There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
A kiss from a rose on a sunset night,
as the clouds dip into the sea.
A kiss from that rose as the waves fall,
over the beach to a rose kissed me.
A kiss from a rose on a sunset night,
as we wrap in lovers embrace.
A kiss from a rose as homeward we go,
to a bed clothed in satin and lace.
A kiss from a rose on a sunset night,
with passion and warmth do we grasp.
A kiss from that rose that blossoms and blooms,
my hand in her labour pain clasp.
A kiss from a rose on a sunset night,
that wanton and curvy young bride.
A kiss from that rose that huddles our babe,
so loving, in motherly pride.
A kiss from a rose on a sunset night,
without whom I'd not share my life.
A kiss from that rose who selflessly filled,
the place of my darling rose wife!
(c) anaisanais - A M Docherty - Wales, United Kingdom. (7/8/2013)
Don’t you remember, love, how we danced that first night;
beneath the sun’s rays, toes dipping in the cooling sand,
to the tune of our favorite song –
with me humming the best I could –
(I sounded terrible, but you told me I sounded divine, remember?)
while falling all over myself, and your delicate feet;
and you, trying so hard not to laugh as I made such a fool of myself!
Did you ever think we would go
from being love-sick teenagers dancing on the beach,
to a couple of old-timers reminiscing
about our best years – our long ago days together?
If there is any part of that teenage girl
left within that beautiful head of yours…please;
please, just look in my eyes as you once did…
look at me, sweetheart…
Don’t you remember?
My love, do you hear?
They’re playing our favorite song…
*Inspired by Izzy Gumbo's Solfege Contest
I really hope I did this right! :)
Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.
Steven, My Love, my best friend in life,
Parents that support me in whatever I do;
My two puppies Zeus & Eos (both mutts)
My heritage of Potawatomi, Huron and Sioux;
A family willing to lend me support,
A wonderful house to come home to;
A simple world I can call my own,
My siblings, out there to help pull me through;
My horses willing and full of heart,
And all of my friends - Old and New;
My semi-good health and happiness;
And the passion that writing allows me to peruse!
Thunder and lightning ruled the black night
As the frightened young mother struggled
Beads of sweat ran down her pretty face
The old midwife calmly sponged off sweat
She hummed a lullaby to soothe her pain
Praying that the husband would be back soon
Five miles to travel in treacherous weather
Seeking the one doctor for hundreds of miles
Twelve hours of labor now seemed like days.
Fell trees and shaved off roof tops, toppled by whipping winds
Rising rivers were swollen, and flooded make shift roads
Endless rain poured like there would be no end
Meanwhile her unborn child lay bridged as it battled for release
Suddenly the door burst open and the doctor rushed in
His clothes sticking to his skin; there was no time to change
With his palm he felt her forehead asking pertinent questions
He and the old midwife tried manually to turn the exhausted child
At each attempt, mother’s painful cry was heard in the distance
She gave one guttural scream and usherd her baby into the world
The child, born limp, barely breathing as the mid wife took her away
He starred into her eyes, and knew that she was beyond his help
He brought the new born to lie in her mother’s warm arms
The silence was noticeable; the raging storm had passed
The sound of light rain, now a comfort, gently tapped upon tin roof
In a soft, weak voice she called her husband and managed a smile
Then she blessed her child with words from a mother’s heart
“May you be a light, swift as lightning when days grow dark.”
“May you have wisdom and foresight beyond your days”
“May your heart nurture and remain open to love”
“Like rain, may you bring life to all “
“Born this stormy night, your name will be “Rain”.
By : Audrey Carey
Note: Imagination at work:) Written for Constance's "Rain, The Story" Contest.
My imagination took me to some little village in Africa. This scene is played out in
many villages where health care is non-existent. However, there's always, thanks
to God, a wise, caring "midwife" to help mothers during delivery.
Everyday, countless miracles are performed by God through "midwives"!
