Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
Balance of truth and dare
Good and Evil, full of care
Blind when it comes to blood line
Retirement for some means a rocking chair
But I’m blasting forth on a contrail’s flare
My 40-year career
Swirls behind in Earth’s sphere
And I’m ready to take on any dare
Francine invited me to bungee jump
I’ll skydive with Gwen - might end up a clump
There’ll be no rocking chair
As I hang-glide through air
Thinking of age as a tiny speed bump
*Entry for Tracie’s “New Beginnings” Contest
Run, jump, scream, duck, dodge and leap
Try to stay on your running feet
Honey in the hive
The bees are alive
Run, jump, scream, don't fall and leap!
< dancing and twisting the night away
karen O'Leary just had to say
Joseph Spence and Dr. Ram
our convention's quite jammed
hope katherine Stella's table won't sway
Poets At My Table
Myself Katherine Stella
Dr. Ram Mehta
A Table For 4 Contest
Seeing the posting of the zoo unicorn
Could not wait to go see his horn
My eyes just could not believe
The boy I had been deceived
Poor horse got thrown a lot of popcorn
a Linda-Marie = (contest) =
This fisherman, we’ll just call Mike
Was fishing for Great Northern Pike
He would throw in his line
But time after time
It came back with nothing he’d like
When I was a wee little lad
I went out fishing with dad
I caught a big trout
And was dancing about
When he threw him back in I got mad
I said Dad why did you let him go
I could take him to school don't you know
Now I just can't conceive
That my friends will believe
If I haven't got something to show
Contest: Limericks about fishing -3rd place finish
There once was a monkey named Frank
Who loved to walk the plank
He said too many jokes
Pulled too many hoaxe-s
Ha! Ha! Ha! Then he got a good spank
Who's that monkey in front of me
I dare to hang with you on a tree
Oh! What I do? Will you do?
Together we are like glue
Is that my flea or your flea?
~ Skat ~
DON'T TURN YOUR BACK~
There was a man who ran over a toad.
The puppy, is on the side of the road.
How hypocritical can one be?
The puppy was easy to see.
Tonight I hope he inhales another heavy load.
ALWAYS BE POLITE~
There once was a man who made his bed.
Ate breakfast at noon, with his buddy Ned.
Lost his job,
for being a snob.
Now,he can't afford his meds.
THE WHITE FLAG
twinkle the little star, had none.
in his mouth he had a gun.
baby drool all over the floor.
he can't stand it no more.
pulled the trigger for fun.
Stepping away from the line.
The officer asked if he was fine.
one was not enough to drink.
now something really stinks.
Don't ever fall asleep at the STOP SIGN.
An Old Goat in a boat rowed off shore.
He caught perch in his search and much more.
So full was his boat,
there's trout in his coat
Eau de fish was his scent evermore!
God had a great sense of humor when He created the large goofy kangaroo.
He gave it donkey ears, a deer’s face, teeny tiny hands and eyes of goo goo.
Then there is the kangaroo’s big honking feet which cause it to hop instead of run.
Don’t forget it’s long humongous tail that looks like the back end of a giant python.
Finally there is the mama kangaroo’s front pouch for the safety of the baby roo.
fishing is a sport of supreme relaxation
beneath golden Sun with great anticipation
while warm water is quiet
fish feast on worm diet
as the boat gently sways in utter fascination.
soon the fishing pole jerks on thin line
a sweet catch on which two hearts will dine
once a struggle ensues
other fish sing the blues
top things off with a bottle of wine.
surprise this fish was a white shark sea beast
run for your life, no fish feast
jaws revisited blue wave
adventure in a cold cave
lived to tell this tale of terror, at least.
*For Seren Robert's Fisherman Contest.
*Dec. 1, 2012.
This old sea-rig is swamped and don't float
I TOLD you we'd need a bigger boat!
Now you are HIS prize
Sure ain't no surprise
That you're fish-food, you hard-headed goat!
