He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died,
he has not been the same.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it,
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain,
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best,
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows
what happens next.
All results of
The days seem to go by so fast. there is a void in the air, the birds have lost their vibrant beat, the ocean has lost its luster, the soil feels solid and dry.
My soul feels as if it has left my body before my death, my dreams haunt my day, the tears stain my steps, my doctor says that it is depression, I say that it is reality, I am intoxicated by society,I am numb by perscriptions.
Why do I feel so isolated within myself? is there no one in my painfully tight shoes? can anyone understand my pain? can anyone melt in my sorrows? why am I this way? why is the world so cruel? why can't I be normal?
Wait! I am normal, what am I saying, I know now, the veil has been lifted, humanity is my enemy, the sins that drip from their sweat, the dread that follows their shadows, their souls of black, their intentions of greed pull a shade across their eyes.
They are destined for doom, they will not be saved, they will not find salvation, they belittle me, they curse me, they shame me, but they are right about one thing, I am different, unlike them, I will be saved in the last days.
I am Reality’s angel
resting on the broad shoulders of discovery
the truth feeds darkness and engulfs its target
ideas and concepts in turn become meaningless to you
there is a creator of all things
He is just and patient
many still have fallen into the masses of shadow
wrapped in their own filthy idols of philosophy
I have seen grown men fall like rose petals
and weaklings rise into unjust leaders
forever the follower of furtive evil
dominating only to remain inferior
the most important answers lie in the unseen regions
where no sense can fully give assurance
the mind that so many unreasonably twist and turn
grows weary because of the distance it must take
and truth be told the distance is not what frustrates
it is knowing we are seeking something far
that could very possibly not exist,
that our minds can twist into theoretical, idealistic nonsense
it is knowing all we really think we know
and yes—even a lie
all that has been written thus far rests under my wings
under the warmth in which you refuse to feel
can you believe in me—
though I am completely unseen?
how much more difficult would it be to see
The Color Missing
Red, black, and blue are the colors of our work pens. Red is the color of the blood we spill on other people’s mistakes. Blue is the color of the songs we sing on tax forms or pay stubs- every page has a secret melody. Black is the color of the streets we fear most. Black is the color of our signature of approval. Black is the color of our death.
‘But what about the Green pens?’ I ask. They say ‘the ink is too hard to see.’
generic minds listen to generic music
have generic thoughts that are unknowingly abusive
watch generic things talk about generic things
gee this generic *****is spreading like a disease
better get your flu shot
thats what they said to me
a suicidal vaccine
a subliminal killing spree
its contagious and the outrageous
thing about it is that the people are blind in an eye
that they didn't even know they had
it's sickening to watch these clueless civilians
inside the looking glass
with nightmares of being free
without a key to their mind
for it is trapped in the frequency
in the illusion of time
bathed in our universe
killing all that refuse to see
those that admit to hypocracy
or see the message in hip hop
how cant you see
the message in the lyrics that
bring adolescents to their knees
from bullet wounds conflicting their flesh
contradicting that they're the best
but the songs keep telling them that they dont need no rest
that they dont wanna go home
that they should ride alone
with the gat as their only companion
and so the only path they choose is the one that they're told
until they grow old and hope turns to a window pane
inside a window pane, until all they feel is pain
they realize that the music itself is ashamed
so whats to look up to
when you cant even speak when you cant even walk because you look so bleak
your eyes are sunken from the tv you're infested with the dee zees
now its too late to turn around and live for your conscious
so when youre screaming oh please
close your eyes and bring your mind to life
open your eyes for the first time
and never wonder why
since the answer this entire time
has been inside
and you better find it before you die
you dont want your soul to be in a pool with all the others
a buncha brothers missing their mothers
but only seeing strangers
only feeling the haters
wishing they would have used their minds when they had them
and now its too late,
now it's time for another new born fate to grab them
They are bound to the Earth like trees
Suffocating under the weight of an icy grave
Reaching to be free, but only their limbs are seen
Hoping that one day someone will see:
They can't escape with lacerated wings
The ocean surrounds me, covering everything
Nothing will be clearly seen; confusion overwhelming
No-one can save you, you're on your own, left to die
Manipulating every bleeding heart you can find
I can't escape with lacerated wings.
