Here in my room,
I lay in my bed,
With every thought of you,
Intruding my head,
Like snapshots in my brain,
Of the last thing you said,
My gut is violated,
And I twitch with rage,
I cannot free myself,
From this anxiety ridden cage,
And in this chapter of our life,
It seems I can't turn the page,
This torture is much worse,
Since you have been away,
I am so scared,
That away is where you'll stay,
And no matter how hard I try,
I will have to lay here in my room,
Alone one more day.
By Mac Holmes. Janettas grandson.
Written sitting in my room alone still waiting...
A million times I've needed you
A million times I've cried
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died
In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place
No one can ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you
But you did not go alone
A part of me went with you
The day GOD called you home
Your precious memory is my keepsake
With which I'll never part
GOD has you safely in HIS keeping
But I have you forever in my heart
It was something real -
love's lucidity stretching to eternity.
The dusky pink air of evening, salty gravel underfoot,
and the five o'clock brooding on water and mud flat.
There you were, fixed figure on the landscape,
black irregularity against all that pink,
your solitude clutching at my uncertain empathy.
You wanted to be understood.
It shocked me softly - your impenetrable cocoon,
the warm human reaching,
and the sea of your separation
washing up over my disregard.
Jade flowed from sullen eyes
Disdain from fiery hair
A soliloquy of anguish
Captured by a snowy stare
I found rose petals on her lips
The remnants of a trusted man
Who had forsaken the pleasure
Of holding heaven’s only hand
I had dreamt of her touch
Kissing her angelic face
Whispering those words
Only eternity can embrace
I found her silent sorrow
Trapt behind ebullient eyes
Offering her my shoulder
When she was ready to cry
Another cup of coffee spilt,
Upon an egg-shell shirt of silk.
It didn’t really have a chance,
Caught up in all the circumstance.
It cracked against the tabletop,
A trembling hand from whence it dropped.
It didn’t mean to get in the way,
It just so happened, was, that day.
“On purpose”, it had set him off,
One gulp and he began to cough.
My fault, I know, he drank too soon -
And banged it down against the spoon.
Enraged, he throws the cup at me,
Still steaming like a cup of tea;
I caught the cup - it’s mould intact,
But couldn’t catch the water’s slap.
While standing there I caught his too,
And felt my cheek turn black and blue;
It slipped out of my hand and fell,
And smashed apart like oyster shell.
It’s my mess, I’ll mop it up ~
I broke my favourite coffee cup.
My adored is here, Oh Vincent!
Charming with your perfume's scent
not minding if it costs just 50 cent.
Wishing to lean on you
and form a crescent
on your well endowed body
which is like an expensive present.
Stealing a kiss from me is decent
but pulling me back
and forcefully keeping my legs bent;
even with my resistance,
you would not relent
makes you a pathetic Dog 100 percent.
And I am regretful of my time badly spent.
I escaped, when you were a little complacent
as you rudely smiled
like a badly trained Adolescent.
And all these while,
I thought you were innocent.
How dare you try to penetrate
without passing through my consent?
Now that the beast in you, you represent,
the only thing I have to say to you
Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.
Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.
Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.
How I long to have you again
To see your eyes, your face, your grin
It takes my breath away to hear your voice
That heavenly, uplifting, gentle noise
My God, how it kills me to see
You with another man instead of me
Although happier you say you are
From that emotion, I am so very far
If I was to have an addiction
It would be you and that is not fiction
‘Forever’ I was told, time after time
But not forever in heart, just forever in mind
Remember when we first saw each other?
My face turned red and my heart did putter
You gave me a smile and I tried, but smirked
I was finally realizing how true love worked
My heart aches still and yet I ponder
About the next time I let my heart wander
Keeping track of the pain until it is through
Oh, the things I would give to just have you
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn
and made anew
Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live
And never touch the sky.
I have to forget you
I have to reject you
But I will never love anyone
like I loved you.....
I heard you whisper
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes
But you couldn’t feel it
You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT.
I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will.
Be my dirty little secret
My very worst-kept secret
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison
My infernal and endless attraction
towards complete and utter self-destruction
I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....
my dream never to come true
Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget
how you were never there
Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?
I have to face the facts
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you.
The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to.
I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely
It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me
You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
I was not alone inside my loneliness
I had company, stars flowers and birds
But when you came in my life
I saw the universe close to me.
Copyright Constantinos Grigoriadis © All rights reserved