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Funny Religion Poems | Funny Poems About Religion

These Funny Religion poems are examples of Funny poems about Religion. These are the best examples of Funny Religion poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Haiku | |

Facedown

.






                                                facedown on the floor
                                                the broken porcelain's moon —
                                                for Shinto's sake






Sponsor: Joe Maverick
Contest Name: Haiku challenge.


Details | Limerick | |

The Hereafter

He asked his flock if they believed in the Hereafter

     Amen, pastor, they said amid much joy and laughter!

          Hereafter, when the plate is passed

               I expect it to be filled up fast

                    For some reason chapel attendance plunged thereafter

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme | |

Sign Of The End Of Time

I saw a feller today with a sign readin', 'WORLD ENDS TOMORROW!"
Lord! Have mercy! That's all I need - more troubles to borrow!
I called the preacher who knows all about celestial things,
But he had no such revelation (usually borne by angelic wings)!

But I'm a cautious feller who likes to plan things well in advance,
So ere my eternal bourne begins, I'd rather not take a chance!
With so few hours left I'll tie up some loose odds and ends,
And for my many past indiscretions, I'll try to make amends!

In my youth I smoked corn silk cigarettes behind the barn.
Many vile oaths have crossed my tongue beyond a casual 'darn'!
I sassed my Ma and more than once her sage advice ignored.
Do You reckon You could overlook my feckless youth, dear Lord?

I reckon 'tis a little late to see things finished that I've begun.
Life is so very fleet I fear I've left too many things undone.
But thanks to that feller's warnin' I'm ready to face my fate.
But, Lord, could the whole thing be postponed if it ain't too late?

This ominous event will settle my dilemma regarding predestination
But hold on!  From whence did that feller get his revelation?
Shucks!  I bet he's one of them false prophets the Bible talks about!
Fiddle faddle!  Tomorrow I'm gonna go fishin' to cast about for trout!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

I AM A SYCOPHANT

I AM A SYCOPHANT
I love eye-service
A great deal of sycophancy
I am big on people-pleasing
I do eye-service 
To Him whose eyes are ever on me

I love to make Him feel good about me
So I flatter Him with praises 
I honor Him with dances
I sing of His past deeds as if they happen yesterday
I thank Him for what He has not done as if it is already done

I never miss opportunity to impress HIM
I am always all over Him standing, kneeling 
Atimes, I roll all over Him on the ground
Many times I jump up on him like squirrel 
I often weep because of Him for no sad reasons

I never miss opportunity to boast about Him
In my sycophantic eyes, He is above reproach
I can never complain about Him
Because I am his biggest fan; He can do no wrong 
All His ways and words are eternally right in my sycophantic eyes

Because I am His pleaser
I dote over all His published works and theses
I am a collector of everything ever written or said about Him 
I make Him the theme of my songs and poems
His friends are my friends and His enemies, my enemies

I never miss opportunity to show Him off
I drop His name to flaunt my connection with Him
I place Him higher than my loved ones
His ways, I walk, His words, I utter, His kind of life I live
In my sycophantic way, I write Him this poem

He is my God…in whom I live and have my being


Details | Rhyme | |

Sister, Sister

Mother Superior faced a daunting task,
Like no other in her forty years.
She had prayed it simply wasn’t so,
That Godly intervention might belie her fears.

But sadly, there was no such intervention,
No relief from the duty she did rue.
Despite her hopes and all her prayers,
It had been confirmed.  What she feared was true.

So, she gathered all the Sisters after Vespers.
The impromptu meeting caused quite a stir.
There was murmuring as they filed into the chapel.
She hesitated for a moment... but no, she was sure.

“Sisters, I asked you all here to share some news.
It’s something I never thought I’d have to say.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
Mary Catherine, a Sister for sixty years, said, 
“Oh, thank God.  I’m so tired of Chardonnay.” 