Swarms of nets, waves of screams
Entangle: your captive illusions and dreams
The mask has be seared - The truth now they see
The Liar - Vampiric Fiend; lowly thief
And now they know you can't escape with Lacerated Wings
There's reasons for your rejections:
Your Heavy heart's transferred oppression
The scars are too deep to pass the trials
But you can find peace in your cage of empty spirals
You Cannot Escape With Lacerated Wings
He wants to say "I love you,"
But keeps it to "Goodnight."
Because love would mean some falling,
and she's afraid of heights.
A crowded table, all suspended in shock
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!
God made all people
But some better than others?
Stop being silly.
The body: sacred
We’re all made in God’s image
I do not know?
when you're fast asleep
and thoughts creep into your head
and flood your brain until it weeps
and your mind descends dark and deep
into a land of dead end worlds
where the only way out
is the way you came in
but the road is way too steep
and your feet are made of lead
and every smile is just pretend
and nothing is to be believed
and you're going off the deep end
bleeding rivers of hatred
into a pool of shallow deceit
where every thought is colored red
and every shade of black completes
every nightmare ever conceived
born of blood-stained dreams within dreams
where that person you used to be
is falling into skies of silent screams
and contemplating death
all the while wishing
to be alive again
Gasping for air. . . you strain your neck; stretching..you look around, checking.
Struggling to keep the pace. . . you're movements, fluctuating; you panic, you try floating.
Screaming for help. . . no one is around, you wish for a miracle; you're wheezing, yelp not helping.
Giving, no one is reaching. . . the waves starting to bring you down; you fight, your Will diminishing.
Vanishing. . . your light dimming; They look from afar, will they notice you're drowning?
Her devilish eyes beat at me
taking flesh with every blow,her
rendered heart beat sounds like
tribal drum rolls an her skin
drips venom from its pores , I
find myself helpless and
paralyzed , everything else
seems trivial and meaningless
to this moment,..she exhales
smoke and lightning flows from
her finger tips ,she is the
antichrist the source of my
device, but I can't help but give
her my heart,I question my gift
but remain entranced caught in
her red moonlit ritual
dance,sight of her is blinding ,
she is what Every man desires
but can't reach, it feels like
heaven but I sweat from the
heat,the pain she inflicts is
bitter sweet an burns like salt
in a wound ,she is gods most
regretted creation born for the
night with a hunger that cannot
be fed,hold her down chain her
up she cannot be contained ,
pentagrams burn white in her
eyes,she's a shape shifting
voodoo angel that sleeps with
vipers ,yet I seek her and
desire her with every thread of
my existence and have turned
into an insomniac who day
dreams of her , cut by the
thorns of the rose she wears in
her hair , always the day of the
dead and raining razorblades,
the tree limbs reach out for my
embrace but every one of them
are shadowed with her face,I
close my eyes I can always find
her there , lay with her in the
ground every breath she takes
is sin ,she's a black rosé that
cannot be changed a black rosé
that cannot be contained ,
ashes to ashes dust to dust I
cut my heart to be with her and
bleed undying trust,it's only
her....everything else I feel is
not real .....
Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?
Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”
A Lesson From the Buddha
The Buddha had been getting round
And listening to the crowd.
He’d often sat there silently
And heard them moan so loud
About their own sad burdens
And all the hurt they’d had.
So he thought up a little plan
That didn’t seem half bad.
He called the crowd together
Said “listen here you guys
I’ve been thinking for a great long while
And I have thought it wise
To grow a special tree for you
And here it lies before you
Now listen well to what I say
I’ll tell you what to do”
He said “this tree before you
It’s to hang your troubles on
Each one of you must go to it
And your troubles will be gone
As you hang them on it’s many branches
Then what you’ll need to do
Is take yourself some others burdens
And make them part of you”
The people thought that this was cool
It seemed a grand old way
To rid themselves of all their burdens
It was a happy day!
As each smiling so broadly
Placed there burdens on the tree
Then they thought for just a while
And they began to see.
As each the truth did hit them
More restless did they get
At least they knew their burdens
So each with no regrets
Did race back to that trouble tree
To grab what they had hung there
The Buddha smiled good humoredly
He had made them all aware.
29 July 2013 @ 1805hrs.
I am a misprint,
Ink blot on love,
I remain a maybe
Longing for fact,
No speck of lint,
A hand in glove.