"Jaws" - 1975
I wanted to learn how to fish.
Daddy said he would grant my wish.
Handed me a worm
That started to squirm.
I'd rather get fish from a dish.
My dear husband whom I adore
Asked me to go fishing once more.
I tripped and fell in
A fisherman's sin.
Now we're buying fish from the store.
The fish were all biting that day,
Promised I'd stay out of his way.
He threw out the hook.
It snagged on my book.
Now I'm not a fish devotee.
For John's Fishing Limerick Contest
Life-size dinosaur skeleton
No luck in collecting my specimen
I took one long pound,
Next I'm on the ground
Lucky T-Rex, ate meat of gelatin.
NEW ERA (HAIKU) ((Ignore this part ANDREA))
experience another realm
This is by far my favoite limerick... Okay I got some good, but naughty ones..
will not post them here on the soup...
(example for contest)
strange sounds hypnotize from an ARCADE
challenging me to a dual escapade
silver balls wait in line
for fingers to opine
female transforms to pinball wizard on parade.
STAR TREK is my machine of choice
listening to CAPTAIN KIRK'S commanding voice
ENTERPRISE flies at warp speed
as numbers calculate point feed
as a TREKKIE I win a la Royce.*
MORTAL COMBAT is a game of great skill
super bonus points mount as empty holes fill
in the end my name is on top of the hill.
STREET FIGHTER is quick, sharp and rough
knocking down opponents is so tough
when the flipper sinks the ball in
the bad dude shouts "a vul kin"*
aggravated, I cry out "had enough".
time to hang up my "wizard fingers" for another day
flashing lights show my name on display
leaving fantasy behind
know I'm "one of a kind"
pinball prima donna loves to play.
*Royce -haracter from older series
*A Vul Kin - foreign language meaning you're dead
*For Yasmin Khan's Video Games Contedt ..
There once was a space man named Tommy
who became a little balmy
when he met some alien creatures
with very strange features,
he cried, "I want my Mommy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ for Carolyn's Alien Limerick Contest
With precision we carved out the sand
here at home, down on your cursed land
We defy you to try
You will surely fail. Why?
We used nothing that looks like your hand.
There once was a wonderful star
Who thought she would go very far
Until she fell down
And looked like a clown
She knew she would never go far
She would land near the moon
< dancing to the hit song monster mash
frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
took the witches culdeen
and boiled up mummys spleen
Quasimodo joined in on the bash
witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
illuminates party from it's start
Dracula and zombies
lurking for free bodies
poor old frankie's wife just fell apart
the bewitching dance came to its end
when bats flew in frenzy around den
on this all hallows eve
trickery was up sleeve
sent my 3 black cats in to defend
While buzzing one day around Beijing
my two faceted eyes saw something,
a man named Liu Xiabo
thrown in jail like cargo
Nobel Peace prize of no, he was hamstringed.
Fast flew I, to his fine mistresses house
and found the commies had lured his wife out
the press to waylay
on his special day
all the leadership could do was grouse!
Finding my way to Liu Xiabo’s cell,
it seems all free men here, live in hell.
He smiled with kind eyes
said “Ah, life’s the prize!
perhaps, I will arise, who can tell?"
*2010 Nobel Peace Prize Winner for his efforts
in obtaining human rights in China was jailed
by his government.
: : : : : ( : : : : :
like Moses, the king of rods and storms
I once displayed my best fishing forms
sleek boat started to leak
the hooks went on a freak…
and landed in a field of dead worms
to save face, I hanged on a palm tree
holding two stoned tablets for last spree
fish and mollusks sneered
as sea creatures cheered…
till I roared… and parted the red sea!
