaporating, My spirit is gone.
No one notices, no one cares, as for what i see.
How could my life be different?
I will never know.
If i stayed would things be better?
No more screams, No more tears, Everything is at peace.
Ah, the september weather is here,
the trees turn firery red and orange,
and the leaves gently fall to the surface.
Fall is here,
and the grass turns from green to yellow,
the souls of many change their ways.
From going on beaches in sun
to walking on wet streets,
with jackets on.
September weather is here,
too most it is depressing to see,
such change in the world.
But I love it.
The girlfriends and boyfriends go away,
and that makes me happy.
Then I go apple picking.
I pick red apples,
from low, hanging apple trees.
and I eat one, while walking down the trail.
Fall is here,
the time of death,
the last of sunshine.
I don't argue,
I love fall,
it is so cosy and it gives me hope.
Hope that a day will come again,
when the sun pops its head out
and the warmth returns.
September weather is the best,
when summer is gone, but not quite,
and the cool breeze sweaps through your open windowpane.
I love fall,
it gives me hope,
that with death comes life.
I wake up to a deserted town
"Where are the people?"
I ask myself aloud.
"Gone." answers a voice.
But no one's here...
Broken glass litters the street,
a Kristallnacht in the making.
Houses, half gone and half standing,
specked the dirt road.
I lay, pinned to the ground by a monstrous wall...
I don't know if I'll be able to move...
but I must try.
"Hello! Anyone there?"
No reply.... just what I thought.
As distress fills my heart,
I use that anger and helpless feeling to my advantage
I managed to lift the heavy burden off my chest.
But this was a small victory in what seemed to be WW II.
ALAS! I remember.
This is WW II....
and the US had just dropped something...
something unusual on my town...
I'm surprised I'm still alive.
The explosion was enough to kill all of my native land,
But it only stopped 2 miles from the heart of my country,
But no time for reminiscing.
I must find a way out of this...
A sharp pain in my chest heaves me to the ground,
I've seen this ground so many times, face to face.
Something starts to lunge itself out of my mouth.
When I look down, I notice
that it is my own blood.
I knew I must find a hospital, quick,
but which way was which?
Was East West? Was West South?
Was North behind me? Was South ahead?
I sulked in defeat as I trudged along a snake-like road...
a road to nowhere.
I grew weary, hungry, tired
but I knew I must walk on.
Every few minutes, I'll drop to my knees
and cough up my life support,
but I couldn't let that stop me.
The sun went down,
but I didn't.
The moon rose,
I kept walking.
The sun started his day-shift,
but I was at work all night,
counting steps and listening my heart beat.
Finally, I lost the will to live,
I wanted to die,
I waited to die...
But death didn't come.
I spit up blood every few seconds now.
Life leaving me with every breath.
I close my eyes, and draw in my last breath.
Muffled sounds reach my ears.....
I try to look but my vision's blurred.
Everything blacks out.
"I will not be defeated"
My vision is back.... I see people...
Everything blacks out.
"I will not be defeated"
I see their faces now, splattered with dirt and dust
Everything blacks out.
"I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!!!!!"
I CAN SEE!
"Are you with us?!"
A desperate cry reaches my ears.
And I reply,
"Yes. Yes I am."
A night full of nightmares
and suicidal tendencies,
feeling pain rush, like tidal waves
crushing me and blood boiling
anger wishes and takes the best of me;
but can I heal my own heartbreak?
Will I ever find love again?
See the angel of death come to me,
smiles and says come with me.
Oh, Wake me, when the morning comes,
so I can show evil the light.
Feelings eternal and fragile,
she walks some lonesome highway
travelled by the ones who fall in love.
She a grand fool, who takes life for
wake her with the morning light
and shine down rays of goodness and
and show her the path that leads back to
Wake me when the morning comes,
place her upon my doorstep
and a smile upon her loving face,
I'm not ready to move on just yet.
I don't want anymore nightmares
and nightly visits from the black angels.
I don't want to see blue eyed Death,
with his grinning skull and black robe.
I want to see the sunshine break through
and I want to hear the birds sing love
and the trees dancing to the wind's sweet
I want to awake to her sweet and glorious
Wake me, when the morning comes,
when I can open my eyes to anew
and see life in a new day,
and live life in a new way.