Thunder; a baby
Will only react
When you etch
Whistling on cue
To a dead town.
Dream a sketch
Of silent crowds
This boiling crown
Holes in the walls
To spy through,
Seeking a sort
Of bricked-up sun.
A heaven of halls,
All leaving you.
I was your never ending composer
We spent many a nights, and many an hour together
But now you’re lost inside
And I can’t find my way, again.
( chorus )
Cause I can’t say it without you
It hurts to be without the feeling
Never knowing when it will return
But I know that you would stay with me
If you came back, again some day
But till then I’ll wait till you appear.
I really miss the way you make me feel
People said we were meant to be together
Why’d you leave me so unexpectedly
I hope you come back soon.
( Chorus )
It’s been two months since I’ve written you
All I’ve got to show is crumpled bits of paper
The passion and creativity is now gone
So come back home so I can work it out.
Water licks your feet
Far cry from the beating sun
Desert sand to sea
The English weather:
Rainclouds follow us from home
There is no escape.
Culminates in a washout
Stuffed camels get soaked
Is my life not tortured enough for you to see?
I am broken as can be.
My heart is torn.
My tears stain these perfect floors.
Why are singing with glee?
Why do you not care about my every plea?
I am trapped in your arms.
I am the hopeless moth.
How did you pick me?
What is it that you see?
A girl untouched by life?
A flower blooming in the desert?
I have said goodbye to my loving integrity.
You took that from me through R-A-P-E.
Space up your brain frame/
Flame up your main pace/
Dish up your thoughtful rhymes/
Blood out your soulful goals/
Scratch mark your tearful poems/
Dress up in your motherful tongues/
Spiting fatherland splits via ancestral grave-zones/
Hang up your lyrical cloths/
Dope visions for lifeless poets/
Skin tones glorifying Lucifer's bones/
Convert brains its no animal stains/
Socks up your manhood pictures/
Wipe all your demonic tales/
Paint misfortunes of recital codes/
Drive through inspirational poems/
Prayers singing rap tones/
Dust of earth you are the Maker's breath/
Space up your brain space/
Kick start your waking up calls/
Shelf life records no political stones/
Fist up artistic roles/
Masculine verses exercising best prose/
Shaping Amandla when we strike blows/
Poetic armies baptized in the name of lost roads/
Flushed ish reflects case closed/
"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one.
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed.
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent.
A meager thought
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows,
Boiling, baking and blazing,
Other synonyms for heat.
My camel is happily dazing,
He was not a restful seat.
Poolside I’ll later be lazing,
Resting my sunburnt feet.
Air conditioning is amazing,
Ice cream is a lovely treat.
I did not find myself to be so important
So I ask my friends do I seem distant?
When I ask the question I had received an answer, Yes
So I think that made it clear that I had been not the best
I am a friend of a friend that talks so many things
That friend talks to much it is insane and insanity it brings
I do care, about my friends they are all good people
They tend to stand on their high steeple
Today I find myself not so aware
Disbanding my fear of regret and care
Walking many different paths I see that I have found holes
It is the path that people choose to use to fuel their rage with coals
Coals are partially burnt wood or fossils a piece of fuel
It is the source of burden and fire a rage of emotions that stands cruel
It can be warm and caring, but it also can be baring
I just start to feel so low, below the ground I keep on staring
I reach for my friends so many times I feel so ignorant at times
Just once I feel I should not rely on them when feeling I can not find
I dig my hole deeper and I can not climb out
For some reason I am just full of doubt
I care about so many things and what I have is confusion
One person should be all I should think about to get out of that illusion
My battle in my heart and mind is not at all so pleasant
I feel so alone in an island that is shaped like a crescent
My emotions is like coinciding with a diameter of the semicircle
Not a full emotion that is complete like a circle
My feelings is circular full of incomplete thoughts, so much deeper
I feel it will wake up my evil half a evil soul that is a sleeper
What question should I ask myself? to believe that I am not so alone
As I feel like a person who is deteriorating to the bone
I ask my friends the same question once again
I figure I should do it, to know what kind of feelings I should end
So many thoughts that come out of my feeling
I feel like my friends take, an emotional trauma of stealing
They ask me questions and I answer theirs
But when I need mine answered I feel burning inside like a flare
Are they even friends when they do not take me serious in anyway
Just put me in my hole cause I feel nothing in their will be getting in my way
It's just so simple to answer someones problem
I answer friends with beauty of a rose, but when they answer mine I get the stem
I know the stem is very important in life, with out it how can a rose be a rose
With a hole to put the root and stem in how can it grow
The words we speak I guess is like all natural things we reap and sow
I've allowed that burning boat to float off without me
Rarely ever thinking about dissipating the flames,
As it is hardly worth the time and effort.
