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Funny People Poems | Funny Poems About People

These Funny People poems are examples of Funny poems about People. These are the best examples of Funny People poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Prose Poetry | |

Lucila

So I walked into my local supermarket
to buy my weekly shipment of Kit Kat bars,
Cinnamon Toast Crunch,
and Ovaltine powder mix.

As I shake off the snow on my fake Timberland boots,
my skin,
coated in frozen animation,
thaws into warmth’s teardrops from
the supermarket’s 75 degree vents.

This moist sense of happiness was quickly interrupted
when I heard Wilson Phillips, “Hold On”
over the PA system.

Thankfully, the cutlery isle was just to my left. 
So, now, I had plans!

But, before I could commit felony’s song,
I saw her.

A Portuguese goddess
with a strut that can ruin a man’s dignity.

She had Autobahn curves,
dark brown curls of hair & visuals,
and thick flesh meat that even Vegans would envy.

Her face lacked Maybelline coated misapprehension.
Thank God!
Cause I never did like clowns.

After staring longingly at her,
like a crack head with impulsive eyes upon a broken/unlabeled bag of baby powder,
she breezed past my stifled posture and clocked in to work.

She didn’t even get a chance to smell my $500 cologne called “Piece of Me”.

So with new-found urges to grab all my groceries,
like a burglar who really has to pee,
I rush to express checkout. 

There she is.

Her register beeps in coupon lady’s rhapsody,
while my register needs a cleanup on Isle 9.

Now it’s my turn.

With girlish inner-screams of boy-band intensity,
I say, “Hi”.

She scans my apples, while I scan her melons.
The melons that the customer ahead of me didn’t want…
…they were on sale.

Go fig.

As if she read my mind,
she asks,
“Are you feeling warm now?”

“All I want is to be the heat in your moment”,
which I almost said.

But, “Now I am”, is uttered.

As she smiled with seductive demure,
she handed me my receipt
with her phone number on back.

As I left the market,
I began to get cold again.

These winds of change
became gusts of numbness.

I locked myself out of my heart.

I turned around to go back inside.

Only to discover, 
she didn’t have the key.

© Drake J. Eszes


Details | Narrative | |

Granny Panty Annie, the Tranny

Lemme tell ya' about a
*ding-bat skit-zo 
bee-hotch* tranny
named Annie...

I met her one night 
under disco lights 
up at Candies

She was 
starin' at me
grittin' her teeth
aimin' ta' see 
if I wanted a piece
of he 
OR
of she 
by way of flashin' granny panties

She was
shootin' pool
actin' a fool
so I 
took a shot
and one tiny glance 
but got caught

So I
lit up a smoke
and tried to play it off cool
but it was too late
she had pulled up a stool

She slurred,
"Hey young felluh, where ya' been all my life!"

I replied, 
"Sorry to burst yir' bubble, but I got a wife!"

"That don't matter kid, what she don't know won't hurt the girl" 
as she fisted my collar and yelled, "I'LL ROCK YIR' WORLD! Annie the Tranny is what they call me. Bet you been wanted ta' bone me since you first saw me!"

Fear and frustration danced on my face
I begged the bouncer to 
"Get this he/she outta the place!"

My pleas were to no avail, 
and that sea donkey lurked hot on my trail
flailin' it's arms and grindin' bar stools with it's tail

Speakin' of tails...
a shiny blue wale tail crept up her back
Her jeans were mean, but couldn't hold her underwear's elastic slack
but at least it beat feastin' eyes upon her crack
then she... 
wrapped her grimy hands around my neck and asked, 
"You n' me, boy, what the heck!?!"

I screamed,
"Look here lady, you seem real nice for a tranny;
but...
ya' see...
ya' need 
to hit the bricks,
you
and yir' Granny Panties!"

At that point the joint started to really heat up
people were glarin' like they really wanted me beat up
I can't recall how the hell I got out of there 
alive and free
it was like a big manly freight train
headin' dead at me

I'm pretty sure I owe the good Lord a big favor
that beast was the devil
and Jesus was my Savior!

It's a night I thought would never end... 
the night at Candies Bar n' Grill
Granny Panty Annie got a thrill 
tryin' to make me her sexy friend!!!




Details | Limerick | |

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


Details | I do not know? | |

My Declaration of War on Self-Imposed Stupidity...WHO'S COMING WITH ME?!

All this hyped up glam and glitz
  giggly girls break down in fits
    these mascara clad boys devoid of wits
The shallower they go,  the deeper it gets
 
Sillouettes lacking inner angles and lines...
 The substance goes absent when the light shines...
Plotless drama without direction, still winds
 These tragically bad fads spread like vines

Overrun with Reality shows depicting what's REAL
  A mass zombie audience digesting their meal
Not In, but outside, this box they soften like veal
  Staring at a screen that numbs how they feel

When did the war on intelligence start?
  Losers not knowing that losing's not smart...
Cable providers gladly doing their part
  News channels selling half-truth ala carte

I will be a rebel and fight for your mind
 Hiding remote-controls where they won't find
Trading entertainment for knowledge in kind
  Giving books out to the voluntarily blind

 
It's gonna be a BATTLE!!!  WHO'S COMING WITH ME??!!
   
         
  




Details | I do not know? | |

Writtings From The Bathroom Wall

I read it  from the bathroom wall.
God alone save's us one and all.
Along with other mixed obscenities like 
for a good time call.

Some read rise against.
Others read Elivis was here.
God bless America communist take fear.

Its the lost and found of  misspelled words 
were the misfits gather do they all.
Im stuck here in a inconvertible position reading writtings from 
bathroom wall.

I strain to read Robert and Beth forever.
whomever they are.
I question does this bathroom last through stormy weather.

I wonder what kind of philosopher finds solice in such a dingy 
place.
Do they comb the wall just lookin for space.

Theres traces of blood from a drunken brawl.
Im sitting in the true melting pot of the world.
Reading writtings from  the bathroom wall.  


Details | Free verse | |

Its Raining...

                          Its Raining…

God’s Cleansing Tool
Cloud-Concerto… How Cool !
Plop-Plop Plopping into Pothole Pools
On the Grass, Pavements and On My Own-Sweet- Fools…

who, don’t have Sense enough, to get out of the Rain…
… I think I’ll go Join Them… Again

                               Amen


Details | Concrete | |

If Children Were Puppies

                                                IF MY
                                            CHILDREN
                                         WERE PUPPIES
                                            THEY’D BE
                                               NICER
                                                  TO
                                                  ME.
                                THEY WOULD NOT BE FUSSY
                        AND            TALK BACK YOU            SEE.                       
                       SIT             BRAVE AND LOYAL           NOT                        
                       TRY             TO RUN AND HIDE.           AND
                                        FAITHFULLY  FOLLOW
                                           NEVER LEAVING
                                            MY SIDE. BUT
                                            IF CHILDREN
                                             WERE PUPS
                                              THEN THEY
                                              MIGHT EAT
                                             LIKE    HOGS
                                            CHEW    YOUR 
                                          GOOD        SHOE   
                                 MAYBE HIDE         YOUR CLOGS
 	    AND IF CHILDREN WERE PUPPIES, THEN WE’D ALL BE DOGS!

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
12.02.2012


Details | Narrative | |

To All Four-legged AND Two-legged


Hello to all four-legged and two-legged friends in the big world
The people who take care of us, do not know as much as they think
We are probably smarter than they are
Take for example, that little cell phone that our people
always have with them wherever they go
What we do.....lift the foot and "send a message" to a friend
When I am out and walking with my people I get many interesting "messages"
Some "messages" are very interesting and take a little longer time to "read"
Then my people impatient, pulling and struggling the leash
What they can not understand that I must "answer" to all "messages"
Our "conversations" and "messages" are equally important
Think about it....they are also free....there is no expense
When their cell phone call or pling they take time to respond
Hello all two-legged humans our messages are just as important as yours









16.June.2012
A-L Andresen


Details | Than-Bauk | |

Juicy Kaboosey


her derriere in the air high eyes wearing out
Than-Bauk written for Rick Parise's contest


Details | Light Poetry | |

Glutton

This's the world of dreams  and 
reveries
Where I think ev'ry that reels,
After a thousands times,
would as same beliefs things 
besought me,
Is it a mere dream? 


Details | Limerick | |

A Big Sneeze

There was a young lady called Mae West
Who was famed for the size of her chest
She came down with Flu
Gave a big sneeze 'Atchoo'
And that was the end of her vest




Details | Rhyme | |

THE AGING PROCESS

Many years ago, when we were all young,
We really thought life, would be so much fun.
While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
“Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
That’s something I swore, I would never do.

Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
That is how little, we all had known,
We surely found out, once we were grown.

Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
Watch what you wish for, my parents had said.
We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
I guess they were right, what more can I say?

Raising your children, was hardest of all,
Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
So now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor.
Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
You searched here and there, and under the bed,
“Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
You are retired; your work is all done.
To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
They never show up, you have the wrong date.

Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
If only you could, remember their names.
You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
Gravity happens, and everything sags.

Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
All the steps you took, led down a new path.
Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
One thing is for sure, everyone will age.


Details | Ode | |

Ode to Trevor

We'd really like to thank you
i'm sure you left it here with love,
it really was so kind of you
but we didn't want your bug.

We thought you'd like to know
we really felt the pits
we thought of you quite often
when we had the squits.

Next time you come to visit
please leave your bugs at home,
'cause, when you bring them with you
they sure do like to roam.

So next time that we see you
I hope you come alone,
you can bring Rosie and Katie
but leave your bugs at home.


Details | Rhyme | |

Call Me Insensitive

You call me insensitive,
But I don't believe that's true;
Because, you see,
It's all about me.
It's not about you.

You say your opinion doesn’t matter,
That I’ve no respect for your point of view;
But I do if we agree,
Because it’s all about me.
It’s not about you.

You say I’ve no compassion,
No feelings for your troubles or your blues;
But none of us is issue free,
And mine are all about me;
But…not about you.

A time old adage, 
“To thine own self be true.”,
Is all about choices you see.
My choices are all about me,
And, certainly, not about you.

So, when free or forced to make your choices
You’ll understand and know it’s true 
To decide what will or will not be,
Won’t be at all about me;
It will be all about you

But special moments confront each of us,
When what matters isn’t “Me”.
And while these moments are few,
They’re not about me, not about you.
For a time, it’s all about “We.”

Yes, “…no man is an island.”
Is a valid point of view;
But if it’s not about “We”, 
Then it’s all about me.
Sorry.  It’s not about you.


Details | Rhyme | |

Adam And Eve And The Fig Leaves

Here's something I have been wondering
For so very long
If Adam and Eve wore only figs leaves
How did they keep them on

It couldn't have been a rubber band
And certainly not super glue
I just really have no idea
Do you have a clue

What did they do in the winter
When fig trees are bare
One leaf wouldn't last all year
I think there's a mystery there 

If only Eve hadn't eaten that apple
If only Adam hadn't taken a bite
I wouldn't be trying to solve this
And I'd sleep better at night


Details | Limerick | |

PamelaKaye

There's a gal named PamelaKaye
Her writing style, poetic buffet
A sweet Texas tart
Who has a big heart
And a buttocks the size of Bombay


Details | Free verse | |

English Language - 1 - Repost

                                   I failed English in High School
                                  Could not understand the writing rule 
                            If I say, when it reigns it pores, people agree
              Yet when I write the same phrase people say what’s wrong with me  

             I before E (accept) after C less it sounds like an a as in neighbor or weigh
                               Where do the words foreign and sovereign (steigh)
             Do they stay with a goose among geese or with a moose among (meese)
             Do they live in a house with a scavenger mouse or something much bigger
                             Is there several (hice) with several scavenger mice


Details | Narrative | |

Call Me Gonzo

For thoose of you who may not know.
Just call me gonzo I write the absurd for life is insane and sometimes 
it takes a madman to speak the truth so very clear.

I write for the broken vacant faces that have lost all hope.
To the dreamer who's well is slowley running dry from everyone
telling him to stop wasting his time.

I write like a endless highway fueled by whiskey and wild women 
every adventure leads to pain but life is pain and i love in spite of it.

I thirst for every unseen mile the desert my brother it's people dwell
in the spirt of the west the opium parlors and brothels spirt still linger.
I write with a hint of danger and a promise of disaster.

Im a blues player whos trying to out run the devil.
Im a outlaw riding to cross the border a woman looking to the 
empty range for my return.

I write because I breath in a world were the creative air has gone 
stale.
The bottle sits apon table and I welcome any strangers company
I just rather that stranger be a warm woman instead of a 
unfriendly amigo who is a little jelouse.

Write to be more than just part of the highways landscape.
Some may call me crude crazy insane some even vulgar and 
liar and thief.
But aside from thoose compliments.
No matter what you may call me.
Dont ever forget to just call me gonzo.


Details | Rhyme | |

Shameful Morning

not sure how she got here 
only know she needs to leave

underneath the stranger 
my arm numb; asleep, 
mouth a desert.
a hundred dead cigarettes dance my tongue dry 

princess of night 
exposed by light. 
get me out of this;
another dreaded morning mess. 

bed broken
along with my will. 
I swore never again; 
the lie is half the thrill.

~JSLambert


Details | Rhyme | |

THE RELUCTANT BOOTSCOOTER

I s’pose you've heard of Tamworth and the shindig there each year, 
where country music reigns supreme and all its stars appear.  
They’re in the pubs and all the clubs and arcades 'round the town      
and Peel Street is just full of pics all strumming up and down. 
 
In years of late another breed of artists have appeared; 
Bush Poets with their rhyming verse, who are now quite revered. 
The Longyard and Imperial pubs and Leagues Club host a few, 
while golf and bowls clubs house more mobs and Peel street has them too.  
  
It happens that I'm one of them and have for six straight years 
performed to folk my style of verse -  The Laughter and the Tears. 
You make them cry, you make them laugh, you keep your tales true blue, 
for that is what the folk demand:  be Aussie through and through. 
 
Most folk they see us poets as the ocker type of bloke 
and know we see line dancing as some kind of flamin' joke.  
They stream to Tamworth each year and stretch out along Peel street. 
These hordes of blokes and sheilas with their fancy prancin' feet. 
 
They’re shapes and sizes are diverese, no two frames look the same, 
with fancy shirts embroidered with the place from hence they came.   
They tuck their thumbs behind their belts then line up in a row 
and when the music kicks on in they boot scoot to and fro. 
 
Each year they have this ritual, that really is a bore; 
They try to break the record they procured the year before. 
Like locusts they assemble and I watch them with disdain 
'cause surely they've got Buckley's chance of doing it again. 
 
[CONTINUED]


Details | Sonnet | |

Happy Birthday Jenny (Kyrielle Sonnet)

Happy birthday to you Jenny
Hope your big day brings you plenty
Keep a bright smile all the way
Your mom sings your praises today

Soon you will be driving to school
Don’t forget to follow the rules
Enjoy your day with a buffet
Your mom sings your praises today

Happy birthday to you Jenny
Don’t forget to save your pennies
Wish on a star on your great day
Your mom sings your praises today

Happy birthday to you Jenny
Your mom sings your praises today

© Joseph, 8/20/2007
© All Rights Reserved

This is for the the daughter of our own poetess, Kathy.

The Kyrielle Sonnet is a French form from the Middle Ages. It has 14 lines (three 
rhyming quatrains and a non-rhyming couplet). It has a repeating line or phrase 
as a refrain in the last line of each stanza.  Each line within the Kyrielle Sonnet 
has eight syllables.  There are times when a French poem links back to the 
poem’s beginning; therefore, a common practice is to combine the first line of 
the first quatrain and the refrain in each quatrain as the ending couplet for the 
poem.


Details | Rhyme | |

THE RELUCTANT BOOTSCOOTER [CONT'D]

But somehow they have done it and you can't help but admire, 
the pluck of these boot scootin' folk ... they never seem to tire. 
This year the faithful came again though couldn't help but doubt, 
no matter how they wanted to their run of luck was out. 

The M.C. kept on calling out, "All register now please. 
If we don't keep the record folks it could go overseas." 
The comment cut just like a knife.  I thought, “you man or mouse?” 
'Cause, what if they were just one short?   You'd really feel a louse.  
 
The more the M.C. made his plea the more it gnawed at me, 
until I cracked and ran on up and paid the flamin' fee. 
I stuck my ticket on my shirt and joined the middle row 
and wished they'd kick the music off and get on with the show. 
 
My biggest fear was if my mates were watching in the crowd. 
They'd never let me live it down.  The M.C. cried out loud. 
"It's time folks," and the music played.  I thought I'd take a punt 
and pranced along by following the tall chick there in front. 
 
Then when the music stopped at last I made a quick retreat, 
relieved that I had not been seen boot scootin' in the street. 
We broke the record once again and felt real good deep down, 
but please don't tell me poet mates -  they'd run me out of town! 
 
 
Each year as I've sat in front of Grace Bros. Store at the Tamworth Country Music 
Festival, performing our show and selling our product, I have observed the ritual of 
bootscooters gathering in Peel Street to break the record for the largest number of 
bootscooters gathered in one place. A record they have broken annually for some years now 
in the Guinness Book of Records.  Each year I have grappled with the thought - what if 
they were short by one? - so I had to tell the story.


Details | Verse | |

Octave-CHOOSING CAROLYN

I'm stuck in a puddle of mud,
unable to make a quick decision...
whom should I choose from among 
others who have been so noble and kind?
More than a name comes to mind:
Linda, Carrie, Deborah, Catie, Rhoda, Danielle, Charmaine and Karen... 
please don't be envious if I choose Carolyn!
You all are beautiful sweethearts, and I wouldn't sell you for a song!


After my day closes in, I check my soup mail...and there they are
those wonderful names flashing on my computer's screen,
and dazzling like precious gems in a crown! Many more should be
mentioned, highly praised and underlined with a marker:
Andrea, Emy, Joyce, Constance, Iolanda, Elaine, Laura and Carol.
One thing I can attest, nobody is greater than the other,
because they all have captured me as I have caught butterflies
with features so distinct and feminine as heroines of modern times!


Carolyn, be dazzled and feel proud, if not hysterically happy;
and if my choosing is fair, why should there be any contention,
or envy among them...I am pretty sure that they have secret admirers,
who in the same manner of awe and respect, constantly worship them! 
Cheer up ladies, I have mentioned you all in my praise poem,
but only one gets this special rose...I hope they will send yours today!
I love you all as I love Carolyn for her honesty and graciousness,
then why don't you congratulate her and deepen your admiration?


My praise poem is dedicated to Carolyn Devonshire
living in Florida, USA


Details | Verse | |

Invisible Ladies

Invisible ladies! You see them ev’rywhere,
In sensible raincoats and Margaret Thatcher hair.
Standing at bus-stops, watching the bus go by:
Waiting at crossings,
Letting the traffic splatter mud in their eyes …

Invisible ladies, all in their “middle years”.
Invisible ladies:
No hopes, but so many fears …

   SO polite! So ladylike!
   Just don’t mind us, don’t make a fuss … Wouldn’t be right …
   But deep inside, there’s such a rage …
   You’ll catch it too, this vanishing plague
   Called MIDDLE AGE!

Invisible ladies … shopping bags all akimbo:
Moving like zombies, each in her private limbo.
Pushing a trolley at ASDA or Sainsbury:
Examining prices,
Searching for bargains – ever more desp’rately …

Invisible ladies, choosing the longest queue …
The one with the baby:
Babies, they’re visible to …

   SO polite! So ladylike!
   Just don’t mind us, don’t make a fuss … Wouldn’t be right …
   But deep inside, there’s such a rage …
   You’ll catch it too, this vanishing plague
   Called MIDDLE AGE!
	
Invisible ladies! When somebody barges by,
Instead of complaining, they always apologise!
They oughta get angry, and maybe get pushy too:
Say, “HEY! Look AT me!
See, I’m a PERSON, really very like you!”

Invisible ladies, everyone knows one …
They live in our houses …
You probably call yours “MUM!”





(This is an anthem for all fifty-somethings - Chaps too!)



Details | Rhyme | |

Where is the Bathroom?

I had to find a bathroom,
A reasonable request,
I was all alone
And my bladder was quite stressed.

So I asked a man nearby,
“Do you know where a bathroom is?”
He merely shook his head,
And went about his biz.

I continued walking,
And sure enough around,
A woman with her children
Could tell me where a bathroom’s found.

She said, “I have no idea,
I’m busy you can tell.”
She fussed to shush her baby,
Who had just begun to yell.

I continued on my quest,
Moving with rapid stride,
When I found a large restaurant,
Surely, there must be a bathroom inside!

I went up to the waiter,
I said, “I really have to pee.”
Slightly irritated,
I decided to forego all pleasantry.

He said, “Oh, ours isn’t working,
Someone clogged it the day before,
But there is one a few blocks down,
About three or four.”

And so I hurried along,
Quite desperate to find the joint,
My bladder was close to reaching
Its natural breaking point.

I reached a tiny gas station,
Where the clerk mumbled to me,
“We do have an outside bathroom,
But someone lost the key.”

I turned and stomped outside,
I wailed out vehemently,
“How hard is it to find a bathroom
In modern society?”

A gentleman heard my plight,
And said, “You know, there’s a store—“
I interrupted, “Never mind,
I don’t have to go anymore.”


Details | Limerick | |

OLD MELON

There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.                                               


Details | Light Poetry | |

' Boot-Legged Mama '

Mama and Daddy was always Love-Dovey
She is His Sweetheart – He is Her Honey
First Love… Real Love  -  Forever True
Pa… I Pray to find A Man Like You…

Daddy Laughed and Put His Arm Round My Shoulder
And Said, “I’ll Tell You Somethin’, Now You’re Older
It’s got to do with Your Mother’s Fame
And Why I gave Her, The Nickname…

               … Boot-Legged Mama

                  Boot-Legged Mama
Blue-jean Shorts and Vintage Tony Lama
Walked thru the Door… of A Liquor Store
… Packaged so Pretty… Pa Just had to Pour

               … Boot-Legged Mama

Ma… Was there, to get 6-packs for A Party…
Pa… Was there, ‘cause of a Taste for Bacardi
He took One Look and Knew He Couldn’t Waste Her
Pa… Gave-up ‘Drank’… Just so He Could Chase her !

Dad, Said, ‘He’d Drowned in Dark-Eyes and Sweet-Aroma
Fine-Wine, Crystal… But Tuff’ Nuff’ to Down-Drama
Pa Claims, Mama’s Labeled by the F.D.A.
And Listed on Her Driver’s License is,  A.K.A.  …

               … Boot-Legged Mama

                  Boot-Legged Mama
 Genuine Woman, Who Made Him Wanna’
Take Her to be His Lawful Moonshine
… Married at Midnight – ‘cross The County-Line

               … Boot-Legged Mama

Alcohol’s in Trauma;  and Prohibition Told Her:
"Boot-Legged Mama… Done Drove Pa Sober !"
Now, Homemade-Hooch… is His Acquired Taste
180 Proof… Kicked All Over His Case !

Right Then, Mama Flowed into The Room
Pa, Teased and Said, “Still Full-Bodied and Perfumed !
Ma Hugged Us, then Handed Me – Old Boots and A Dress…
    (and good advice)… “Go Git’ My Elliot Ness…

               … and be a Boot-Legged Mama!

( Hey !... Did I Hear Somebody, In A Country Drawl ….
          Order Up A Bottle of Kicking Alcohol !
         Well, Here She Is… Y'all ! ...
                  Boot-Legged Mama ….

Well John (Moses) Freeman... You Said You Needed
Somethin' :)  to Read tonight, before kicking up your
heels...  Well, Here It Is (Have Fun - Son)

MoonBee 

 (Thank You For All Your Wonderful Comments
Now, I Can't Get Thru The Door for My Ego.. (Smile)


Details | Free verse | |

Georgia Muse

I went to Georgia without my bonjo in my hand I knew it would be great after I landed and took a stand I told them my name and they asked, "What's your fame?" I reached for my muse and turned it loose like a goose They straightened their ties and said “O’ me, O’ my!” “We made a mistake about this poetic rhyming guy!” Someone handed me a bonjo and they all joined the tango My muse had its way and we had a wonderful stay As we departed for home they started to sing, “Hurry back poet, may your muse give you wings!”


Details | Rhyme | |

Poor Little Orphan Kids, With No Moms Or Fads

I like the thought of evolution
That a fish could outsmart god
Show him something new and bold
Like a human is something odd

I guess that’s just how people are
We think we’re all so special
7 billion people, all unique
Well I hate to be your buzz kill

But anarchist are just conformist
With a little dash of black
And an individual is just another punk
Who says rap is dead and the 60’s are back

An emo kid’s just a prep
Who balks at social adaptation
And a gothic kid is just a meat head jock
With less hand-eye coordination

So you’ll all pick: Fad or Fad
And you’ll all be some kind of elitist
Remember however, no one is truly unique
…well…except for all us artists  


Details | Acrostic | |

Crazy, Yes

Crazy is defined by the crazy things you do
Really crazy things are just too crazy, too
A crazy person laughs when no one is around
Zealous crazy people are too busy to be found
Yes, crazy is as crazy does, who really can define?

Your definition of crazy is well kept in your mind.
Even when you’re normal, crazy still remains
Some keep crazy in their hearts, to look like they’re still sane. 


Details | I do not know? | |

' Friend To Friend ... '

               A Friend:
One, Who Helps You Get Out Of A Jam

               A Partner:
… Is Usually In The  Jam With You

                   A Pal:
Is The One, Who Usually Gets You In The Jam

           An Acquaintance:
Someone, Who Heard About The Jam

                 A Buddy:
Says … Its Your Own Jam Fault …


Details | Rhyme | |

Ms. Purple (for my niece, Johnette Loefgren)

Now ain't I just the cutest purple spider
You have ever seen
And don't you just LLOOOVEEE
My web of iridescent green

I made it  today for a special group
You, and your friends from PoetrySoup
So, bring the gang on over to the Poetry Cafe
Just come as you are,you all know the way

There's never a cover charge
And the dance band is free
Of course, I wouldn't mind
If you brought a lil treat for me

A tasty fly to nibble on
Would suit me just fine
But remember, I have to be in bed
A little after nine

With twenty three little ones
To care for all alone
By nine I'm really tired
And weary to the bone

But, you and the gang
Are welcome to stay
And party hearty
'Til the break of day

Just lock the doors on your way out
And leave a tip for the band
It was nice to see you all
So come back as soon as you can



Details | Light Poetry | |

' El Toro - Rojo '

Como’ Si’ Yama’, Senor’
Como’ Si Yama’, Por Favor’…
… for Below That Embroidered Sombrero’
Shone Eyes Like El Dorado

He Was A Tall and Handsome Hombre’
Like The Range of Sierra Madre’
…Now, He Sat Center The Cantina
Surrounded by Bonita – Senhoritas

He Smiled, “Buenos-Dias Senora’”
Por Favor, Por Que’ El-Hora’ ?...
If So, Have A Seat, Mi- Amiga’
And Mercedes, Bring Over More Cerveza

He Was… Rodrigo Reyes-Pacheco’
Best - of The West, of Vaqueros’
He Came to Compete in The Rodeos
And Win Fame and Fortune in Pesos’

He Came Thru El Paso De’ Tejas
Thru Dusty Rancheros and Mesas
To Ride on El Toro Rojo
Who Has Never Been Ridden Befo’…

La Viva’… Arriva’  … Rodrigo
The Brave and The Bold Caballero’
Champion Bull Rider, from Old Mexico
Vaya’… Con Dios’ !... Rodrigo

Now, El Toro Rojo, Was Dangerous
For Killing Men, El Rojo, Was Infamous
His Horns Had Pierced Many A Corazon
Ripped Flesh, Like It Was Piñata’ Hung

I Informed All of This To Rodrigo
The Hombre, Was Bent on Being Macho’…
… He Would Ride Toro Rojo, Manyana’
Said “Gracias”… But My Cares Were Por Nada’ !

La Viva’… Arriva’… Rodrigo
The Brave and The Bold Caballero’
Champion Bull Rider, from Old Mexico
Vaya’… Con Dios’!... Rodrigo

… Now, He Wasn’t Loco in La Cabeza’
I Just Didn’t Comprehende’ … “Que’ Pasa”
But I Saw Rodrigo Atop… El Rojo 
… ! He Rode Like A Latino – Tornado ! …

He Rode El Rojo, To The End…
Then, Turned ‘Round and Rode Him Again…
Rodrigo had Won… Just Like He Planned…
Because El Toro – Rojo …   …  Was Mexican !

La’ Viva’ … Arriva’ … Rodrigo
The Brave and The Bold Caballero
Champion Bull Rider from Old Mexico
Vaya’ … Con Dios ! … Rodrigo….
Vaya’ … Con Dios !... Rodrigo o o o o o


for Ruben Ortellao... 
I Don't Really Know 
What Your Branch of Humanity is... 
(Spanish, French or Other)
But I thought You Might Like 
This Whimsical Poem...  
Oh... And Thank You For Your 
Most Generous Comments... 
(Cause I Know You Are A Fantastic Poet... 
I've Read Several of Yours 
and I Love Them Too...)

 (P.S.  Excuse the Spelling... 
I'm Spanish Illiterate (Smile)
MoonBee


Details | Limerick | |

GREEN SLEEVES

Jack Daniels could grow very mellow;
They called him a jolly, good fellow.
But, strange as it seems,
The good fellow turned green,
When he fell in a tub of lime Jell-o.


Details | I do not know? | |

I Woke Myself Up Laughing

I woke myself up laughing
I couldn't hold it in.
It started with a chuckle..
and it ended with a grin.

Have you ever woke up laughing? 
I mean right out loud and clear? 
I love when my day starts like this
but it's my family's greatest fear.

They know if I wake up laughing
they're bound to hear the joke.
No matter how un-funny...
I'll laugh until I choke! 

Yesterday I woke up laughing 
about a funny dream.
I'd tell you all about it
but to you it may not seem....

Ok, I'll tell the story...
but just prepare yourself to roar.
I dreamt I took the last dry towel...
and there weren't anymore! 

This is it! That's the dream! 
I still can't tell it through.
I'm laughing myself out of my chair
as I write the words to you! 


Details | Free verse | |

The Arizona Heat ---Tagged!!!

The heat of summer makes her brain gelatin
The Arizona sun turns her into a skeleton
Time and space she does not put to waste
Really, this poet lady is one of great taste

Iced tea and lemonade in the Arizona sunlight
Create an atmosphere for her that’s just right
Ink just drying on her newly crafted poem
Always ready to rate on the pole of totem

Tall she stands with stature in poet's land
Only doing right waving her magic wand
Leading other poets to higher heights
Lovely readings are on her poetic site

Everyone should look in her poetic bag
What? Jill Martin, you are now tagged!