Details | Free verse | |

The Egg Eaters Hallow

HE WEARS A COAT OF ASH
ALWAYS TALKING 
TALKING FAST 
LIKE A SNAKE THROUGH THE GRASS
HE SLITHERS AND CRAWLS 
HE SLITEHRS AND CRAWLS
BUROWS THROUGH THE WALLS
WHATS YOUR NAME  
LETS PLAY A GAME 
I’M INSIDE I’M INSIDE
TRY TO HIDE
I WILL SEEK 
GO AND CRY 
GO AND SHRIEK 
I’M INSIDE 
TRY TO HIDE 
NO SECRETS YOU CAN KEEP 
WHERE DO I FIND THE ONE THAT SLEEPS
HE WANDERS THROUGH THE SHELL 
TO FIND IT AND TAKE IT 
TO SOME FAR OFF HELL 
HIS TONGUE IS QUICK 
HIS MIND FULL OF WIT
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN 
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN 
AND HIS MIND IS KEEN 
SEARCHING FOR WEAKNESS 
SEARHING FOR SECRETS 
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE 
HOW MANY OF YOU COMPARE 
WHATS YOUR NAME 
IT’S A SHAME 
IT’S A SHAME 
I WILL BREAK YOU 
I WILL TAKE YOU 
FINDING FLAWS
OLD WOUNDS RAW 
DIGGING DEEP 
DIGGING DEEP 
HE FINDS IT IN THE KEEP  
HELLO LITTLE ONE 
HAVING FUN 
I HAVE NO NAME 
I PLAY NO GAMES 
ALL I HAVE ARE FANGS
AND YOU ARE HERE 
TO HATCH DISPARE 
I’V COME TO MAKE YOU DISAPEAR 
SEE YOUR WALLS 
SEE YOUR WALLS 
THEY’RE CLOSING IN 
THEY’RE CLOSING IN  
WE WILL BE COMPRESSED 
FORMING MESH 
MERGING INTO ONE 
LIKE ALL THE OTHERS 
YOU ARE DONE 
NEVER SPAWNED 
TO FIGHT THE DAWN 
I VE COME TO MERGE WITH  YOUR SOUL 
TAKE CONTROL 
YOU WILL BE 
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME 
ALL YOUR NEGATIVITY 
WILL SUBMERESE
WILL DISPERSE
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME
ALL YOU EGGS 
KEEP ME FED
KEEP ME GROWING 
SECRETS SHOWING 
KILLING DEMONS 
BEFORE THEY’RE BRED 
KILLING DEMONS 
TO KEEP ME FED 
A FORMLESS SOUL 
MADE OF MESH 
A FORMLESS SOUL 
MADE OF UNBORN FLESH 
WINING THE WAR 
ONE EGG AT A TIME 
ONE EGG AT A TIME 


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | I do not know? | |

Why Are Church Doors Locked

WHY ARE CHURCH DOORS LOCKED?

I have been a member for many years. I attend when ever I can.  I pray and pay.
I guess, I took it for granted, but not anymore. I must stand up for all that want to know.  For all that need to know. No! I am not a  hero, but I would like to know. 

There was a time in my youth, when it was un-thinkable to lock a church door. Did congress pass a law, while I was sleeping?  Should I call the sheriff?  Why didn’t the pastor tell me?  Does he know? Did he lock the front door, side door, and even the back door? Does God know, the doors at the church are locked?  Saints, we are in big trouble.

Okay! Let’s get serious. Are you trying to keep something locked out? Are you trying to keep something locked in? This could be a sin. There are two individuals in the congregation that I can ask.  They certainly must know answer. After all, their name is Brother Lock and Brother Smith. Yes! The Lock Smith Brothers. 

Now if the Devil is locked up, when I leave church, I’m okay with that. You say, I should not worry about this.  Well! It is now at the top my list. I want to know more. It’s time to stop church crime.  

Dr. "G"


Details | Limerick | |

The gun and god combo

"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill 
And need to own more than just one

A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack


Details | Clerihew | |

David And Goliath

Titan Goliath challenged young David to a floggin'

     But David with his slingshot beaned him on the noggin!

          Dave viewed the carcass and was heard to say, "Nothin' to it!"

                His envious brethren said, "Yeah!  'Twas just a lucky hit!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Sonnet | |

Kiss This

<                              master of disguise menacing havoc
                                I fear not your pronged fork and wooden stick
                                but one illuminates from presents sight
                                tis I carries master key whom ends plight


                               brushstroke if must with your evilness twist
                               for I stand strong from an Hevenly bliss 
                               poke and probe away with your woven schemes
                               tis I'll be the one laughing though it seems 


                               your inferno fire from gates of hell
                               diminished by just one shake from this bell
                               so bring on your barriers and good grief's
                               tonight I'll be the one with good night's sleep 


                               sowing not fear of satin's smitten grasp
                               but turning check telling to kiss thy ass




Entry For
Thvia Shetley's
The Devil Made Me Do It
Sonnets Only Contest
G.L. All


Details | Rhyme | |

Lions will be lions


Humiliation occurs
When pigs and monkeys roars
How a pig became a lion?
How , How a monkey roars?
That's when you stop saying NO
Humiliation occurs
When the lions are here
When the lions onshore
Pigs will be pigs
A monkey will stand for
A monkey , no less , no more



Details | Rhyme | |

Hard To Be An Eagle

THE BIRDS ARE QUITE A SIGHT TO SEE IT TELLS YOU MANY THINGS
OF HOW THE WEATHERS COMING AND WHAT THE SEASON BRINGS
BUT THE BIRD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS HIGH ABOVE THE REST
AND  IT'S HARD TO BE AN EAGLE WHEN YOUR IN A TURKEY'S NEST

AN EAGLE IS A MAGNIFICENT BIRD WITH A VERY LARGE WINGSPAN
AND WITH HIS SHARPENED EYESIGHT HE SEE'S MILES ACROSS THE LAND
HE REPRESENTS OUR FREEDOM AS HE SOARS ABOVE THE REST
AND IT'S HARD TO BE AN EAGLE WHEN YOUR IN A TURKEY'S NEST

THE TURKEY IS A DUMB BIRD THAT WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND
THEN RUN AWAY SO QUICKLY AT EVERY NOISEY SOUND
THEY PECK AWAY AT BRIGHT THINGS AND AT EACH OTHER TOO
THEY NEVER KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO OR WHAT THEY WANT TO DO

THEY ARE HAPPY WITH JUST BEING HUDDLED WITH THE REST
IT SO HARD TO BE AN EAGLE WHEN YOUR IN A TURKEY'S NEST
BUT I KNOW THAT GOD HAS CALLED ME AND HE'S PUT ME TO THE TEST
AND IT'S HARD TO BE A TURKEY WHEN YOUR IN AN EAGLES NEST.