My name is James, born 1961
In Inverness, a small Scots town
To my father Andrew, and my mother Beryl
And Billy my brother, a pair of devils
In 67, we woke one night
Our house was ablaze, full of orange light
Our neighbour next door, for whatever reason
Started a fire, it must be crazy season
We had too move to a caravan park
By this time it,s three, to make a new start
My mother Beryl decide to leave
But the three of us left, never bothered to grieve
In the next few weeks, we ended in court
Two small children, in a marriage abort
We were asked to choose either Dad or Mum
But we ignored the parent, who went on the run
As we left the court, to start a new life
We felt sorry for Dad, as his illness was rife
He never told us that he was unwell
It would upset one of his boys, as the future will tell
Then came the night all parents dread;
Being told one of his boys is nearly dead
We were going to a boys club, on a Monday night
My brother was running so far out of sight
I turned the corner to see him ahead
No!! he's been hit by a van, Boom's Boom's dead
I ran to my father, sreaming and crying
I'm finding my life,at 7 - far too trying
After the funeral, and with my father unwell
We left Inverness, our eyes a swell
To go as two, and not three as before
It's like Mother Nature closed a door
So we headed west, to a place called Fort William
Was it in the stars, cause Billy " is " William
We moved there, as the air was so pure
Hoping my father will find his cure
For whatever reason, we left the above
We found no Angel or peaceful dove
So we headed back to Inverness
Fathers health decreasing, life still a stress
Over the next few years, i was fostered and loaned
In couples houses and children's homes
It was really strange in all those places
Different people, different faces
Then on the 16th of Feb - 76,
James, i was told, your dads very sick.
The cancer had taken your father away
To be with Billy, where you'll join them one day
In 77, i joined the Navy, as i promised my dad you see.
I did'nt enjoy it, i decided to leave
Back up north, where my futures to be
I wanted to have, what my parents had lost
And that was my aim, no matter the cost
see page 2 of 2, ty..
An affection grown from pubescent soil, watered with innocent infatuation
Leaves of dreams gently budding, off naïve branches of a youth shortened.
The roots, ventricles of a choice-less heart, her fate twisted by a mothers hate.
No stopping nature’s fruition, and now the growth, the change, will not abate.
Her spring leaves, open and green, stretch brilliantly to reach the sunlight.
Her roots of youth still soft and warm, her sun remains golden and bright.
But his roots go far deeper than hers, once green leaves are already changing.
Growing stiff with age, as they reach deep into a sky that is steadily graying.
The years between them, once not so many, now shade her with their height.
She can’t stop the cold fear of abandonment, someday being left in his night.
Her heart wanders over the fruit, so delicately hanging off her branches.
Who will pick them up when they fall, when he is no longer there to catch them?
Will she watch his leaves flutter to the ground for years, while hers remain crisp?
When hers just begin to tinge with color, what will be the state of his?
Perhaps the soil of innocence should have been sated with more wisdom
So that she might have better acknowledged the future yet to come.
Never to know if it would have made any difference, not wishing it would be.
Just unable to fight the realization that her winter of life may be lonely.
Sixteen years were just another number then, seven years has changed the way she feels
Each year now deafens with its ring, creaking branches and wrinkled bark makes it real.
What will become of her in years to come, will she remain up on her hill alone
Mourning his once strong branches, solemnly tending all that he has sewn?
She imagines that this will be her fate; the acceptance is agony with a silent shout.
But she relishes the days she knows she has with love, because that is what life is about.
I do not know?
'Love is patient'
'Love is kind'
The thought of love
Can turn you blind.
But... Now we must
Take some steps
To verify those
The first problem you see
Was that. . .
He lied about
You being fat
That in turn
Led ya to
He 'accepted' you.
Mirrors were made
For a darn good reason
And thinking you are nothing special
Is high, high treason...
And no! He's kind
You've lost your mind.
The recipe to love Is that
You have to love your self.
It's not about your facial features
Or the size of ya belt.