Comments:  Okay Jill, I was tagged by Tamiviolet Manchas.  As a result, I have to 
pass the tag along.   Your name is on the top of the list.  Your poetry is just 
wonderful!  Now, you must find a poet whose poetry you enjoy reading, and tag 
that poet with a poem.  Man, this is so much fun!  Chau!



Details | Limerick | |

BYE, BYE, VI

An eccentric young lady named Vi
Got it into her head she could fly.
So, in spite of her shrink,
With a nod and a wink,
She went sailing away through the sky.


Details | Free verse | |

Underwear

Soft, pink satin,
Baby blue with lace.
Underwear, underwear every place.

Hot red silk
Plain white cotton
Underwear here even I had forgotten.

Black and slinky,
Is that a thong?
Underwear like that almost seems wrong.

Blue with Purple polka dots
Roses scattered over lime.
Underwear like that could never,  ever be mine!


Details | Free verse | |

Caught in the Rain

It came with a flash upon my back
Caught off guard, suspenders hanging
Madly rushing to find a place so safe

From around the bend with a honk
“Hey watch your steps” was a shout
Horn blowing while in passing 
One disgruntled taxi driver glaring
Newspaper umbrella in ruins

Noisy rumbling above from a subway
Heading down the track, clank, clank, clank
Brown dog barking, woof, woof, looking back

Shelter at last, finally found a spot
The rain came down with a heavy shout 
Caught shirtless and without shoes
Now sipping coffee listening the blues 
Feeling brand new tasting some stew


Details | Limerick | |

THE DANVILLE ANVIL

There once was a blacksmith at Danville
Who made so much noise on his anvil
That the neighbors, one day,
Quietly hauled it away,
And bulldozed it into the landfill.


Details | Burlesque | |

Is It Just Me?

I wonder if I'm crazy,
It seems as though I am
I'm puzzled by so many things
Like what makes grape jelly
different from grape jam?

Or how anyone could have such low self-esteem,
To let their dumb commercials run
Are we to follow the dinosaurs?
And disappear beneath the sun?

Or how I could be so brain-dead
To find in my refrig,
Some food from the time
of the reign of Ramses,
How could I be so dumb?
The very thought, it scares me,
Makes my mind go numb.

Everything I buy or own,
I seem to lose real quick,
Is there a brain tumor inside me?
Or am I just mentally sick?
Too caught up in great thoughts?
Or just too gosh darn thick?

Sometimes I I find I wander
Into a room, and can't remember why
Is this for people normal?
Or did my brain just fry?

I guess there's no good reason,
To worry about things like this,
Sometimes your brain's on target
Sometimes it just can't help but miss.


Details | Senryu | |

The Mighty Hulk

He is turning green…
Someone just made him real mad—
Keep the man happy!


Details | Limerick | |

SUPER CHIEF

An Indian chief, named Bold Eagle,
Once lived with his faithful old beagle.
He maintained his station,
Without reservation,
In a style that was in tents, but regal.       


Details | Senryu | |

the flying saucer



                                            the flying saucer
                                 missing my head by an inch
                                            did you notice it?


Details | I do not know? | |

Starless Night: The Art Of Giving (Rhyme Incorporated) part 2

Thinking of O, Ms. Jill Martin was in her solitude “Quietly…breathing”
That, she just waved her hand greeting April Lewis “Without Speaking”
I spied humorist Donald Meikle, writing a “Note to a Lady in Waiting”

Let’s party! exclaimed silent Sami Al-Khalili, but not “Only In Winter”
That’s a real cool idea, and I said, how about in “The Field Of Summer”
Dame Marcyle Beer offered her place, called “Welcome To Fort Beer”

A rising star Taryn Melville proudly breezed in: saying “I Am From…”
But, party guy Anthony Slauson showed us his “Fingers of Freedom” 
Leaving noble Alyssa Finley’s young mind fixated in “Dreams Come”

A free verse expert JeanMarie Marchese of Homosassa, uttered “Slow”
Let snow lover Linda Smith tell us first her “Footprints In The Snow”
Indeed, we’ve our time to introduce ourselves, before “The Cockcrow”

Sweet Elaine George arrived, when the night still had a “Tender Heart” 
With a special gift, for Raquel Nicholson, ‘cos she has “a broken heart”
I learned that Big John Tanaskow did not wish to go “Back At the Start”

The party made poetic Mark Hansen expressed himself, in “Cloud Nine”
Perhaps he had consumed much of shy type Nicola Steel’s “Plumy Wine”
For he was too excited, to meet a bright Seema Ali, on a “Poetry Online”

Before the party was over, Juanita Ganir, sprung from her “Sacred Well”
And, old Londoner Matt Doe spoke, of his mighty “Showdown In Hell”
To a sexy Tamiviolet Manchas, but, she xoxoxo urged him, “Don’t Tell”

Many thanks, to photographer William Jones, for his “Living In Color”
A souvenir that reflects my own plea to “Make Me Whole, Once More”
A plea to everyone, to all friends, to remember that “My Name Is Thor”


Details | I do not know? | |

LUNCH TIME

Ethan Alan Eaton ate an earthworm,
So, Ethan Alan's sister Sybel said.
But little Ethan Alan doesn't talk, yet; 
So he just sucked his thumb and burped, instead.   


Details | I do not know? | |

Your Mistake

'Love is patient'
'Love is kind'
The thought of love
Can turn you blind.

But... Now we must
Take some steps
To verify those
Deep regrets.

The first problem you see
Was that. . .
He lied about
You being fat

That in turn 
Led ya to
Beleiving that
He 'accepted' you.

Mirrors were made
For a darn good reason
And thinking you are nothing special
Is high, high treason...

But no!
He's perfect
And no! He's kind
Seriouslly sister
You've lost your mind.

The recipe to love Is that
You have to love your self.
It's not about your facial features
Or the size of ya belt.

The man should be a rock to lean on
And not! A heartless swine.
So please next time. Do pick him wisely
Make sure he has a spine!


Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.


Details | Free verse | |

SOUPER Sex Change

This Lil' poem
had to change it's name
With a title so lame 
nearly got sent
to Soup's Hall of Shame!

Never fear
dude's on the poetic rise
silky set a' verses
new curves in them thighs

you bet
boys'll be 
rubber neckin'
new flow's strapped
like an automatic weapon

Yep she's got new features
but didn't cost six grand
with a new set a' headlights
give the new girl a hand!


Details | Clerihew | |

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian is a beaut, but we all know that she can be a sloot.
She was with Ray J for his dime, now their affair has ended up online.
She looks a bit like her Mom but in her prime.
Sorry Kris, it's past your time.


Details | Rhyme | |

A Bike Ride

The world flying past,
I'm riding so fast;
Then a screech and I find
The world's left behind.
I'm up in the air
(It's pretty up there)
I just hope it won't hurt
When I come back to earth.


Details | Couplet | |

Living the Dream

My nightmare is so tangible...so vividly I dream,
The dream, it feels so true to me...reality it seems.

Exhaust and smoke are all I breathe...the air is full of smog...
The job I do is thankless toil, but I work it like a dog.

There's mercury in the fish I eat...there're toxins in my food...
And drugs, they are a constant scourge...myriads for every mood.

Bipolar is my government...a house divided 'tis...
And corporations drive both sides...in the pockets of "Big Biz".

The icecaps, they are melting...the sea is rising, too.
Pandas, condors, polar bears -- empty cages at the zoo.

My money ne'er seems quite enough...I'm always out of cash...
My freedom fled when I wed my bride...(live I under the lash).

"Entertainment"? Reality TV...maybe some vampire shows...
Or idjits becoming household names for being beachfront "ho's".

People clamor "climate change" from the seats of S.U.V.'s,
And bitter news on the honey front...what's killing all the bees?

Politicians spending more...we go deeper in the red.
Opinions dressed as "news" abound...is journalism dead?

Cell phones are ubiquitous...conversation's endangered now...
And "Kardashians" are famous girls..but who knows why or how?

How strange my twisted psyche is t'make real what must be fake...
Now'f only I could find some way to get myself to wake.


Written on November 27th, 2012
By Daniel Beus (Rebel Sun)


Details | Free verse | |

My Sweet Camel Toe, Where'd you Go

Where'd you go?
oh where did you go
my precious camel toe?

played me like a fiddle
with your bubbly middle
you're such a skanky hoe
but I love you so
camel toe
camel toe

we had magic
we had fire
purple sweatpants my desire
come back camel toe

victory! camel toe
you're the villain 
you're the winner
with your puffy 
wedgied center

camel toe
camel toe

you're my sassy hoe
you're my Christmas snow
gone like cold wind blows
with your return
my member grows

I miss my camel toe
baby 
where'd you go?
sweaty sweetie 
camel toe


Details | Free verse | |

Bladder Problems in Class

Numbers on 
White board…names written hori-
zontally

Students ask
To go pee…right when class starts – 
THAT’S just wrong…

Bathroom line
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!

People are
Not using lunchtime to do 
Their business 

No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
IOUSLY?


Details | Burlesque | |

Redneck FATHER'S DAY------

***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***



"Storm over yet...?"

"Well hay'ell ye'ah! 
 woo-hoo!
 sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
 whadda'bou  that boy th'er?
 sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"

"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"

"Wha'choo sayin? 
 wha'th'a?
 na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
 shoot! 
 'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm! 
 torna'durr warnin' too!
 he gonna have him'a cole burr;  
 on me!"
 my treat!
 mama, git him'a cole burr! 
 ro'tt now; 
 ya'here?
 besides...
 ta'days father's day!" 



© 2011  ~JSLambert Esquire

   










Details | Bio | |

Deadly Feet Of Tae Kwon Do

He was in none of my classes
In the 1980's
And I saw him only on test days
Where one had to perform his "kata"
And fight in the ring
For the Sensai to do his thing

At these graduation tests
Where we seeked the next higher belt
Several schools would meet
And it was on one of these occasions,
I met a student with the most deadly feet...

Wasn't that he kicked well,
Or scared us in the ring,
It was the putrid odor,
That made our noses so sting

I doubt he'd washed his feet in decades,
The stench was so very strong,
Sitting there waiting to fight,
I wondered what was going wrong

He wasn't even near me,
But yet I choked and gagged
And when i did get closer,
I knew I had the culprit tagged

I but merely hoped I didn't have to fight him,
Though I knew I could kick his ass,
But the thought of those stinking feet near me
Would be like being exposed to toxic gas

Well, I lucked out
His stench used
In someone else's bout..

But the memory of that smell
Lingers on until this day
I don't know if I can explain it,
I don't know quite what to say...

A power like that,
Stronger than martial arts,
Done merely with lack of soap...
I suppose I could have saved money
And joined him as a dope.




Details | Haiku | |

Fright Night

<                                       the ... be ~witch ~ing ~ hour
                                         ghost ~ and ~ gobblings ~ lurking .... for
                                         it's  ~  candies .......  bounty


                                        amidst ~ swollen ...... moon
                                        face ~ of ~ wicked ~ witch .....  smiling 
                                        bats ~ fly ~ in ....... frenzy


                                        
                                       great ~ jack - o - lantern
                                       menacing ~ halloween ~ glow
                                       on ~ darken ......... doorsteps




For Linda Marie's
Halloween Haiku
G.L. All


Details | Burlesque | |

Adam & Eve Inventory Accountants

Adam was an 
acceptable accountant
And Eve a bubblingly 
bright bookkeeper;
Adam loved the 
First-In, First-Out
Accounting (FIFO) system, 
While Eve preferred 
The Last-In, First-Out
Inventory (LIFO) system;  
Together they testified that
Inventoried sweet fruit 
should neither 
Sits and spoil 
nor go to the 
Garden wastebasket 
Wrongfully.


Details | Haiku | |

Playing Peek A Boo {Edit}

<                             coniferous tree
                       playing peek a boo .... shuffle                                
                              candid smiles glisten


{ Christmas }






Entry For
Deborah Guzzi's
Holiday Haiku Contest
G.L. All


Details | Free verse | |

Computer Chair Woes: A Collaboration with Chris :D Aechtner

How do people do it?
For that matter, how do I pull it off?
Sitting in front of the computer for so many hours,
body compressed into a computer chair.
Feel a whole decade older than I actually am-
aching bones,
stiff joints,
sore muscles.
Eyes all dried out
as I get up from the chair
with a cramped neck,
my back temporarily doubled over
until my muscles warm up and loosen a little.

Tired, I slink back into my err-NO-Go-meek (ergonomic?!) chair
I check my butt...wiggle a bit...
Damn. Still spacious?? I want to feel SNUG!
So I sink my teeth into 4 inches of
Chunky Hunky Mega Chocolate Cocoa Cuckoo Overload Bar
Mmmm, this will go straight to my ass...

...there, it finally happened....officially lodged into the computer chair-
knew better than to eat so much chocolate while sitting for hours.
Too embarrassed to call an emergency crew,
I will have to wheel around the house, stuck in this chair,
until enough calories have burned away,
enabling me to dislodge these chocolaty buttocks
and taste some upright, biped freedom again.

Figured I could start losing those calories
by going on a mouse clicking frenzy
Flexing my pointer finger, I start clicking away
Click....click...click...'til a tic in my eye develops
Yup, don't care what I'm clicking on,
as long as that staccato beat resonates in my ears...
fingertips sweating, I go into a trance-

fall asleep at the keyboard,
image of the screen imprinted on my retinas,
dreaming about clicking the mouse.
Fast clicks, slow clicks, double and triple-clicks!
Many hours afterwards, 
the sound is still trapped in my brain,
slowly driving me completely insane-
*click*  *click, click*  *clickety-click*

How do people do it?
For that matter, how do I pull it off?
Sitting in front of the computer for hours on end...
My good ol' mouse answered that for me
It rolled over my arm,
massaged me on my back and shoulders,
taking out the knots in the process
and headed straight to my butt, just wedged itself in, snuggled there
*click!* *click* *Clickety-clickkk!*
my butt cheeks were now doing the clicking
This is beyond me, never knew I could do that!
Pain shoots up my thighs--going higher
Uggh. Butt cramps!
Shaking my head, I reach for the mouse,
instead, my fingers touch something soft, sticky...brown
Ah, yes!
My butt is glued to my chair with             chocolate.


             *click!*




07302011

-- well I sure enjoyed writing this one with Chris ;) 


Details | Rhyme | |

The Last Day of School

Tis a lovely day for students are glad 
The last day of the school year is anything but sad
No more assignments to study nor papers to write
Students can deal with William Shakespeare at next year’s fight
Textbooks have been returned and stored away
Lockers are cleaned out with nothing to stay
The students rejoice with the last bell’s ringing
But the teachers are doing a happy dance 
And tis they who are doing all the singing!!


Details | Free verse | |

Ridiculous Me

Watch this scene with both eyes and try not to blink C: --> 

I stood there... silently
Like a predator near prey 
I sneak behind YOU

You weren't even aware of it!! Ha-ha! 

I made YOU jump hIgH
Like a startled hare
I chuckle and smile

You know that mischievous smile of mine? 

Your reaction was
PRICELESS - you were so upset
But YOU forgave me

Well...I'm flattered. . . 

We laugh'd together (just like the good times)
In a chorus - our volume
Picked up extreme sound

Believe me - I could hear our laughter from a mile away!

But I'm glad I did
My best to make you giggle

Ridiculous me... 
Wouldn't you agree?


Details | Narrative | |

ATTENTION vignette form

In the base motor pool
See an off-limits card school-
A scheming Bilko takes the pot
Hoodwinking top brass was his game,
Fast talking his claim to fame.

Brian Strand  Rhyme me an olf TV show-Sergeant Bilko


Details | Narrative | |

THE RICHEST HERITAGE OF HUMANKIND

Literature was pursued
by the greatest individuals who ever lived,
and they left us works of unsurpassable wisdom;
human emotions have always been the same, 
and this can't attest to the fact that they will not change anytime soon,
but the freer we are, the further we go up in our balloon.


The richest heritage of Humankind
is found in the written word, which is heard often and not really understood;
where would we be today without the plays and sonnets of Shakespeare that were quite sad,  
or Dante's famous canto, not excluding superb works by modern writers?...
During the dark ages, monks translated books from Greek and Latin into common languages;
as the barbarians destroyed everything found in their path, civilization did not end.


Tragedies of famous people attracted the lucrative minds of poets who had heard of them,
thus embellishing them with their vivid imagination and present actual facts...I follow in
their poetic footsteps, writing down stories that have recently happened, or occurred
before I was born; and with ideas as interesting as theirs, I continue in that tradition
without envying their unaging expressions and distinguished style, but by aggrandizing them.


Literature has finally found its merited place in History, unlikely a hundred years ago,
more people are voraciously reading, and keeping the writers busy by admiring
their sensational works, making comments of encouragement to boost up their optimism;
and to theaters they go and spent an entire night to listen to drama and satire...to scoff,
laugh, or cry when emotions intensify by the sconces of the electric lights; and cheering,
they applaud the richest heritage of Humankind on stage, and are captivated by its scenario.



Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Rhyme | |

A Sly Reply

I was recently invited to a party
 and their were quite a lot of people there.
Then it was discovered, I was the only one without a cell phone,
 but I didn't really seem to care.

They all enjoyed a good laugh at that simple fact,
 me being the only one without one there.
Though when I came with a sly, yet subtle reply
 all everyone could do was stare.

I asked, "Why does everyone need one?"
 and a woman replied "Well, just in case!"
I said "What, in case you may need to use one?"
 "Because one is owned by everyone in the place!"

Then came, "They make your life easier!"
 "Not having to remember all the numbers you have amassed."
So I said, "Can you remember your mothers number?"
 with a squeamish reply of "No?" We all just laughed.

Sure they may be great for pictures of special times,
 like cameras at one time were.
But when it comes to remembering those special needs
 that dumbing down can leave you in a blur.

So really we don't all need them
 and you can learn to live without them in your life just fine.
I've lived my whole life fine without one,
 and you can reach me on my home phone, if you ever find the time.



Danny Boy: 11-27-13


Details | Limerick | |

The Monster Mash

<                              dancing to the hit song monster mash
                                frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
                                took the witches culdeen
                                and boiled up mummys spleen
                                Quasimodo joined in on the bash


                                witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
                                illuminates party from it's start
                                Dracula and zombies
                                lurking for free bodies
                                poor old frankie's wife just fell apart 



                               the bewitching dance came to its end
                               when bats flew in frenzy around den 
                               on this all hallows eve
                               trickery was up sleeve
                               sent my 3 black cats in to defend


Details | Rhyme | |

The Disney Princess Nightmare

Well I went to the movies,
To see Beauty and Beast, in 3D.
And before I even sat down,
Belle truely shocked me.

There she was in person,
But the kids just walked on by,
Ushered by their parents,
I began to wonder why.

So I looked a little closer,
And it didn't take me long,
As little girls ran away in fear,
I then knew what was wrong.

Belle was very stalky,
Calloused, were her hands,
And when I heard the "princess" speak,
I knew she was a man.



Details | Rhyme | |

There is a moral here somewhere

There is a moral here somewhere?

The Vicar of the small town of Fife
Passing a brothel heard shouts of strife,
Flames engulfing the building were rife
Rushed in to save someone’s life
Found he had just saved his wife.


Details | Clerihew | |

Albert Einstein - Clerihew

Physicist Albert Einstein
Redesigned his hairline
He enjoyed the notoriety
Having theorized “Relativity”

© November 14, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Limerick | |

Black Friday

<                     ladies ~ gentlemen ~ start those ...... engines
                         miss  ~ Ho ~ down - prices .... would be a sin
                                        best buy - circuit city
                                   black ~ friday .... how pitty
                        5 am ~ now ~ who ~ wears ~ smiling ... grins 





                          k- mart ~ wal - mart ~ target ~ pennys
                              red tag sales of many and plenty
                                 but you must buy in bulks
                        and ~  get ~ guy ~ like ~ the ... hulk
                to ~ push ~ cart ~ while ~ you ~ chat ~ with ... jenny




                         let's ~ all ~  hop ~ on ~ over ~ to ~ I - hop
                         your one stop for christmas breakfast slop
                                sure pancakes sounds yummy
                                     but wait till hits tummy 
                                 be sitting on stool till it plops




Entry For
Carolyn Devonshire's
Commericialized Holiday Humor Contest
Gl All And Happy Holidays
Love Kathy & Jenny


Details | Diminished Hexaverse | |

My Mechanic's Receptionist

The divine swell of
Her heaving breasts
Soothes the pain
Of large
Bills.


Details | Rhyme | |

TROLL AT THE PLAYGROUND

Scene 1 
I am cornered by troll mother on the playground

Hey there, Barbie, your plastic smile crackles,
Desperate Housewives called, they need a new star,
Your playground antics have raised my hackles, 
Just who in the world do you think you are
photographing my child without consent?
You then offer to email me pictures,
snarling at your girl. Is sand unpleasant 
for your manicure? Next, you conjecture 
that I need a facial, say, you sell Mary Kay,
I crush your small card, think, please go away.

Scene 2 
The troll turns out to be my husband’s boss’s wife. Guess who came to dinner?

Hi there, come in, your pretty smile sparkles.
Was that you in Vogue? I love your pink car!
Oh, you were right! My look was matriarchal! 
Watch out world, cause you will be going far!
Thanks for the photo, what a nice present,
How kind, that touch up was a nice feature.
I love your perfume! Is that a new scent?
Yes, women are like old architecture
and we need spackle! God bless Mary Kay!
So glad you came. Care for a canapé? 


About this poem

There are days I want to write a blog entitled “Mommies Behaving Badly.” Seriously, I have seen some horrid behavior in parks. Last week, a woman wearing high heels (in a sandbox?) teeters towards my daughter and starts taking pictures of her. We’ve never met. I’m like, EXCUSE ME? She sits down, tells HER daughter to, "not make mommy dirty" and proceeds to offer to send me the photos. I give her my phone number (she types it into her hand held device) and then begins to tell me about Mary Kay. One day later I’m left a message on my answering machine that she thinks a spa treatment would ‘help me.’ Sheesh. Scene 2 is imagination. Scene 1 is fairly accurate. Make that scarily accurate. Shameful business practices 101, how to gain contacts the nasty way.





Details | Rhyme | |

Walk Of Shame

Walk Of Shame

Did you see that girl walk by?
I can tell, she got a guy
It's 9am, her hair's a mess
Sunday morning in a party dress?

Mascara run, lipstick smeared
She thought, this hour, all coasts were cleared
Oh but no, her I did see
And as she stumbled, she saw me

High heels on, cell in hand
Back to the dorms, she walked on Grand
Walk of shame, oh how you expose
The true nature of the hoes

Guys wake up to chill on their lawn
As freshmen girls grudgingly pursue on
Calling out, "Well how was your night!?"
Girls wish their walk was out of sight

I just laugh and point them out
More so notifying all via shout
"Walk of Shame, that is you!"
These young girls, they've got no clue

The ones who get it, then take off
Again next weekend, it's never enough
Get any guy, hooking up's their game,
But each time regretting the walk of shame.

You might think I judge too hard
Not giving them the innocent card
I shouldn't talk, I'm such a hypocrite
That was me yesterday morning, I will admit.


Details | Haiku | |

The Internet

Oh the internet
A battle ground for morons
Will we ever learn?


Details | Limerick | |

Eating out

Loud speech in restaurants is crude
Why are the obnoxious so rude?
Their noise should be banned
This is not a food stand
But a place we pay for the mood

Author's note:  My wife and I went out for dinner with friends last night.  That was the inspiration for the limerick above.  However, this is also an allegory for what is wrong in today's world.  There is a critical shortage of consideration for others.


Details | Limerick | |

Deal Or No Deal

<                             Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
                               Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~  all found in one big pail
                               Husband said had nice rack
                               Wife turns ~ gives him.... good smack
                               Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he .... wail 



Written by
Katherine Stella 
9/8/2012                              
                             
Entry For
Skat's
A Poets Garage Sale
GL ALL


Details | Rhyme | |

4:20, Four- Twenty, The Earth Day Birthday

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Haiku | |

Nudist Stoner



Those in glass houses shall never throw stones or run naked at daytime
*I must give thanks to my friend B.B. for inspiring me to provide you with the PG description of his depravities


Details | Footle | |

Winter

Snow falls
Fun calls

Old folks 
Wear cloaks 

Snow slide
Sleighs ride

Cold day
Kids play

Snow fight
Cool sight 

Round balls
Crash walls

Good hit
Kid’s split

Cold nose
Froze toes

Ó February 5, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Lyric | |

Country Boy, City Slicker On CD

Well, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
Loaded my truck, found a place, and here I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand,

And I've been learnin' how to use a computor,
How to do some picture takin' with a cell phone,
How to get insurance for my truck and motor scooter,
But city life is nothing like back home,

Because where I come from, they call it the boonies,
Dirt roads, back woods, life as country as can be,
Though now I'm mixed in with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,

Yea, I can still plant me a nice little garden,
Though not nearly as big as it use to be,
And still listen to country music, Dolly Parton,
She's on my coffee mug for all to see,

And I still get to do some dear huntin'
For those split tails runnin' 'round here,
And I make sure to keep my truck tuned and runnin'
By way of Auto Zone, or I'd run out of beer,

Yea, I livin' in the hood, straight from the boonies,
It's great be an American and free,
Though I'm mixed in good with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,

Yea, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
And I'm doin' the best that I can...
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm just a country boy with a city slicker plan,
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm still a country boy, yea, that's who I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand.


Details | Free verse | |

Poetic Robbery

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Limerick | |

P D How Foxxy is She

There is a poet so foxy and sly
She needs no introduction and that’s why
Her pen is very quick
Almost as fast as her click
See her creativity and words fly

Watch out for the beauty in auburn hair
Things in her path she hasn’t a care
Stay out of her way
On any given day
Or you’ll be the next one caught in her snare

Hurt you she won’t for she wants you alive
Into your mind she’ll sneak and connive
She will drive you mad
Which will make her glad
Getting under your skin where she’ll thrive

This foxy lady is swift and shrewd
Always on the prowl and never subdued
She’ll catch you unawares
Without putting on airs
Your fate determined one might conclude

Wrapped around her little finger you’ll be
No other woman your eyes shall see
Artful and wily
She caught you so slyly
An unbroken heart there’s no guarantee

Let her think since she’s caught you by surprise
That she’s the only one who got the prize
Yet she did you the favor
You’ll be the one to save her
Since you are the real fox in disguise


For the Contest: P.D.'s Inner Animal


Details | Light Poetry | |

Positive mental attitude

I’m one hell of a guy
You should give me a try
I’m the kind you 
Could take home to mother
I can fix anything
With a nail and some string
And I really am
Quite a good lover

I’m a nice king of fellah
And I’d like to tell ya
I’m nothing at all
Like my brother
I am clever and smart
And I have a good heart
And you’ll find I’m
An excellent lover

I’m a wonderful bloke
Now this isn’t a joke
I’m a man quite unlike
Any other
I am sweet I am kind
And I’m certain you’ll find
I am such
An incredible lover

So if you feel that way
And you want me to play
Just ring up 
And give me a call
I’ll be with you tout suite
For I’m dying to meet
And I’m certain that 
You'll have a ball


Details | Limerick | |

Bow Pow

<                                    cakes and sausages on hot griddle
                                      uncle Leroy's dam dog just piddled
                                      slipped ~ slide across floor
                                      grabbed shotgun by front door
                                      now dam ole dog just plays an fiddle 



                            bow bow bow bow bow bow bow        bow ~ wow 
                            ow ow ow ow ow ow ow                       bow ~ ow 
                            with   tail    between     own  ~              legs 
                            now    dog    sings  ~    and  ~               brags
                            about cousin's daisies's  bad                 bow ~ pows
                  
                                                                                        
                                                                                     


Entry For John Freeman's
Slapstick Limerick Contest
Gl All

Poor Ole Dog LOL


Details | Couplet | |

Unbuttoning


There once was a time when you can say unbuttoning was part of the foreplay. Every single button was a step to reach to a place they call garden of peach. Unbuttoning each other was like an art in a game which still now has few expert. Now a days people do not have much time and they quickly want to reach their prime. With zippers there is a vast change in scene I think you are getting what I mean. In this game people have less time to play zippers help them in that without much delay. ===============000=============== Placement;5th, February 2013 Contest:Buttons Sponsor:Susan Burch


Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!


Details | Limerick | |

There Once Was A Young Boy Called Tim

There once was a young boy called Tim,
Who decided the Mersey to swim,
Got in to his knees,
But started to freeze,
So decided it wasn't for him!


Details | Monoku | |

Alien-nation

One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.


Details | Limerick | |

Mars And Venus

On Mars it's a man you will see.
On Venus a lady will be.
     But what's so amazing,
     Will make all your heads ring.
They both get together with glee!


Details | Narrative | |

Lunchtime at the Nursing Home


Hungry for munchies, on his way to the lunchroom, 
a rambunctious, persnickety,“fuss-budget”, elderly
jittery, fidgety, geezer, named Cassidy…
whose questionable dexterity, aghast by a massive sneeze,
teeter-tottered precariously. 
at the edge of the thingamajig, ...jigging one way, jagging the other!

Minding his own beeswax, without any rigmarole, 
topsy-turvy on his feet, he reached for the balustrade,
became quite flabbergasted, and very discombobulated 
when the doohickey provided for his ambidextrous aid
jiggled free from its screws, and found him footloose! 

It seemed the doo-dad, put there by some nitpicking pipsqueak,
some flat-footed, hooligan, who knew diddly-squat, who obviously,
recklessly, constructed a railing, only worthy for failing!

Such foolhardy shenanigans! Was it some practical joke
to lambaste aged codgers, eliminate lodgers, and boondoggle the old folks? 
Cass, was an old rabble-rouser, considered a blabbermouth, 
was thrown off his epicenter, while his cane went a'sailing, appendages flailing 
Onlookers, were outraged, ....in stage of amazement
but  laughs grew contagious, and cock-eyed hilarious!

Those carpetbagger carbuncles of society….can’t stop this old fogy
Cass, brushed off his hinny, would not be blind-sighted..
Barbaric bedevilment, won’t halt his felicity!
Some even predicted, with his acid tongue lashings, and his eccentric behavior,
he would stir up entanglement, kibosh the haranguers
and strangle the caboodles, who hooted and hollered!

His face turned beet red, but no meltdown,......instead
He held his chin high
to the dining room, ahead....he ordered French bread
Ordered some bouillabaisse, toasted with balderdash and a shot of rye
He dined with the multitudes, ordered some strudel, and one snicker-doodle
Then he told folks a riddle, "There was a man with a cane, who slipped on a noodle,    a handrail came loose, he injured his caboose….and cooked his goose!"
.....................................................

 


Details | Senryu | |

Quit Running

mom say's
quit running !!!!
  {walk}


Details | Alliteration | |

Banana Boat Bob

<                        Banana ~ boat ~ Bob ~ is ~ a ~ slippery..... Boob
                          Thought ~ that ~  this ~ town ~ lost ~ it's .... groove
                          No ~ spice  ~  no ~  life ~ no  .... nothing
                          Little ~ lost ~ boy ~ now ~ looks ~ for ~ his ~ Lucy's ....  ring


                          When ~ where ~ what ~ or ~ even ......  why
                          I'll ~ inquire ~ insist ~ innovate ~ or ~ even  ..... lie
                          His ~ history ~ of ~ having ~ such ~ big ....... hamstrings
                          Maybe ~ even ~ mighty ~ magical ~ musical ~ fruits ~ and .... greens



                         Or ~ having ~ big ~ over-sized ~ onions ~ olives  ~ and ..... Kiwi
                         screw ~ this ~ he's ~ scum  ~ skewered ~ tossed ~ back ~ to ... sea
                         Poor ~ precious ~ pretty ~  Lucy ~  got .......    pranked
                         Cause ~ curious ~ Bob ~ couldn't ~ control ~ love ~ so ~ he ....  sank

              

                        All ~ alone ~ and ~ now ~ very .... angry
                        Drowing ~ deep ~ in ~ own ~ do-do  ~ droppings .... whopie 
                        Luscious ~ Lucy ~ now ~ can ~ look ~ long ~ and ...... hard
                        For ~ another ~ fast ~ floating ~ free ~ salemens ~ not ~ selling.... lard



Entry For
Linda Marie's
Luscious Love Lingers Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Dan of the Land

There's a man named Dan of the Land
His poems humorous, never bland
With a flick of his wrist
He writes prose with a twist
From a mind that is always unmanned


Details | Free verse | |

Naughty Queen Vicky

It may come as quite a shock
but Queen Victoria
Loved a curry on a Friday night
liked plenty of sex
and smoked pot.


Queen Victoria and her husband Prince Albert, had 9 children together. Her Indian servant and confidant introduced her to Indian food. Taking drugs and opium were legal in such times.

P Dome. copyright 2012.


Details | Clerihew | |

Gandhi

Mahatma Gandhi
Civil disobedience as modus operandi
The British, oh so superior
Ended up on their right royal posterior!

Diana Dalton
13 Nov 2012


Details | Haiku | |

THOUGHTS FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE

THE MAN:

He sits quietly,
Warm in his beautiful coat.
What is he thinking.



THE MONKEY:

Sitting here alone,
Contemplating lifes meaning.
Freaking cold out here.


                                       







For Natural And Beyond Contest by John Freeman  --  Aug. 21,2011


Details | Burlesque | |

Suburban Spring

Suburban Spring	
(4.15.10)


	Springtime fills the air, 
			like laughing gas.
		(Or maybe more like whiskey.)
The suburbs are drunk on the nectar of it's dawn.
	Middle-class houses 
			are starting to dance.
		(Or maybe they're just wobbling.)
They vomit whole families onto their lawn.

			I watch them the same way dogs watch TV:
				Confused and intrigued, 
		with a slight urge to pee.

	The father cuts grass, 
			like a sleepwalker.
		(Or maybe more like a zombie -
Ravenous for cheap beer, instead of brains.)
	A six pack later, 
			he starts washing his car.
		(Or watering his driveway.)
He's spreading on wax so he's set when it rains.

	The mother kneels in dirt, 
			tending the garden.
		(More like digging in a sandbox.)
Her spade is rusty.  (Figuratively, at least.)
	A sunset later, 
			she cooks family dinner.
		(Or maybe orders some pizza.)
(If every mouth is fed, she can call it a feast.)

			I watch them the same way dogs watch TV.

	The son plays war games, 
			dying for fun.
		(Or maybe more for practice.)
He whines about fruit drinks, as well as the heat.
	A full pitcher later, 
			tweaking on sugar,
		(Or maybe just corn starch.)
the war escalates, 'til its time to go eat.

	The daughter makes a picnic, 
			inviting her toys.
		(Or maybe not.)
(Her plastic spread can only spread so thin!)
	After the tea time, 
			she's off picking flowers.
		(Or maybe weeds.)
(As long as they're pretty, there's a vase that they'll fit in.)

		They gather, as a family, at the table to say grace.
		They hold each others' hands and say, "Amen."  
			(And proceed to stuff their face.)

	The dog sits by the boy - 
			Loyal and true.
		(Or maybe just hungry.)
He drools as he stares from the corners of his eyes.
	After dinner, 
                     he offers to help with the dishes.
		(Or maybe he demands it.)
The boy sneaks him a bite.  The dog is not surprised.

	Bedtime comes soon after.  
			The kids are sent to brush their teeth.
		(Or maybe just to run the sink.)
They put on their jammies, and to bed, they go.
	After tucking them in, 
			the parents watch TV.
		(Or maybe they just dream they do, 
					sleeping in its glow.)

	The dog is changing channels, 
			looking for a better show.
				Confused and intrigued, 
		he pees on the carpet below.


Details | Limerick | |

SLICK LIMERICK


a dancing queen called nette onclaud rocked hip hop steps in tasseled shroud she leapt in thin air wind blew her false hair... shaved head bowed to a cheering crowd *yayy! * © ----------- CONTEST: PD’s Slick Limerick


Details | Free verse | |

Ramblings of a Graveyard shift worker....

I used to complain about having to work at night on weekends.
Everyone was having fun but li'l ol' me.
Some years back I had an epiphany on the matter.
Suddenly, I had time to cash my check AND pay my bills!
Then, I might possibly catch a movie, which has plenty of seating on Monday nights!
But my favorite part is: The People Zoo.
I started visualizing folks in their cubicles and at their counters as exhibits.
You find mostly monkeys in cubicles working for some government agency.
The sharks you'll find in the car lots and on showroom floors.
The insects buzzing and dutifully mimicking their peers are found at schools.
The buzzards and carrion feeders can be found at law firms and in courtrooms.
The bulls and bears can be found scrapping it out on Wall street,
While the elephants and donkeys exchange insults on the TV monitors.
The pigs are found cruising the streets making sure the rats and snakes don't take over.
The blood-sucking Vampire bats can be found working for insurance companies.

BUT.......

Just a warning: Most of these exhibits offer you no protection from the brutality of nature!
There are no tour guides and no guarantees of safety or fun.....
And, one more thing: They will eventually come to see you in YOUR exhibit!


Details | Quatrain | |

Fancy Dudes

The work was hard out on the ranch, the days were hot an' dry,
An' fancy things you find in town had caught ol' Jim Bob's eye.
When evenin' came he'd sit the fence an' crave to see the sights,
To drive big cars to all the bars an' toast the city nights.

He had a gal he courted some, her name was Betty Lou.
She'd lived a spell in Angelo, had been to Lubbock, too.
Her face was fine, with freckled cheeks, her hair was done in style;
An' all her clothes had fancy brands that musta cost a pile.

Now, Betty Lou had set her sights to put her brand on Jim,
But he had things he had to do an' marriage weren't for him.
The world was callin'-out his name, he had some things to learn,
Some places that he had to see, 'some candles left to burn'.

Well, came a time, an' like you thought, he wandered off the range,
But ended up in Boston-town; now boys, that was a change.
He found a bar that looked real clean an' sauntered in the door;
He'as proud to be of Texas stock an' sallied to the fore.

A fancy feller slithered-up an' asked Jim to his place,
But when he put his hand on Jim's, he punched him in the face.
I guess that feller didn't know for what ol' Jim was known,
An' bein' green to city life, he'as best just left alone.

Right after Jim had took his shot that dude got mighty riled;
He punched Jim once an' kicked him twice, an' left him right defiled.
Jim left his mark, I guess you'd say, that feller's bloody clothes;
Cause when that feller swung his fist, Jim hit it with his nose!.

He'd never seen them fancy dudes, who act like girls an' such;
From what he knew, which wadn't squat, he didn't like 'em much.
He heard they'as sissies, frail an' weak, sashayin' as they walked.
They gossiped like some women-folk, an' giggled when they talked.

Well, when it all was said an' done, he helped Jim to his feet,
An' dusted off his shirt a mite, then smiled at him real sweet.
He told Jim 'bout a couple things he liked to do with males;
Now, one was such I won't repeat, but one was kickin' tails.

Well, boys I guess there's lessons here: be careful where you roam;
Don't wander off to Boston-town, if Texas is your home;
But if you do, stear clear of bars, an' this I would include;
Don't ever underestimate an' rile a fancy dude.


Details | Rhyme | |

Jack Ace, Jackass

He’s 
cool,
jack of all trades
master of none,
as he manipulates 
women for fun.

He’s
cold, 
ice in his veins
and slick lil' snake,
he'll kill ta' steal the deal
real as he's fake

He’s 
cruel,
crowned heart breaker 
full trophy case,
but most ladies know him as
"Lowly Jack-Ace"


This is RHYME METER~


Details | Clerihew | |

ADAM AND EVE




‘.’’’…………..’’. Lush Eden was the garden of Eve Bored with Adam, she took a leave The snake enticed her with red apples And got rich selling creamy truffles Adam formed a new wife from clay Not asking the Master, he needed a ray But other men admired this woman slim Adam's disobedience, another original sin? © * this is just for fun..according to TPS, " a clerihew is usually whimsical, showing the subject from an unusual point of view;but it is hardly ever satirical, abusive or obscene." ‘’’’ ‘ ‘’’’’ P.D.’s Battle of the Clerihew By nette onclaud


Details | Haiku | |

Halloween Haiku

<                                      amidst swollen moon
                                 creatures of the night stalking .....
                                          predator's bounty



                                          be ~ witching ~ hour
                                     beastly  mannerism   gone
                                          totally but .... wild



                                          black cat crosses path
                                          another seven years of ........
                                          having such bad luck



                                              culdron pot boils
                               hearts ~ gizzards ~ livers ... bat's hair 
                                          witches stilled brewing
                                         
                                                                                


Details | Rhyme | |

GO AHEAD, LAUGH

What's in a sound, that has no word
But to our souls and spirits it’s the best thing heard
Laughter is a pleasant sound, 
It spreads joy all around.
Whether you're young or old, laughter can be like magic to our souls
Even with a joke to a boring person laughter can control
A cure for something that seems impossible to endure
Laughter comes spontaneously
And makes you happier instantly
I think worry is an invisible tumor 
But it can be cured by humor 
To giggles, sniggers, chuckles, mutters, murmurs, and mumbles
I laugh so hard my words start to stutter and stumble
Who could not love the sound of laughter to it there is such a happy ring
And the simple gift of laughter it is such a wonderful thing
Laughter is the best medicine
While crying is an unforgivable sin
To laugh is always such great fun 
It relieves the soul, the heart, and the lungs 


“The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.” 
 Shirley MacLaine
 








Details | Epigram | |

Stuck On You

braces interlocked - told him no kissing


Details | Limerick | |

The Naked Truth

<                                our top story tonight is Lawyers
                                  a pain in the ass and real spoilers
                                  with  fancy cars homes suits
                                  fifteen hundred kaboot
                                  rather hire cowboy wearing just spurs






Entry For Carolyn Devonshire's 
Lawyer Limerick's Contest

GL All
                                  
                                  


Details | Limerick | |

Prep Talk

<                                      Peter ~ Piper ~ picked ~ pickled .... peppers
                                        Ate ~ one ~ turned ~ into ~ hot ~ salsa ... stepper
                                                Cherry ~ Banana ~ ....  Bell 
                                         Boy - his - tongue - throat - did ... swell
                                         Couldn't ~ even ~ yell ~ at ~ packs ... prepper






Entry For
Destroyer {Poet's }
Pickles & Tickles Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Carla

Written by Gail DeBole 

A coupon clipper named Carla
Has a bookshelf of coupons in her parla'.
      She clips more each week,
      Treats each like an antique,
And guards them against any burgla'.


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Plain Computer Talk

”. Errors, error, press on “any key
Yes our minds are a clutter you see.
I told you what to do.
Now you are turning blue.
No” any key” shows itself to me.


Details | Chastushka | |

A Windy Day

Oily hair, I battle each day.
Washing it twice each bath I take.
Once the wind, did come my way,
They said , what a scarecrow I’d make.



Written for

Sponsor ^Rick Parise 
Contest Name A BAD HAIR DAY ~ 


Details | Verse | |

Senator's Puppet Wife

hand on back
drilled smile
he milks me
from behind

vote Monty
mochadoodle 
moo


9/20/12
Black Eyed Susan
for nette's "septolet the puppet" contest

fabric: drill – double meaning of practice and durable twill cotton (also, cottonmouth refers to a dangerous snake as well as "an uncomfortable condition that feels as if your mouth is coated with cotton. http://www.ehow.com/how_8412538_fix-cottonmouth.html#ixzz278lYPjBG)

flavor: mochadoodle – not kidding! it's a flavor of coffee: milk chocolate, cinnamon, and hazelnut 

(Monty is a made up senator - referring to the expression "the fully monty" - meaning everything that is expected or possible)


Details | Limerick | |

You Stink

<                            Once came along a super ninja
                              Dagger Nunchucks Gi sword Wala
                              Hiding in the sewer
                              Got covered with manure
                              Fear not his weapons but hands haha


                             
                              


Details | Limerick | |

Fire In The Hole

<                                        once there was ten devious children
                                          oh how they did a poor little sin
                                          brother had passed some gas
                                          they lit match to his ass
                                          dam dog was even wearing a grin






Entry For
John Freeman's
Giggle Poetry Contest # 2
G.L. All


Details | Lyric | |

It's My Birthday, It is Your Birthday

It’s My Birthday

It’s my birthday…  I look out the window there is no one for me owe so, owe so lonely poor me . 

It’s my  birthday…  you surprise me, with a Barber-Q grill  with a cooler that chills with a grin we show white grills.

Happy Birthday… it’s my Birthday I am still waiting,  it   is almost the end of my the day, just waiting on you to wish me a happy birthday which, well make my day. 

It’s my birthday…you do not remember that day, can we go out for we can remember that day?

It’s my birthday… I can share it or alone, some share it with a twin, or with a friend and the ones who stay to the ends like a good friend.

It my birthday…  its looks like another day to me I just need someone or something to comfort with me a room full of women and with hand full men, a juice in cup, juice in glass, with a sweet lady and grill on cut grass that may make every day feel like my birthday, with a touch of class. 
 
It’s your birthday… it’s your birthday you should all-ways win on your birthday, if do not have a mate you sneak and go on second party date form those who may player hate.  
  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!  it comes and go, I see you come through, looking out my window with a hand full company that is what a party really should need, yes it’s sweet, sweet with music and sweet with treats or  it must be the money, or food, or brinks, or just me.


Poetry 7/7/12 by author Keith K. Relf


Details | Couplet | |

Where does the Time go

I feel as though time is slipping away,
And more is gone each passing day…


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Lily Rainbow

Written by Gail DeBole 

Lily Rainbow, a summertime freak,
Was as bold as a mouse is meek.
    After caught in the rain,
    She lived up to her name
With a gold pot tattooed on her cheek.


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Blank verse | |

Mental breakout

Walking down a street alone
a few things come across me
surrounding gardens all acquired perfectly
flowers blooming
happy dog running
smiling people with no heads all friendly.
Much distance behind me now where I fairly took my leap of freedom
they must be wondering where I am now.
So better pick up the pace
sanity of the world is appealing to me
much reasons to be walking cheerfully.
But the fresh air does seems dirty
flowers now seem dead
dogs looking more aggressive
people with no heads are not around any-more.
NOW I SEE THE TRUTH!!!
I'm scared!
What can I do to getaway from this insane world?
Can't go back
drugs are to weak for me
better start running
run to that world where sanity was my pleasurable freedom
run away to that world where all seems to be clear through the fog
Get to that world where people smile again with no heads!


Details | Free verse | |

A Simple Southern Christmas

It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
All I want from Santa is some egg nog, bourbon and beer.
I'm gonna wait on Santa Christmas Eve night,
and when he's not lookin' I just might,
steal his reindeer.
It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
I'm sending out my Christmas cheer.
I'm gonna sit on my front porch swing and sing.
It will be a good thing to hear those jingle bells ring.
I thought I seen Santa on the backwoods bayou road,
but instead it was a big fat toad.
It'a a wonderful simple southern Christmas here.
Santa just brought me some egg nog, bourbon, and beer.
When he wasn't lookin' I stole his reindeer.
So now I can deliver my Christmas cheer.
But hurry, hurry, I'm in a rush,
got to give that reindeer a little push.
Got to go, got to go,
got to get home to fix my gumbo.
It is Christmas day,
and I'm in  a rush I must say.
It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
Just add egg nog, bourbon and beer.
Mix it up with some Christmas cheer.
I'm ready for Christmas every year.


Details | Limerick | |

February Funny Bone

                                 Once came along a groundhog named Phil
                                 Looked for shadow in winters chill
                                         Even top hat and coat
                                         Didn't stop whining's gloat
                                Stuck six more weeks paying heating bill                                 
                                  






Written by 
Katherine Stella 2/4/12
Entry For
Linda Marie's
February Funny Bone Contest
G.L. ALL


Details | Limerick | |

Oh Snap

<                              amidst afternoon's summer's pose / nap
                                are nana's two little handsome chaps
                                logan and just lucas
                                bonded secured by trust
                                brotherly love now don't make me snap
                                                          
                                                                
                                
                                
                                
                                 
                                 
                                                           
Written By Katherine Stella 5/15/11

Entry For Miranda Lambert's
Brotherly Love Contest
G.L. ALL


Details | Limerick | |

Don't read

I told you not to read, still you are here
Aren’t you reading just cuz I said not to, dear??

Haha! Got you! Reverse psychology it is
Control that smile playing at your lips!!

You couldn’t! Isn’t it? Now, don’t comment dear peer!!!


Details | Clerihew | |

God That Taste Like Rubber

<                                      Mr Thomas Adams
                                        Weaver of the gum  Wham !
                                        Thought his Chicle
                                        Would fit better on my motor ~ cicle






Entry For 
John Freeman's 
Giggle Poetry
G.L. All


Details | Rhyme | |

The Gambling Man

He is a bookies monkey,
A blackjack Joe,
A casino junkie,
A slot machine Moe,

He is a roulette Roger,
A double down Dave,
A betting shop lodger,
A gambling slave,

He is a baccarat Billy,
A poker sharp Pete,
A wily old Willie,
A Charlie cheat,

He is a high stakes Harry,
A dog track Dan,
A lotto Larry,
He is the gambling man


Details | Clerihew | |

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller
Had a laugh that was killer.
Funky clothes and crazy hair,
A cigarette holder added flair.

9/27/12
For Andrea Dietrich's A New Crop of Clerihews contest.


Details | Tanka | |

My Boo

<                          halloween haunting's
                       black shoe polish foundation
                             ruby red lipstick
                       pillow stuffed under big dress
                        red white bandana for hair

                               spatula in hand 
                       eggbeater in dress pocket
                              pillowcase for loot
                       daddy's boots causing blisters 
                          aunt jemima memories 




Entry For
Paula Sweanson's
Halloween Of Tears Past
GL AL


Tribute To Childhood Memories


Details | Free verse | |

I'll Take The Tall, Dark and Handsome, Oh, I Mean Coffee, To

She looked shyly at him from behind her menu
His eyes were a baby blue that sent chills
Through her whole body; she could melt right here 
And have that waitress he’s talking to mop her up
Typical Barbie doll type with an pretentiously
Effervescent personality that makes you want to 
Roll your eyes and scoff--The environment they 
Were in was a hustle and bustle type of place 
Where time waits for no man...as soon as people
Were done eating, they were cleared out and 
Another party was ushered in

“It is essential to business that you eat,
Order and then leave.” The Barbie Doll waitress’ 
Nasal twang only served as a catalyst for 
Her frustration--She kept peering over her 
Menu at the Adonis that kept her enraptured
“Well Honey, what’s it gonna be?”
Barbie’s voice oozed of impatience
Not taking her eyes off The Gorgeous One,
She replied softly, “I need more time.”
Barbie’s demeanor escalated from 
Impatience to hysterical--“More time! 
Honey, you gotta order, or you gotta go!” 
As the hand went to the waist
And the hip thrusted out.

Now she had enough of this witch and her
Attitude---Why couldn’t she just go somewhere
Nice to eat and be able to enjoy the view?
“No, I don’t gotta go---You do! She exclaimed
As she stood up, knocking her bag to the floor; 
Menu flailing back and forth
You are SO nasty, why would I want to eat
Here? You probably SPIT in the food!”
The waitress stood back, aghast
What evolved next was most of the patrons
Getting up and leaving; unpaid checks and
Half-eaten plates the fallout of this outburst
The owner, who tried to assure people there was
No saliva in the food, bellowed for the waitress
To get into his office while the rest of the staff
Scurried around trying to recover from the 
Losses they incurred

As she took a deep breath, picked up her
Bag and her dignity, The Gorgeous One 
Came from behind, put his arm around her
And smiled
“That was the greatest thing I ever saw,
He said as his eyes shone intensely on her
What’s your number?” And she felt like a
Rocket flying to the Moon
Elation to go.........with a side order of
Breathless


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Paula

Written: October 3, 2010

There once was a lady named Paula
Who loved to shop at the Mall-a.
She shopped ‘til she “dropped.”
She shopped and she shopped
Every Spring, Summer, Winter and Fall-a.

Christmas time put her skills to the test.
It was when Paula proved she was best.
The crowds stood amazed.
Paula could shop for days
Without losing her holiday zest.

Gail's note: Inspired by my friend Paula.
Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

All In The Family

<                          once Edith laid her hot iron flat
                            husband Archie called her his dingbat
                            then son-in-law ~ meathead
                            put iron on dam bed
                            boy fire did make Jefferson scat





Written By 
Katherine Stella 10/30/11
Entry For Techno - Limericks Contest 
To Be Co-Judge  G.L. All


Just Gotta Love That Archie LOL

Note Please Never Leave Your Iron On
Can Really Ruin Your Day Yikes


Details | Couplet | |

What A Sight

take a glance
at those pants
hanging down low
giving us a show

we laugh with delight
at the sight
while we stare
at your underwear


Details | Couplet | |

Fastest Gun In The West

<                                      Now hold on there Tex !
                                        Let me get     dressed  !


                                        Let me saddle up my horse
                                        To trollop around this Halloween course


                                        Got on my chaps
                                        My spurs and cowboy hat


                                       Replica's of forty five's
                                       Riding on my hips very high


                                       With lasso in my hand
                                       This little cowboy has a plan
                                       

                                  
                                      So all you ghost and goblins
                                      It's candies bounty I'll be coming an robbing

                              
                                      And I'll be taking  loot for mummy
                                      And for my daddy who has a bigger tummy










                                                  Happy Halloween To All
                                   Especially little tikes who are so cute and small





Entry For 
Skat's 
Halloween Costume Contest
G.L. All
                                      

 
                                      
                                       


                                     

                                     
                                       


Details | Free verse | |

Ship Ahoy Divorce Style

<                                              Haiku

                                          sea's tranquility
                                   bestows harmonic balance
                                      amidst  tides rising



                                               Limerick



                          aye ye matey walking its own plank
                          let not ye other take thee to bank
                                raise thy anchors set sail
                              give heeve hoe to those failed
                         find ye other sailor's who's yet sank  




                                              Couplet



                    shivery timbers captain bow is about to break
                    toss overboard it's ye baggage holding thee dam weight 




Entry For
{Destroyer { Poet's
Divorce Club
Haiku /Limerick/Couplet Contest
G.L. All


Details | Alliteration | |

Salvation for a Stranger

The streets are busy with silence,
And Sammy is in his own little world,
Focused on his own private route.
His own secret place,
Private, it’s a funny word,
A funny word just like, secret,
Sometimes we fail to realize how we carelessly carry our secrets on our sleeve.
Sammy wants his feelings, emotions, his life to be hidden away,
Still, in the silence of the streets, 
I see the sadness and stress all over his stance.

The shops are packed with stillness,
And Sammy is doing his job, keeping stands tidy, 
Keeping customers happy,
Making his manager proud,
Happy, it’s a strange word,
A strange word just like proud,
Feelings for ourselves that we sacrifice for the satisfaction of strangers.
Sammy thrives on the temporary moods of others to determine his contentment,
Yet, in the stillness of the shops and the silence of the streets, 
I see the sadness and the stress all over his stance, 
In each fragment of his face.

Between the shops and the streets, 
Sammy finds a place that he can refer to as home,
But in the silence and the stillness of his slow beating heart,
He understands that something greater than his being is missing.
And Sammy needs a friend, a friend to show him the truth.
A friend to show him that in the stillness of the shops and the silence of the streets, 
He carries sadness and stress all over his stance, 
In each fragment of his face, and in each shy shift of each shoulder,
For one reason, and one reason alone. 
He’s missing one more word oozing sibilance, 
The one word that completes, this poem and will fulfill his life.

Salvation.


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Rhyme | |

The Two Women In My Life Who Are Big, Beautiful Reds

                                                                   1.
                                                             Kathleen

Firehaired love of my life;
She's almost all Cab, with a dash of Shiraz spice.
A deep and complicated, earthy wife
Who's ruby sparkle in the looking glass
Lingers long upon my vision, soft and nice;
The All-of-Her bouquet, I cannot pass.

                                                                     2.
                                                                 Susan

She may prefer to drink her Cabs,
But the red-maned lioness is pure Bourdeaux.
Her brightness fills a room, and quickly nabs
Away all weak indifference.
The complexity of her shines and glows;
The product of some special provenance.

                    These ladies make my life divine,
                    An enviable medly of song and wine.
                    They may well land on the "NO FLY" List,
                    For being such charming Terroirists.


Details | Haiku | |

Harvest Festival

aerial viewing
outstretched crows flying frenzy
harvest festival


Details | Limerick | |

A Sly Teaser

At a time inconvenient it teases,
As it comes whensoever it pleases.
Creeping ever so sly,
It will make you yell, "Why?!"
And the thing that I speak of is sneezes.


Details | Rhyme | |

Sshh! Chef's Busy in the Kitchen Making His Seafood Bisque.

Chef 's Winter dishes are simply delicious, not too much oil or cream.

Rich or plain,  taste tested to perfection, tiny portions sometimes steamed

He starts  the day with freshly squeezed orange juice,coffee and toast.

And embarks on a fitness journey along the seaside in Adelaide.

Today he is going to create a seafood bisque inspired by his walk.

This morning whilst  walking along the beach he noticed the outgoing

Tide and outlet  left a long groove with  definite honeycombe indentations

snaking parallel to the shore for a distance near a giant swirly starfish.

From an aerial perspective it looked  like a Christo dragon , hardened ripples

representing the scales and the sometimes swirling patterns here and there

where the giant Sea-dragon moved, slithered or shifted about in the sand .

The Sea-Dragon must have laid there for some time before he disappeared 

as his scales were deeply impressed and clearly embossed in the firm sand. 

A clear body of water flowed  in the center of this outlet echoing the scales

shimmering and gleaming with sunlight smoothly on the groove's surface.
 
Upon seeing this ,Chef etched it  in his memory and began to mentally gather 

ingredients for his creation.How could he give his bisque the dragon flavour?

Grilling the whiting, prawns and scallops  with butter  laced with honey , chilli,
cardamon + crushed nuts , garlic, a dash of brandy....... 
 
then adding chicken stock , lime , thyme ,cracked pepper , rock sea salt and 
finally pureeing the lot with a splash of coconut milk.




Details | Limerick | |

Let's Get Ready For Some Football

<                                   let's get ready for some football .....    Ya !
                                     Eagles   verses    da   .....   Bears   Well ... then  Hey !       
                                     Here's kickoff ~ by     da .......    Bears
                                     Ohhhhhhhh !  fell  off ....  T  .....    Unfair
                                     Second  ..... blocked  .....  Eagles    7 - Nay !


                                                                      
                                     
                                     
                                    

                                    
Entry For 
Linda Marie's 
Let's Limerick Contest
G.L. All    



Tribute To Football


Details | Free verse | |

Roll Call

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION








Details | Acrostic | |

Leo, an Astrology Acrostic

Leo, an Astrology Acrostic
    by Amy Swanson


Loyal friend who'll laugh with you, the sun rules their playful heart;
Engagingly eclectic, they'll give all they have; forgive them if they seem a little bossy. 
Outgoing with majestic charm, they'll walk with you until the very end.







*Inspired by Danielle White's astrology acrostic contest*  -- I had to get in on the fun! :)


Details | Rhyme | |

OLIVE OYL---TROCHEE





I will be your Olive Oyl
Slim as spinach reed,
Cling to me like plastic foil;
Bluto quarantined

Old maids can deny my fame
Need I flaunt my charm?
Two men fighting for my name,
Olive, take my arm!


©


Contest: Andrea Dietrich’s 7/5 Trochee


Details | Limerick | |

CORRUPTION IN LEGAL MATTERS

He defended two thieves with a smirk:
one bimbo and a jerk;
the old, crooked judge released them
knowing it was a scam...
they walked free applauding his trick.


Details | Light Poetry | |

A Very Fine Mouse That I Took To Dinner

I had climbed the steep stairs two landings to the top floor
Paid the two dollars for my bed in the dorm as I had several nights before
Now you were not allowed to sleep here if you were rowdy or real drunk
You had to have the "once over"  and then take a shower before you got a bunk
Lock up your gear and clothes and shoes and get a cotten gown and pair of flippers
And if you needed a haircut they had a man with a pair of clippers
The requirements were that you get there no later than six at night
They sold sandwiches and chips and hot dogs and burgers and the price was alright
Another room that had a small television and a few chairs and an old grey rug
And also was a bookie who took your bets if you had faith in the mouse called Pug
Every evening the small crowd would gather for this special event
You had to bet at least a dollar and was worth every red cent
For little Pug had been doing this every night for a couple of months and had no fear
Except when he would pick a winning piece of food and would be a little tiny cheer
The men bet to see what piece of food little Pug would pick and take under the wall
Where he and his family lived and he was the provider of food and gave us a ball
Been many years ago that I took Pug to dinner 
For he picked my piece of a cheeto one night and made me a winner


Details | Rubaiyat | |

IF IT'S AUTUMN, CAN WINTER BE FAR BEHIND

IF IT’S AUTUMN, CAN WINTER BE FAR BEHIND?


Whose woods these are I’ve no idea
But my little horse sure thinks he’s queer
His house ain’t in the village no more
He promised he wasn’t stopping here.

Between the woods and frozen shore
Live many people rich and poor -
On the darkest evening of the season
They watch at every window, every door.

They think the weather’s dreadful freezin’
But feel that it is almost treason
To not watch woods fill up with snow;
Doing otherwise seems contrary to reason.

Bells a-shake, dark, deep in the snow,
Their heroes murmur sounds so low.
For these people Frost is someone they know:
There’s Jack outside  and Robert below.


……………………………………………………………………………..


NOTE:

I simply couldn’t  resist a  parody of Robert Frost.


Details | Nonet | |

Little Hell Raisers { Nonet}

<                             I'm going on journey ~ back in time
                               When I should of listened to my .... heart
                               But instead just followed ....  head 
                               What a mistake that .... was
                               Let me tell you .... now
                               Poor old ... lady
                               Didn't ... do
                               Noth ~ ing
                               Wrong !



                              Carrying her groceries home from the ... store
                              Me ~ brother ~ sister ~ brother's ... friend
                              Tossing lit~ firecrackers
                              Laughing ... and .... giggling 
                              Looking ~ for ... trouble
                              And here she ... came
                              Four ..... against
                              Just ... one
                              Wow   !



                              Bet poor old women didn't .... expect
                              Handfull of lit .... firecrackers
                              To be tossed in her own .... bags
                              Others ran like .... dickens
                              I stayed and helped   ...  her
                              Picked up her ... stuff
                              And ... carried
                              Them ... all
                              Home !
                           
                           
                           
                           
Entry For
Linda Marie's
A Journey Back In Time
G.L. All


Details | I do not know? | |

Mail Server Down?

There once was a place called Poetrysoup
Where poets from across the world could post
But contacting them with comments and such
Proved to be impossible for there was no host.

Poetrysoup and Support do not exist
As my email was bounced up to thrice
So since you read each poets work
I submit this to inform and also to be nice.


Details | Rhyme | |

Old Years New Tears

I raised my foot to climb the stairs
only to find an old age impediment there.

Down I went face first upon the stair
now realizing that I must first think before going there.

Raise that leg high resounds in the mind
something I didn't have to do once upon a time.

A thought that now stays ever constant in my mind
each time I approach something I have to climb.

What was once done with thoughtless effort
is now done in thoughtful measure.


Details | Couplet | |

Sexy Kiss

We share a look from across the room and I saunter into your arms,
No matter how hard I try to defy, I can never resist your charms;

You slip a hand behind my head and drag me into your kiss,
You tantalize my senses as I lose myself to bliss;

Desire takes over my body as you take my breath away,
We stand in utter silence, we’ve nothing left to say;

There is an overpowering smell of whiskey and cheap perfume,
But locked in a passionate kiss, we’re alone in the crowded room;

Your kisses taste so potent, I savor the exotic flavor of you,
Your intoxicating to my senses, like the sweetest morning dew;

Wrapped in a fervent embrace, our bodies meld to form one;
I lose myself to you and it’s only just begun...


Details | Limerick | |

Quit Your Growling

<          once there was old woman on the prowl
            found younger man and begun to howl
            under silvery moon
            fead him with baby spoon
            now stomach does goo goo gah gah grawls



Written By Katherine Stella


Entry For Dr. Ram's Cougar Effect Contest 
G.L. All                                                                


Details | Quatrain | |

MODEL BUNNY



‘ ‘’’’’’’’’’ ‘ ‘ Weighing scale breaks for a gal too plump Nibbling chocolates instead of carrot sticks, “I want to be a model, why is life such a dump?” So off to the gym she heads for a quick fix, fix! Her waist still a round 31- inches after months Of high fatty food she can’t scratch on her note, Auditions call, she’s craving to fit into slim pants With more Easter honey making her bloat, bloat She meets a retired, old magician who can nail it At last, curved figure she’ll have without big tummy, Swoosh! He pulls her from wrapped cage like a rabbit And swirls, turning poor gal into a fake Playboy bunny! © For Carol Brown’s Bunny Rabbit by nette onclaud


Details | Free verse | |

MY DAUGHTER'S CARROT.

I am sorry,
I am very sorry,
This is for my daughter
I mean my young, beautiful pet.

That was it, the voice of my friend
Who now prides himself
Of another daughter across the street
Only God knows how many of such
I mean those susceptible to his carrot.

Indeed, very young
Full of life to live
Looking innocently attractive
Until he crept into her life.

Her Aunt’s door left ajar
She fell like a pack of card.
He dazzles her Aunt with intermittent gifts
He branded the girl “My daughter”
My innocent friend became a father
And dangles before his daughter a lanky carrot.

As times tickles away,
The daughter not only eats the golden carrot
But she swallows it gently with exactitude

Yet, her Aunt saw no changes
When carrots thickens her sister’s hips
And her flat buttocks getting curved roundly
While her chest pointer getting shaped
Her Aunt still blinded with gifts of “Suya and bread”.

Here comes this day knocking
As my friend’s daughter
Vomits and coughs repeatedly,
She feigned to be well before her Aunt.

“Nothing, I’m okay”
She smiled to her friends
And pretends to all
But grim only at her father

The act got caught short
Not for too long,
Now we all know,
That she has swallowed her father’s carrot
And it got stucked in her throat.

When?, Where?, Who?, her Aunt queried
Three months ago, she retorted
My . . . My . . . My . . . father, she replied.
Before eyes got blinked,
My friend’s was out of town
In search of another daughter.



Alayande Stephen T.
11.05am
4th August, 2007

Spiced up for my good friend Tope and his daughter.
It all happened on my visit to Abuja.

Suya- An Hausa language (from Nigeria) for roasted meat.


Details | Limerick | |

Rock Paper Scissors

                           
<                          I once played rock paper and scissors
                            never dreamed theres so many gizzards
                            somehow loves this game too
                            well I just said oh phoo
                            and had to show them who was wizzard


Details | Clerihew | |

CLERIHEW FOR TODAY

MARILYN MONROE
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line.


Details | Rhyme | |

Better Sleep On It

Poor Mister Tuffet
Gasps while stocks plummet,
Collecting his shell-shocked wits!

His hair stands on end
As the market descends
It is scaring Mr. Tuffet to bits!

He tucks into his mattress
His wealth and his assets
Now he sleeps with his ass on his funds!

(He is trying to "tuffet" out!!)



__________________________________________________________________
Inspired by John Freeman's Contest "Boistrous Comedy"


Details | Limerick | |

A Clowns 'Defeeted' Life

There once was a clown name of Marty.
Whose circus performance was one big party.
   He made people laugh
   but that's only the half.
His appetite was very hardy.

Not for food, though he did like to eat
but for people he wanted to meet.
   He went to great measures
   to bring them all pleasures.
But a clowns life was filled with big feet.

He wanted to try the trapeze 
and fly through the air in the breeze.
   But his nose started twitching
   and then began itching.
He lost balance and started to sneeze.

Agony of "defeet" made him funny.
He rubbed them with loads of bees honey.
   But being a clown
   kept his libido down.
Now he walks tightrope counting his money!

For David Williams Circus contest


Details | Free verse | |

Her Body Is On Fire

Please kiss and run
 Her body is on fire
The water is rising
Whisky on the table,
Golden in the glass
Burn to the taste,
A little happiness at last
No Money to burnt, yet time to pass

So turn away or duck and run
                              My only son
 Take your misty mistletoe kiss
 Disconnect the extinguisher: this girl is on fire!
..... A battle beyond despairs for the ghetto woman
A part of labor, and a part pain;
The ghetto woman lost all sense of pride 
A breed of women with no shame!
A part of labor and a part of pain
Ghettooooo woman...


 1 Peter 5:8
Be sober-minded; be watchful. 
Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion,
 seeking someone to devour.


Details | Rhyme | |

Hallmark Fan Brigade

We Are Who We Are

We are the HFB
All my crazy and loving friends and me,
Everyday I try to relax and chill
And share my day and chat with Jill,
When I’m really down and feeling lowly
My best pick-me-upper is Debbie Ivey,
Mirian’s posts are awesome and she cares
I would love to meet her someday; hugs we will share,
This gal now works nights so we’re missing her at the party
The talented photographer, our caffeine-infused Marty,
Then there’s Katie who’s photos in the light and the dark
Are amazing, and she made me an Adam Lambert bookmark,
Summer Rae used to beg, “please, me, me, me”
Now she’s creating baby number three, Oakley,
Mikki’s had a very busy and winning year
She’s helped me out and I hope she knows I’m always here,
Making videos and winning cards are many
That’s our crazily creative Jenny,
Pet beds were made lovingly by our number one fan
Sandy’s talent is appreciated, especially by Kenn, her man,
Annette’s travels allowed her to meet Debbie L. in Disney
And at her son’s wedding were also Sandy and Jenny,
Bonnie’s wit and charm is reflected in those apples falling from her tree
Hilarious antics and wacky words of wisdom from Brendan and Bailey,
Patrick continues to inspire others and, of course, me
The lifesize model of the notorious PP,
Susan Weiner has become a winner
She’s a very gracious and talented beginner,
The Pattys, Donnas, and Debbies keep us entertained
And we try to keep Cougar Connie contained,
I was collecting books for a special cause
Honored to receive authored books from Connie, Marilyn, and Michelle Dokos
Uplifting posts from Lisa, Deana, Kristi, Rebecca, Jeanie, and Mar
Keep me going with how much they care
Also Leanora, I really do adore ya
And next time I’m on the Jersey sand, I hope to run into Dorann
Thanks to the Hallmark team
For fun competitions, flurries and blurries
Even for second guesses after hitting “submit” and the worries
We’ve all created a great community here
Where strangers have become friends we hold dear

I wrote this for my friends of the HFB on Facebook.  I've made more friends since I wrote this in July for Fan Appreciation Month; this is for ALL of you...


Details | Verse | |

Single Kisses

Focused on you, a wild demons stare
 With a motion it happens
 A emotion flattens
 As you fall beneath a demons glare
 
He notices most things that happen
 Might even pick the clothes you wear
 Believe it or not he really does care
 Knows whats best and helps me get there
 
To perfection the performance blacken when he's scared
 Things fall apart if he's not helping me be prepaired
 Guidence and experience for me his mare
 Sometimes I wonder what it would be like without a demon here
 
He loves positive reactions with greatness and flair
 And how people love me after he dares
 Carefully he holds me through a very small tear
 Me I guess I am getting used to, just hangin round rare 


Details | Rhyme | |

Un Petit Peu

We are friendly sort of people, greeting and asking how you are, One great nation, two languages, the distance between coasts far, Travel to Quebec or to some areas in provinces east and west, You may be asked in French “Comment ca va” with typical zest, “Comment allez-vous” is the same traditional question in France, Written, the French-Canadian version requires only a quick glance, “Je vais bien merci et vous” is commonly what you would like to hear, But there are so many responses, and certainly some will not endear. Don’t want to make a “faux-pas” but this language we all use, Watch a “film noir” with a “femme fatale”, you just can’t snooze. We experience “deja vu”, live in “cul de sacs” , could it be merrier, Even my big fat bum has a nicer name, its my delicate “derriere”. Such a sexy language, the words always seem to sound so good, Saying goodbye, I would prefer “Au revoir” it seems to fit the mood. Isn’t food offered “a la carte” seem nicer than just listed on the menu, I would much prefer “au jus” but sometimes gravy will just have to do. Bread, a“baguette et croissant avec fromage est tres magnifique” Foods in french; “creme brulee, crepes” anything “au gratin” - I seek. Breakfast without “omelettes” or dinners without an “entree” I’d miss, Expressing our most passionate behaviour, includes the French kiss. You must admit that French seems to be part of our everything, Just hearing some of those words, just makes my heart sing. To be called “Cherie Amour” is just so romantic, as you must see, Unfortunately I’m only fluent in English, just too bad, “C’est la vie”.
**French words/phrases- *Un Petit Peu- a small amount *Comment ca va- how are you and *Comment allez-vous- how are you *Je vais bien merci and vous- I am fine thanks and you *faux-pas- false step *film noir- dark themed films *femme fatale- female who is deadly *deja vu- already experienced, been here before *cul de sac- dead end street, often a circle *au revoir- goodbye, see you later *baguette et croissant avec fromage est tres magnifique- long narrow loaf of bread, and a crescent-shaped flaky roll with cheese is very magnificent. *C’est la vie- that’s life.


Details | Limerick | |

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

There once was a jock with a sock
so big you’d think he wore a glock.
When he entered the ring
girls sang my ding-a-ling
at least till his foe cleaned his clock!

*martial arts


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Learning

<                           [ S 1][ T 1][ U 1][ D 2][ E 1][ N 1][ T 1]


Entry For Nancy Jones
7 tile Scrabble Contest 
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Sons Of An Zeus Man

<                           once came along pair gemini twins
                             castro and pollux from third sign in
                             well sons of an zeus man
                             all from mercury clan
                             sharing wealth of intelligence sin

                            with ever compatible libra scales
                            along with aquarius that wales
                            fire signs given few
                            pisces they known too
                            beneath sun and moon's with semi's tale








Written By Katherine Stella  6/26/11


Entry For Nette Onclaud's
Zodiac Zones Contest
G.L. All


Details | Narrative | |

A Word From Gonzo

Atlantic city had been a haze of slot machines and watred down drinks and loud nightclubs
that often  remendedme what disney land  could have been ifthatdam mouse wasntallowed 
to take over.

Never trust a talking rat.
 I had to go through a hellof a divorce because of it.
Good thing her brother was a lawyer cause  I might have
actully had something left oh well things are overrated like indoor living.
it's hell gettinga good internet connection in a tent.


But enough  time traveling  i had more important issues at hand
like my return and some unpaid parking tickets and that whole 
court case nonsense your place of business  burns down for the fifth time
and people all wanna  get uptight  hey i preffer to moron my lose 
in a casino they said i shoudnt be alone so  im just taking doctors orders.


But i had a deadline and it was almost happy hour the library was gonna be packed.
The subject   true art and  cenorship.
The world around us is totatl chaos so how could you restrict how people expressed 
themselfs.

Heaven forbid little tommy reads a bad word 
while him and and his best friend huff paint  
dear jesus man and i hope they dont play a violent video game.
Sure susan  go  have random sex with guys of fthe internet 
but dont read no cuss word on a poetry wed site 
you just might drop dead where you stand.

Its kinda like running a asylum and pretending that everyone there
isnt totally nuts.
No sir lets ignore the real world cause lord knows people 
cant filp on the tv   and see murder rape fires and war ya gotta 
love kids programing.

You cant restrict art for if it"s all the same cookie cutter stuff.
Then is it truley art or just a pretty dellusion.
Ignore the world and it'll run you over.

Life good bad  traggic is ment to be shared 
the secrets of the soul can rattle in that closet till 
madness breaks that perfect image we put.
but what I know.

Never restrict your mind for you will sufficate the soul.
stay proud and crazy forever 
Dr Gonzo


Details | Light Poetry | |

Kiss And Tell

<        Heart skips beat
               From boy I meet

                    Palms did sweat
                         Forehead wet

                               Caught me under tree
                                   Lips were placed on thee

                                                    Tomboy no more
                                                           Dresses galore

                                                                        
                                                                 Him 12 and me just 11
                                                                     Match made from Heaven


                                                                           Something went wrong
                                                                                With our love song


                                                                                     Denny O'Neil 
                                                                                       Did like to squeal  

Just Hate It 
When They 
Kiss And Tell 
LMAO


Story is this was my first love intrest
When we moved into our new house
instead of me wanting to beat him up
we instead played football and other sports 
along with his other 4 brothers I always had 
to be the quarterback tho because I had the 
strongest throwing arm of the block


Details | Limerick | |

Say it's so, Joe

There once was a fellow named Joe
To the Soup, he was comrade and foe
            At times he would blog
            Then poets would flog
Yet, he always would leave us aglow


Details | Verse | |

Whodathunkit

Whodathunkit

Jebediah Suggs 
watched the gopher tortoise hide –
    his veggies at risk

“Y’all listen up, dang fool tortoise
If’n yer expectin’ a meal
Ya gotta ‘nother thin’ comin’

“I been a plantin’ and a waterin’
Watchin’ my garden grow
Till y’all pop out ‘n’ steal a spinach leaf
Ta take it with ya below

“Dadgum hole makes it hard ta catch ya
So I’s been standin’ watchin’ behind
Yer in fer a new home
Some spot with no veggies I’ll find”

Ole Jeb, he nabbed his prey
‘N’ the offender looked had fear in ‘is eyes
Turtle soup was what that gopher be thinkin’
But he was just goin’ fer a ride, much to his surprise

Me, I yeehawed when Jebediah
Snatched the tortoise and drove off on a relocation junket
‘Twas then I realized I’d become a redneck too
So tell me, whodathunkit?


*Entry for the “Something New” contest
(based on a true experience)


Details | Cinquain | |

Caza

Caza
Funny, Intelligent
Girl Charming Voice
There For The Homies
Cute, Not In That Way


Details | Shape | |

Dad's Gone Fishing

<                                        Well Lets See
                                          If This ~  Will 
                                          Work Out For
                                          All Wonderful              W
                                       Dads Here At Soup        E   F
                                           I                H          N    I
                                          W                A        E       S
                                           I                 P      C         H     
                                           S                P     I            I
                                           H  You All A Y    N             N
                                           F                H  A               G
                                           A                E                    P
                                           T                R                    O
                                           H                E                     L
                                           E                 I                     E T O  CATCH
                                           R                S                      F                   S
                                           S  D  A Y   So                        I  S   H   E  M  O


Details | Senryu | |

Menacing Moms

<                                     just look at my son ...
                                 down to size of thirty two
                                 ....    fencing hackling




                                      meat and potatoes ...
                                   leftovers from my mother
                                 ...  well isn't that special



                                     eat sleep and ... running
                                     thats all I will ever see
                                   ...  glad father isn't here




Written by Katherine Stella
For Dr Rams IN-LAWS Contest
Gl All





Details | Limerick | |

Brampton Lass

There once was a lass from near Brampton
Who felt she was "God's" most holy high gun
   It turns out she was mistaken
   Those she stalked quite unshaken
Her vile and vicious quips were quite undone


Details | Free verse | |

Homework... What homework?!?

The clock strikes nine. Ink fills the night sky, until the silvery orb in the heavens is the only source of light. 
The clock strikes twelve. Tiny pinpricks of light dot the raven-dark heavens. They shine brightly; as if each was 
trying to outdo the last. I sit. And stare. And wonder. The clock strikes three. I shift and pick up my 
homework. The assignment is a three page essay, due today. Should I do it? Nah... I toss it aside and resume 
my staring of the sky.


Details | Couplet | |

Yard Sale Syndrome

No time for coffee, as the dawn arrives....
I raised the shade. There's a crowd outside!
Hubby in his underwear, and gives them a surprise!
It's our first yard sale!!!  But, will we survive???
The mob takes over...I'm still in my slippers
But already sold some old hedge clippers!!

     Those folks just paid me a ton of money!!
     I could use some help..........Hey! Where's my honey??
     I swear...if he went back to take a nap
     I'll sell his priceless baseball cap!!
     Oh! They are looking at that wobbly table....
     "I'll help you load it,  Miss, if I'm able!"

          She grabs dog-eared, dusty, vintage books
          And one old crock-pot that still cooks!
          I show her some doilies, and a ragged Barbie
          And a costume for her Halloween parties?
          A rusty shovel, and a dented bucket
          And a fishing pole from old Nantucket

               I'm selling Ma's old apron, and some broken dishes
               A chipped glass bowl for all her fishes
               Aunt Edna's ugly painting, and her candle holders
               She lives down the street....hope no one told her!!! 
               One old bike for exercising
               Doesn't work....it's not surprising!



"What's the point?" our husbands mutter
While we fill the garage with all this clutter
I explain to him..."She buys mine, and I buy hers"
"Then, we won't need to shop the stores!!"
"Dear...don't you know the grass is greener?"
"OH LOOK!"  "That couple bought my vacuum cleaner!"

     Just then I point across the street!!
     Another yard sale.....and we both shriek!!
     He points at me and shakes his fist
     But I'll just ignore and toss a kiss
     And side by side I'm in a race...
     Who gets there first will buy that vase!!
     Whoopee!!!  I spy a broken chair...
     That other shopper gives a glare!
     So what it's broken?  Well, I can glue it!
     Just hope she doesn't beat me to it!


The point I'm making is simply this
This neighbor's junk became my bliss!
_______________________________________

For Skat's Yard Sale Contest:


Details | Acrostic | |

The Glades

<                                Better grab out the coco-butter
                                  Even those designer shades
                                  All hearts will begin to flutter
                                  Cause were off to the glades
                                  Hear me right for I did not stutter
                                  Best hurry up before the sun fades
                                  Look for keys later father did utter
                                  All aboard now we got it made
                                  Nothing like ocean's viewing I rather smother
                                  Knowing once again to return upon it's raid
                                  Each and every year oh my brother
                                  Think I will even bring the poor old maid
                                  Because she's like no other
                                  In her class she passes the grade
                                  Now get your head out of the gutters
                                  Grow up cause noone is getting laid
                                  Oh my goodness good crothers



Written by Katherine Stella
Entry For Linda Marie's
Beach Blanket Bingo
Acrostic Contest
G.L. All


Details | Free verse | |

Dirty Deeds


 The serpent closed in on Eve at twilight
 A nebulous shape in the half light, fangs
 Hidden beneath his hood and she, her vision
 Blurred was completely beguiled by his lies.

 He bought her white roses that she watered
 With her tears and chocolate dark like his soul.
 He spiced his lies with compliments and promises
 And she was completely beguiled by his lies.

 Like a sponge he sucked her resources and lied.
 When heavy with her giving heart he gave 
 His time to Evie then Everly and finally to
 Every woman or girl who glittered like gold.

 He matured and widened his audience to include
 Even his friends. He borrowed, stole, swindled
 Gambled, smiled and lied, lied and smiled
 Until his conscience died and he wreaked havoc
 On the lives of those who loved him most.  

 Now he's just a rat who slinks into his hole, scorned,
 shunned that’s his due, and finally  I want him to 
 know, I’ve put his portrait on Poetry Soup and all
 will remember him as  the-serpent-turned-rat
 who drowned  in his bowl of soup.
 


Details | Lyric | |

The Obama Song

Chorus:
             Barack Obama
             Barack Obama
             He's the U.S.A.'s own Dalai Lama.

             Barack Obama
             Barack Obama
             He's the guy who's here to save yer Momma.

Verse 1:

Oh yeah Obama's here an' he's really cool
Gonna tell yer kids to pay attention in school
Gonna make us all follow the Golden Rule
'Cause he knows Michelle ain't gonna suffer no fools!

He's an all-around, straightup nice kinda guy
Who don't get upset when ya scream "You Lie!"
He cares about the Earth and he cares about the sky
Gives ya cash for the clunkers you were stupid to buy.

Chorus

Verse 2:

He's gonna stim-u-late us, gonna spread the wealth,
Gonna write out a prescription for the nation's health,
Gonna come down on Insurance like a big black Stealth
Gonna take those stem cells down off the shelf!

He's gonna see we win in Afghanistan,
Someway, somehow - without a plan.
When yer rude to da cops he is da Man
Who'll give ya both beers an' make it right again.

Chorus

Verse 3:

He's appointed more Czars than the U.S.S.R.,
Gonna raise the mileage on yer car
Gonna lower those emissions both near and far
And do it lookin' snappy like a First Exec Star.

Can't answer "yes" or "no", it takes a paragraph
To get to the point, then it's good for a laugh
The Right hates everybody servin' on his Staff
- But their side of the Aisle makes most of the gaffes.

Chorus

Verse 4:

Is there anything Obamaman cannot do?
The assertions are fantastic; some may even be true.
He beat out Mrs. Clinton right outta da blue,
Now he's lookin' out for me and he's lookin' out for you.

If his ears were any bigger he could teach himself to fly,
But despite his geekiness he's still a heckuva guy
His heart is fulla Hope, his head is in the sky
An' if you give him grief Ms. Pelosi'll make you cry.

                                   WORD!

Chorus et finis


Details | Couplet | |

Coco For Ten

<                               Coco was his name
                                 Spider monkey all the same

                                Dad worked for zoo
                                Feeder of Coco too


                               Brought the little guy home
                               Boy did Coco love to rome


                               Droppings here and there
                               Mom  covered up his dairy - air

   
                               Shoulders he did seek
                               Knocking  younger ones off their feet


                                Bananas and salted nuts
                                Made Coco dance and strut

                               
                               Each day a animal of new
                               Dad brought home from the zoo

             
                               But the one I'll remember the most
                               Was coco who shared my daily toast





Tribute To 
Como Park Zoo
St Paul Minnesota

Coco And Daddy




Can You Imagine
A Monkey Playing
With 10 Kids  LOL

                                 


Details | Rhyme | |

SOUP Spoonin'

Online tonite
looks like 
a whole lotta' spoonin'
goin' on in the "Soup"

nosin' around the comment coral
I see love 
amongst the group

yessir'...
hot Soup!
stirred 
not shaken
marriage scent in the air
no fakin'

where it leads...
we shall see
I know some 
are dippin' crackers in the "Soup"
but Lawd' knows 
IT AIN'T ME!~


Details | Rhyme | |

Mrs Hemorrhoid

You messed around 
and married a real 
"pain-in-the butt" man 

known throughout the land 
for ripping
burning 
completely deserting 
then leaving 
women hurting

his only claim to fame 
is over reacting 
and lacking class
a self-proclaimed pain in the ass
a crook with line 
and hook to cast 

things will never be the same
trade away your maiden name 
to Mrs. Hemorrhoid 
and wear his name with class.


Details | Narrative | |

Racial Discrimination

"Do you know such a work place
with racial discrimination?"
Asked some homo sapiens  friends
who aren't so tall but with fair complexion.

By the way, you can make a guess,
if it is in your local place.
Maybe here, maybe there,
or perhaps abroad or somewhere else.

For this is an absolute experience,
for some who migrate in other places,
When it comes to work payment,
their compensation isn't that worth and fair.

Many are also asking questions,
like those with more responsibilities and work load.
"Why those workers with less but receive more?
Is it because of their color?"

However, "Yes" is isn't the answer,
especially that black and white are paid higher.
Then, they continue to wonder,
and make other presumptions on this matter.

"Aha! The sharpness of the nose maybe 
and not either based on work load or one's ability."
So, they think their presumption will come more precisely
to the fact or to the reality?

But, they thought they need not to waste their money
to plan with the doctor for a surgery.
Because if they do and they're getting low salary,
their employer may think they came from a well-to-do family.

It's really hard for them to think
what is the real gauge and basis.
"Is it the height or color of skin?
Aha! It's the color of the hair, they concluded finally.

So, those poor homo sapiens  friends
went to beauty parlor in nearby places.
They asked the beautician for help
and colored their hair brown, red, blond and some were golden.

After all of what they did, nothing had happened
because their reward from their effort and work is still the same.
So, they just kept calm and never  ever whine again,
realizing that racial discrimination really exists.


Hence, they work harder instead
and never ever I  heard their complains.
However, one of them had mention then
that they'll get more reward if they work  for God in Heaven.


Details | Rhyme | |

TWO BABY DINOSAURS LEARNING TO FIGHT

Come out and watch two baby dinosaurs having a match...
will they hurt each other or enjoy this experience as they stutter?
How long will it take for them until they become groggy and itch?
All kids love this kind of friendly fight as they shout," Punch harder!"


Jeff and Garry creep, trying to get closer, but they push them off
with their enormous feet groaning as two vexed grizzly bears...
" Look out, Garry...they ares aiming at you! they seem hungrier than a wolf!"
But Garry in shock replied, " Compare me to an aunt being crushed by beasts!""


Garry, getting up, finally caught his breath screaming," Keep away,
just watch them fight, we're here not to cause any troubles today!"
" Fine,"  Larry said withdrawing his excitement which had built up too fast,
and as the little dinosaurs continued to improve their skills, a lightening hit.


Poor dinosaurs they didn't know what was happening, they only felt the quaking ground
and quicker they fought resembling two animated robots spinning around,
trying not fall on the grass and make a hole wider than a volcano's crater...
then they gained control and went on with their fight to be amused by the kids' laughter.


Details | Rhyme | |

Not Sofa King Cool


          A
College Dorm sleeps
Four per room
Keg party 
Loud
Too much Boom

           A
Drunk freshman sleeps
Where he falls
Coeds toss him on 
The sofa 
Instead of snooze in
the halls

            A 
Sorority girl 
Named him  
“Sofa King Tool”
Now he feels like a Fool
Not Sofa King Cool


Details | Limerick | |

Miss Priss

<                           once there was a boss we called miss priss
                             like to give orders with snap of wrist
                             file fax make coffee
                             phones radio golly
                             when not looking I blow her big hiss


Details | Rhyme | |

How T Rabbit Got His Name

Their once lived a bunny in the land of Ozark.
He was clever, cool, and funny. Could even hunt in the dark.

One night while hunting small game, he found a ring made of gold.
The ring made him sing and feel incredibly bold.

His voice got so loud he awoke all of the town.
Naked, the bunny panicked and threw on his mom's gown.

People came from all over just to hear his sweet voice.
Then came a dog named Rover, who had a difference of choice!!

Rover threw a sharp stick into the leg of the rabbit.
The ring fell out his pocket and Rover just had to have it!

He knew the ring is why people liked the Bunny's new sound.
But since it was night the ring couldn't be found.

The people dragged off the bunny and helped his leg heel.
Others surrounded poor Rover, chanting loudly out, "KILL!"


"That's one terrific Rabbit!" Stated the king who was short.
So, the bunny was named "T Rabbit!" In their small Ozark court.