*one of the commandments of the tablets read:
“ Thou shalt not laugh at neighbor’s foolish failed attempts..” :)
--- for John Moses Freeman's " Fishing Limericks"
and now, PD's Limerick Fu
by nette onclaud,
< ladies ~ gentlemen ~ start those ...... engines
miss ~ Ho ~ down - prices .... would be a sin
best buy - circuit city
black ~ friday .... how pitty
5 am ~ now ~ who ~ wears ~ smiling ... grins
k- mart ~ wal - mart ~ target ~ pennys
red tag sales of many and plenty
but you must buy in bulks
and ~ get ~ guy ~ like ~ the ... hulk
to ~ push ~ cart ~ while ~ you ~ chat ~ with ... jenny
let's ~ all ~ hop ~ on ~ over ~ to ~ I - hop
your one stop for christmas breakfast slop
sure pancakes sounds yummy
but wait till hits tummy
be sitting on stool till it plops
Commericialized Holiday Humor Contest
Gl All And Happy Holidays
Love Kathy & Jenny
< Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~ all found in one big pail
Husband said had nice rack
Wife turns ~ gives him.... good smack
Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he .... wail
A Poets Garage Sale
When the call of the Lord came to Jonah,
“set out for the great land of Nineveh!”
he was angry inside,
and decided to hide,
on a Tarshish bound ship leaving Joppa.
Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea,
ne’er a more violent storm could there be,
there on destiny’s brink,
the ship threatened to sink,
while, old Jonah, was below deck asleep.
Surely, each sailor’s heart fainted with fear,
as the ship they were unable to steer.
“Wake up, Jonah!” they cried,
“get thee quickly topside,
and fervently beg your God to draw near!”
Now, Jonah knew that this storm was for him,
as in his heart he remembered his sin,
he thought he was sunk,
when they gave him the dunk,
and had to choose whether to sink or to swim.
As soon as Jonah met up with the ocean,
Both the winds and the waves ceased commotion,
then along came a whale,
and old Jonah grew pale,
as it swallowed him up in one motion!
Three long days in that big fish he stayed,
vowing never again would he stray,
relieved not to be dead,
and with kelp on his head,
onto dry land, our dear Jonah was sprayed!
Please, allow me, now this moral to mention,
that when the Lord God gives thee direction,
you must not delay,
set out right away,
His good judgment you must never question.
Should by chance, you hear God’s voice compelling,
“ head thee out to Bangladesh or New Delhi,”
best get on the right boat,
and pray that it floats,
lest you end up kelp covered and smelly!
Connie is actually a good girl.
She races horses around a barrel.
Why? I really do not know.
It’s some kind of cowgirl show.
Otherwise, Connie is a normal girl.
Blake found a webpage on the internet
Smiling at wife, "this will be fun, I bet"
Wife grudgingly came along
Blake sang a fun little song
“How much trouble can we really get?”
“It will be grand…we can make our own wine”
“And honey”, Blake said, “It is about time”
So to the vineyard they went
And too much money they spent
Broke but hopeful, drove home feeling sublime
The grapes poured out, his aspirations soared
Website steps printed out, oh was he floored
He stomped and stomped…yet instead
Slipped in the tub…cracked his head
After his service, the vile wine was poured
Well, this is how my vacation went;
determined to stay in my camping tent.
The wind blew hard.
My tent sailed far.
I found it but all of the poles were bent.
Made it to Yellowstone after dark.
Didn't see the NO TENTS sign in the park.
Got mauled by a bear.
Moose in heat at me stares.
If he catches me, I'm sure it will smart!
I made it to the Old Faithful show.
First time ever she didn't blow.
My vacation sure did.
Next year I'll be hid;
in the safety and comfort of my own home!
Contest: Vacation Humor
Sponsor: Carolyn Devonshire
There once was a young boy called Tim,
Who decided the Mersey to swim,
Got in to his knees,
But started to freeze,
So decided it wasn't for him!
Buddy Ray George is a huntin’ fool,
Come opening day he goes and skips school;
He went out and shot a possum in the ass,
Then and there the doggone thing started passing gas,
But then again, it could also have been bloody stool.
With terrain and angles galore
Nature has objects to adore
But what is this glitch?
A non-working bra hitch
Hides the peaks we want to explore