The man should be a rock to lean on
And not! A heartless swine.
So please next time. Do pick him wisely
Make sure he has a spine!
In 1983 you came back into my life.
Bringing me nothing, but trouble and strife.
You kept me a prisoner in my own home.
When all I longed for, Was to go out alone.
You caused me pain, you made cry,
I felt so ill, I thought I would die.
From doctor, to doctor, from pillar to post.
Where o where, is the cure I wanted the most?
Where exactly does the answer lie?
Eventually I found it, in a doctor called Di.
She gave me the will to carry on and fight.
I fought so hard, with all of my might.
The shops in the village seemed so very far away.
If only I could go out, just for one single day.
I tried and tried, the tears, the pain,
It was a battle lose or gain,
I gave it everything, yes everything I had.
It wasn’t easy, in fact, it was very bad.
In 1990, after 7 long years,
A lot of heartache, many, many tears,
I was starting to win the battle of getting out the door,
With each day, I was doing more and more,
But there was still so many things that I couldn’t do alone.
Still so many jobs, that had to be done on the phone.
I could now walk to the shops, there and back,
get the groceries, take them home, and unpack,
But I still couldn’t get a bus into town on my own,
only if I had someone to go with, borrowed, on loan.
It took several more years, of heartbreak and pain,
Before I could finally travel alone again.
May 2nd 2000, I jumped on a bus and popped into town,
It was just like my world had been turned upside down.
HERE WAS I FREE AT LAST,
Finally free to forget the past.
So I decided to do something I had never done before.
I started at college part time, each day I couldn’t wait to get out of the door,
To catch my bus, to feel like I had finally rejoined the human race.
Living life at a hectic pace.
Going to college at the age of 53,
Really did do wanders for me.
The computer course was harder than I thought it would be,
but others in the class helped me.
Our tutor was really nice,
Always ready with good advice.
Now I really feel I have turned my life completely around,
With this new freedom I have found.
With a lot of help, from my husband and son,
The battle is over, finally won.
So its goodbye agoraphobia you belong in the past,
Never again will you get me in your grasp.
This is a true poem of my own battle with Agoraphobia, That robbed me of a lot of my life,
A Prayer for my Wife
Now I’ll tell you all the details if I can keep from sheddin’ a tear
Last night when it got late and really quiet around here
I got down on my knees, crossed my heart and began to pray
And in the darkness between me and God, here’s what I had to say
I love her so much Lord and I just don’t know what I’d do
I’m afraid that she won’t make it, that’s why I’m coming to you
Here with my heart open, at your mercy down on my knees
I’m begging’ you with every heartbeat, Oh Lord hear my pleas
I don’t know what your plans are or what you have in store
And I know I don’t deserve her and that she deserves much more
And don’t misunderstand Lord, I don’t assume any obligation
For your bounty in our life has exceeded all our expectations
But please allow her to live and me to be a part of that life
And I swear I’ll make this beautiful woman proud to be my wife
And if it’s not in your plans Lord then I pray that you take me instead
Cause’ I can’t live without my love, I’d be better off dead
And no excuses for my past Lord, but I’ll do better than I’ve done
I ask you only this, my lord, in the name of your Son.
I wiped my tears as I said my amen’s and prepared myself to stand
Stepped up next to your bed and began to caress your pretty hand
I stared off into space as all the memories came flooding in
Reliving each and every moment, over and over again
And as the first rays of sunshine, streamed in past the curtain
I felt an overwhelming peace calm my mind and ease the hurtin’
I felt compelled to kiss you so I pressed my lips to your face
And it seemed the room was filled in the beauty of God’s living grace
And you slowly opened your eyes and smiled for me to see
And I knew the Lord my God had given my sweet wife back to me
Is your go-to lunch roast beef sandwich?