Details | Burlesque | |

Me and The tree

I look at this tree-
which quite frankly reminds me of me.
Strong, firm, flows so beautifully.

My moods are like the leaves-
forever changing so colorfully. 
At times my hearts feels  like, after the coldest winter for a tree .
and it takes timefor me to rebuild my beauty.
It can flow as gently as the leaves...
during a strong summer's breeze.

With the nuturing care of God's hands and his air,
I survive with all the obstacles God gives...
I'm strong and firm, my skins like bark it relives.
But... their is one thing that is different;
between me and tree.
and that's the tree is guaranteed to out live me.  


Details | Limerick | |

What Choice??

You insist that I only choose one
Finite human or god in the sun
Man has long pondered this
But as to my wish
I'll face death and have ALL the fun!!


Details | Sonnet | |

Kamikaze Khristmas

I was shaken, my jingle bells taken, ornaments on a runaway corporate sleigh
It had nitrous oxide, investors selling so high, stuffing stockings with my pay
There were elves with cleavage, garters and high heels, twirling on candy canes
And then there was Santa, 10,000 I fathom, having a Bud and watching the game

Oh what have I done, my mistletoe belt buckle undone, clutching a coupon in pain
From my confusion arose, a few sticky ho ho’s, caroling Christmas has come again
Frozen my chatter, this rooftop never fatter, held hostage by a holiday of cheer
Building superstores for a thrill, reindeer on the grill, our 24 hour savior is here

I threw open the door, red tagged a commercial whore, a price check I was needing
Not to my surprise, this place had supersize fries, and just a hint of insider breeding
Cross-eyed speaking, restroom reeking, why the see-through thong with the GPS
Kamikaze carts diving, my crippled heels crying, damn you people for having sex

Bruised and battered, a world raptured, by a fat man with a bulging sack
Barbies with inflatable boobies, Hentai movies, Christ please hurry back


Details | Clerihew | |

Moses

Moses led the Israelites up out of Egypt through the desert to the Promised Land.

   He hesitated but God roared, "Mo, you the man!" placing a magic staff in his hand!

So Moses with resolute stride led the rowdy bunch to the land of milk and honey,

   Muttering to himself, "Danged if I'll ever do this again for any amount of money!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme | |

The Testimony

Yes, friends songs have been sung about salvation, poems wrote, declarations of

freedom declared, but it is my testimony I now wish to share.

Entangled in Satan’s snare I had no doubt why I ended up there!

Only half listening, laying my best laid plans for Jesus I’d take my stand,

on my terms of course ,he would understand!

I was on the right path of that I had no doubt

Satan could not touch me I was too smart to take sins route.

What I didn’t count on was now obvious to see…

He had me dead in his sights my soul no longer free!

That’s what happens when you decide to live your own way!

Yes, too late I realized he had me and he was insisting I stay!

Sin truly cost me more than I could ever pay!

To my knees I fell and begin to pray.

Jesus heard my cry and there He was right by my side.

He picked me up and dusted the sin from my soul, and said

“Child this is not the way to go!”

Back on the straight and narrow I will walk with 

great care.………but what is that over there?

See it is easy to go astray so be diligent , watch 

and pray for what’s over there may be your undoing someday!





Details | Rhyme | |

And Goliath Said

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Haiku | |

Big BANG

Creator creates then—BIG bang! creators destroy


Details | Rhyme | |

Satans Gone Fishin

Satan's gone fishin', but few has he caught;
None in the basket that's newly Blood bought.
He's brought a fine reel, attached to a pole,
And tested the line, he's ready for soul!

The hook has been baited, the line free and clear,
He looks at the water and back at his gear.
Many 'lures' of temptation and lust in their place,
'I know I'll catch somethin'!', puts a smile on his face.

He settles back to watch and to wait,
But there's not a nibble, nothin's taking the bait.
He reels in the line, and checks it all out,
And casts it once more and then with a shout.

Feels a tug on the line and then it drops deep,
'This one's a fighter, this one I'll keep!'
Although it's a struggle, the line then goes slack,
The battle is over, the soul is reeled back!

Satan stops suddenly, with a look of surprise,
As he dips in his net to lift out his prize.
For there, snagged tightly, at the end of his line,
Two words in bright gold, it's a NO FISHING sign!


Details | Couplet | |

MEN OF GOD

         MEN OF GOD

Kenya is a Godly nation
Check on any TV station
Starts at dawn and goes all day
Teaching people how to pray

Then at night it's shilling serious
With the watchers drunk –delirious-
If you want the chance to pray
First you get the chance to pay

“Men of God,” my colleague swilled--
“Deserve a special God-rate bill.
When I do a job for them
Charge them twenty not just ten.”


 Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
12/01/12  Juja, Kenya  Africa





Details | Clerihew | |

Joseph's Multi-colored Coat

Joseph's pop gave him a multi-colored coat that put his brothers in a snit!

   They became so outraged that the eldest bro suggested tossing him in a pit!

      Praise the Lord!  He was rescued, ended up in Egypt and had the last laugh!

         Joe found favor in Pharaoh's eyes and was promoted to be his Chief of Staff!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Quatrain | |

Collaborating In the Clouds

New Year Resolutions are fine, But they’re just not enough So I say a prayer to the Big Boss When what I want is tough For the year of two thousand and twelve I said a short prayer In hopes of getting the help I need from the boss way up there “Dear God, I wouldn’t ask for this, If it was just a whim. Please give me a fat bank account And a body that’s slim” “Last year I prayed for the same thing But it was all in vain This year be careful, Dear God, and don’t Get them mixed up again! “Well my son you don’t understand I heard both of your prayers And what you asked for, was not ignored It’s just not in my plan”
Submitted by: Charles Sides


Details | Rhyme | |

Holy Moses

'Twas high noon on Mount Horeb as Moses munched his gefilte lox.
He was lolling about taking a restful break from tending Jethro's flocks,
When he was startled out of his wits as a nearby bush burst in flames!
Now alert, he exclaimed, "What th...!  Someone here is playing games!"

He was bewildered to note that the shrub wasn't being consumed by fire!
When he heard a voice calling, "Hey, you there!" he really began to perspire!
It turned out that I AM was calling him from the midst of that conflagration!
"You're on holy ground!  Remove your Guccis!   I'll brook no desecration!"

Moses meekly inquired, "Is it I, Lord, that you wish to confer with?"
"Yea!  I've a proposition to discuss and you'll heed My words forthwith!
You, my boy, are hereby volunteered to lead My people to the Promised Land!
I've seen their misery and I need you to free them from the Pharaoh's hand!"

"But Lord, you know that I murdered a feller there and am a wanted man!
Besides, I ain't good at public speaking.  Please find someone else if You can!"
"Fiddle Faddle! This magical staff will sort out your problems along the way!
I'll hear no more sass!   Now hop on your ass!  I'll brook no further delay!"

"A cloud by day and fire by night will guide you and I'll provide manna, sonny!
I'm confident that you can lead this motley host to the land of milk and honey!"
Their many trials and tribulations nearly drove beleaguered Moses to tears,
As the malcontented Israelites wandered about in the desert for forty years!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Limerick | |

The Hereafter

Asked if they believed in the Hereafter

     Amens echoed from every rafter

          The preacher rejoiced

               Then this plea he voiced

                    "Fill up the collection plate hereafter!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Free verse | |

The Eternal Infernos of Pain

Front and Center!
Those Gates adorned with pearls in Heaven.
White angels soaring. 

If by chance, 
Ordered to enter;
Through St. Peter's Permission; 
I demand from you chancellor; 
A swift insanity plea, submission. 
For this troubled soul is plagued, 
By vast displays of wicked ways. 

None lost. 
Courtesy of meticulous examination. 
Love lost. 

Diligence pending Investigation. 
Key Evidence, perpetually documented 
In Sin's ominous catalog. 
Rebuke my Judge! 
For multitudes of shortcomings, 
He failed to ascertain. 

Moreover, present was He, 
When Satan drafted me. 
First round,
Pick three.
His Fantasy League...
"The Eternal Infernos of Pain" 

JS Lambert



Details | Verse | |

Grattitude First lesson in Christian Living

Dear little pony, the children’s clown,
Rough mane stands tall, his thick tail tumbles down.
Jiggety, jog.  Yes, some riders have frowned.
Dad can ride him with two feet on the ground!
 
He’s a tough little, nuggety, wonderful chap
Who can live on the roughest of diet mishap.
We don’t feed him oats much, he’ll founder on those,
But if you can ride him you’re right home and hosed!
 
He’s full of the tricks that intelligence brings.
He’s always a challenge until mummy sings
Out loud, lets him know that he can’t get away
With presenting his backside to children today.
 
The children must learn how to command him too.
It isn’t the easiest thing they must do,
But they look for the pleasure of riding again,
So they learn how to handle tough diamond disdain.
 
They must learn how to stop him from racing away
Towards home when his head is turned facing that way.
His mind is on resting with food in his trough,
But his job is to teach, and he does it but tough!
 
Tough diamond’s a doorway to wonderful thrills
In the glorious world of the horseman’s spills
And great challenges.  Once you can master this rascal
Nothing can daunt you.  Introductory sample
 
Of every excitement that riding can offer,
He’s cute, pert, adorable, and he can proffer
Essential abilities.  Gratitude is
The gateway to mastery, sire of bliss!
 
Every offence becomes laughable when
You think back to this tough little customer. Then
Your mind turns to teaching, as Daddy once did.
No more can the mud of offence cause a skid.
 