There wasn't much of a future with that situation.
No matter the attempts
No matter the appeal
It was all for naught
The only thing I worry about now
Is looking back at the Flames
And hoping I am not entranced
By their Dancing Light
Flashing lights and sounds roll by
Hear the sound of muffled sighs
Sullen words cannot express
Just confess, and lift it off your chest
Told the priest would hear your cries
If you don't feed him blatent lies
Oh he's your only friend
But he don't want to hear your sins
He's off doing his own thing
But it's far from priestly things
Oh he wont look in your direction
Let alone show you affection
Even when he hears your plea,
"Hey bartender please!"
Gone are all your hopes and dreams
All you ever sought to be
Heard from all across the room
Are many empty pleas,
"Oh won't you pity me?"
You can close your eyes and count to 10
Again and again
But he wont come back to help his fellow men
He was your only friend, but he left you all alone
To wallow in your sin
He failed to listen to your prayer
Now your lost in dark dispair
You can hide behind your cries
But he'll see into your eyes
Until the time you leave his bar
And wobble to your car
I do not know?
Intact I am math,
but in a blast I run fast
...Somewhere above the tree line-
I am seen as fine,
but inside I am tried...
Weather doesn't help locate a song-
So I hop on a motorcycle to get gone...
I soon crash into a nearby tree,
and lay on the ground for weeks…
The sooner I come home-
the lesser I learn how to grow
And its never anything but my last breathe of shine that I felt my teeth grind-
****ing the enemy
...the way of the blind
Organic and prime,
my weaknesses don't show-
so I am fine...
And while feeling fine-
in an interesting wine,
I smell the pine-
aching within me-
raking at my earliest pillory
So I walk on pleased-
and then go spend all my pees
...With this withering game of time,
I get hexed to know some of mine
But I soon stop,
eager to drop,
1,2,3, and then four…
Four strips, One token,
and two years unspoken
Where I turn and spin in the door
A splended welcome to adore!
What shores have washed away from these pores!
What course I have taken to learn how to adore!
But there is a land I lived in alive
but it just wasn't my find,
I was there,
but it wasn't my mind...
I wish I could scream!
Go away unnoticed!
Then re-arrive climbing in trees!
Birds eat the bees,
lizards the breeze
But character never breeds
Its gotta be seen-
understood, spoken and then dreamed
before you wake to it-
just like she made ya do it-
and you jerked yourself through it
Started ta loosin' it,
and became a rude influence
I do not know?
a hollow shell
of tangled synapses
sparked into gradual madness
which drowns out the truths of the day
as the mind reeks of the rotten sad moments
that swirl in the rancid soup of forgotten dreams
dreams that once traced a gentle path of innocence
dreams that reached for pure love’s tender touch
dreams now paralysed but once vivaciously alive
what became of those fresh dreams and hopes
as they lie mustily on dusty bookshelves
torn into shreds by time’s fine scimitar
devoid of the touch of raw passion
when all that remains of love is
a hollow shell
Self mutilation comes in many forms,
when I write, I like to dissect myself,
carve out bits of infection and toss
them into a quarry made for self-
delusion. Maybe there they’ll find
what they need to heal, and grow strong
even if it is under a crazed,
and utterly false pretense.
Sometimes a little ignorance is
just the right push, right?
I’ve seen it so many times,
proud imbeciles making gold
out of skewed direction.
Blessed be thou who will break
the bounds of real world
"common" sense, and rely on
something as blind as luck
to call their glory home.
And with a bragging heart,
they smile at the altar of
hard work and pray that
others follow in their half
These sightless animals
follow the sound of lazy
back patting over the ledge
that was built for the strong
to learn to fly.
But no one unable to willingly
brave the fall, deserves to soar.
So, they tumble into the quarry where
I throw my brokenness, and wait
for another free ride.
-James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved.