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Limerick Husband Poems | Limerick Poems About Husband

These Limerick Husband poems are examples of Limerick poems about Husband. These are the best examples of Limerick Husband poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


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-Divorce Club-

~~ Divorce  Club~~


Haiku   * divorce trip *
---------
broken promises
eclipse of the sun and moon
dreams that fall like leafs.

Limerick  * never settle*
------------
Like a  gun to my head of course
I married the end of a horse
love was never real,
kids no big deal.
Wow! I gain more money after divorce!

Couplet   * forever vows *
------------
I meant them words "for better or worse" during our holy matrimony
The better now has hit me, once  the Court ordered alimony:-)
 
by;p.d.

**OKAY I'M NOT GOOD AT EXAMPLES**
      


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An Unappreciated Housewife

He walks into the room each day at six
As around their Dad all five children mix
     He smiles at them with glee
     Meantime he sneers at me
So I get prepared to take all his licks

“What have you been doing all day?” he asks
No appreciation for all my tasks
     “Washed clothes and changed diapers
     Don’t need any gripers”
This insensitive father wears two masks

Each morning his breakfast is served on time
Later, vodka collins are served with lime
     He never shops for food
     Says my cooking’s no good
And when he bathes, the tub is filled with grime

My Mom said, “Men just work from sun to sun,
But a woman’s housework is never done” 
     I found a new game plan
     A hearty, handsome man
Together, my husband we could outrun




May 25, 2012
*Entry for David’s 3 H contest


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The Broken Vase Of Love

Is never a crime so earn me awhole. 
For all whose thoughts were crack in noon,
And still do not think is right left being dumb.
Were in prenuptial undertaken blunder, When lifted'd imagined  what the world is of its own. Is it a wistful pan of several host? or A spiteful mine of volcanic husks.


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Cheaper To Keep Her (Divorce Club)

(Haiku)- * Motive, infidelity messing with the Queen Bee's Honey*

Queen Bee sits on throne,
Bumble and drone bees as one
Sample flowers dew

------------------------

(Limerick) - *Admission of guilt leads to compensation*

Indeed this is how the story unfolds,
Pete said, "It's a poor rat with only one hole"...
Love had taught a sad lesson;
Divorce court was now in session,
Judge rules favor, Pete's pockets full of holes...

----------------------------

(Couplet) - *Take vows seriously payback often belongs to Spouse - Queen Bee*

Love said, "Pete too late you've opened your peepers"....
"Man, you should know it was cheaper to please her"!






Submitted for P.D.'s Divorce Club Contest (Haiku-Limerick-Couplet)


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Ten Little Indians

You perfected your lies to an art.
You succeeded in breaking my heart.
I shed not one tear,
for the hour is near,
when arsenic will keep us apart.


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Woman-Owned Business Maker

Self-employed and partner in life
He "hired" some other guy's wife
Making golfing balls
Now he has two holes
My new business ?...Surgical Knives...

for Carolyn Devonshire's "Horrible Bosses"


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My Ex For Sale

Come one come all my ex for sale
His underwear being sold in bale
                 Naked on the block
                 Glad he is defrock 
His chest shows fear at the exsale


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The Awwwsome Driving Lesson

The neighbors were running in fear
As into front room car did steer
What fate had approved
His words soon removed
Your parking’s improving my dear


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She really did get this call

I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
  
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,

        “He’s here at the bar
  
        Quick bring us your car,

Your husband just got in a brawl”


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A Happily Ever After Marriage

There once was a poet extraordinaire,
Who composed sweet poetry with great care. 
She wanted to find true love.
So, she prayed to God above.
He swiftly answered, “Sweetheart, you must forbear.”

Forbearance was her lonely heart’s nightmare.
She was a passionate woman with flare.
Singing in a high octave.
Counting petals of foxglove.
She drank martinis alone in her lair.

A brilliant mind with hope and a prayer,
Resting her head on a lonely armchair.
Praising spirits up above,
She heard Ron’s voice, cute white dove.
Alas, she found him…marriage…love so fair.

(Linda-Marie, I used your profile picture for inspiration for this contest entry.)

© March 31, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


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Double Disappointment

I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”


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The Rogue Rhymer

There was a girl who spent too much shoppin’
The mean hubby said she best be stoppin’
So she started to mourn
But Rogue Rhymer was born
And now her checks are no longer hoppin’


Details | Limerick | |

Some Limericks...

She’s out there chasing a cricket

Through bush, through shrub & through thicket

Together they hop

Fugitive, cop

But when she gets it, she just wants to lick it!
 

A cat whose vet took his eye

Just cannot quite understand why

His eye’s been enucleated,

3-D vision reduciated,

So now, he keeps an eye out for an eye

 
Ya gotta keep limericks loose

Think green eggs, or perhaps Dr. Seuss

They’re structured, it’s true,

But they’re also a zoo

Whose tenants are all on the loose!


I frolic in fountains of words

Overflowing with serious absurds

Each poem I write

Wakes up and takes flight

Joining angels and faeries and birds

 
You ask that we write a good limerick

How to do so, I haven’t a glimmerick

So I struggle and frown

Teaching  poems to clown

So a smile on your lips will be shimmerick

 
A cat with a mouth full of mouse

Brought her feast right into my house

She played with her food

Who was not in the mood

To be a banquet of mouse in the house

 
The nightmares that shadow my sleep

Stampede the proverbial sheep

Right out of my mind

When I try to unwind

I find my appointment with sleep hard to keep

 
In her search for original truth

She met people unsavory and couth

She knitted and purled

But only unfurled

Yarns told by new age and old youth

 
Cat, suddenly pink,

Drinks her water from out of the sink

She looks so absurd

Since she’s been de-furred

I really don’t know what to think!

 
If one and one is two and two is four,

And there’s only two ways to go through  a door,

Then, is earth up or down?

And, where is down town?

These are questions we need to explore!

 
A was that is an is

Tried to mind my biz

But I sent it packing,

Its presence was lacking

And I don’t have time for such shiz!


A couple who lived in Los Lunas

Loved the wide desert sky’s crystal blueness

They’d stare at the air,

Over here, over there

And rejoice at the feeling of newness

 
A cat with a very fat gut

Found it easier to walk on his butt

He’d drag it around

Across carpet and ground

And use it to slam the doors shut

 
Said the Missus to her dear Mr. Otter,

“There’s something I think that you oughta

Do before we get old

To protect us from cold –

You oughta make the hot water hotter!”

 
The ghosts who live up in my attic

Make noises that sound much like static

I’ve tried to send them away,

But they’re here to stay,

Those staticky ghosts in my attic


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Sons Of An Zeus Man

<                           once came along pair gemini twins
                             castro and pollux from third sign in
                             well sons of an zeus man
                             all from mercury clan
                             sharing wealth of intelligence sin

                            with ever compatible libra scales
                            along with aquarius that wales
                            fire signs given few
                            pisces they known too
                            beneath sun and moon's with semi's tale








Written By Katherine Stella  6/26/11


Entry For Nette Onclaud's
Zodiac Zones Contest
G.L. All


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Full Circle

Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch


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The Secret

Once upon a time, thirty years ago,
In front of a priest I stood with my beau.
“Over time”, he hailed;
“The secret will be unveiled”,
“Of a truly happy marriage”; but I still don’t know.


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Rita

There was a young woman named Rit-a
who married herself a big cheat-a
When all's said and done
she found out she's one
does not need a man to complete -ha




written may 13 th,2013 for contest 5 Minute Challenge
sponsored by Russell Sivey


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The Lady Wonders

The bridegroom was over the hill
At ninety he held his own still
His bride a young eighty
Was too much a lady
To ask if he had a blue pill






**for "Slapstick Limerick Contest"
sponsored by John Freeman




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The Woes of a Househusband

The Woes of a Househusband

There once was a rich attorney named Joyce.
She fought for women's lib with a strong voice.
Her husband raised their baby.
And cleaned their house like crazy.
As she approached the bar, he lost his choice.

© August 26, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen


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Eine kleine Nachtmusic or a little serenade

Is this Mozart's musical score
Or sonata of sounds I abhor?
I have a good ear
But I'd rather not hear
The loud notes composed when you snore


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Terminator IV--The Wrath of Shriver

A husband's mistake in the sack
His marriage might seem to attack
Maria got hurt
By one little squirt
And Arnold can't say "I'll be back"


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Girl in my Class

There once was a girl in my class.
One day I tried to make a pass.
My cheek still sting,
My ears still ring,
Yet married to me; Alas!


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Divorce Party

As two drift apart
   Apathy is the death knell
     .....sorrowful ending.


You are cordially invited my friend
To a party celebrating the end
Of ten years of wedded bliss
(All the rest were  hit or miss).
Please bring your own bottle if you attend.


So why do I not feel in control of my life
Now that I am no longer anyone's wife?





for P.D.'s Divorce club contest in form haiku,limerick, couplet


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Homecoming

Favorite green silk robe Lying in wait for him to come home Dinner is ready The door opens steady Happy he’s finally home * Racing from the car to the door As soon as my shoes hit the floor My heart is capsizing Just now realizing She’s more beautiful than ever before * We’ve finally found our way home We’ll never again be alone Embracing at last Hearts racing fast Every emotion within a single moan
A collaborative limerick by Rachel Egona and Julian Egona


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Valentine Exchange

a limerick

No longer sweehearts, but I need a gift.
For just a day can we forego our rift?
You get me a puppy dog;
I'll buy you a marble frog.
On Valentine morn, exchange will be swift.

I'll treasure the frog, hand-picked and hand made;
you'll dote on your puppy without charade.
The gifts are no bother
we'll share with each other.
Just be glad, I didn't choose a grenade.

 
 


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Husbands Are in Heaven Whose Wives Scold Not

All night I dream of life without wife,
Peaceful and heavenly, without any strife .
No scolding, no nagging,
Like ‘sake’ I’m having.
Alas! Its morning and gone my life.

Dt.  23/02/14


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Limerick: Once a Cossack in tundra cassock

Limerick : Once a Cossack in tundra cassock

Once a Cossack in tundra cassock
Crept to spy on his wife : got a shock
She lay stooped in prayer
Without a stitch on her
Guess whose head was on the butcher’s block ?

© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013


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Who You Callin' Fattie-A Limerick

There was an old woman called Hattie
whose hubby's name for her was fattie.
So she cooked his goose
hung him from a noose
then buried him in a cow pattie!


Details | Limerick | |

How Many Ties- A Poetry Mix

A Rhyme about Ties

How many ties does a man need
In fashion to be up to speed?
I really haven’t got a clue
Would you say about sixty two?

Tie Limerick

His ties number sixty two
Now here’s what I’m going to do
I’ll snip off each end
Drive him round the bend
I’d do that, now how ‘bout you?

Each tie rack I have arranged
I tell you I’m quiet deranged
But this I must say
I’ll use them for play
Or else I will be estranged

He cuts a figure so fine
This crazy husband of mine
So I’ll just shut up
Drink this bitter cup
For in a suit he’s sublime

Eileen Manassian Ghali


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New Househusband


This househusband washing his pants
In pockets he must at least glance
If there’s money involved
It might get dissolved
And ruin his future finance

I thought working from home was a snap
And I’d even have time for a nap
But she makes me do chores
Like the laundry and floors
Now this working from home is all crap

Do we post this on Poetry Soup
Let your poetry pals in on the poop
That you street cred’s been stripped
That you’re now “kitty” whipped
And you’ve joined a househusband group

Mdailey	11/10/11

I wrote this for Joe Flach and he even gave me permission to post this saying he did not think his reputation could get any more damaged that it already is.


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Roman Wedlock

A baby, pious, was born by aide
He named it Gaias, and felt like a jade
While he cried,
Cause mommy died.
His wife hired yet another maid. 


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Limerick: Once a Toro in a Madrid prairie

Limerick : Once a Toro in a Madrid prairie

Once a Toro in a Madrid prairie
Wondered why it had two horns, not three
Spaniards signal cuckold
With two fingers all told
So three for Spanish husbands in Paris ?*

*Paris : pronounced in French as : Parie/Paree

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013


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Scared Clean

Scared Clean

A gentleman wanting to scare
His wife, started out getting quite bare
Climbed into the machine
That got his clothes clean
To wait for his wife to get there

When his wife finally opened the lid
Of the washing machine in which he hid
She was really surprised
By the look in his eyes
And not because of something he did