You’ll go round it.  Or jump it. There’s no need to fall
 When Gratitude’s mastered.  Remembering all
Those scuffles you had that your dad helped you through,
You’ll mother, or father, or teach others too.
 


Details | Light Poetry | |

My Big Brother Is Watching You Too

"My Big Brother" up and down the street
  He could be anyone you meet
  Spying on you from the street
  Looking in from every beat
"My Big Brother" isn't that sweet

"My Big Brother" and I don't know why
  Casting in from above the sky
"My Big Brother" the commie spy
  Listening in do or die
  Bringing his book in
  Taught within
My Big Brother, 1-800-LET-US IN
  Caught with paper and a pen 
All because, "My Big Brother" let himself in


Details | Rhyme | |

The Theological Insights Of Archie Bunker

Last Saturday night I dropped by for a few beers at Kelsey's Bar.
Archie Bunker was there, drinkin' beer and chompin' on a nickel seegar,
Expoundin' on religion and his pinko, atheist son-in-law, Meathead!
If you dared to contradict him, he'd tell you right off to drop dead!

"Edith gits her guidance from The Reverend Fletcher but the Bible is my guide!
Now you take Adam and Eve.  She took a bite of apple and to God she lied!
So woman brung about the downfall of man and God got purty sore I hear,
And saith, "Clothe thyselfs in fig leaves and git the 'ell outta here!"

"Meathead said Christ was Jewish - musta been on His mother's side!
But what does that atheist know about such things - God he don't abide!
He don't believe Christ is the Son of God but the Bible says it's so!
To prove that, ever'body gits Christmas off to jubilate as we know!"

"God can do anything, buddy!  He can turn your jawbone into an ass!
Don't listen to nothin' Meathead says about religion - he's so full of gas!
I say God created the world in seven days - Edith said it was six days,
'Cause He rested on the seventh - maybe so - He works in mysterious ways!"

"God don't make no mistakes - that's how He got to be ruler of the universe!
So don't go blamin' Him for your troubles - without Him things could be worse!"
My head was spinning when I left Kelsey's Bar and it wasn't because of the beer!
'Twas Archie Bunker's curious doctrinal insights that brought it on, I fear!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Footle | |

Holy Humor

Jehovah's Witness' Door Pamphlets

Pious
Fly-ahs

Catholic Church During Halloween

Scary
Mary

Scrabble Night With Missionaries

Wordy
Clergy

Preacher Owning at Dungeons & Dragons

Master
Pastor

Our Holiness the Dalai Getting a Text From His Ex

Lama
Drama

Sea Anemone Makes Amends

Moral
Coral


Details | Quatrain | |

TROCHEE - Resolution and Prayer

Resolutions aren’t enough
Prayer helps when it’s tough
This year I said a shot prayer
To “The Boss” up there 

Prayed for two items from him
“Fat wallet”-“me slim”
Last year, I asked in vain
Don’t mix-up again!


Details | Villanelle | |

Quakers on Pacifism

It is not “P. C.” to be anti-war,

Or to refuse to stuff one’s face with meat.

Quakers are not pacifists anymore

 

By definition.  It’s not like before.

These things are individual.  We can cheat.

It is not “P. C.” to be anti-war.

 

We cannot break an invisible law.

We rubbed it out, you see.  I should repeat:

Quakers are not pacifists anymore.

 

Some are.  Some aren’t.  There’s nothing we stand for.

We can have bacon, toast or Shredded Wheat.

It is not “P. C.” to be anti-war – 

 

To be vegetarian, vegan or

In any way, restrict what one may eat.

Quakers are not pacifists anymore.

 

This, Friends, is the conclusion we must draw – 

Won’t vote on this; we might just face defeat:

It is not “P. C.” to be anti-war.

Quakers are not pacifists anymore. 


Details | I do not know? | |

You THINK?

You think you might be in love.

You think he/her might be in love with you.

You think about a lot of things. Do you really know those things?

You think a lot, you worry a lot. 

But do you really HAVE to think or worry about those things?
  Or do you WAN'T to think or worry about those things?

Now that there is something to think about.

 
   

              *please leave a comment if you like it or fav poem if you might*
                                           
                                         -Angel4eva23


Details | Couplet | |

Brand New Day

Introduction: Some days you feel alive, some days you don't...it's the elegance of life which many face in the days of existence. Through our own fray whatever it may be, we look out for a brand new way towards the light. We wander, more or less as a rabbit looking for its new home; crawling in and out within this baffled world to find serenity - To find a brand new day filled with everlasting aurora of peace and contentment.


Sometimes the sky is blue, sometimes it looks so white
Sometimes the truth hurts too, sometimes it's blinding bright
Sometimes this life feels short, sometimes it seems so long
Sometimes we go abroad, and at times we feel belonged

Sometimes we want to heal, sometimes we just let go
Sometimes we feel so real, sometimes we feel hollow
Sometimes we don't forgive, sometimes we don’t forget
Sometimes we feel captive, and at times we do regret

Sometimes we sure wonder and pray to leave things back
Sometimes we surrender and we get back in track
Sometimes we learn to deem the truth from the lies
Sometimes we feel the change and start a whole new life

One day we see one light that brings in so much hope
It shows one true love, in a whole new view
That day may be today, reading this here and now
These words aren't just to rhyme, but to put a vivid smile

A smile which won't leave off today
As we all know it's a brand new day.