The End


Details | Alliteration | |

More Bounce Per Ounce

<            Betty Boop bought boyfriend Bimbo some basketballs to bounce 
              But being blind her boyfriend Bimbo bounced Betty Boop 
              Boy Betty Boop did boldly bounce bad








This Little Lady Is After My Own Heart
For No matter What She Does Wrong
Her Eyes Seem To Capture The One She Loves LOL
And Also One Of My Favorite Cartoons





Details | Limerick | |

Who Let The Dogs Out ? { The DogGone Dog Contest}

<                              tell me now   Who ! Who ! ~  Let The Dogs Out ?
                                bet Carolyn pulling them by snouts ......
                                fleas ...  ticks....  she started to itch /////
                                screaming  sons of  a  ....... b .i...t...c....h
                                poor neighbor's dog now takes different route
                               
                                
                                
                                
Entry For
Andrea Dietrich's
The DogGone Dog Contest
G.L. All


Details | I do not know? | |

The Waiting Room

These chairs are uncomfortable
probably designed for that one purpose.

Those around me make no attempt
to acknowledge my existence
as if I am the product of their illness.

These chairs are uncomfortable
I wonder if they feel the same.

The wait is long
two hours past
my appointment time.

I would be angry
except all my emotion
is focused on this chair.

I watch as those around me
come and go
I am still ignored
this chair now unbearable.

Finally
I am called
I stand
I feel instant relief
I am happy to be out
of that uncomfortable chair.

I enter the office
my mood elevated
ecstatic to be seen
my greeting
no anger or despair
simply
"Good afternoon, Doctor."

Into my test
that one
I put off for so long
that dreaded Prostate Exam
my mind reverts
so not to feel any pain
I think of that damn chair
probably designed
for that one purpose.


Details | Narrative | |

The unforgettable rant from a drunk Lady contest

It is five minutes to two
I don’t know what to do
It looks like I'm the last person this evening before you close
But can I have another, and possibly a minute to expose
You must get this often you’re really sweet
Cute as a button, to bad I don’t cheat
You see I am procrastinating to get back to my house
I live with a man; no he is not my spouse
Five long years, do you care that I share
Oh hun, watch out a flies in your hair
But seriously, it’s bad; we fight all the time
I haven’t the courage to tell him I am sick of his kind
Do you have a woman? oh you must you’re so cute
So what do you think should I give him the boot?
Oh and work is getting to me, my boss in always on my case
Sir what’s your name again? you have a mighty fine face
Can I get one more? that will be all
Good thing I live down the block in case I trip and fall
Can I give you some advice; you should finish your degree
You don’t belong here at this hour serving me
Last year I went away, when I got back I caught him cheating
I gave this guy one serious beating
Oh look it is raining
Am I complaining?
I know it’s time to move on
But it’s hard when someone is finally gone
Do you work every night?
Could you lower the lights?
I am getting a headache
Last night I went to a wake
It was my Coworkers sons, girlfriends, Aunt,
I am sorry did I just go on a rant?
What are you doing after work?
You must think I am a jerk
OH NO here come the tears!!!
Sir, it’s been so many painful years,
Why can’t I just leave him?
What is wrong with me?
can I get just one more, my glass is empty,
Wait, what are you doing?
Is that coffee I smell brewing?
Are you shutting the bar down?
I see no one is around in this town,
OH no I just dropped the glass on the ground
Boy!!! that made a really loud sound
Let me pick that up
I’ll buy you a new cup
That’s all I seem to do, clean and cook,
I deserve better right? I read it in Dr.Phil's new book,
Sir, where are you going?
Did you tell me your name?
OH I don’t feel well, can I puke in your drain?
Much better, oops sorry, I made a mess
This was a new dress,
Thanks for listening,
Did I tell you you’re cute?
I bet you make a tone of loot
My man has no job
and he wonders why I'm a bitter snob
Ok Im leaving, its late my new friend,
what did you say your name was again?
I want your number, Let me get a pen
Oh no my purse fell all over the floor
Sir Sir, did you just slam the door?

“I am not a sir, I am a Woman, and you need to Go the hell Home!!! ”

By: SNK
Contest: 
wriiten 10/21/11


Details | Free verse | |

Traffic Jam

Sitting on the soft cushion seat
Start of turtle movement
The advert on the bus
Is the only catchy appeal
The drumming of the engine
The grunting of the taxi
Dusk getting crisp
Dull glow of the sun
The glance at the sky
With a wish to fly

The buttocks begin to get sore
I see my finger nails
Then back to the next lane
I feel my eyes burn
A long ribbon of taillights flashing
The next lane is fast moving
Taxi driver snoring
The turtle movement
Develops anxiety
Feeling thirsty

Phone rings
Good news
Another party
Feeling oozy
Glazing outside the window
Another turtle movement
Nerves rest - feet asleep
With an effort
Feet wake up
Anxiety rising - start to walk


Details | Free verse | |

Have You Ever Read

Dedicated to an author by the name of William Golding... Enjoy!!!


~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
I recommend it if yah haven't read it yet - I must admit
It's a book full of adult words and it's simply...FASCINATING! - no lies
You should read it - or you'll regret it!



Details | Light Poetry | |

A Tough Christmas Cookie

Two billion people are of the Christmas persuasion, Two billion people celebrate that most joyous occasion. If that is true, Santa has to visit 23,148 people every second. Which really is an awful lot as near as I can reckon. I know that magic plays a part of Santa’s yearly shtick, But even taking that into account it really is a trick. Because that one second includes travel time and chimney scaling Note reading, cookie eating, and occasionally board game playing. Even taking into account that there may be a temporal causality loop, That allows for the suspension of time for him and his happy little group. Imagine how long it would take in a reindeer driven sleigh, To visit each town and stop at each house along his way. And think of the toys that delight and make the children want to shout, The number of elves that it takes to build them would really freak me out. The logistics of this endeavor can really start to boggle your mind, The importing of raw materials alone could set you way behind. To us, Santa may seem a jolly carefree guy, but he never gets to play hooky, To run an organization such as that he must be one tough Christmas cookie.


Details | Rhyme | |

Cover Your Crack If You Want Me To Take You Seriously!

Today it seems it's trendy
to wear your pants real low.
You know you're hot if you can walk
and let your butt-crack show!

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned
or maybe I'm a prude...
but I can't help but thinking
that your butt-crack is just rude!

It started with the plumber,
by accident... I'm sure!
But now, my teacher turns around
Oh no! Don't tell me.........Her?

She even wears the pants real low
so when she turns away...
her butt-crack smiles back at you
and you don't know what to say!

Do you pretend it's not there?
Do you say "Hey, nice crack?"
Pray to the fashion Gods and hope
suspenders will come back!

Mary Nagy


Details | Limerick | |

The Standard of the High Life

The lifestyle I have I would keep
My expenses however are steep
So me you will serve
You're the help I deserve
Without any tip cause I'm cheap


Details | Couplet | |

Pet Sit Panics

<                                             Dam Dog !

                                               What a hog !

                                          
                                               Ate Cousins Dope !

                                               And Started To Choke !


                                                Starry Eyes !

                                                Wobbly Thighs !


                                                To Vet !

                                               250 Dollars I Bet !

                                                

                                               More Test !

                                               They Suggest !


                                                Hell No !

                                               Let's See How It Goes !


                                               Just Needs Sleep !

                                              And Plenty Of Water The Little Creep !




Entry For
Sharon Tideswell
Pet Sit Panic's Contest
G.L. ALL

                           

 

                                      


Details | Clerihew | |

CLERIHEWS fini

PEE WEE HERMAN
Thought cops wouldn’t determine,
he put himself in that popcorn box.
Maybe he should have used his socks.

HOWARD HUGHES
A world famous recluse.
Millions for planes, women and cars,
treasured most his urine in jars.

CATHERINE THE GREAT
A czarina whose needs couldn’t wait.
Rumored to have a private stable,
with horses…. if her Cossacks weren’t able.

AESOP
May his fables never stop,
true treasures among many Greek joys.
Whereas Socrates, Plato, chose educating boys.

GEORGE WASHINGTON
Add to the amazing things he’s done,
was never caught chewing a mint wreath,
while mixing politics and funky breath from wood teeth.

PONCE de LEON
I hate to tell you son,
you searched Florida for the fountain of youth.
AARP there first, how’d you miss the booth.

MARILYN MONROE
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line


Details | Monoku | |

Heartbeat Is A Love Beat { Broken Monku }

<                 seventh grade third hour spelling teacher
             

                                    heartbeat is just a silly love beat








Tribute To
Teenage Crushes
On Teacher's LOL


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Jill

Written on October 3, 2010

There once was a lady named Jill
Who laughed and laughed until
She rolled on the floor
Could laugh no more
And soon became very still...

Until a laugh bigger than ever
Arose and lasted forever.
Jill's laugh is never quite done
Because her thoughts are fun
And her smiling mind - very clever.

Gail's note: Inspired by my friend Jill
Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Haiku | |

Environmental Muggers on the Loose

Just in: Reported 
Thefts of fresh air leave victims  
Of B.O. gagging!


9/16/11

Received 3d place in "Make Me Laugh" contest
Received 5th place in "any Haiku will do" contest


Details | Rhyme | |

The Hot Air Balloon Ride

She floated on her merry way
And left the crowds in pale dismay
A string of streamers flew astray
As the balloon swept to the clouds

The people down below were sold
Their tickets, bright and blooming gold
To take a flight, so they were told
Upon Her Majesty’s Suite.

Who knew the girl would steal the craft
The floating stolen hot air raft
She tipped her golden head and laughed
As the ants below her scurried.

They called the Mayor and the Sheriff too
And hollered and hooped until they turned blue
But the clouds caught her up in their silver hue
And the sky erased her presence.

The town folks say they see her still
On moonless nights, against her will,
Her make-shift flight will last until
She steadies her weary soul.


Details | Clerihew | |

James Fraser

A proud Highlander from Scotland, our friend James Fraser

His sensual renderings we’ve all come to treasure

In steamy writes, he awards beauties with flowers

But after reading his poetry, I need cold showers 


*For John Freeman's "Giggle Poetry" Clerihew contest




Details | Light Poetry | |

Eyeball on Fifty Something

Despite the wealth of creams applied Old Father Time won't be denied And as that watershed appears I can't complain at fifty years Though just one thing for which I pray To throw those blessed specs away! The years drift by and eyes grow dim The fight to keep the body trim It really is a bitter pill They say from now it's all down hill You'll understand then when I say Just let me throw those specs away! Fountain of youth it runneth dry And sight recedeth in my eye No cup of bounty runneth over No wonder; I'm one more year older And still the thing for which I pray To throw those blessed specs away! But wait, I think I've seen the light Illuminating, out of sight No more my hopes and dreams for nought There is a way if I can sort The thing for which I daily pray: To throw those blessed specs away! Tt's thanks to innovations new I'll soon be known as "Chic Cool Sue” I owe it all to new technology To change my world of Ophthamology So now with certainty I say Just throw those blessed specs away! Today's the day I must be mental Why didn't I opt for sentimental? A Chinese, or a shopping spree I might have missed ‘Buy Get one Free’ But always it was what I'd pray To throw those blessed specs away! What have I done, my friends were right I'm in a mess, I'm numb with fright I had a dream, ‘twas “ Handy Andy" Promising a job just dandy He said "Ill do it cheap today". I’ve changed my mind; the specs can stay. But, No! I've courage I’ll go on I'm not a quitter, I'll be strong I may wake full of blurred confusion Wondering if it's just illusion Or really is that epic day I finally throw my specs away!


Details | Limerick | |

Cheap Sex

There once was a girl from Quebec
Who really wanted to have quick sex
Pants below her knees
She's waiting to please
Definition of a sex object


Details | Clerihew | |

Betty White

Betty White,
Comedic dynamite.
Golden girl extrordinaire,
A feisty ol' gal with lots of flair.




Details | Personification | |

Black Widow

She's got a plan
just moved to Florida
one week in the hole
a forced proposal...

"yeah...
uh...
maybe if I get a job with insurance;
we'll get married...
then you'll have insurance too!"

a bribe
the spider web is officially constructed
"Charlotte's web"
no...we'll name it
the Black Widow!


Details | Rhyme | |

Ike series 6th --Barn Dance

Heck, never was much of a one fer romance,
Mostly shy ‘round a lady,
Never learnt how to proper dance,
couldn’t do it if’n ya paid me.

Course er’er times I got all likkered up
And jumped and kicked ‘till ah coon’t no more,
But Bobby Joe surprised me when she puckered up..
Ah got up the nerve to kiss ‘er and fell on the floor.

Reckon one day I’ll git me a dancin’ lesson,
Get gussied up and ride ole Hoss to the barn dance,
But I’ll still be scairt I’m a guessin’
Tho I’ll be wearin’ smellum and ma new overall pants.

Thet thar ah remember was what ah was a thinkin
when ah was a barely sebenteen
Now fifty years later seems in a eye blinkin’
And yep .. Ah done found ma queen.

Twas aft ah come out the Navy
When ah had a family on my mind,
Sure ’nuff found a special lady
But don’t y’all never mind…. 
Thet thar’s a story for nuther time.



dec 17-2011 part of Ike and Jane series
written by Robert A. Dufresne


Details | Haiku | |

More Randomness

Must finish homework
Bio, hard Math, and German 
Ooh! Look! Butterfly...


Details | Verse | |

How The West Was Won

<                         O ye how the west has gone won
                           now wipe those trails of tears my son
                           dance the ring of fire for fun
                           speak and learn native ways
                           learn not to speak with riffles gun
                           rustle bacon beans  Hey !






Written By Katherine Stella 7/3/11


Entry For Dr Ram's 
Rime Couee's Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

CLOTHES MAKE THE WOMAN

There was a young lady named Dela,
Who always dressed well for her feller.
What did Delaware?
I really don't care,
But I think she should have dressed weller.


Details | Free verse | |

Soy Sauce Spills

Soy sauce drains 
Into the white, clustered rice
Stepped on…
spills . . . 
Soy sauce taints
The whiteness of the grain
 It slips out of my hands
No use...no point in crying out in rage
Though I was starving, 
I'll just eat another thing and start on a new page

I'm hungry like a swine
I wish I can earn back my snack!
I'm as angry as a bull
I'm about ready to attack! Attack!
Soy sauce packages
Fall unto the dirty school ground
Stepped on
By bratty, conceited teens
They really need to eat their greens
Instead of junkfood and pizza
They should drink some water
Instead of drinking sugary drinks or
 Sucking on popsicles obnoxiously
Why did the soy sauce spill? Seriously....


Details | Haiku | |

All About the Music: The Infinite Magic of Lyricism

Pop may be catchy
But not lyrically deep
Case in point: Chris Brown.


(N.B. Poem written after hearing "Don't Wake Me Up")


Details | Rhyme | |

Conflict of Self-Interest

By: Amy

I need  to study, cannot go out...
‘BUT THAT PARTY I HEARD ABOUT!’
I’m so behind, I simply must work...
‘BUT THERE’S A KEG! WHAT A GREAT PERK!’

I have a paper, and test real soon...
‘BUT THERE’S TOMORROW, JUST WAKE AT NOON!’
I can’t take a hangover on a Sunday...
‘BUT THE PARTY TONIGHT’S 281 HATHAWAY!’

I’ve so much concern, my GPA’s sunk...
‘ALL THE MORE REASON I SHOULD GET DRUNK!’
I’ll be too tired, the night gets so late...
‘CAN’T STALL LONGER; THE PARTIES WON’T WAIT!’

Really, grades worry me, school’s been tough...
‘BUT THINK OF THE GUYS, SO HOT, SO BUFF!’
THIS IS TRUE! MY DECISION IS RIGHT!
‘TIME TO GO OUT FOR ONE HELL OF A NIGHT!’


Details | Couplet | |

A Social Disaster

I walk into door frames, I trip up the stairs.
I rant on about stuff, when nobody cares.

I say all the wrong things, and freak people out.
It's just theres no filter, from my brain, to my mouth.

I'm socially awkward, and horribly shy.
I barely say hello, and never say goodbye.

I'm one of those people, who tends to just stare.
Then complain about you, forgetting you're there.

I'm sullen and mean, as barbed as wire fence.
I'm so insecure, it's a form of defense.

I'm bad at making friends, but when I do.
I make it for life, my friendship is true.

When I walk anywhere, i stare at the ground.
That's why I accidentally knock people down.

I laugh at bad jokes, and all the wrong times.
I take it too far, misinterpret the signs.

When i talk and I'm nervous, it makes me talk faster.
I might as well face it, I'm a social disaster!


Details | Limerick | |

Trader Joe

<                           once there was a man named trader Joe
                             could do nothing with hair so let grow
                             under big coonskin hat
                             fleas tick and his pet rat
                             mercantile's just say Oh Hell No


                            once there was saloon name lucky spur
                            where traders brought in their hunted furs
                            in walks old trader Joe
                            miss Molly said let's go
                            now both itch scratch from leftover burrs


Details | Free verse | |

The Switch Up

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


~JSLambert


Details | Limerick | |

Pay Up

<                    hes my banker and my heads horseman
                      calling bounty on anothers land
                      hark the herald angels
                      I think this game is swell
                      now thimble owes me sixty five grand







Written by Katherine Stella

Entry For Judy Konos's
Monopoly The Game Of Life Contest
G.L. All


Details | Senryu | |

Putting together parts


Now there's a puzzle

connecting the trivial,

what a house of cards...



*


Details | Tail-rhyme | |

The Complainer

They wake up emotionless every morning, guess who,
You don't speak to them until spoken to,
Your right, The Complainer Boo.

Their always right even when wrong, guess who,
that one across the table criticizing you,
your right ,The Complainer Boo.

Nothing pleases them at least for long, guess who,
boredom sets in and the world is wrong,
your right, The Complainer Boo.

Don't think you can change them it will never work,
Just consider your life has a little Quirk....


Details | Free verse | |

Concealing a Battle

It’s happening again.
Red-hot Guerrillas breaching my porcelain surface,
Angry little bombs exploding, leaving
my land a red war zone,

And I can’t find Concealer,
who has gone A.W.O.L, deserted its place in line,
after Foundation, before Powder.
I send Hands to search the recesses of my desk,
the scattered costumes on my floor.
Their time bombs tick
And I need Concealer for this daily battle.

After the red formations attack my foundations,
they battle against Powder,
forcing my team back to expose my land;
blemished, riddled with unwanted lumps.
A wasteland uncovered,
and Concealer my only defence able to 
hide the scars, the age, this weakness.

I send on the second wave;
Foundations, Powder, Mascara – all charades to
distract the public from my flaws.
Reluctantly I slither out into their gaze,
Exposed,
praying my cover hides what the
snarling, ruthless army
strives to conquer: to
Unmask what I truly am.


Details | Limerick | |

ME

 There once was a lady from Cali
 Born and raised in the Valley
 She married a dude
 With a bad attitude
 So divorce was her grand finale


Details | Free verse | |

Word Impression Poem 4: Bayard

What a splendid state of delusion you inhabit, my friend!
Afloat upon a boundless sea of ignorance,
You drift towards disaster
With all the courage of an Alexander.

When it overtakes you, I'll never say,
"I told you so!"
Since no one could ever tell you anything.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Gobbledygook

On the peak of Mount Gobbledygook a man of wisdom sat,
Wondering if this would be the day that someone might stop to chat.

For in his long life he had acquired a mountain of useful knowledge,
Earning several degrees while he was away at Valley Guru College.

He never went to watch the football team or ever drank a beer,
He never dated the guru girls or found a reason to cheer.

By keeping his nose to the grindstone he got what he wanted I suppose,
Degrees filled with useful knowledge not to mention a flattened nose.

After graduation he searched around until he had found the highest peak,
Then he took shelter in a cave and waited for someone with whom to speak.

Surely there would be a line of people seeking out the words he had to say,
Certainly they’d start showing up by tomorrow if they didn’t show up today.

Because the world was filled with people trapped in unhappy states,
And he knew that he could help them because sympathy was one of his traits.

So on the top of Gobbledygook this man of patient wisdom sat,
Waiting for those who’d never come because they have an app for that.


Details | Rhyme | |

Full House

Naughty little brother hitting people just for fun,
Soppy little sister snuggles up to harassed mum,
While other sister Lesley thinks she’s in a royal court,
And “Ten Ton Tim” throws the tennis balls he’s bought,
One hits little Lesley on the head with quite a force,
She storms off to her room, in a nark again of course,
She slams the door behind her once she’s made her way upstairs,
And then there’s the twins, I know that trouble comes in pairs,
Michael’s riding Richard with his undies on his head,
While Craig from down the road is wearing swimming trunks instead,
“Ten Ton Tim” then offers the other boys a fight,
One which probably won’t finish until very late at night
“You and Craig onto me!”; a tempting offer to the boys,
Who start to rush towards him brandishing their army-toys,
Lesley reappears from the dark behind the door,
Intending not carry on moaning any more,
Dad is quite sensible at stays at work ‘til dark,
I think it’s more crowded here than in Noah’s Ark.
Mother calls for quite but the noise just carries on,
‘Til Craig suggests they go to his and then the rabble’s gone!




(Written at the age of 9 or 10)


Details | Rhyme | |

The Ugh-gy Little Duckling in Dixie

Tha lil ugh-gy duckin...

...Waa-uh-uh...a BAT lookin baby!
An somMO (I don mean jus maybe!)
Growt up in a house-boat shack
Way downt-ere in ole MAN-chac
Ain lyin!! (An I AIN hat no toke)
Ugh-gy baby make BU-tam-ous foke
All LAFIN an bubbly an-DIN!
Dat black hair and daak Creo-skin!
Guess who I be TALKIN abouts??
Wha-uh SWAN dat de LORD dun turnt out!!

For my beautiful black-haired Bayou Manchac granddaughter - DIXIE!!

This is rural southern African American dialect. It is used in the present-day Delta and central Mississippi regions...I tried to state exactly how a good friend of mine from that area might describe my grandaughter, who was am ugly baby but turned out to be beautiful both inside and out...


Details | Light Poetry | |

Halloween Horror

Gobblins and ghosts flew by last night 
They woke me up with a terrible fright 
Chasing monsters and gouls away from the lights 
I wish someone would teach them to stay out of site   

But all the ghosts were by the gobblins sides
 The witches were taking them all out for rides
 From roof to tree to street
 A big race to see who could be beat
 
They were all so noisey it made Frankeinstein hide
 And those witches never drive down the street on just on side
 They just switch lanes while in flight
 Left then Right then left then right
 Back, forth, left, right, never deciding on just one dive
 Up down, zig zag.. zoosh 
Looking out my bedroom window even made my sides moosh 


Details | Free verse | |

My Sister's Diet Coke

My sister sips diet coke
Gets her day going that’s no joke.
It even helps her dream of the Baroque;
Dazzling her eyes while frying her egg yoke.
And folks this is no smoke
It makes her strong as an oak,
While floating like a butterfly stroke
Whenever she drinks her chilled diet coke.


Details | Epigram | |

Dirk Nowitzki

Impossible to stifle
the firing of a 7 foot
German Rifle

the Heat couldn't stop Dirk
from putting
in work



Congratulations to the 2011 NBA Champions
             Dallas Mavericks


Details | Limerick | |

Twelve Seconds

<                    Once was a bartender named Louie
                      Thought my tales story was quite screwy                                     
                      Asked how many seconds
                      Was in year he reckons
                      Twelve shouted out by cousin dewey







Entry For
Confession To A Bartender


                                  


Details | Narrative | |

THE YOWAH ADDICTION

Midst the mulga and the gidyea out beyond the old Paroo 
runs a road which leads to Yowah and a great place it is too. 
Where the populace is smitten by an urge they can’t withstand: 
Its the lust to find the queen of gems, beneath a timeless land. 
 
With her tantalising beauty and her taunting, twinkling eyes, 
Its the radiance of this desert child her lovers highly prize. 
Suitors come from every walk of life, from countries quite diverse 
and she keeps them courting tirelessly exacting quite a purse. 
 
And the charm of her charisma casts a spell they can’t escape, 
so they’ve built a little township there amid that red landscape. 
Quite relentless is their quest to toil,  a constant ritual, 
and they love their leisure moments like their Opal Festival. 
 
Chris and I were asked to join them and present our bush verse show 
through the festival proceedings and replied, “We’d love to go.” 
First we entertained the children at the school there for a spell 
then our host, Gwen Burney, took us for a tour that went down well. 
 
We were shown the local opal fields and dug for Yowah nuts, 
then we lunched and watched some golfers sink some rather dubious putts. 
But the opal bug had bitten and we sought a licence out, 
for we planned to do some noodling or at least just poke about. 
 
But the torture of the digging with just handpicks proved too tough 
and we chucked the towel in quickly as we’d simply had enough. 
Down in spirits we decided to search out the mulberry wine 
there at Roy’s, not far from Gwen’s place, which was said to be real fine. 
 
After scoffing down a sample we were feeling mighty good 
and old Roy was sympathetic to our plight and understood. 
He produced a bar and shovel and a bottle of his brew, 
then we headed back to noodle with our outlook all anew. 

Well we dug and sipped and dug and sipped, oblivious to pain 
and the next two days we carried on and did it all again. 
We were up each morning early and sat cracking all our nuts, 
though our hands were full of blisters and a mass of little cuts.  
 
We were both now surely smitten and could not resist her will, 
for the bug had surely bitten and we talk about it still. 
Yes, its tantalizing colour and its taunting texture’s fine   
and we’re flamin' well addicted to Roy’s home-made mulberry wine. 



Details | Free verse | |

If I Were A Guy

Would I change from a girl, and give up all my curls?
Would I quit wearing dresses, stop paying hairdressers?
Change places with him? Be a “he”, not a “she”?
Be a guy? Would I buy it?…For awhile I might try it!

I’d rise in the morning, shave off my stubble
Put on some clothes, no need for much trouble,
No lipsticks, or makeup, no blushes, nor creams.
What should I wear?….Just a shirt that is clean

I would wiggle my toes, discard panty hose!
Buy me some boots, holler and hoot
Own handyman tools, love my Lazyboy throne
Where I'll watch all the games, claim the remote
If I want to be cool, cigars too, I’ll smoke!

I could slurp eating soup,
then burp like a guy, and wear a toupee, unless I go gray!
If there’s gray at my temples, distinguished, ….how simple!!
Instead of Miss Clairol, I'll use a Gillette
Hold in my belly, and puff out my chest 
Whistle, and flirt, at young girls in short skirts!

I would eat steak and fries and a big piece of pie!
Not stress over size, of my hips or my thighs!
I won’t drink tea so dainty, out of cups filled half empty
No tantrums or tears, just a beer with the guys!
Start a fight just to try it, get a punch in the eye!
If I pout, they won’t buy it, if the girl in me cries out!

Well, I gave it a whirl…I was a guy in my dreams
A dream that I had? Or a nightmare gone bad?
I’m glad I'm awake..and the switch I WON'T make!!
I woke up as a girl, it's not as bad as it seemed!




(Apologies to all the fine gentlemen out there!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Details | Couplet | |

People planters

People planters find it hard to tear 
at the loss of your near and  dear

At two hundred percent profits
Devastation gives them fat pockets

Diggers open up the ground
Where people sprouts can be found....

Sprouts or people dust....it is hard to know!?




Details | Rhyme | |

I Got A Rock

On Halloween I always get a rock everywhere I go.
I decided to retaliate by throwing their rocks through their windows.
I never even get one piece of candy, that really blows.
I'm so ignorant that I cut my costume full of holes.
I look absolutely ridiculous and dorky in this stinking sheet, I don't even look like a ghost.
I'm paying people back for their unkindness, especially Lucy because she deserves it the most.
Last week Lucy told me to kick the football but I kicked her in the head.
She told her father and he started choking me, I thought I was dead.
When he got through strangling me, I dropped two Cherry Bombs down his pants.
I blew off his privates and now when he wants to give his wife some loving, he can't.
When people used to do mean things to me, they would laugh.
But now they treat me with respect to avoid my terrible wrath.

(This poem is a parody of the Peanuts Comic Strip.)


Details | McWhirtle | |

Romeo the Great Lover


I’m really amazed by 
Romeo the great lover 
who boasted his greatness
of loving my friend Tess.

Oh, Gee! How hard it is 
for him to display his trademark
of love, for her 
in the presence of his wife.




Details | Ballade | |

Prolific, I guess that' me

Prolific, I guess that’s me

I read a poem by ilene Baur
Prolific, she called it
I saw myself right in those words
And it made me smile a bit
Then I asked myself this question
Why do I write so much?
Each time a subject comes along
My busy mind to touch….

Then I just grab a pencil
And a poem is written down
I guess it’s my addiction
I just hope that folk don’t frown
And say ‘Oh no! Not him again
Each time they see my stuff
I guess if I was in their shoes
I’d say “hey that’s enough!!!”

So bear with me good people
And If I cause you grief
By writing all these empty words
Then you may gain relief
By passing everything I write
Not reading it at all
And yet I hope this is not so
When you comment, it’s real cool.

8 August 2013 @ 0940hrs.


Details | Haiku | |

Last Minute Halloween Costume

Last Minute Halloween Costume
Toilet paper wraps;
Costs less to dress as mummy,
Mom thinks it’s funny!


Details | Sonnet | |

Kamikaze Khristmas

I was shaken, my jingle bells taken, ornaments on a runaway corporate sleigh
It had nitrous oxide, investors selling so high, stuffing stockings with my pay
There were elves with cleavage, garters and high heels, twirling on candy canes
And then there was Santa, 10,000 I fathom, having a Bud and watching the game

Oh what have I done, my mistletoe belt buckle undone, clutching a coupon in pain
From my confusion arose, a few sticky ho ho’s, caroling Christmas has come again
Frozen my chatter, this rooftop never fatter, held hostage by a holiday of cheer
Building superstores for a thrill, reindeer on the grill, our 24 hour savior is here

I threw open the door, red tagged a commercial whore, a price check I was needing
Not to my surprise, this place had supersize fries, and just a hint of insider breeding
Cross-eyed speaking, restroom reeking, why the see-through thong with the GPS
Kamikaze carts diving, my crippled heels crying, damn you people for having sex

Bruised and battered, a world raptured, by a fat man with a bulging sack
Barbies with inflatable boobies, Hentai movies, Christ please hurry back


Details | Free verse | |

Pills

Now when I was a young man 
I didn’t need pills everything worked
I wasn’t a fan 

But now that I'm old 
I need pills everyday 
One to lower my blood pressure 
Another to keep the cholesterol away 

Now I have a new one 
To keep my mind straight 
And because of this 
I can’t ejaculate 

It’s good for an old man to stay hard for so long 
But even for that 
I need a pill for that schlong

I wonder whats next in the pill world for me 
Maybe a pill 
So I can pee 

They gave me holder to keep my pills all arranged 
But keeping them straight 
Is making me deranged 

I need a pill to tell me what pill and when 
Because for the life of me 
I forget now and then 

I can’t tell the difference between the colors of each  
If I take the wrong one 
I have a hard on and no speech 

Now all these little pills 
Cost a pile of bills 
Which causes me 
Lots of stress and ill 

No more pills thank you 
I’ve had my fill 

Eric (and always will be)  
 


Details | Limerick | |

Poetry Man

There once was a man from everywhere
Within New Jersey’s infamous lair
Mdegenhardt his name
Rhyming is his game
Through the internet he peddles his ware


Details | Acrostic | |

Gracelyn

G- gracious!
R- ready to play volleyball at all times!
A- always kind
C- computers are one of many weaknesses  
E- especially strong!  
L- loving!
Y- yarn lover!
N- never evil... at first!!!!