You see, curled up, this man with no clothes
His muscles and joints simply froze
In spite of his tussle
Could not budge a muscle
No matter the movement he chose

The wife had to call 911
To get her poor husband undone
As they tried not to laugh
With an olive oil bath
His freedom he finally one

And just what did we learn from this man?
It is something you must understand.
Don’t wedge yourself in
In a laundry bin
Just because you think you can

And even within you own house
Playing hide and seek with your own spouse
If scared’s what you’re after
And not just her laughter
Getting naked I would not espouse

Uncle Mike


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Her eyes

Her Eyes
(Based on Photo no. --- ps__JT76945.jpg)

Your lovely brown eyes,
In love of which one dies,
They have got something tempting,
And I may be attempting,
From my dream, to rise…

Your sweet black dress,
Makes me crazy more or less,
I can make you out in queue,
And I can’t live without you,
But often, who are you is what I try to guess…

I am butter and you are my knife,
You are my dearest life,
You are my life’s cause,
But due to my memory- loss,
I just wonder; “You are my wife?”

                                                                                                        -Anjali Mishra


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Toolbox

A plumber called Geoffrey Golightly
Enjoyed making love almost nightly
But he got such a clout
When his wife caught him out
Now he’s holding his toolbox quite tightly


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BOOMERANG HUSBAND'S PURR


                                      Jaunty can't live without her
                                          for silly matters deter
                                         actually he loves much 
                                       gone from home no touch
                                       boomerang husband's purr







Note: Sorry, this is my first limerick


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The Shooting Star

Spishu,spishu the shooting star
Noisily flies across night bar
Lights life for split second
Then wonder if beckon
Which one is being called afar


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Remains and Residue of Love

56 years. 

Now he lives on the 8th floor, 
she lives on the sixth. 

2 floors, 
two buttons, 
and 20 feet away. 


He travels 
by cane. 

Relieved 
they don't make those things 
out of saw-dust, 
she lives 

2 buttons, 
two floors, 
and 20 feet away. 


Too much momentum 
to spin her attempts, 
he waits for her guide downstairs.

Paces in front of the window each day, 
and when she makes her move, 
he hurries down 
-well, he tries- 
so she won’t assemble outside, 
unaccompanied. 

Always wondered what they talked about, 
perhaps the loss of their only daughter 
thirty years ago. 

perhaps not.

That other day 
she sat alone, 
and I thought 

... he may have just had taken a nap... 
and as she rested there waiting, 

she joined him, 
in the only way she could.



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Trouble In Paradise

I once knew a man from the city
Whose girlfriends were all very pretty
He did live a charmed life
Till found out by his wife
Where she kicked him at was a pity!


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State Fair

There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there


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Arthur

Arthur

I recall my poor uncle Arthur
sitting on the stoop drinking vodka.
Aunt Martha pulled a shiv;
said he just couldn’t live,
then she boiled his cirrhotic liver

©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins


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Looks Are Pert Nigh Everything

An old childhood chum named Red Booker,
Fell in love and was married to quite a looker.
She caused men to stare,
But old Red didn't care,
Because everywhere she went, he took her.


Details | Limerick | |

Needle in the Hay

I get up at the break of day
Determined to have my way
But I’m just a man
Married men understand
That’s like finding a needle in hay

She starts out all happy and gay
But I know that soon something I say
Will make her turn moody
Do you think I’ll get booty
That’s like finding a needle in hay

If I treat her just right, I may
If not she will simply say nay
Finding words that are right
Before bedtime tonight
That’s like finding a needle in hay

Guys, you all know what they say
Where there’s a will there’s a way
Am I willing – you bet
But my chance I regret
That’s like finding a needle in hay

Mdailey	3/7/12




Details | Limerick | |

Keep Private

My heart, I gave to my wife.
In exchange, she gave me her life.
                    Many times, it may seem
                    as if we’re living a dream.
But, in fact we’re hiding our strife.

See, like others that live out their lives;
Men and women, husbands and wives,
	You must swallow your pride.
	Those bad things, you must hide.
In public, stop throwing those knives.

So, the moral of the limerick, this day 
is to live your life, not on display.
	Do not quarrel outdoors
	For it should be indoors
Keep private the things you two say!