Tomorrow you might want turkey instead
Here is why
In gen. red meat- such as roast beef
Not as healthy as other kinds of protein
Tends to have more cholesterol
Often has more saturated fat
Both things are bad for your heart
Eating too much red meat
May linked to colon cancer
This does not mean
You should never eat beef or other red meats
Just go easy on them
Fish or chicken
Try Veggie burgers
Try Fried tofu
Try Eggplant slices
Try tuna or broiled egg
Try turkey or soy links
Try lentils and rice
Try beans (canned or dried)
With Dinner entrée
Try Roast turkey (baked or broiled)
With sandwiches and wraps
Try grilled chicken or hummus
Made a fake smile, (you said)
I love you,
I need you,
I want you just for a while,
You told me,
That I made you smile,
All the things you said to me,
Are just words now,
How can we love,
When you love me for yourself,
(This Aint Love)
What are we doin,
If this love ain't real,
What is this feeling,
That I feel,
I'm broken in emotion,
I'm broken in love, (you said)
I need you,
I want you
You're the only one,
I'm thinkin of, (so tell me)
How can we love,
When there's always someone else,
(This Aint Love)
How can we love,
When there's always someone else,
How can we make up,
When you only love me for yourself,
You got me imprisoned,
Inside your heart,
I felt, Like we,
Would never be apart,
This cosy love
In guess I could rave on, and on
About every little thing
I could write about those sensual things
And the way our two hearts sing
When we lie there together
But it's so much more have we
We have this thing together
All filled with mystery.
You be the grand earth mother
As me, I be the child
You're ways are from the earth itself
You're tame where I'm still wild
Everything's so practical
With you, but not with me
Oh yes, we two be opposites
And yet I love you madly.
And even now, at seventy
There's nothing really changed
You're still the perfect lady
And you still think me strange
But I'm always going to love you
Just the way that you love me
And even when these shells are gone
This fact shall always be.
23 September 2013 @ 0530hrs
Once in my life, breast cancer, I did not know.
Which was lost, and what would be gained.
I could not see, beyond her glow
Faith and strength carried and remained.
Unfinished things of her dreams come slow
These were not to be lost, our love holds true
Loss of her alluring game would not matter, I did say
In life and love, she is stuck to me with glue
She is more than any loss, which may take away.
Pink in October shapes her autumn sky.
More beautiful now she faces its lie.
Sunshine wakes her in a moonlights lure.
Fighting like a girl, she wins the war.
Dancing as a woman she captures pink ardor.
She is more than a woman, my lady, my love.
Pink, pink, pink color beyond her despair,
Trials and tribulations, rising glow,
She has won her fight; in the pink, breast cancers beware.
Physical Therapy came in the door
To take him out in the wide hall to walk
He got to go places he hadn't been before
He saw folks that hadn't seen and to them talk
P.T. helped him get up so he wouldn't fall
Nurses came to help him take a shower
All obstacles placed against gray wall
Minutes upon minutes turned into hour
With just a normal old age human ear
We listened to noises in hall by day
If animal outside alerted by brey
Tightly enclosed in hospital room we couldn't hear
The situation sometimes made me feel
As if in this case I was simply third wheel
Goodbye Johnny Walker
I swear I’m in a nightmare
I know it’s some bad dream
this craving for the deadly juice
is nothing new it seems
Our life is one long quarrel,
a battle no one can win
Am I paying a kind of penance,
for some past life of sin?
I won’t put up with this forever
the smell or wavering gait,
If I stay with you much longer,
I’ll surely be tempting my fate
A soul that’s soaked with liquor,
with breath to ignite a match
But your handsome looks so deceiving
I naively believed you a catch!
You’ll promise it’s the last time,
say you’re done… that it’s the end!
But in me you see a nagging wife,
while in the bottle - a comforting friend
Tell me exactly how, I can win,
or compete with something so pure?
What kind of psychological jargon,
would even up the score?
This demon is so elusive,
someone, somewhere, please advise me
What spirits will finally convince you
to seek your desired sobriety!
I do not know?