Details | Couplet | |

Valentine Romance

Valentines day is always something special to me, I explained. 
So I planned a romantic evening and got ready for my campaign.
The children were at a sleepover with their favorite friends they adore.
So I met my hubby as he came in, accidentally tripping and making him hit the door.
Thank God his head is hard as he hit that, the nearby TV, but very little more.
I made Cherries Jubilee as a snack while he sat there with an ice pack to his head. 
But before I knew it, I’d knocked it over and almost burned down the house instead.
When he finally put the fire extinguisher away…
I got up and got some of the kids’ apple tarts I had made. 
He bit in deep and burned his mouth, declaring he wasn’t hungry and the pain would fade.
Next he decided to go upstairs, but I had put rose petals down everywhere in spades.
And yes you probably guessed it… he slipped and ended up needing a little aide.
At this he decided to take an aspirin and lay down upon the couch. OH  HHWell…
But I knew the rest needed to happen above, to totally create this romantic spell…
I had to get him to the candles and bubble bath, where my romantic dreams still dwelled. 
So I got out some scarves and danced toward him, tying up his hands before he fell.
He never knew what hit him as he was lassoed and gently bounced up the stairs.
I guess I wouldn’t have had to tie his feet… a few words would have done as well.
But you know me when I get going, my mind tends to lose a few brain cells…
He was flustered, exhausted and bruised when he got there, but he’s made of the right stuff.
Though as I took off the scarves, he flopped on the bed pulling the covers over his head kind of rough.
He said he loved me, but living with me could be kind of tough.
He said it was better to leave it to him, for the romantic endeavors and such.
He said he had reservations and play tickets in his shirt pocket for later on that night.
But what he needed now was some aspirin and a few moments of quiet respite. 
So with a sigh he started snoring, and my romantic dreams were momentarily crushed.
I dearly love the man you know. But, do you think maybe I tried too much?


Details | I do not know? | |

Under my 8 year old Brothers Bed

Under my 8 year old brothers bed
lies my dog chewed Barbie, no sign of her head
a faded Snoopy cartoon, deflated yellow Birthday balloon
and one stuffed zoo animal baboon
Romote toy car from Uncle Tom
Cassette of Raffi, sing-a-long songs
half a fruit roll-up, and a beat up
tonka truck

A wooden dream catcher, made in Summer camp
his moon and star shaped night lamp
one lonely brown button from his Winter coat
A crumpled crayon castle drawing, complete with
an alligator filled moat
A real rabbits foot, for luck, from Grandpa Mack
half a fourth of July sparkler, old fashioned box of jacks
glass jelly jars of grass, sticks, leaves, assorted bugs
science fair worm farm living in moms old Garden jug

Under my 8 year old brothers bed
it has to be said, if you find yourself lost 
beneath it
you are as good
as dead!


Details | Verse | |

The Paparazzi Quinzaine

<                                   paparazzi candid shots
                                     privacy act ruined ?
                                     big nuisance ?
                                     
                                     


Details | Limerick | |

Taxing Dilemma

Rich ones get richer from our wages.
Middle man paid with too many pages.
We continue on path.
Hiding outrageous wrath,
Revolved in political stages,

Taxes, taxes, what will be the due.
Deductions, exemptions for a few,
All my money they have kept.
Deducting tears I wept.
Tax man arrived claimed all of them too.

The poor keeps getting poorer each year.
They cannot wait for rebate, they cheer.
Sell off, early rebate.
Federal and the state,
Money now, money, for wine and beer,


Written for

Sponsor Carolyn Devonshire 
Contest Name Taxing Times 


Details | Rhyme | |

Ode to Charlie Sheen: Bi-Winning

   -   Normally I don’t mess with email requests;
      but times are a-changin’ and I’m rearrangin’. -

          (As noted by all this distress, 
             the story we wish we‘d see less)

                  Titled: 
“The Train Wreck of Charlie Sheen;”

The public seems a little bitter; 
As he rambles his rants on Twitter,
Social network scenes, all the magazines; 
And he’s still rollin’ in dough, like we’ve never seen.

Any news is good news…so they say;
He’s gonna relapse anyway;
So at least he’s getting high, and making pay.

Everyone’s glued to their TV and internet devices,
But the best thing to do, believe me, is ignore him and his vices.  
He feeds financially and emotionally, off you and me
So leave Charlie alone! Just let him be…




Details | Clerihew | |

A TEENAGER'S NOSTALGIA

Sophia Loren,
the sexy Neapolitan,
drove all men crazy except me, I believe;
then I was in my early teens: a boy so naive.


Details | I do not know? | |

KISS ME! I'M IRISH!

ST.PATRICK MOST HUMBLE.
LEAD PAGANS TO CHRIST.
THE DRUIDS REPENTED.
NO SNAKES WERE IN SIGHT!

THE LUCK OF THE IRISH!
MY HACK-N-SAC BALL.
A FOUR LEAF CLOVER.
GOOD LUCK TO US ALL.

A LOT OF BALARNEY!
YOU'LL TALK IF YOU KISS IT.
FAIR WORDS AND SOFT SPEECH.
GO TRY IF YOU VISIT.

LEPRECHAUNS MAGIC.
THE EMERALD ISLE.
A BUNCH OF MALARKY!
GREEN BEER AND A SMILE.

LADS AND LASSES.
DANCING TO AND FRO!
A POT OF GOLD
AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW.

PADDY'S WAGON.
FULL OF BAD THUGS.
COME SPIN US A YARN
IN O'DOWDS LOCAL PUB!

KISS ME!  I'M ISRISH.
ST. PATRICKS DAY'S HERE.
EVERYONE'S IRISH!
AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR!



Details | Narrative | |

Mon ami Fred

I once had a friend in College,
who was a young man named Fred.
He had a funny crazy habit,
of making certain utterances in French,
to pretty girls he hoped to conquer.
One day he met his match in a lady,
who disgraced him without intention.
On that day, he walked up to the lady,
'Bonjour mademoiselle he greeted'
The lady was so happy,
 'here now is a brother,
qui parle Francais beaucoup' she thought.
She answered him with an alluring smile,
Ah, bonjour monsieur, je suis content
que vous parliez Francais
Mon ami was now in a hot soup,
when he knew the lady was no novice,
in what he knew nothing of any use.
The lady rattled on like a parrot,
and asked my friend 1001 questions.
My friend was only smiling like an idiot,
in front of the lady he thought of conquering
I had an ache from series of laughter,
as I watched the unfolding drama of a rascal
who wanted to use what he never had,
to make a fool of some of his fellow men.





10th August, '12

Mon ami-- my friend (male)
Bonjour mademoiselle/monsieur---- good morning Miss/Mr
qui parle Francais beaucoup -----who speaks French very much
Je suis content que vous parliez Francais-- I am happy that you speak French



Details | Light Poetry | |

Awe Your Full Of It

<         twenty twelve

                  What The Hell !

                                       
                         cosmic conjuction
                                       
                               What's it's Function !


                                         ecologic collapse

                                                   Only Perhaps !


                                                             galactic beings

                                                                     I've Been Seeing !


                                                                             think it's all phony
                                                                         
                                                                                      And Full Of Balony  !

Entry For Gareth James's
2012 Contest
G.L. All


                                                                                              
 
                                            

                             


Details | Quatrain | |

Superstitions for the Feeble-Minded

Don’t say that, you better knock on wood
It’s bad to spread misfortune aloud, in front of others
Don’t you know any better? Karma and jinxing are real
Hey! And get off that crack, you’ll break your mama’s back

It’s not so bad to spread misfortune aloud, in front of others
For those who did wrong doing to me and my loved ones
Hey! I’m glad to see you’re standing on that crack.
By the way send your dear mother my sincerest regards

And for those who did wrong doing to me and my loved ones
You should lasso the words escaping your mouth
Send your dear mother my sincerest regards
Just tell her I said it must blow having a child like you

You should hog tie those words before they escape your mouth
Sticks and stones could break bones, words, well they just sting
It must blow for your mom having such a shitty child, sting!
Sorry for the news flash but nobody likes you

Sticks and stones will break your bones, words just tingle
Oh you didn’t know any better?  Karma and Jinxing are real
News flash! The world is better off without the likes of you
That’s why you shouldn’t say that, did you knock on wood yet?


Details | Limerick | |

Just Wait Until I Get Home

<                        once popped cork on bottle of red wine
                          hit brother in eye oh how it did shine
                          seen him go pick up bat
                          boy did I ever scat
                          right to canadian's boarder line

                          feeling like her dansel in-distress
                          along came three county mounties best
                          asked if nipping bottle
                          at fast paces throttle
                          answered yes now did I pass your test


                           tossed in pokie for now twenty days
                           poor ole missy now won't and get laid
                           darn brother wins again
                           wearing smitten hugh grin
                           wait until that welt begins to fade  




Written 6/20/11

Entry For Francine Robert's
Bottle Of Wine
Limericks Only Contest
G.L. All


Details | Nonet | |

Another day at Wally World


Wal-Mart has removed its door greeters,
Replacing them with purchase eyes
Grabbing receipts at exits
Waving them like white flags
Yes, they paid! They paid! 
You may pass; thanks!
Do the dance,
Pappy,
lol!






Details | Verse | |

A Review of Justice

What is justice? What is right
In a world consumed by greed?
What can we do when justice is gone
and the law can't intercede?

We need to heed sound instruction.
We require the power to trust.
We desire a new dimension.
This directive is a must!

So sack the politicians;
The judges should all go.
Disband committee meeting;
Quangos are a 'no'!

Innuendos and intentions
must fully be explored.
Appointing Peoples' courts;
Should, at first, not be ignored.

Heh! Hang on just a second,
I've just thought of something new:
Human rights will be denied.
Let's forget about this review! 

Robert Cartwright-Davidson Jan. 2011


Details | Senryu | |

I Don't Give A Hoot

<                             beneath swollen moon
                               silhouttes conjoinment dance
                               hooting escalates  







Entry For
Sensuous Senryus


Details | Rhyme | |

When Old Folks Gits Together

Wherever they gather, on the porch or nigh a glowin' flame,
The conversation of older folks is just about the same.
Invariably, they'll discuss their aches, pains and weather,
Anytime two or more of them chance to git together!

Oh, they may git around to addressin' crops and the lack of rain,
Or discuss politics and religion or somethin' along that vein.
Perhaps they'll grouch about taxes or politicians' inane blather,
Or talk about their aches, pains and weather when they gits together!

The healing powers of fish oil with omega three they might compare,
Or the behavior of kids nowadays, "its a sight", they do declare,
Wonderin' why folks don't rein 'em in and keep 'em on a tether.
And they'll talk aches, pains and weather when they gits together!

Older folks may reminisce about the simpler days of yore,
And the flagrant lack of respect and courtesy anymore,
Or they may opt to sit in stoic silence or elect whether,
To discuss their aches, pains and weather when they gits together!

When a clutch of older folks gits together to shoot the breeze,
They've earned the right to talk about anything they please!
But you'll likely find that they chat about their aches, pains and weather,
Most everytime several of them choose to git together!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | I do not know? | |

Caribbean You

More than a vacation, a vocation
In the field of tranquility you
Search the Caribbean blue
Sensation or mental refuge

White sandy beaches wet
Peaches in drinks collect
Making the experience perfectly
Sweet, worthy as a bodily

Treat. Club nights, escapes
In lantern light vases
Erases memories of work
And the Jerk in Apartment

24B. you are lovely, true
Disconnection from Kansas
Dorothy, pitchfork my ass!
And to heck with Toto too, I like cats,

Bat-monkey bellhops serving champagne 
On balcony restaurants under starry
Safari-scene coca bean cabanas. 
Your hammock sways, snapping

Shirt stays as rays of sunlight brook
Your book and cook toes
That glow from wearing
Black shoes. No swearing,

Sweating, connecting flights
To sit here and there, eating
On the go in slow traffic, lights
And horns blearing in through

Hotel windows. Without AC
You see a sea on your desk
In your messed up cluster
Schmuck of yucky tapestry

Adorning cubical rat
Mazes. In code and number
Each node and blunder, busses
Screeching breaks on lakes
Of concrete. meat sickles
Tickle the fancy of Metro
Nancy’s claiming amnesty
From male mannerisms

As aneurisms claim hardy
Workaholic espresso toting
Suits late for some meeting.

Welcome to Pleasure Island

Were your wildest dreams 
Are you, making love to 
Models, crack dealing to stay
Away from the hustle, bustle, bubble

Muscle-man tan left sleeve down world.
Colors brilliantly hue the rising
Set down let down, it all really is
A biz of romance looking askance

At boom box beats from street
Thugs in Timberland boots
That choose to use time
As a crime enterprise

Of lies. But you aren’t there
You’re there in bikini underwear
On the water in your Caribbean
You picture frame from a last

Trip that wasn’t drug induced :)


Details | Couplet | |

Out Cast

<                                Mirror mirror on the wall
                                  This isn't my face quite at all

                                  A ribbon in hair
                                  This seems so unfair

                                  Painted eyes
                                  Painted lips this I cry
                                  
                                 Dress of  lace
                                 I feel so out of place

                                 So I  cast this spell back to you
                                 Tee shirts and jeans will just have to do

                                 For now I tend to be running a little late
                                 From  mirror casting own spell which I hate


Entry For 
Matt Caliri's Mirror Contest
G.L. All


Details | Senryu | |

You Are My Sunshine

<                             covered chocolate
                       bursting ......  cherry implosions
                               over pallets tongue


                                                            
                           
                                a bit of sunshine
                         waiting for the right peeler ....
                             orange ya glad its you


Details | Rhyme | |

My FAVORITE Classic TV Show


My Favorite Classic T.V. Show A classic t.v. show that I thought was fun and silly. Was one I watched as a child: “The Beverly Hillbillies.” There was Jed. Granny. Jethro and Elly May too. You just didn’t know what these folks were going to do! Granny would offer possum pie or some “vittles.” There was no tellin’ what she was fixin’ in her griddle! This family would “dance a jig.” Or even “sing a song. And then they would all gather around “the cement pond.” It didn’t seem to matter what was served on the dinner plate. Ole Jethro would never get full. No matter how much he ate! Elly loved to have her many animals in the home. No matter where she went. She was never alone! This Clampett family brought joy through our t.v. I still watch this show. But just occasionally. This classic show is from a time in the past. But it still brings good memories that will always last! By Jim Pemberton "The Beverly Hillbillies"


Details | Rhyme | |

Suspicion

Long ago, in a tiny Kingdom,
in some far-distant land,
lived four hundred sub-servient people,
whose ruler was "The Shan"!

He had a real bad temper,
and was subject to take fits!
So the people sorta walked on eggs,
and had to keep their wits.

Things were good for quite awhile,
no fits, and it was great!
Then one day, that all changed,
which led to a perilous fate!

It's unclear what really happened,
but things got real intense!
The Shan had his worse fit ever,
and the people had no defense!

There was only one survivor,
a very lucky man!
But, I have to ask, where was this guy,
when "the Fit hit the Shan?




Details | I do not know? | |

A DRUNK DAY

nice clothes
nice shoes
couple of girls
but i got a main boo

nice car
on 22's
lift kit on it
it's another 4in boost

hop out
see my homies
it ain't my forte
but all them smoking

big whip
car full
been drinkin since 1
n yet we still partying

fitted cap
yankee logo
girls say im fly
now they reaching for my "you know"

wake up
hangover
a hurricane went through the house
thanks mr Hugo

team liqour
super sick
i know i was texting
but dont remember this chick

she mad
im laughing
she says im an asshole anyways
i say i'm sorry but it was just another drunk day


Details | Couplet | |

Fur Ball

<               my little girl came to me and asked for a pet
                 to me my heart just hasn't been quite set

                 but who could resist those baby brown eyes
                 and all those little wimpers and desirable sighs

                 so off we went in our broken down wagon
                 where the rear end you could tell was sagging

                 to petland is where we went
                 pocketbook really took a dent

                 odie and garfield was their chosen names
                 two bunny hampsters very different but the same

                 oh my little girl was not yet done
                 said mama we need hampster ball so they can have alot of fun

                  and don't forget their bedding liners
                  so their living will be much finer

                  but first you must buy them their cage
                  oh my little girl is quite smart for her age

                  she knows they like fruit and snacks
                  so she doubled order with ten sacks


                   ring ring ring ding ding ding
                   did it's cash register ever so did sing


                   eighty five fifty
                   well ain't that nifty


                   handed lady one hundred
                   mumbling under breath was said


                   left store in a hurry
                   with our clothes looking so dam fury




Written By Katherine Stella  7/3/11

Entry For Francine Robert's
Pick A Pet Contest
G.L. All


Details | Narrative | |

The Poop of Life

THE POOP OF LIFE The poop word is a replacement For the other four letter word You know the one that means poop The one you have most likely heard There is a lot of poop in our life That is really like our body poop Both are really a necessity for living Let me give you the comparison scoop The type of food taken in your body Or what is fed into your life for you Will certainly determine precisely What type of poop you’re getting in to If you let the poop get all built up You tend to want to push and strain In hopes to hurry and force it out That can only cause cramps and pain Slow down and take a deep breath It really is always best to just relax The more you try to lighten up yourself The easier it will be for the poop to pass It’s time to worry if you have no poop Or if you just can’t get that poop out Keep it fresh and make room for more It feels great when it is all cleaned out A stall full of poop has the best worker As Proverbs 14:4 suggestively does say So a good worker does poop a lot Please don’t let it pile up for days No one wants to step in your poop Or even wants to see it for that matter We need to clean up our own poop Every little particle or a tiny splatter It is important to remember To always wipe twice It’s like double checking And it’s really the best advice If the same old poop is left Just every where lying around It only attracts the flies and scum Those pests from every part of town At times there may be a lot Of just stinky hot air Then sometimes you get The real poop coming there There are many different types Of shapes, sizes and textures With the daily poop we’re given The variety of life is measured I could probably go on and on Even you may think of more, I know So I’ll leave you with this one last note Try not to get caught in deep poop though Florence McMillian (Flo)


Details | Limerick | |

Outsmarted

My grandson just loves to make noise
The louder the better his toys
His batteries I hide
The noise still resides
Turns out that I hid his decoys


Details | Rhyme | |

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Would I be a man if I had the chance,
To grow hair in strange places and jump up and dance,
Whenever a touchdown is made for my team,
Or a goal scored in Hockey and jump up and scream,
And scare the bejiggers out of my mate,
Even though she is trying real hard to relate,
And understand my excitement when we make first down,
And show she's enthused and tries not to frown?

Would I want to do chest bumps and yell like a monkey,
And scratch, fart and belch and think it's real funny;
Come home from work and sit down on the couch,
Pick up the remote and go into a slouch;

Or should I be satisfied just as I am;
For from the beginning it was God's plan,
To take sugar and spice and things to entice,
And create a woman so things woud be nice;
For He first made the man but he wasn't complete,
So He gave him a woman so the poor guy could eat;
For without us the guys just don`t stand a chance,
Unless I`m here to help him mine can`t find his pants.




(The real question is do you want to be the man in charge or the woman who really knows what`s going on)

For How Would I Change My Life Contest by Frank Herrera


Details | Rhyme | |

Gerkey's Jerky

There's a teacher named Gerkey. He sells lots of jerky. If you won't pay, he'll send you away, and you won't get jerky form Gerkey.


Details | Bio | |

Shopping, American Style

I wonder if this is a trait
reserved only for Americans,
Or do all humans suffer
From this dementia?

I saw an item advertised
In my local paper
A one day sale
Limited quantities.
So Hurry In!!!!

This was something I'd 
wanted for years,
And the price was reasonable,
But a forty mile ride to get there

So, I drove the distance
To this big Department store,
Speeding a bit
I hoped they would still have more,

A line at the check out counter,
Department Manager on the phone,
Every few moments you could hear a groan,
And another frustrated customer
left for good...

Before I knew it, I was at the front of the line
The manager and sales clerk buzy
With a potential customer on the phone,
Now I understood the groan.
This potential customer was shopping
by phone, with endless questions...

Seemed there was no way to get these people's
Attention...
I waved, I knocked on the counter,
I repeatedly begged for assistance
But the Bozo on the phone got all
of their attention.
Live customers waving cash in thr air
Made no difference to them,
As they decribed every item in the
department

I turned to the eight or so people behind me
"Isn't this Ridiculous?"
Turning away from live customers,
eager to buy, and spending all your attention
to some clown on the phone too lazy to come by!

So now, when such an incident arises,
I'll call them from my cell phone,
While on line,
And perhaps, then, I'd be taken seriously.


Details | Limerick | |

Slam Poetry Is For Orangutangs!

The Orangutang:

There once was a traditionalist,
Who in his ignorance had missed
The beauty of youth,
The ever-changing truth!
He's a typical fundamentalist!


The Traditionalist:

"I can't stand these kids and their slang!
They are just looking for a bang!
Their rhymes are funky,
But so are monkeys!"
  -  Did he just call me an orangutang?

"These darn kids and this gosh darn slam,
It may flow, but it's still a scam!
If it ain't metered,
Then it's petered!
Why waste your ink scribbling flimflam?"


Details | Rhyme | |

And Goliath Said

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Free verse | |

DREAMING OF BABYLON

Hand of power, heart of whimsy, tamer of
mighty rivers. Rivers of initial learning,
nurturer of ancient gardens, gardens in

their fabled beauty hanging yet in utter
freshness in the fecund hearts of poets.
Poet at heart cooped solitary, hostage of

life's fickle fortune. Fortune dreamed
with vanished glories still as green as
tendrils twining. Twining on to memories

heart-held, held while tending patch of
foliage, muttering through graying mustache,
"You're soft muffins, crumbly cookies,

munchies in my white cell circle; circle
stony though surrounds me, I'm still palm tree,
brave, steadfast; that you're not, but bush."


Details | Quatrain | |

Long Live Love

A toss of the head
A flick of her hair
The wave of her hand
As her beauty did flare
 
Her bountiful step
The spring in her stride
Her laugh as we waked 
Hand in hand through the tide
 
Her mouth with its smile
As we wrote in the sand
Her cries of frustration
As sea coated the land
 
Those little I love yous
Meant so much back then
That on annual vacations
We repeat them again
 
For least we forget 
In the daily ado
Our marrital vows
Mean forever I do


Details | Free verse | |

Disturbance at dinnertime

she sails
into the restaurant
with her volume, voice and vibes
 
her huge waves
disturbing every conversation
 
her loud laughs
Interfering with existing atmosphere
 
her empty words
bouncing all over the room
 
her massive  presence
sharks the whole place
 
at last
she sails
out of  the harbor
that wasn’t hers
 
fresh wind blows
and everyone shows
it is  now our happy hour

©Ellie Daphne van Stralen 2012


Details | I do not know? | |

The Freshman Effect

Upperclassmen of universities beware:
The horror, the terror, the outright scare
That comes onto your campus twice a year;

Cover your ears and close your eyes
They cover the ground and darken the skies:
The untrained, roguish freshmen are now here.

They come in swarms too great to number
They party late and disturb your slumber
They do not know the pricelessness of time;

They take your space in the parking lot
They take the dorm you should have got
And they choke up all the cafeteria lines.

"You were freshmen too," they say
"You probably partied every day,"
They have a point, but you don't really care.

You have weathered your college years
You've learned some things and fought your fears
You've earned your place; the freshies must earn theirs.

They will be seniors too someday
Then it will be their turn to say:
Upperclassmen of universities, Beware!


Details | Limerick | |

You're Going To Get It Now But Good

<                             once there was an old cat named chessur
                               only listened to alice for sure
                               but sometimes dissappeared 
                               and left behind grins smear
                               so I've gone mad and shaved off hides fur





Entry For Debbie Guzzi's
Go Ask Alice Contest
        G.L. All


Details | Rengay | |

Seven Days To Dream Think

Seven Days To Dream Think
My week to speak exactly what I think
To sink my teeth into a thick steak that’s pink
My week to tell everyone I hate that they really stink,
To tell the crazy one’s to go tell that crap to their shrink.
My week to skate around like a
Disco superstar at a roller rink.
To walk around purring at people wearing nothing but my mink.
My week to slinky slink, slink, slink.
To show people I have a lot of kink.
My week to be famous for words of luster ink.
To give all of the handsome men a wink.
My week to have the biggest glass of wine to drink.
If only it was my week.


Details | Limerick | |

HughWest

There’s a man you know as Hugh West
Writing poetry is what he does best
But then I reckon
Poetry is second
To eyeing my voluptuous chest


Details | Free verse | |

Monster Mowers

I am quite content with my little mowing machine; it does the job for me.
But not my crazy neighbors whom I used to call my friends, briefly…
Now they’ve become competitive, crazed out, monsters looking for a win.
Competition was breed deep within, and power is a drug therein…
So when one got a riding mower, the other did one more.
But that was not enough, as the escalation carried forth, for sure…
Now one has torn his fence down, to let his monster roar right in.
The poor guys now need ladders to get upon their seats to take a spin.
And the motors are so powerful; they throw grass way down the street.
The noise is so very deafening, that to forget the roar, it takes all week.
And the tires are so very big that they trample the grass, I swear.
But that doesn’t seem to deter them, as they continue planning in their lairs.
It appears speed is now their latest thought, with which they were truly blessed.
And it doesn’t seem to matter that their yards are the size of a mouses' nest.
So I ran away down the street, the last time they launched those baby’s forth.
And I took out more insurance, in case they go beyond their intended mark.
You see my house sits right between them, and I’m worried they’ll land upon my 
roof.
Especially after they were asking my hubby, how fast jet engines can go forth…
And what about nitro burners… will they help give speed and power, too?
In desperation, trying to save my house, I bought front-page newspaper space…
There I declared a place in the city park where safely they could race.
And added: whoever could mow it fast with the best job, would win first place…
And in Hollywood they would find themselves in the new reality show craze.
I found getting someone to film this fiasco wasn’t so very hard to find.
The entire city came out, including the police, ambulances and all, with them in mind
When the competition was over, the mowers were broken and thoroughly spent.
The final declaration was found to be: they’d only simply tied and not won yet…
In the end, one mower was in the city pool and the other on the mayor's car.
The police dispersed the ensuing fight, between those two, not finding it funny at all.
Fortunately, the Doctors said they’d live, their injuries were really rather small.
So they both went home undefeated, to continue the race again once more.
And the only person to truly gain that day was I; you need not have a doubt.
I sold the film to Hollywood… And used the funds to buy a far-a-way, different 
house. 


Details | Limerick | |

I Love Lucy

<          once there was a redhead gal name lucy
            now skit comes to mind is real juicy
            job switching with the men
            conveyer belt takes a spin
            chocolate oh how did she loosey



Entry For Shani Fassbender's
Favorite Television Show / Episode Remembered


I Chose I Love Lucy
 

Written By Katherine Stella 7/1/11


Details | Clerihew | |

ugly but successful

Abraham Lincoln
was an ugly ducklin';
but became president
among the eminent.


Details | Free verse | |

Pizza

Thin, hand tossed, or pan.
Pepperoni pizza?
Join me if you can.
Dine-in, buffet, or on the run,
pizza for lunch is so much fun.
Taco pizza will hit the spot.
This pizza kitchen sure is hot!
Yes, dessert pizza made just right.
Chocolate chip pizza is such a delight.
Extra meat and light on the sauce.
Join me for pizza at a low cost.
On a diet?
That's okay.
Veggie pizza fixed your way.
Some like it hot and some like it cold,
but I like mine spicy and bold.
Order to go or dine with grace.
Join me at the pizza place.


Details | I do not know? | |

Country Christmas

“Country Christmas Carol”      ---  dedicated to my family

 by  Miriam  McCue (creator of flamingo art, & poetry.so far.)

We love to sing Christmas songs,
My Grandson Bubba and I.
And when we sing Country Christmas.
We almost make the angels cry.

A Merry Country Christmas
To all those great Country Folk,
And even to the City Slickers,
Who also love to drink and smoke.

We’ll take a drink for Bubba, Aunt Mike and Cousin Jim, 
And hope that this Christmas,
They’ll say a prayer and sing a hymn.

Gather round the still, 
Country People all.
 And hold up Uncle Bill
So the old coot doesn’t fall. 

A Merry Country Christmas, 
One full of country joy.
Little Willie wanted a 12 gauge,
But all he got was a toy.


Details | Limerick | |

Just For Kicks

<             just like football i am like the queen
               now hand over remote or i'll scream
               black and blue division
               on my television
               Kicking Jay Cutlers butt I do dream









Entry For
Kristen Bruni's 
Football Contest
G.L. All


Details | Lyric | |

Imagine All The BS

I realize this might offend people but some of it is my views and some of it is just having fun. But overall it is just in fun.


Imagine there's no Obama
You cant if you tried
And he didn't give our gas line
To the chinese.. sigh
Imagine all the people voting blindly

Imagine there's no countries
We're not too far off
None of our freedom's remain
Under sharia law
Well then its praise allah or rest in peace

You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but Obama's got it done
USA's going in the toilet
And Tim Tebow is the plunge

Imagine no socialists
That won't defend the Jews
While he kisses a communist then 
Says Sorry for our values
Imagine all the people sharing the same wage

You, you may say 
I'm a schemer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you will wake up
Before this world is made one


Details | Alliteration | |

Firecrackers (Alliterations)

In a pick pack boom a wonderful light in the sky
Beaming gleaming screaming people out in the street
Watching the parade of light danced, glanced tranced
Happy sappy snappy to watch the firecrackers so beautifully
Amazing as it make the sky lively sparkly wonderfully
It shone in the dark out in the park making the mark
A sign of celebration in a cloud nine look so divine
Graces in the space a part of beauty to embrace

22/9/07


Details | Prose Poetry | |

Missing Mouth

On a warm Thursday morning
my mouth leaped off my sleepy face and eluded 
my messy apartment.