Details | Rhyme | |

I'm Assuming God Was Busy

I stepped into a church today
And I somehow did not burn.
The congregation looked at me
And I at them, in turn.

I then simply started laughing
And I could not stop the flow.
The situation humored me
Far more than they could know.

I expected God to smite me
And to strike me where I stand
For they had always told me that
The church was holy land

Where outright sinners had no place.
For in church good Christians dwell
And being gay is the sure way
To claim a seat in hell.

I’m assuming God was busy.
Or those Christians got it wrong.
Perhaps they boldly told their tales
And strung the world along.

I guess we’ll never know the truth,
But I somehow now surmise
That even God does not believe
In faulty Christian lies.


Details | Rhyme | |

THE WIDOWS MITE

The Vicar’s sermon 
Frank and forthright
Raised the question
Of the widows mite

Quite unnecessary
In my humble view
Because in our parish
There are only two
And I know for a fact
That they both do


Details | Free verse | |

Merry Christmas to All

Though we all do celebrate birthdays,
the best birthday,
falls on the twenty fifth of December,
as on this day,
our Lord,
Jesus Christ had been born,
the day is considered indeed great,
as the Son of God,
had come into this world,
and had left us by forgiving our sins,
the day begins,
by people of all castes visiting various Churches,
and offering their prayers to the Lord in here,
on this day,
the day is celebrated with a lot of passion,
and fervour,
wherein we also get to wine and dance, 
and be merry all the while,
the kids are quite happy,
as on this day,
they receive lovely gifts,
for been good kids, 
from a very special man, 
known as Santa Claus
by acting as a postman, 
but differs in style and in his way,
by delivering the gifts in advance,
as he does know that,
there is no use in relying with the snail mail,
and the kids would indeed be sad,
if they don’t get their presents in time,
whereby he does not take the usual route,
but always takes the wrong one,
by entering through the chimneys
or through the fireholes, 
how he does it,
we have no idea,
inspite of been fat,
his favourite are the cookies indeed,
wherein he seeks an easier way to get into the houses of the kids,
here’s a message,
he leaves for you all,
wishing you all a Merry Christmas!!

Dt:-21st November, 2012, Name :- Manu Nair


Details | Free verse | |

Kate's Bible Add On

And it came to pass that they ate their dinner
and that she did washeth up.
And she did leave the dishes to drain
Whilst she put on the washing machine.
and the man was very pleased.

And it further came to pass
that she gave the man some pudding
and he was more pleased.
And then it came to pass the he fell asleep
By the fire.

And the Lord God,said
who is this man that sleepeth by his fire?
And he said,I shall waken him up
And the man awoke,
And God spake unto him

How is it that the woman laboureth in ye kitchen.
And that thou sleepeth here in an armchair.
and the man said,
but Thou didst order women to labour.
And the Lord God said unto the man
Why dost Thou remember so selectively what I have said?
And the man said,
I knoweth not and therefore I will help this woman.
And the Lord God said,
Why dost thou not think of it thyself?
And the man said in reply,
It was Thou that made me,O God.

And the Lord God was displeased with the man.
so he called down a plague of butterflies
To prevent him from sleeping.
And when the woman came in
she was much pleased to see these butterflies
and so she fell onto the man
And he did make love unto her.
And the cat was very pleased.

For it thrilled him to watch humans mating
and gave him hope
That the Lord God would take his rib and make a mate for him.
And indeed it doth seem to have happened
Judging by all the cats staring in ye old window here
And by their ecstatic yelps
That the Lord God was very generous with them
and made them many mates.
For truly there is no jealousy among them
And they mate freely and happily
and never have rows about the washing up..as they eat straight from the can.Amen

Here endeth thy lesson for today.


Details | Free verse | |

lost, found, and liberated

i use to lie awake at night 
and ponder of this pointless life 
up for hours and not make a sound 
i once was lost but now i am found
my sea of confusion, like moses did part
the instant i let jesus inside of my heart...
but than i let out a gigantic huge fart 
and realized it was just indigestion 
than like a sensible person, i began to question 
and out of those questions, came rational thought 
and all of the things in school i was taught 
like critical thinking and following facts 
so i came to the conclusion: religions a quack 
now i live happily, in awe of earth's mysterious beauty 
and if you don't like it, you can kiss my patooty


Details | Rhyme | |

Menopause Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake

I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep 
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap

So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest

Short Poem contest - Honorable Mention finish
Mdailey

written for my wife


Details | Rhyme | |

Plush seats

Whilst the huge auditorium focused on the plushness of seat,
Lost little children were dying in a street
Far away, out of sight
Out of view of money’s might

Whilst the missionary was struggling to make ends meet
Well-dressed ushers reached out to greet
The sheep that in droves every Sunday flock
To sit in the most revered and favoured block