Two Cinnamon doughnuts for breakfast
Two Cinnamon doughnuts for eight pm snack
sugar diabetes, triglycerides, cholesterol count
By Eve Roper 11/26/2014
Being a nurse I had a good understanding of medications for pain,
Explained to my Obstetrician I wanted everything, I was not insane,
This was my first baby and being in healthcare had very few perks,
I’d be given an epidural when the time came, but not by any jerks.
Worked full-time then started maternity leave 2 weeks before my due date,
Of course I sat at home for another 5 weeks, oh my first baby was really late.
I read every book in the library and cleaned my house more than one time,
Everyday the neighbours would drop by, I was tired of the door bell chime.
Walked into the hospital to have a non-stress test, done every other day,
My doctor laid his hand on me and asked “how long have you been this way”
I replied “ for about 11 months, you should know you’ve seen me every week”
He firmly instructed the nurse to call my home, for my husband they must seek.
My husband knowing my test was routine, had driven to town to go to the Gym,
What is that you say dear doctor, “I’m fully dilated, I’m soon going to be slim”
Well first I’ll I just zip home to grab my luggage and I promise I just zoooom,
What’s that- “I’m bypassing the labour and going straight to the delivery room”
So I hopped onto the table, took deep breaths and put my feet in the snare
When finally my dear husband arrived ~ with more than five minutes to spare
“It’s a beautiful girl with dark hair, 8 lbs 7 oz ” I heard the delivery room nurse say,
My love has never been stronger, my greatest moment, our most memorable day.
Written by Lee Ramage
October 6, 2011
For Frank Herrera’s contest
“One Stand Out Day”
Won 4th place
You've been my caregiver so many times.
Surgery after surgery you were there.
Never a complaint came from your lips-
Bathed me, fed me with loving care.
All of this was behind us, we thought,
Until this year-
Oh, love, friend, soulmate of mine,
This year another surgery I fear.
A caregiver I'll need once again my love.
You laid your hand upon my shoulder,
As our heads touch, my tears did flow.
Two hearts became one, a sad note it did beat.
Love needs no words.
My husband gets very impatient waiting so I told him to write a poem:
On a farm there was a donkey
Who's feet had a scent that was funky
Because he had stepped in something chunky
By: The Reverend T.
This is my response:
Out of boredom he wrote a verse
In frustration it was very terse
Of course, he did not want to curse
So he used words that were worse
Now he's pacing the floor
Standing right in front of the door (Not true, just needed to be busy)
Nurse tries to enter in a rush
Open door sets him on his tursh
Play The Radio
Get Up And Dance All Night Long
Music Heals The Soul
Checked the small view from hospital room I did
Doing this deed was just a simple thing
View top of trees but bottom half woods hid
Windows in building right, sun_ clouds mirroring
How many persons from car wreck slain
Thinking continues noise from hall distress
View draws me in_to outside once again
Are the crows high in nest now comfortless
Will my love whom on my bosom kept
Be kept safe_God will heal I am quite
Sure, even though now the time light has crept
The deciding factor will be tonight
At our home will he come once again to face
All the love and happiness in this place
Mother, poet, crafter, friend
Daughter of Margaret and Robert
Lover of husband Craig, sons Ben and Michael
Who feels pain, love and priveledged
Who fears pain, hurt, unknown and drops (of type where land falls away)
Who would like to see friends overseas and things that remain unseen
like life after death and answers to ghostly/spiritual beings
Resident of Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK
I will tell of love in fourteen short lines
Remember when you chipped bone in kneecap
So much pain for you and me nothing fine
Knee pain for you for me nausea trap
You had surgery, nausea had me
One baby in arms another womb bound
When you came home, total care you no glee
Beside chamber nausea vomit round
Daily existence for weeks ugly trap
Baby, husband's care between nausea
Holding baby my only relief gap
Situation had me deep undersea
Love is deep when one gives beyond their strength
Giving beyond the call of duty is youngth
Love is as love does
Peace begets peace; happy day
The moon was bright as ever, I took my husband’s hand, I led him to the park, and we
stopped to play in the sand.
Long his memory faded, like a child was he, I watched as in wonder, he stopped and laughed
I took his hand once more and took him on our way, but he began to shout, he wanted to
stay and play.
I told him that I loved him; he said he loved me too, and in that tiny moment, I felt him
Once again it faded, and once again gone, I took his hand, my husband, and led him back home.
The Alzheimer’s he experienced was eating at his mind, but nothing in this world, could
force me to resign.
written 2nd Aug 2013
This life is not as it should be
pick up your wife, can't you see
You're her husband, stand up!
give her a reason, to again believe
She means 'everything'....to this family
shutting the door leaving her totally... Alone
Do you actually know her at all...
damaging her heart and soul, deep within it's cold
Loneliness consumes her, it's been so long
it must be asked...do you still love her?
Are you willing to help her to her feet again?
or shall you sit back and watch, as she see's the end
This is completely left for only you, her husband to declare
how much does she really mean to you...do you still care?
Will you step up, or let her rot into total depression, you see it...
Love and care, or death and dispirit
It's all up to you!
Her loving husband, what will you do.....
i don't want to be just marking
time. i died on november 20,
2008, during surgery. i was
on a vent when i awakened
december 2, 2008....my sisters'
birthday. what made me llive
i'll never know. i know there
are things to do on this side
i have no time for marking time.
i have a stupid bag hanging from
my side now. i am supposed to
"get comfortable with it". well
that was a laugh.
that was a laugh until i thought
of the people that had these
things with no hope of ever
getting away from them.
i am so lucky. 14 days i laid
on a vent, then 22 more.
i came home 3 days,
great pain in my chest...
well this is great i said,
a pulmonary emboli, 15 more
days, three days home.
then back to e.r. blood pressure
too high. this bought me
4 more days in e.r.
i am home now and finally
have spent 19 days home.
i feel every pain and i feel
every time that i feel good
yes, i am never marking
time again.....there is
something about fighting
for your life and your sanity
that straightens things out.
i don't recommend it but
i wish i could let your hearts
know what i know.
Valentines day is always something special to me, I explained.
So I planned a romantic evening and got ready for my campaign.
The children were at a sleepover with their favorite friends they adore.
So I met my hubby as he came in, accidentally tripping and making him hit the door.
Thank God his head is hard as he hit that, the nearby TV, but very little more.
I made Cherries Jubilee as a snack while he sat there with an ice pack to his head.
But before I knew it, I’d knocked it over and almost burned down the house instead.
When he finally put the fire extinguisher away…
I got up and got some of the kids’ apple tarts I had made.
He bit in deep and burned his mouth, declaring he wasn’t hungry and the pain would fade.
Next he decided to go upstairs, but I had put rose petals down everywhere in spades.
And yes you probably guessed it… he slipped and ended up needing a little aide.
At this he decided to take an aspirin and lay down upon the couch. OH HHWell…
But I knew the rest needed to happen above, to totally create this romantic spell…
I had to get him to the candles and bubble bath, where my romantic dreams still dwelled.
So I got out some scarves and danced toward him, tying up his hands before he fell.
He never knew what hit him as he was lassoed and gently bounced up the stairs.
I guess I wouldn’t have had to tie his feet… a few words would have done as well.
But you know me when I get going, my mind tends to lose a few brain cells…
He was flustered, exhausted and bruised when he got there, but he’s made of the right stuff.
Though as I took off the scarves, he flopped on the bed pulling the covers over his head kind of rough.
He said he loved me, but living with me could be kind of tough.
He said it was better to leave it to him, for the romantic endeavors and such.
He said he had reservations and play tickets in his shirt pocket for later on that night.
But what he needed now was some aspirin and a few moments of quiet respite.
So with a sigh he started snoring, and my romantic dreams were momentarily crushed.
I dearly love the man you know. But, do you think maybe I tried too much?