It went absent for years.
All the “missing” signs with $100 dollar rewards
did not pay off.

So I had to cope with people’s kind aid.
They ate off my food bite by bite,
verbalized what was on my mind,
and smiled instead of me.

It was awful being lipless.
The joys that came with my mouth were suddenly omitted, like:
Leaving smooches on people’s cheeks.
Laughing, (when I wanted to.)
Centering pouts to my foes.
Smiling to strangers.

Until one day, while reading the morning paper
the headlines said that a mouth had been found
lost.
So I went to the center where they said my mouth was
being taken care of.

When I got there I was flabbergasted with
what the Dentist had told me.
“Your mouth needed a leash,
that voiced tongue and
intimidating full set of teeth.
So we plucked out some of its fangs.
Oh, and its Wise teeth too.
You know all the commotion genius could do…” 

I frowned.
“And that vindictive tongue! Would
not keep silent. It screamed poems 
about licking society-inflicted wounds,
self-righteousness, individuality,
and those crazy things. So we chopped that
off too, until it could no longer sing.” 
he spoke with a hiss in his 
voice.

“I am proud to say that this is our 
greatest work so far.
Maya, you are finally healed.
This mouth was going to get you into a lot of trouble, young lady.
Now, would you like your mouth back?”

I shook my head with disapproval,
gushed into tears and stormed home.
I let my mouth go and set it free.
What use would a speechless mouth
have been to me?


Details | Limerick | |

Chuck

There is a man we call him ChuckSluck
I must admit his poems don’t suck
He drives a corvette
Which put him in debt
But with the girls has given him luck


Details | Light Poetry | |

Over The Hill Footle

what you will
    when over that hill

    well your feet will swell
               and body might smell 
 
                           your hair will grey 
                                  want to be lazy all day

                                         tummy will sag
                                             eyes will bag

                                                    get bunions too
                                                          on heels how shrew

                                                                     lose some teeth
                                                                               OMG good grief

                                                                                         so if you will
                                                                                               take it slowly up that hill


Entry For Brian Strand's 
What You Will Contest

I chose Footle

                                                              

                                                                                                       


Details | Rhyme | |

Springtime with Edouard Manet

Easter is a time where we construe
The beauty of renewal blooming through
Little birds that chirp above the vales
While sweeter ladies peep at passing males

Charming is the humour passing round
Faint scent of Tulips, Daffodils abound
Strolling couples giggle by a stream
Planning the delights they like to dream

Gazebos filled with bands that blow their brass
Shiny belts and buckles, best in class
‘Le déjeuner sur l'herbe’ a luncheons treat
A very Manet way in which to meet

Ah Easter is a time for daring stuff
Two clothed men that dine with naked fluff
At last the joys of springtime are revealed
Milk white flesh and precious else concealed

©david byrne Easter 2012 


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Promised Land

Forty years is a pretty long time to be out on a camping trip,
And when you’re living on a mountainside you can start to lose your grip.
So God called his people together to tell them about his plan,
“Folks I just wanted to say, I’m sending you to the Promised Land.”
He talked to them of a land that was flowing with milk and honey,
And told them that to own it all wouldn’t cost them any money.
God divided them up into tribes and then into armies and finally squads,
They thought that their vision of milk and honey must be different than God’s.
When they marched into the land they found people who were very big,
They thought that this land of giants would snap them like a twig.
The walls of the cities in this land were tall and they towered to the sky,
They thought that God must be mad at them so they went to ask him why.
“Lord, it’s going to be tough to attack walls made strong with mortar and bricks,
When we are all only tiny little people running around with pointy sticks.”
God railed at them for having so little faith and told them to attack,
They sort of looked at each other and then told God that he could have it back.
But the Lord told them all to hunker down and do their very best to be brave,
After all the time that Moses had invested God was certainly going to save.
And so they were delivered and the land became their home to keep,
They just never would have guessed that the rent would be so steep.


Details | Couplet | |

The Benefits Of Being Single

A horrible smell pervades the air,
It really is quite freaky,
It's time for my monthly underwear change,
Perhaps I should change it to weekly.

Or is weekly too much, I think it might be,
Perhaps I should do it fortnightly,
Because using those chemicals that might harm the earth
Isn't something that I take that lightly.

As I peel off my boxers they crackle and creak,
You could cut through the smell with a knife,
I'm single, I know it's hard to believe,
But I just don't want that trouble and strife.


Details | Rhyme | |

Extraordinary

I see him standing in the rain,
this debonair and handsome Dane.
He says, "I don't know if I dare
to ask a lovely rose, so rare
to join me for a bite to eat."
I answer shyly, "That would be neat."

Then happily we watch a toad,
playing leap-frog on the road.
We go to lunch and I take note,
that on his handsomeness I dote.
I giggle a bit I don't deny,
when he drops gravy on his tie.

5/17/12 For Catie's Word game contest


Details | Light Poetry | |

Cough Drops And Applesauce

Cough Drops and applesauce 
Is what the doctor gave to me 
I don't mean to complain 
But in my side 
I feel a great big pain 
And doctors orders I'll oblige
 It is bad enough 
Every day is getting tough 
And now I am just out of luck 
Stuck with nothing but a cough 

It's been driving me insane 
Living here in all this pain 
It has made my life a very hard thing 
I really don't want to complain 
But I've been left out in the pouring rain 
And tomorrow is another day 
Same to come, same old way  


Details | Footle | |

VD PREPARATION

Big Day    Let’s Play    
                    

Breath Sweet    Washed Feet
     
                   
Naired Crack    Shaved Back
         
                   
Tic Toc    Forgot Clock
        
                   
She’s Back   Tic Tac



For the VALENTINE FOOTLES contest.
She then He preparing for that special day of love. 
                   


Details | Blank verse | |

DADDY

My Daddy scuttles across the ocean floor,
Let tons of seawaters flow past him,
Over him,
As he makes subsonic noises
Protesting my sins.

The waters listen,
As do fish and sharks
And other predators of the sea,
The sea horse dances its traditional dance.
Seaweed’s weave and sway,
As if in chorus.

The villainous dragon from Monsters Inc.,
Changes color and does his disappearing,
Shrek awaits luncheon in his swamp,
Daddy is late, he has ‘diver’s’ cramp.

I patiently explain to him
The phraseology of Rap,
The mechanics of whoring 
Just outside the Kremlin,
But with magnifying glass,
He still looks for gray in Lenin’s beard.

A thousand Pol Pots were David Copperfield, 
No less, spinning agrarian dreams for Daddies like
him,
And other Daddies like Uncle Ho,
Paddy growing from the barrel of a gun.
Gorbachov had the world on his head,
But ultimately, the Drunk pointed cannon at the Duma,
And won.

‘Daddy, understand the dialectics 
Of the spinning wheel in Atlantic City,
Otherwise as Donald Trump would say,
You’re fired!’ 


Details | Senryu | |

House of WEED

Aromas, green, sweet
Enter through doorway now 
S—sick horror can’t breathe 


Details | Light Poetry | |

Crock Around The Clock

<        Barack
             What Crock










No Pun Just Humor LOL



Entry For Brian Strand's
Two Lines Of Two Syllables 
Footle Contest  G.L. All


Details | I do not know? | |

FEAR!!!!!

I RUN from FEAR.

I HUNT for FEAR.

I HIDE in FEAR.

I FIGHT cause of FEAR.

I'm FAR from you.

I'm SCARED cause of you.

You're the FEAR that I HUNT.

You're the FEAR that I FIGHT.

You're the FEAR that SCARED me for LIFE.

*Comment if you have any thought and if you like it. oh and some of the poems i write arn't 
always my feelings. their some times just to get through other people so they can have 
something to read that just fit's them.*

                                              -Angel4eva23


Details | Romanticism | |

More Then Just Lines

I think I've seen you in my dreams, you're matching every description.
Your love is like a drug, I'd kill to fill the prescription.
You give me so much excitement, like when babies are born.
You're the only flower I see that's in this garden of thorns.
You must be Jamaican, because you're Jamaican me crazy.
Let's get a place together and maybe raise up a baby.
A lot of people call me Trav, but you can call me tonight.
You have the most beautiful eyes in the world, just like the stars they shine bright.
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
You could make a shy guy try and make a blind man see.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
You've got me floating like a feather, and I want to feel this way forever.
You may think these are just lines, or maybe all the above,
but please read this with your heart, because you're the woman I love.


Details | Limerick | |

RavinNVRmore

A friendly poet RavinNVRmore
Writes poetry that you can’t ignore
A Poe fan I wonder
A phrase she did plunder
From the gaunt and ominous bird of yore


Details | Limerick | |

GONE FISHING

There's a fellow named Robert O'Toole.
He's the principal down at the school.
He cut classes today,
So the gossips all say.
Went fishing for bass in the car pool.


Details | Couplet | |

Modern Medicine is Nonsense

Ah, I do not and will not believe in modern medicine anymore,
it is not really modern, it is just meant to scare, that's for sure.

See, just a few years back chocolate was so bad for your heart
but lately the black variety turns out to be good it could not hurt.

I was once advised to stay off foods that are high in cholesterol
but now they say the high density type is in fact pretty acceptable.

Those smart asses told me to eat garlic because it is so good,
then last month came findings over-rating it as a health food...

which means all I ever got from making garlic as part of my diet
were body odors and stinking breaths…and that is not quite right!

Modern medicine is so fickle, just like our beloved womenfolk, 
often ordering us to jump without even first taking a quick look.

Better to just enjoy gobbling up what you find on the dining table
for life is short and them no-good doctors are just fooling us all.






Details | Burlesque | |

The Bachelor's Gourmet Cooking Manifesto

A bachelor's life is, by necessity, quite simple
We're generally the same ourselves
Complications we avoid
They take from us too much energy
And if you look at our kitchen shelves
You'll almost always see
Our gourmet pre-made food
is for us the key
We would not know how to fry
an egg or make good tea
You see, if it ain't pre-cooked,
To just be microwaved
We'll shy away from those such products
It's ease and speed we crave,
This type of food only
Until our early grave

Now, just for special occasions,
We might use a can opener
for gourmet treats to serve
To those we wish to impress
With our elan and our panache'
Maybe Chef Boy-R-Dee spaghetti,
Oh tasty, tasty treat!
It's probably the most sophisticated
Meal we'll ever eat.

And there's always the drive-thru
For most important family holiday get-togethers
Taco Bell, McDonald's, and many others too,
Don't complain and ruffle our sensitive feathers

So if you own a frying pan,
And, oh God!, maybe even a pot!
That tells me right away,
A bachelor you're not!!


Details | Rhyme | |

OLD BOOZED WILLY

Old boozed Willy was hostile and not ready to lose; 
a dirty face, a glowing nose...
only a firefighter's water hose
could have put out the heat he had gotten from the booze!


All the boys of Tumbleweed scampered like chased mice
as they saw his bulgy belly hanging from his trousers... 
ah, his bad breath had the stench of a piggy; 
they yelled angrily, " Go to another town, fatty! "


What was on his hot, red tongue?
The smell of Johnny Walker's whiskey?
They always saw him leaping like a frog...
when he finally got up, he looked so scary!   


Who crossed Willy...driving him to drink that poison?
He cussed everyone getting a bit closer to his whiskey,
never did he mess with a chubby, bickering mommy,
who came running,...brandishing a long, black baton! 


One noon there was a large rally by his door
to evict him from his bungalow...what was the reaction of Willy?
He brought out a case of expensive whiskey,
and offered them lots of drinks...they drank and felt mellow! 


So they kept on drinking the hard liquor...
until it hurt their full, burping beer-bellies,
but one of them quite sober hollered with a stuttering voice,
" Get Willy, he stole all the whiskey from the Happy Hour Bar!


Old boozed Willy was hostile and not ready to lose;
a dirty face, a glowing nose...
only a firefighter's water hose
could have put out the heat he had gotten from the booze!


My comment:

It wasn't fair to chase after Old Willy after 
they drank his whiskey, even 'though they found out
it was stolen. They weren't a bit thankful or compassionate,
but drinking it without asking him how he got it,
made them his partners in crime!


Details | I do not know? | |

KEEP THE MONSTER AWAY

              As the saying goes,an apple a day will keep the doctor away
                                   But what is a worm to do
                               I lie in a apple close to the core
               Ever so often i slither up to my brown bedroom door
                              I stick my head out to peek at the world
                              To my surprise,there's a monster out there
                                     Picking apples real fast
                                I held my breath,i could only gasp
                                     My heart was thumping
                  The apples were bumping in a basket down below
                   A monster reached out and grabbed my home
                    Opened his mouth,of long white teeth
                     Said ,''im hungry'', i need something to eat
                     My heart stood still,i couldn't breath
                     Thought this would be the end of me.
                                                                                                                                                    


Details | Limerick | |

Foibles Of Fred

There once was a man they called Fred.
who had to be tied to his bed.
When deep on the sauce
his cookies he'd toss.
Then proceed to fall on his head.


for "Short and Sweet' contest
sponrored by Brian Strand









Details | Limerick | |

JOE & FRED

I know a poet named Joe
Where he came from, I don't know
If he keeps buggin' Fred 
He may get a lump on his head
And to the hospital he'll have to go







I know a poet named Fred
Mention Joe and he sees red
But, I think we all know
He loves fighting with Joe
So, I think that's nuff said


Details | Light Poetry | |

MY FIVE GREAT AUNT'S THAT WENT TO FRANCE

I got five great aunt's that went to France while in France they learned how to dance. But they were looking for a little romance they met a guy named lance. Who taught them how to dance the all danced with him. They danced so long danced so hard they had to buy new under pants. I still don't know why they went to France my five great aunt's.


Details | Rhyme | |

Hurry Home

My dear,
As I'm lying on your pillow here

I pray for God to watch over you each night
And help guide you through your daily plights

I can hear sounds of wispiring winds
And see through window's pane a mighty stars spin

Just knowing your battling on foreign soil
Over someone else's turmoils

Makes me just love you that much more
But please hurry home hun to finish your own dam choirs

                                          Love 
                                                Kat
                                                Meowwwww LOL



Tribute To Our Troops And Loved Ones
Hurry Home
God Bless U.S.A.

Also Entry For Brian Strand's 
My Dear Contest


Details | Limerick | |

Quit Calling Me

<                                          good tarnations  .......  to this darn nation

                                            economic woes   .......  our money goes

                                                      all we are is .....   numbers

                                                      to good ole ....... Uncle Sam

                                             
                                             don't you just hate being called ....... sometimes







Entry For
John Freeman's Contest
Citizen Or Subject
G.L. All


Details | Rhyme | |

I want to be a Key West Icon

sitting here in a life i created
and I try not to get to sedated
cause I don't want to miss the call
some day I will sing on duval

and from my boat I sing my ballad
dog done it I just stepped in the salad
oh I wish I could sing in a bar
got a fish shaped like a star

if just money I had in hand
wouldn't have to spend dollars of sand
so here I sit on my pooper
giving birth to the goliath gooper

wishing there was a heart I could warm
if only I could preform
how proud I'd make my mother
if I could only be on the cover

not like the time I went to prison
I wanna see my face in the key west citizen

by Captain Mike Harris


Details | I do not know? | |

Nike Sneakers

Stop, Look, Listen!

 This Emergency is Dire

 I,ve Perched myself on a Telephone Wire

Crowds have gathered below I,m starting to Perspire

I do not want Money or to Be known as Sire

 All I Ask to soothe my Psyche

 is a simple pair of sneakers with a swoosh 

and the letters spelled N-I-K-E


Details | Free verse | |

Dinner Party and Guess Whose Invited

A cannon waiting to explode hold my heart within chambered walls
I stood right beside the feast but couldnt bear to sit 
I wined and I dined but I stand 
Holding my mischief in my right hand puffing and dragging in the other one
I smell its swirl robust and ripe ready off the vine
He is the reason why people like me drink 
Sober is for the agoraphobics but in my adventures I do gather ouside
In the garden by the psychadelic frog ribbitting the tunes of Marley
Dressed like Jimmy, sat down on the lily-pad guitar
Strummed slowly and for in my hurt one moment I began to sing and laugh
Dry and chuckled I'm always the last one to choke
Hang on a word too many while I drink the swirl sip my curiosity 
Unleash uncage inhabit my new prey while I fake pretend pray no incarceration


Details | Free verse | |

Monolog Audition For The New Sitcom: "Desperation 101"

"I'll not hold onto scraps of paper
love notes folded origami
brain confetti from last year
I'll not hold on, (for long) my dear
I'll not hide secret dried up flowers
slips of some things 'till tomorrow
never sipping sweet fruition
for it seems, my intuition
proved me wrong again.

I'll not remember your cologne
or spray it on when you're not home
and while I'm at it I'll forget
just why I loved you then... 


and yet...



I kind of wonder what you're thinking,
if you need me, if you're sinking,
Maybe if I called this moment
it would save you from some torment?
Maybe if I saw you daily
sang our song on mix tapes, maybe...
you would then remember love notes
you would think on all you then wrote
How you loved me 'till tomorrow,
How we shared our joys and sorrow
So, perhaps, it's all worth saving
even when you're misbehaving
Maybe we should just get married!
Get a house, a bouncing baby
Mortgage life, dear - call me crazy...

as long as you just call me."


Well...um... did I get the part?


Details | Rhyme | |

HONESTY AND PROMPTNESS ARE REQUIRED

Uncle Sam demands you file your taxes timely,
no excuses accepted...he will impose a fine; 
don't think of committing the perfect crime...
court appearance and jail time await the sly!


As anyone can see, honesty and promptness are required...
and to save money, you may choose to file your own taxes,
but be aware of the fine print leading to consequences;
is TurboTax the answer? Don't trust it, you may be fined!


Ask for an extension? Isn't it quite costly?
Can you pay on time to avoid the extra fee?
Now, don't make plans to buy an expensive plasma tv,
you willl have a better chance at winning the Lottery!


Heed my advice and do everything legally and expeditiously,
I have done this for forty-three years and never cheated;
I slept at night, and woke up without worrying daily...
reminding myself that honesty and promptness are required!


Details | Clerihew | |

MR. TRUMP

Donald Trump
Usually looks like a frump
Wish he'd take some of that money there
An buy himself some decent hair


Details | Narrative | |

The name game

I’d never have guessed the fuss behind names To the rich and famous, their claim to fame To some a status of great importance Some changed by deed poll, classed as a hindrance Mr, a title and blend of Master Mrs, feminine can one go faster Such fuss over names, fill me with laughter They’ll always be here, before and after.


Details | Sonnet | |

THE LURE

              


Each man in the sport bar sought his own cure, Some drank too much, some yelled at the big screen, Other’s eyed the server, a few were sure that they could score, those loud boasts got obscene. Her tee-shirt proved she was an ample lure, Long, tousled red locks and sharp eyes, so green, A tattoo worthy of applause, pose impure, Soft, jiggling joys to the long married scene. She smiled when she saw his tight wedding ring, “Handsome, I’m game. Do you like a good time?” She passed him her number, “Gimme a call.” He crumpled the note, “Let me tell you something, Gal, I’m no b’ass, and netting men is a crime. Your bait’s sweet, but I’ve learned cheating’s lethal.”
This is a mixed sonnet. It has a Sicilian octave and an Italian sestet.


Details | Rondeau Redouble | |

Soul Food

Bagels and baguettes
Bap or fried bake,
The fruits of the flour
are easy to make

Chollah, chapatti  
Cinnamon bun
These global delights
make eating such fun

Filled with Caribbean sweet meat
like Guava jam,
Scottish smoked salmon; 
Or Danish roast ham

Add a fresh fruit salad,
 some sparkling wine
A candle, red roses and  
you’re ready to dine.



Details | Light Poetry | |

Just because I'm fat

“Just because I’m fat”.

Just because I’m fat…
Doesn’t mean you are all that,
Or that I’ll do aerobics on a mat,
Hey, some fat people are cool, ya heard,
Like Big Boy, Edwin Frank Hoff, the third!

Just because I’m fat…
Doesn’t mean I want to get skinny,
It’s like my home dog Pooh bear, who’s name is Winnie,
I know one day, I can get there – I can,
And then all the chicks will praise the FAT man!

Just because I’m fat…
Doesn’t mean y’all can hate,
Because for some, fat is their fate,
All you posers, just remember one thing,
It’s never over ‘til the fat people sing!
Just because I’m fat… there’s nothing wrong with that!


Details | Quatrain | |

15 Minutes Of Quatrain Fame Oxymoron

no matter how many
media are used
just a few will know
what's unique about you.


Details | ABC | |

I'm as young as I feel

I'M AS YOUNG AS I FEEL
I'M NOT GETTING OLD. I'M AS YOUNG AS CAN BE.
THERE'S NOTHING AT ALL THE MATER WIT ME.
MY HAIR IS NOT GRAY. THERE'S A SILVERY SHINE.
MY BACK IS NOT BENT I'VE A FANCY SHAPED SPINE.
WHEN I BREATHE, I DO NOT HAVE A WHEEZE.
I HAVE FUNNY SHAPED LEGS, BUT NOT BANDY KNEES.
MY TEETH ARE NOT GONE BECAUSE THE WERE OLD.
I EAT TOO MANY SWEETS, OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.
THESE HEARING AIDS, NOT FOR DEAFNESS, I'M SURE.
THEY SAY THAT PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE.
I'M NOT GETTING SLOWER. I JUST TAKE MY TIME,
THE COLD DOESN'T GET ME. I ALWAYS FEEL FINE.
I DON'T HUFF AND PUFF MY WAY BACK FROM THE SHOP.
I DON'T GET TIRED AND DON'T HAVE TO STOP
YES, MY HAIR IS A LITTLE BIT LIGHT.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE SHAMPOO I WAS USING LAST NIGHT.
MY PULSE IS NOT DIM, IT'S JUST HARD TO FIND.
MY BONES ARE NOT BRITTLE, THERE ONE OF A KIND.
THESE ARE NOT WRINKLES, JUST MATURE SKIN.
I AM VERY WELL PROUD OF THE SHAPE I AM IN.
I'M AS FIT AS A FIDDLE, A SPRING CHICKEN STILL.
I AM NOWHERE NEAR OR OVER THE HILL.
THE GOLDEN AGE IS A LONG WAY AWAY.
UNTIL I AM READY, THATS WHERE IT CAN STAY.

BY SHIRLEY MOODY...


Details | Rhyme | |

Thursday's Advice To My Friend

Get some rest my friend,
Like me.
Breeze through tomorrow,
Then, it's the weekend baby!


wrote 1-21-10
in a text to my friend, Tralanya


Details | Free verse | |

And the Voice Said-----

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION

JS Lambert


Details | Senryu | |

Disco Ball

Disco Ball
Frenetic feet tap;
Across the room
Shy boys gather,
First dance jitters crawl.


Details | Acrostic | |

Xerotic Humor

Perhaps you think you know P.D. well.
Or maybe you don’t, but time will tell.
Every poet has a mind to share.
Troubled, loving, or full of care.
 
Does she have an awesome heart?
Excellent wisdom grows from some start!
So, you think she loves slam dissing?
Truthfully, I think that she prefers kissing.
Ruthlessly rendering judgments from hell?
Oh, you don’t know her very well.
Yes, she enjoys her tacit destroyer name.
Enthusiastically promoting her poets game.
Rendering words that will generate fame. 
 
Sometimes judgments hurt and offend.
Love on the other hand will always win.
Yesterday’s faults we try to transcend.
 
Loving another can make one feel shy.
Ideally, though, it is never sly.
Kindness is known whenever we try.
Everlastingly caring by and by.
 
A woman of passion might try to be sly. 
 
Finding her idol in the caress of a fox.
Or destroying a poet with her playful soul, but –
Xerotic humor might just be her goal!

© January 16, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Details | Senryu | |

' Guess Who's Coming To Dinner - (1)...' 69th Senryu

‘ Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner – (1) … ’  69th  Senryu


    Just Ask Gomer Pyle ...
' Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner ? '
    Big,  “Surprise, Surprise !”


(Also, One Of My Past Favorite TV Shows)


Details | Limerick | |

Blonde Ambition

I once had a dream of a girl that sang pop
She was only 16 dressed like a slut, so we called her prosti-tot
She went crazy and spiraled down,
Did a music video with a depressing clown
And as for the singer, Thank God!  her career finally stopped


Details | Limerick | |

Randy

There once was a poet named Randy
Who was known for being eye candy
A fisherman by trait
With words as his bait
Smoothe talking was his modus operandi


Details | Rhyme | |

About Bottles of Beer in the Wall

There are drunks in the parking lot of the mall. They keep singing about bottles of beer in the wall. No longer am I able to stand it all. These bums don’t sound like a choir to me. They are chanting out of tune, and a bit off key. Nobody will ever call this stuff harmony. At ninety-nine is where this group started. With all of that gas, a few of them farted. After these characters finish guzzling their beer, they are leaving all the empty bottles around here. With all the broken glass, we must watch where we step. In each of their throats, may they get a big dose of Strep.


Details | Couplet | |

Scaring Myself

I tiptoe through the darkness as silent as the night,
My ears attuned to any sound, there’s not a soul in sight;

Goosebumps prickle across my skin as panic washes over me,
I hear the slightest noise ahead and I strain my eyes to see;

My uneasy breathing fogs the air as my heart pounds on in dread,
I stand in the black frozen in fear, my feet have turned to lead;

I shiver uncontrollably as I wait in the dark alone,
Terror grips my heart as I prepare to face the unknown;

I’m poised on the balls of my feet ready to bolt into the night,
Then as I’m getting ready to make a dash, my hubby flips on a light!


Details | Limerick | |

Lock Up

<                             once there was a girl locked in closet
                               dear old dad said well thats what you get
                               little did he come know
                               let out by little bro
                               but recaptured by moms fishing net 





Entry For Leighann Anderson's
Sea Of Words Contest
G.L. All                               


Details | Rhyme | |

A PROMISE THAT DWINDLES WITH TIME

Politicians will do anything to get elected on this coming November second:
from fierce attacks on integrity, sensitivity, character and morality...
and lie they will to win at the polls, promising all streets of glittering gold;
good folks, before you choose those candidates, be aware of reality. 



Every media is swamped with ads with messages that convicinvigly say,
" I approve of this message." Should we endorse and trust them?
The Mayor wants to be the Governor, and the Governor President...
anyone can run for any of these prestigious offices on that lucky day.



In their vibrant words truly convincing...all you hear is changes for the better:
less taxes, more jobs, drug-free streets, pristine cities and minimal crime,
but how can they afford all these expenses, if not on the hard-working tax-payer? 
If they constantly swear: their promise is a promise that dwindles with time.



Details | Rhyme | |

MSN Messenger

I'm not an anti-social person, I insist.
See, I have 184 people on my contact list.
Granted only 22 of them are online
And only 3 on mobile, which is really fine.

Let's just say I enjoy the company.
And honestly 22 people is plenty.
Even though I only talk to one or two,
Besides, I haven’t got much else to do.

The thing that I enjoy the most
Is the concept of talking coast to coast.
I like the little box in a window so blue.
And the thought that someone else has one too.

I'm not an anti-social person. I'm just a teen
Sitting alone in a room. Facing a bright screen
As the hours of my life slowly tick away.
Before you know it, I've been here all day.

But I like the silence. It makes me strong.
Sometimes I break it, and play a song.
I could surf the web, find something I like.
If not I could just play Counter-Strike.

But then I stop and begin to think.
I've been sitting here all day, no food or drink.
And pretty soon I start to stink.
I don’t think I can even blink.

What if I was to go outside?
Would I succeed, if I tried?
But the web is so awesome! I laughed and I cried.
Sitting very lonely, as the planets collide.

Now I feel distraught,
Obnoxious to the clocks.
Am I really anti-social? Am I starting to rot?
Behind these bolts and locks
Lies the answer I have sought.
I think hard, holding on to my socks.
But before I could finish my thought...
Ding!
You have 1 new message in your e-mail inbox.


Details | Quatrain | |

A Firing

As your immediate boss and superior It behoves me to have to inform you Your services are no longer required A formal letter of termination will ensue! It has nothing to do with performance You've really done an admirable job Believe me, I've tried hard to ignore them The rumours from everyone's gob! You've stepped over the line, my friend With this affair that has people talking Each time you walk through the office Sure you've noticed people gawking I've tried really hard to turn a blind eye And attempted to keep it hush hush But now I just can't ignore it anymore I'm beginning to turn into a lush! Normally it's not a reason for dismissal But you've caused me to endure such strife That I must consider this a special case Coz the partner in this affair is my wife! © Jack Ellison 2012


Details | I do not know? | |

The Circle of Life

Outside the circle of life I sit,
not knowing exactly where in it I fit...

I watch the circle go round and round,
not missing a beat sound for sound...

I watch it's flow and it's vibe,
it's humpping and bumpping it's so alive...

I wish I weren't afraid to go inside,
to brave the world and take that ride...

but since I am I'll just take my stand
right over here in passer-by land...


Details | Rhyme | |

EXCUSE ME! IT'S THE GIDYEA

The annual migrat'ry trek of southern folk each year, 
Escaping chilly winter months, they mostly seem to fear, 
Sees four wheel drives and caravans of ev'ry shape and size 
Roll slowly northward searching out the sunshine they all prize. 
 
The backtrack to the outback takes folk up The Kidman Way, 
Through legendary, scenic, towns enticing them to stay 
A day or two while searching out historic tales of old, 
While making friendships many hold more precious than fine gold. 
 
Queensland's Matilda Highway carries folk still further North, 
Through Cunnamulla, Charleville and as they sally forth 
Enjoy the flora's many scents that nature does provide; 
That's all except the gidyea tree;  it stops them in their stride. 
 
Especially when summer rains have been abnorm'ly kind, 
Resulting in a pungent smell that plays upon the mind. 
Most couples can't ignore it as the odour is quite strong 
And usually the female says, "Hey love there's something wrong!" 
 
The other half then stops the car;  he hates to be henpecked, 
Concluding maybe it's the gas and ev'rything is checked.  
But, no, the bottle's quite secure, so carries on his way, 
Perplexed as to the odours source, much to his wife's dismay. 
 
Some females though will drive along content to show restraint, 
Acknowledging the woeful smell, but making no complaint. 
The sideways glances and the pout reveal they sense the source, 
Though put off by their other half's contempt to show remorse.  
 