Whilst the children would learn under a tree
About how Jesus came to set them free
Plump bottoms sank down in luxurious rows
As the volume of the music beautifully grows

Tears streamed down the upheld face
Overwhelmed by music more than by Grace
Hands were reaching in public display
As for lost souls and countries they would all pray

Yet under their noses, under their gaze,
The lost masses and they were on two different ways
One heading down road small and craggy
With bare feet and clothing all shaggy

The others on paths creatively paved 
Walking to cars, the spoils of the saved
Heading out to the broad soft highway
To the fenced safe haven where they all stay

Whilst the lost, on roads that are dusty
Exposed to the cold and winds cold and gusty
Find a gate, so incredibly small
That leads to the most wonderful hall

Filled with treasures, heaped in great masses
Filled with healers with ointment for lashes
Filled with love and Grace divine
Filled with bread and delicious wine

And looking down on the lost and weary
On their crying eyes all red and bleary
Reaching out with hand hot and dry
Praying for relief from the vast blue sky

And as the shaggy mourns for the souls that are lost
The financial committee was counting the cost
Of what was left at the end of the day
To send to the poor missionaries so far away

Very little, this month, I’m afraid to say
For the faithful to tithe we should earnestly pray!
Withholding spirit, we bind you now!
They proclaim and shout and pray and bow


Details | I do not know? | |

A long line of scallywags

I love my son he's always chipper
he's my scallywag and I'm the skipper
and the apple does'nt fall far from the tree
he's menatly challenged just like me!

and even though his dad's a zero
"hey dad your my hero!"
having fun is all he's wishing
"hey dad ya wanna go fishin?"

lost the house a home we have not
"hey dad looky what I caught!"
no business financal ruin we sank
"aww dad you can have my piggy bank"

rich kids need toys to have fun
"love you dad!" "love you son!"
think no toys would make him sad?
such a good boy "your the best dad!"

now I know I won't always live forever
"hey dad we always be together?"
"no worries son just stay chipper
you'll have your own scallywag and you'll be the skipper!"

by Captain Mike Harris and his son


Details | Rhyme | |

Answers

I just wanted to let you know,
That I have heard your prayer.
Because I had to answer no,
You thought I was unfair.

I will not cause a limousine
To crush your girlfriend's cat.
I will not make Albert Pujols
Break his favorite bat.

I do not care if your Vikings
Have lost four Superbowls.
And I won’t assist your Redwings
In scoring extra goals.

I won't give Glen Beck a seizure,
Or have Britney pose nude.
And I can’t force Eminem to
Adjust his attitude.

And by the way, while we're at it,
Will you stop asking me,
To give you the winning numbers,
For your state lottery?

It seems that nearly all your prayers
Ask me to make you rich!
Do you think I'm a leprechaun,
A wizard or a witch?

Another thing…when you make love
I'll ask you to refrain,
From waking up your neighborhood,
By screaming out MY name!

I cannot prevent the mailman
From sleeping with your wife.
Anymore than I can force you
To somehow get a life.

There are rules that must be followed,
Some things I can't fulfill.
It is because I love you all,
That I gave you free will.

If there's a choice that must be made,
I'll whisper in your ear.
But every choice is yours to make,
I cannot interfere.

So if you ask, when next you pray,
To be a tennis pro.
I hope that you will understand
When I must answer no.


Details | Free verse | |

Knock, knock

We are not from Scottish Power,

or even British Gas.

We wouldn’t drag you

out of the shower

for anything less than

God.  And just to let you know 

how to achieve Eternal Life…

 

We are nothing like

the religious group

who called on you last night.

There is one major difference:

They are wrong, and we are right.

 

Certain substances must be avoided

like heroin and cups of tea.

Is it worthwhile mainlining – 

or enjoying Typhoo or PG – 

if, because of that, you cannot live

with God eternally?

 

You can stuff your face with chocolate, crisps – 

and Diet Coke is not outlawed.

You can even have some Red Bull

to wash down all that chocolate,

if you’re getting very bored.

 

You need to be baptised, and soon.

Your last one doesn’t count:

insufficient water, and you were too young.

What about the Baptist Church?

You’re being awkward now.

Okay, let’s cut straight to the chase.

No other church has authority 

from God.  We do. 


Details | Verse | |

Up and Down

There's only one part to Heaven
And seven parts to Hell
A thousand kinds of demon
And one kind of angel

There's no room in the Underworld
So Purgatory was made
There's a billion kinds of sinner
And a hundred kinds of saint

Virtue is it's own reward
But Gluttony is fruitful
Wrath will get you what you want
And Chastity's untruthful

Purity is fine for some
And undoubtedly less bad
But Lust and Greed is twice as fun
And only half as hard

There's only one part to Heaven
And seven parts to Hell
There's a reason why Mankind
Chose Virtue to dispel.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Mazel Tov

Ezra was a wise old bird and he knew very well of what he spoke,
But his words to the scattered nation almost caused the men to choke.

God is mad at all of us and we need to get ourselves back in his good graces,
But He can see too many foreigners and he wants our girls in their places.

So boys if you ever hope to go back home sometime in your lives,
You’re going to have to do what I say and get rid of your shiksa wives.

When the Lord can look down and see that to nice Jewish girls you’re wed,
He’ll send us home to live again as long as we stay Kosher in the bed.

Ezra - Chapter 10
10:1Now while Ezra prayed and made confession, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, there was gathered together to him out of Israel a very great assembly of men and women and children; for the people wept very sore. 10:2Shecaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, answered Ezra, We have trespassed against our God, and have married foreign women of the peoples of the land: yet now there is hope for Israel concerning this thing. 10:3Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law. 10:4Arise; for the matter belongs to you, and we are with you: be of good courage, and do it. 10:5Then arose Ezra, and made the chiefs of the priests, the Levites, and all Israel, to swear that they would do according to this word. So they swore. 


Details | Rhyme | |

I Took Some Time With God

I Took Some Time To Spend With God…

I took some time to spend with God alone.
I asked for his blessing in my life and home!

I took some time to tell him that I love him!
I know that he listened and I can trust him!

It seems like yesterday I was a young boy.
There were many things I wanted to enjoy!

I enjoyed prayer with my lord and friend!
I felt his joy and peace within!

I didn’t realize how busy life would be…
I thought less of God,..  And more of me!

I’m thankful that I know a God who cares!
He’s never too busy for a moment to share!

He has blessed and renewed my mind!
He’s always so patient, loving and kind!

Thank you Jesus for the time we have together!
I’m looking forward to being with you forever!

You are the one that I will daily seek!
I need your direction each day of the week!

All praise and honor to you. is what I give!
I won’t forget you each day I shall live!

You’ve blessed and strengthened my life today!
You’re the truth, the life, and the way!

I shall sing of your praises with pure delight!
I know now that things in my life will be alright!

By Jim Pemberton


Details | Verse | |

Token hippies

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
    ~ Proverbs 11:2 (NIV)

A popular topic ’mongst people of faith
Is whether among them are those who but sayeth
That they’ll abide by precepts that all claim
As theirs in that group.  Well, it sure is a shame
When participation is empty, and yet
The more people do this, the bolder they get,
Till crises of style emerge, upon when
All cower in fear of the littlest sin.

But who cares if hippies with dreadlocks a-flowin’
Would strum their guitars or speak of some great vision
Of proud peaceful Pepperland, of Puff the dragon:
He’s raw and organic, non-GMO, vegan –
Who cares if you’re scarfing fast food from that bag?
It isn’t for health nuts; why’s that such a drag?
Who cares if you go for expensive retreats,
Drink smoothies, take saunas, and live as elites?
Who cares if what’s inside that head of long hair
Is nothing profound but the attitude there?
I don’t look too special or act like I’m wise
And yet Kate Wolf’s voice I can fast recognize;
I seek the nontoxic, I grow fresh green herbs,
And strive for the thoughtful, not that which disturbs,
I learn T’ai Chi freely from folks in the park,
And meditate each time when I would embark
Upon my small vision quests that can’t stack up,
To greater things that I’m sure all fill your cup
Since you’re putting on such a beautiful show:
Is what’s not pretended just what you don’t know?
    ~ Thanks Always Returns


Details | Rhyme | |

Let Them Marry

Let Them Marry?

By Elton Camp

If gays should be allowed to marry or not
Has put a lot of people into an ethical spot

Separate from religion the state should be
How it can legally be banned is hard to see

To the convictions of most, it flies in the face
Having been reared to call it a vile disgrace

But should church doctrine by law be forced
Does that mean that religion is thus endorsed

When you marry, it’s harder to go your way
If you do, it’s alimony you may have to pay

Spouses are responsible for a legal mate’s debt
That’s a pretty bad position in which to get 

If you decide the marriage was a bad mistake
Legal action to dissolve it you have to take

Unwed gay partners haven’t problems like these
They can simply walk away anytime they please

It makes me wonder if maybe some gay cuss
Has the right to be miserable like the rest of us


Details | Light Poetry | |

God Finds Bob Dylan

God said, “Get your act together boy or upon ya comes my wrath.”
Bob said, “I can’t believe you’d bother me while I was in the bath.”

God said, “I can see everything that you ever say or do.”
Bob said, “A little privacy please, it’s not like I know you.”

God said, “I can’t believe that you don’t even recognize my face.”
Bob said, “I can’t believe that you don’t even carry a guitar case.”

God said, “My kid moved in with you he sent me all your love.”
Bob said, “I remember he was pretty cool but I sent him back above.”

God said, “When I try to stop ‘round to see you, you always put me off.”
Bob said, “Stop ‘round on Wednesday ‘cause Sunday’s my day to golf.”

God choked, “Dylan golfs?”
Bob laughed, “God coughs?”

God said, “Is there a better time when I might come back later?”
Bob said, “How ‘bout I call you first, you’re pushy old creator.”


Details | Monorhyme | |

G for ganja

G for God -
G for ganja!
G for good -
G for ganja!
G for great -
G for ganja!
G for gold -
G for ganja!
I wonder
What a stanza!