But some blokes are all in the know and when their mate reacts 
They quickly set the matter straight by stating them the facts. 
"Excuse me!  It's the gidyea love;  might strong up here this year." 
"Oh, I know that," some then reply.  "I'm not that silly dear."  


Details | I do not know? | |

The Real Reason

I was so above you
And it was very clear to see
But I came to give you my heart
sacrificing all I had 
Just for shot at love
we started off so strong 
I actually thought it was you were worth it
We had a lot in common 
So it made easy for us to talk
We were going so good
But caught in the act 
You said you and I did not make sense
But I must admit I was glad It was over

Now the real reason I gained back my life
And You just lost best thing in your life
Thus why I smiled when I caught you kissing that other boy


Details | Rhyme | |

Zippedy Do Dah

 <                                      Zippedy  Do  Dah  

                                         Zippedy     Day  

 
                                       Open    Hearts    Souls

                                       Sing    Loud     Today


                                           Zippedy   Do   Dah  

                                           Zippedy          Day  


                                    Thank    You    Sweet     Lord

                                     Bountys    Come   My    Way


                                           Zippedy  Do  Dah   

                                           Zippedy        Day   


                                          Smell   Frangrence

                                   From    Flowers    Picked   Today


                                           Zippedy  Do   Dah   

                                           Zippedy      Day   


                                        Hugs      And      Kisses

                                To     Children    Comes   My   Way


                                           Zippedy   Do   Dah   

                                           Zippedy          Day   


                                           Join    With    Me

                                          Sunshine's    Hooray   



                                           Zippedy  Do   Dah   

                                           Zippedy         Day   


                                          Keep    This   Tune 

                                          Going     All       Day



                                          Zippedy   Do    Dah   

                                          Zippedy           Day   



                                  Not    Sure    Rythem    Rhyme

                                 Will   March    Same    Way ...   Hey  !


                                          Zippedy   Do    Dah   

                                          Zippedy          Day   


                                                 Been    Fun  

                                            Must   Be   On    Way



                                             Zippedy   Do  Dah   

                                             Zippedy         Day   


                                  Thanks  Dane  Ann  Smith  Johnson

                                 For  Contest   To   Join   And   ...   Play






Details | Canzone | |

THE INVISIBLE BAN

            THE INVISIBLE BAN

I’ve known so many men who’ve left and I prayed they’d never come back
And then there is this one dude who left the North and traveled down south
He carried his meager belongs in a bag akin to Santa’s Xmas sack
He’s a dude who has never learned to shut his foolish mouth

He thinks himself wise yet he’s nothing but a fool
So he stands on a corner begging people’s ear
He uses his mouth as a rusted and useless tool
For he has nothing to say which people want to hear

They’ve heard the same things in a thousand different ways
Like Chicken Little and his assertion that the sky will fall
He begs the people to look up for he is a pious man who devoutly prays
Yet all of these people are wise enough to ignore his call

He’s got big ideas, a big mouth and won’t keep quiet on a bet
No one likes him as they try to avoid what they hear and see
He thinks himself so smart yet he has trouble with the alphabet
And I know he’s ignorant because that man is me
         © 2011.…..Phreepoetree  ~free cee!~



Details | Sonnet | |

USA Marriage Justice Today

Oh, my sweet girl, come and shack up, with me.
We shall live on welfare and space out to see.
How many food stamp cards, we can arrange,
We shall visit for meds and beg for change.
Upon the riverbanks, we shall catch a cold.
Then we shall collect our oxy-cotton gold.
I shall gather clothes from good wills chest.
You prepare to go visit relatives in the west.
My sweet girl I shall give you no gold.
However, get you, giving us babies to hold.
A bed of daisies, I shall have waiting for you.
For freshening up our pet hound, old blue.
Our cousin Joe has a house that is so big.
We shall move in, us all, even with our pig.


Details | Free verse | |

Xanax Sunshine

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION

JS Lambert


Details | I do not know? | |

Texting Rant

Why do so many text, Instead of speak?
Seriously I wonder if the other person is even human
Does it not scare you when your driving?
A car just cut me off! Stupid texter

I know that it is sometimes convienent to text
Other times it drives me mad!
Like when someone your talking to, texts while your talking
Does it not irk your anger a little bit?

Shoot even on dates people text another...
Argh, you know your lame when that date is texting her EX
Isn't it scary that people write in text...all the time?
Well I have to put this one to bed, have to text my girl...


LOL


Details | Couplet | |

Linda Marie The Sweetheart Of P.S.

<                                            Sweetheart

                                          Where shall I start


                                              Linda  Marie

                                         You'll surely agree

                            
                                            Travels  around

                                           Soup    land   town


                                     North  South  East  and  West

                                 Your poetry she  will taste and test


                                        Never leaves smitten notes

                                    Or even some nasty blog quotes


                                  She packs you in her traveling suitcase

                                     You know the one dressed in lace

                              
                                          Wether stateside or abroad

                                          This woman is not a fraud


                                         Only kindness and senserity

                               If I was a guy even would ask her to marry me  { LOL }


                                          But for now will be forever friends

                                   Like A shining armor I will always's defend 


                                             This sweetheart of poetry soup

                            Who makes me not to want to fly from this coupe

                       

                                       
                                          
                


Details | Rhyme | |

New Old Shoes

Spinning, twirling, jumping, hopping
Sliding,  bouncing there’s no stopping
Crank the music, blast those speakers
Gonna break in my brand new sneakers

Nike and Adidas are both the same
A perfect fit, or so they claim
Tried them on and yelled in pain
Used the lords name in vain

Nothing like a new pair of shoes
To give your feet the blister blues
Pinching and squeezing your toes so tight
Your dawgs will scream with all their might

Now I walk like such a geek
People laugh and call me freak
Let me tell you what ain’t cool
Hobbling ‘round like a drunken fool

Wouldn’t it be so very sweet
To buy new shoes that fit your feet
A hundred bucks, and for what?
Shoes that wrecked my normal strut

Heed my warning and take my advice
Great shoes come at a minimal price
The salvation army is where you begin
They have plenty of shoes already broke in

But if you are embarrassed by stores of thrift
My secret to you I give as a gift
You’ll never be labeled a trailer trash hag
If you carry your items in a Nordstroms bag


Details | Rhyme | |

Queuing theory

I am the first of many
The lucky one with out any
People standing before me
Being early is the key

So please don't stand in front of me
Can't you see where you should be
Each in turn must join the line
At the back, you'll be just fine

I really can't abide
watching you decide 
If pushing to the front's for you
I start to wonder what you'll do

I start to think what I'll do to 
If pushing to the front's for you
Perhaps I'll stand, then rave and rant
But English people find they can't

The bus, the tram or supermarket
Take your bum and slowly park it
At the back and you will find
That's the place where no one minds


Details | Light Poetry | |

Always

Walking with you all the way, because I missed you night and day. 
Holding your hand to help guide the way, in the light of the moon? 
Sunshine brightening our lives whispering ways, hold my hand, 
I want to be with you, up lift your soul in oh so many crazes. 
Hold you in my arms and remembering when our lives took us, 
Each to two separate places, what am I to do now? Eyes so clear, 
Pull your likeness... 
Closer to me now and cling to you at closed in spaces? 
Whisper in your ear that I have no grievances to spare, so come to me, 
Come to me now, I want you to be here, love me now, I have a life to share. 
The effects are rollin over our bodies, like it can’t decide, 
Caught in between here and taking you out to be the ride of your life. 


Details | Couplet | |

Filthy Gorgeous

Camera candy nose
Pyroclastic pose
Beverly Hills publicity
Her kitty’s named felicity

Do the Bentley boogie down 
In that shaved Versace gown
Vesuvius Christmas wreath
Viral presents underneath

Walk that red carpet ruse
Marrying mortgaged shoes
Spaghetti string saunter
Sauced communists want her

Champagne celebrity schmooze
Collecting her psychic's dues
Visions of pin-up hair
Her cleavage loves a dare

Diamond mirrored glasses
Nonprescription asses
Paparazzi puckered lips
Pillow tops of Botox tips

She seduces colorblind nations
Undressing orphaned obligations
Designer hip dysplasia
High heel knockoffs in Asia

Behold the drama queen
A feudal minx of screen
Begging the homeless to dream
Because Oscar makes her scream


Details | Quatrain | |

Four

Four people were walking at four fourty four
Faith Fullen at aft and Phil Fallon at fore
Then Fallon moved aftward and Fullen went fore
Till fullen was first and Phil Fallon was four


~For the Four, For, Fore contest~


Details | Haiku | |

Sweet Love O' Mine

I bought a burger yesterday
It was very dry like the seagull bay
I pilled a lot of ketchup on it
and still dry it remained
I was very dissappointed
as i look at the dry damned thing
I ran to the toilet
and let out a HUGE
BLEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH
As chunks of the dry burger fell out of my pie hole
Landing into the toilet
Making dookie plop noizes
I'm done


Details | I do not know? | |

More than weather, can be frightful or Unseasonal Christmas

Used to be the weather was frightful
People covered themselves from head to toe
Now, despite the fact it’s Christmas season
I see more sand, than I see snow
The temperatures keep on elevating
To the moon, they just seem to rise
Oh, where is the Christmas of yesterday
The rosy cheeks, windows fogged with ice

It’s just too warm now for Christmas
Too hot to shop, too hot to run around
Santa’s working at the pole in a speedo
That’s nothing, we wanna see come to town

Frosty, it seems we’re not gonna see him
Heat miser, now, has gotten his day
Can’t ole Jack Frost do something about this
And chase the warm weather away
No need to chop wood set for burning
The heated air replaces that in the hearth
I hope it gets cold and very soon, too
Because Christmas puts warmth in everyone’s heart

It’s just too warm now for Christmas
Too hot to shop, too hot to run around
Santa’s working at the pole in a speedo
That’s nothing, we wanna see come to town

Oh, when Christmas day finally gets here
Right now, I’ll tell ya, all I wanna see
Are people with scarves and gloves on their hands
And snow bringing life to all barren trees
I want the temps to chill me right to the bone
That’s when I’ll know it’s Christmas time
Who wants to look up and see a sleigh
With a fat man in a speedo, flying around

It’s just too warm now for Christmas
Too hot to shop, too hot to run around
Santa’s working at the pole in a speedo
That’s nothing, we wanna see come to town


Details | Rhyme | |

A Day at the Flea Market


Dealers arriving
Merchandise appearing.
Bargain hunters searching
Treasures departing.
Dealers exiting
with pockets a-jingling.


Details | Free verse | |

if there's no

if there's no heaven,
there would be no hell.
if there's no hell,
there would be no bloody fear.

if there's no war,
there would be no peace.
if there's no peace,
how could you actually live.

if there's no women,
there would be no men.
if there's no men,
how could there be women.

if there's no hate,
there would be no love.
if there's no love,
everything would be hopeless.

if there's no money,
there would be no honey.
it there's no honey,
everyone would be lonely.

if there's no rich,
there would be no poor.
if there's no poor,
almighty gets bore.

finally,
if there's no lifes,
there would be no smiles.
and if there's no smiles,
how could be there happiness and joys.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Qualities That a True Friend Must Have

What are the qualities that a friend should
have – that which would make a true friend so true?
A friend is one whom you like to be with
while a true friend insists on being with you.

A friend likes you when you have so much in
common. True friends like you who for who you are.
True friends make you feel as though they are at
all times near, although they are very far.

A true friend is one whom you can always
talk to, even at night when it is late -
when loved ones are asleep, a true friend is
always there to hear what you have to say.

Friends like to share, but a true friend always
gives you – not what you want, but what you need.
The feelings you hide, as well as your thoughts,
and your dreams,  a true friend can always read.

A friend may forgive you or they may not
forgive, for something wrong you’ve done to them.
A true friend forgives even when you don’t
ask. True friends forgive - again and again.

Friends are close when you are close to them. A
true friend wants your friendship to be closer.
A true friend does what is best for you, and
hates that you would end up with the losers.

A true friend teaches you lessons to help
you grow – lessons that are hard and easy.
A true friend is always there - having a
true friend can never make you feel lonely.

Friends may sometimes make mistakes, but a true
friend is always careful not to hurt you.
A true friend is a guide and a teacher.
A true friend knows everything you go through.

The true friend I mention is our God,
who kept you company before you were born.
The friendship of God, if you truly keep
and cherish, you will never feel forlorn.

The true friend we all need is God (Allah) –
the One who guides and can teach us lessons,
the One who hears our calls and understands,
the One always near – in every season –

Allah, as a Friend, never judges us
by the way we look and how we appear.
Allah, as a Guide, if we ask Him for
guidance, He guides us and makes our paths clear.

Allah is with us – each day and each night –
He is always there when all are asleep.
Allah always listens when others don’t.
He gives you comfort when He sees you weep.

Fortunate are those who have Allah as
a Friend. Friendship with God is friendship true.
May Allah bless me with His Friendship and
May Allah’s Friendship be shared with you too.

Ameen.

Miriam / Mariam Mababaya


Details | Clerihew | |

Trump Up

In the polls, Donald Trump
took an astonishing jump ,
but the most surprising thing for me
is I’d vote for him over Huckabee.


Details | Senryu | |

SEEKING RESPITE

I sit quietly,
Enjoying tranquility,
Healing peace at last.

The birds sing sweetly.
Bees and butterflys abound.
Dragonflys come too.

Then he finds me here.
Bringing endless monologue.
What's wrong with the world.

All day every day.
Time really doesn't matter.
We're here together.

It starts when he wakes,
It ends when he goes to bed.
Never changing --- SIGH.

                                         Judy Ball

Aug. 19,2011
For Morning, Noon Or Night Senryus Contest by Francine Roberts


Details | Rhyme | |

My Family and Me

It's amazing how quick things can change.
First your running with the kings, and then you're knocked out of range.
It's strange. I used to worry and stress over friends.
Now I've grown to be a man. Maybe know a few of them.
All that time I could of studied. Did better in school.
Got a job and made it big. Maybe now I'd be cool.
Who's the fool? Now who's the bull? I know that's not me on the top.
Life is always making turns weather you like it or not.
The past will always be the past. My glory days may seem gone.
But, now its time to start a new.The stories keep coming on.
I've got a new girl. She means the world to me.
She keeps me warm at night, my best friend, my new dream.
Since my car accident, still got a limp on one side.
Still working with my memory, still need a friend who can drive.
I love to Karaoke. I get noticed in bars.
My mom's always there to catch me. Tom's working with my mom's cars.
My sister's in the Army, my niece is a big part of my life,
Friend Zach keeps assholes off me, and God is my wife.
AJ's always there to help, Brian is my LOST bud,
Mary's out of school, Lil cousin, Hunter's a stud.
Grandpa still is my idol, JT is still the music man .
The Adam's still can party. Chris, living good on the sand.
I may only use one hand, but I plan to be the best.
At all I do in life, cause there's not that much time left.
The blood test that I took says Landon is mine.
I hope this all works out fine in time and help to make my son's life shine.
JC who's down in Georiga, my heart is screaming for you.
I hope that you recover well. It can't be worse then what I went through.
Uncle Jimmy where you at? Where's Matt, Corie, and Pete?
I know you all are doing good. Serviolo's are a hard team to beat.
How's the rest of the family? I love and miss you all!
I hope you all are standing tall and I pray we never fall.
These last words that I say, I say only to you.
We've got the best family in the world and you know I LOVE YOU!


Details | Rhyme | |

Come Visit Maine

C’mon up the porch ‘n sit a spell.
Pull up a chayah ‘n give your dogs a rest.
Wanna beeyah (some call it beer)? Mountain Dew?
Lemme tell ya why I find Maine is the best.

Showah, we drop our r’s and add some too,
and we don’t ansah questions, we tell stories.
We don’t always have much, but take pride in ours,
and, like most, we go to bed with our own worries.

We pahk our cahs, we drink our beeyah,
our accent can make us sound adorable and slow.
We work very haahd, and we play haahd, too
and we laugh at the world because we do know.

We are varied, we are mixed, we come from all over.
Our towns reflect our heritage from Stockholm to Belfast.
There’s London, Sweden, China, Mexico. Norway, Moscow.
Athens, Naples, Paris, Peru … an olio of tolerance to ever last.

Our state is beautiful and you flock to it in droves,
for the foliage, the coast, Ba-Ha-Ba and so much more.
Katahdin is our highest climb and Acadia is on the coast.
And, including mud season, we have more seasons than four.

Ayuh, Maine is great, in my point of view, for I’ve seen them all
and I found each is unique in its own way.
Maine is beautiful. It is slow, it is peaceful; the way life should be.
Finish your drink? Hope you have a great day.


Details | Tanka | |

Splashing Dog

(This is a Tanka:  Japanese poem of five lines, the first and third composed of five
syllables and the others seven. In Japanese, tanka is often written in one straight line,
but in English and other languages, we usually divide the lines into the five syllabic
units: 5-7-5-7-7.)



Splashing Dog
    by Amy Swanson


Great drops of water
     fly vigorously from him!
Black hair glistening
     he gallops through the river,
     stops only to shake himself!


Details | I do not know? | |

Something for the weekend

We’re preparing the house for invasion
They’ll be here pretty soon, there’s no doubt
The valuable things, have been tucked away
Some items, sans worth, we’ve left out

There are locks on all of the cupboards
The breakable pieces are hidden
To stop those inquisitive hands
Some rooms, will now be, forbidden

With toddlers about to arrive
For a weekend of laughter and frolics
If these grand parents hope to survive
They will need to become alcoholics 

But we sit and drink tea in the parlour
It passes the time while we’re waiting
Tea helps to quell, the nerves that you feel
When you’re infanticipating


Details | Verse | |

Pink Slime

Pink Slime, Pesticides
And chicken thighs bigger than my thighs

And we wonder why there is an increase
in learning disabilities among children today 
I say it’s because the process, that the food is processed and grown and raised, is
compromised by demand, money, greed or fame. 
I do understand that demand is high 
so we have to do somethin’

So to compete, we inject hormones into the very animal or plant that is sold for consumption
So now we eat these hormones and our bodies are stressed because of the added pesticides and  herbicides and other sh#! that’s hard to digest  

I mean what’s really the cause?
There’s more kids with disabilities today than there ever was  
I say it’s because like the story is told in the verses, that knowledge is increasing in man and the result is not what He purposed. 

Pink Slime and Pesticides..We’re eating stuff that’s been chemically grown inside…and chickens bigger than my thighs


Details | I do not know? | |

BRAGGADOCIO

There are too many people whose favorite trick,
Is to preach, "Walk softly and carry a big stick." 
But, in practice, they arrogantly sing Yankee Doodle
And stomp around loudly, but carry a wet noodle


Details | Free verse | |

Quodliberterianism

Quodlibertarians excel at obacerating
And are skilled in the art of obganiating
They drive people nuts,
No ifs, ands or buts,
Even their perscrutation seems nothing less than excoriating!

TRANSLATION:

The Art of Arguing About Anything

People who argue about any subject excel at contradicting
And are skilled in the art of irritating people with constant reiteration
They drive people nuts,
No ifs, ands or buts,
Even their thorough search and diligent inquiry seem nothing less than condemning!
 


Details | I do not know? | |

KERMIT THE HERMIT

Lonesome Kermit 
Was a hermit,
Living on a mountain, in a cave.

It was really very silly--
Worlds away from Piccadilly-- 
How that lonely cavern dweller did behave.

He was always in a quandary,
With no one to do his laundry 
And he never found the time to wash or shave.

There is really no excuse 
For style of that recluse,
And the way the fellow used to rant and rave.

For the whole span of his life, 
Kermit never took a wife,
Cause he couldn't lure a woman to his cave.


Details | Verse | |

Ladder

The ladder was lost in the yard.
We looked for it all day and all night.
But when it was stolen the jug full of lard
there was the beginning of the fair fight!

I baked really high and nice biscuit
and made the cream with pea-nut butter.
The cake was a wonder and had to be sweet
so I put it on the shelf in the open larder...

...The thief was calm and looked like a lamb
with my cake in his hands and was sitting on my ladder.
He was getting up to the attic, my neighbor, a lad.
When I caught him on hot he was in my sweater...


Details | Limerick | |

Let's Duke It Out

<                   Once came along an man named John Wayne
                     Winchester by his side causes more pain                           
                     Dusty trails ballroom brawls
                     Battlefield's muddy crawls
                     The duke of western inflicting gains


Details | Acrostic | |

Electronically Speaking

<                                   elects not to open door by hand
                                     looks pretty stupid too                                     
                                     even an grandma can do it 
                                     calling all grandma's
                                     technology has gone to far
                                     really really to far now
                                     one does not need to be an rocket scientist
                                     nor an magician
                                     it's easy as one two three
                                     candidly smile
                                     tip your hats
                                     look both ways
                                     launch arms outward
                                     and pull or push  that's it



My Word Chosen Was
Electronically



Written by 
Katherine Stella
5/9/2011


Entry For Dakarai Cobb's
The Sonnet Man's Acrostic Challenge
GL All


Details | Free verse | |

flicker

You were successful
At flicking 
All of your 
Boogers away
Until you met me
And
Ate one


for "zaniest poetry" contest
(posted 11/27/11 but written over 15 years ago)


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

Ah, Caligula!

Ah, Caligula!
To history known,
Germanicus, excessive extravagance in Rome.
Delation must fall as thou rise from thy throne,
the senate quakes amidst the undulation’s tow.

Ah, Caligula!
One should never be avid,
or accept the as-is, as in to be average.
-Thoust be what all there be ever that is,
and the ego is eyed as the drive toward the passage.

Ah, Caligula!
Wake the pomp, raise the flair,
Our life in all's but a starlight there.
Summer, which oft leaves to Fall leaves,
endures in the sunlight, and that is no folly.

Ah, Caligula!
The ages belong,
to they who remember and keepeth the song.
Stake these words not to a lascivious nature,
but to what he leaves Earth, and save words for later.


Details | Verse | |

Grattitude First lesson in Christian Living

Dear little pony, the children’s clown,
Rough mane stands tall, his thick tail tumbles down.
Jiggety, jog.  Yes, some riders have frowned.
Dad can ride him with two feet on the ground!
 
He’s a tough little, nuggety, wonderful chap
Who can live on the roughest of diet mishap.
We don’t feed him oats much, he’ll founder on those,
But if you can ride him you’re right home and hosed!
 
He’s full of the tricks that intelligence brings.
He’s always a challenge until mummy sings
Out loud, lets him know that he can’t get away
With presenting his backside to children today.
 
The children must learn how to command him too.
It isn’t the easiest thing they must do,
But they look for the pleasure of riding again,
So they learn how to handle tough diamond disdain.
 
They must learn how to stop him from racing away
Towards home when his head is turned facing that way.
His mind is on resting with food in his trough,
But his job is to teach, and he does it but tough!
 
Tough diamond’s a doorway to wonderful thrills
In the glorious world of the horseman’s spills
And great challenges.  Once you can master this rascal
Nothing can daunt you.  Introductory sample
 
Of every excitement that riding can offer,
He’s cute, pert, adorable, and he can proffer
Essential abilities.  Gratitude is
The gateway to mastery, sire of bliss!
 
Every offence becomes laughable when
You think back to this tough little customer. Then
Your mind turns to teaching, as Daddy once did.
No more can the mud of offence cause a skid.
 
You’ll go round it.  Or jump it. There’s no need to fall
 When Gratitude’s mastered.  Remembering all
Those scuffles you had that your dad helped you through,
You’ll mother, or father, or teach others too.
 


Details | Light Poetry | |

Drinking from the Baby Bottle

Holidays come and holidays go, but the grocery store is a war zone.
You got to get there fast… or Honey you’re just plain out of luck!
My diabetic hubby drinks caffeine free diet soda and what luck…
You know the ones he takes to work... Only the little bottles are left…
I knew I was truly sunk when the 3rd store was just the same.
So as lunch came around, my manly man’s manly sized lunch came out.
But everyone became quiet and laughed as the baby sized bottle came out.
Everyone was laughing as my hubby drank it down.
Then he held it up and said “In your diapers” as everyone laughed around.
And to everyone’s surprise he pulled another one out from his lunch…
This time there was applause as he drank that sucker down.
Today was his day to entertain.
Tomorrow it’ll be someone else’s to claim.
Thank goodness his sense of humor… is worthy of acclaim…



Details | Quatrain | |

Bumps In Front

Her bumps in front are plain to see You should be ashamed for thinking rude You have no idea what I'm referring to, do you Bet you thought I was talking about boobs! I assume most people would think the same Guess I was hasty and a little bit tough Strange how people react to certain words They're jaded and overrun with this stuff! Well there's a real innocent explanation That'll make you smile with delight Her bumps in front are on her Lexus coupe Ran into an old lady on a bike! © Jack Ellison 2012


Details | Limerick | |

The Cannibal Terror

This terror I now share with thee
Some cannibals had captured me
A dinner for clan
What worse could fate plan
We’re vegan a man said to me


Details | Verse | |

Epidemic

Always embarrassed, a little careless
My head was empty and quite hairless
I never really knew how to fit in
People would always be staring
Calling out rude names and daring
Me to try and show them some skin

But I hid under my hat and 
Always carried round a bat
In case someone decided it was time
To teach me how to come out
Of my apartment and doubt 
The weather, curse the sun and try

To change the clocks all upside down
And make my smile into a frown
See, it never really made sense to me
To me the weather, or whatever
Had absolutely no whatsoever
Affect on my brain or my tea

But they insisted that I listened
Took me to church and had me christened
In bitter hopes I’d finally see the light
Maybe it was Jesus, but don’t
Quote me on it I might be wrong
I was a little drunk that stormy night

When they barged in through my door
And walked all over my new floor
I’d polished just about four days ago

I cursed and I yelled at them
This is my house, you’re not invited
No one is allowed to walk these rooms

They fell silenced and I gloated 
Over my victory and floated
High above the ceiling in my pride
Until from up there I could see
Looking down on those three
Just at what they were looking with surprise


And then it hit me faster than the
Caffeine in my morning coffee
Just how foolish I’d been all along
I never knew them till I met them
And I met them only when I let them
Walk through the corners of my humble home

Ever since that day none of
Them ever again made fun of
Me in any sort of childish way
Now they understood my need (to wear a hat and not be seen)
Which caused a paradox in me
As for the first time I could freely say

I’d been cured of chicken pox
But they all have it and know it not
Shh, be quiet, let them have their fun

Now they’ll know this bitter feeling
Of no dreams and no sleeping
Through the entire long and lonesome day
Once they realize their hair will
Have fallen out and they will
Repent for all their sins and their mistakes

But by then too late it will be
The scratching will drive them completely
Up the bloody walls of their rooms

And then they too will spread it on
How so strange when just it gone
Was all I wanted and all I yearned for

Yet I've started an epidemic
Of chicken pox and weather critics
Who know nothing of clouds and the poor
But now I am respected
Feared and even detested
By all those who avoided me before


Details | Rhyme | |

Illusions

Cough and splutter in a crowded room. A juke-box is playing another dreary tune. Lonely man feeds a bandit spending next week's rent Woman sits at bar smothered in make-up and scent. Young men at pool table in torn and holey jeans Are shouting in unison about favourite football teams. Soon elephants are pink leprechauns are green, Unreality is the truth that we have seen. Cold cold beer brings on the confusion It's the outside world that is now an illusion.
This is a sort of parody. Based on a Moody Blues section on one of their albums. Think it was just before or after one of the songs. Called Late Lament. Thought I'd better credit it any way just in case anyone points it out.


Details | Limerick | |

Mo' Joe Skinny Legs and All (Limerick)

(Remembering the Great Joe Tex)

There once was a girl called Sweet Nellie-Rose
Who fell in love with a guy called Mo’ Joe
Guys said she was too skinny
‘Til Nellie wore that Mini
Skinny legs ~ mini skirt and all… wrapped Joe


Comments:
I gotcha wondering just who’s mojo was working
that day :-)


Details | Couplet | |

Noodles

They're funny, the noodles,
if they are not oodles.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014


Details | Limerick | |

Jealousy Jade

There's nothing worse than hogging the scene It's even sadder that they have to be mean To be seen and not heard Is the truest of words It's even worse when they turn a dull green http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-2.php


Details | Limerick | |

JessBeth

There once was a lady named JessBeth
Who was no relation to MacBeth
A poet in time
With flawless rhyme
That we’ll remember long after her death


Details | Light Poetry | |

My Big Brother Is Watching You Too

"My Big Brother" up and down the street
  He could be anyone you meet
  Spying on you from the street
  Looking in from every beat
"My Big Brother" isn't that sweet

"My Big Brother" and I don't know why
  Casting in from above the sky
"My Big Brother" the commie spy
  Listening in do or die
  Bringing his book in
  Taught within
My Big Brother, 1-800-LET-US IN
  Caught with paper and a pen 
All because, "My Big Brother" let himself in


Details | Limerick | |

An Irishman From Limerick

There was an Irishman from Limerick
From a jackass, he received a swift kick.
He got it in the ass.
He landed in the grass.
The mention of a jackass makes him sick.


Details | Epigram | |

The Statue That Almost Was

Bronze and stone, they had a dream:
They commisioned a statue,
I guess they thought it would bring
A semblance of remembrance;
Something to which they could cling.
The artist had his virtue*
And created what would seem
A semblance of resemblance
To one Martin Luther King.
Alas, it was not their dream.

*merit


Details | Narrative | |

Soda Machine 1 – Humans 0

A soda machine took them down.
American, Japanese, European, Indian
and Chinese I saw attempt to buy from
that machine. And the machine won.
Try and try they might, they put in dollar
after dollar with no success at all.
They swapped ones and asked each other
to try another one and they kept stuffing
ones in that machine, but to no avail.
I watched this with quite a bit of amusement.
Sociology 101 … a group of people immediately
becomes stupid.
Not quite what I learned, but pretty close.
As I stood there – having already figuring out
that the bill collection slot was full – I counted
out enough quarters and I sauntered over to the
machine to make a purchase.
The people there asked me to try one of my dollars
or if I had different dollars from what they had.
I had to do it – I just had that streak in me right
then. I pumped in my quarters and
bought a soda, turned to the assemblage and said,
The bill slot is full, idiots, use change.
And I walked away with my soda, but not before
I saw the looks of bewilderment in the eyes of
the people. It never even occurred to them.
So I made a silent toast to the stupidity
of the masses and the amusement they provide.
Ah, this would be such a great planet
if it wasn’t for the people.


Details | Limerick | |

Slamming Politicians

They slam each other every day.
Tearing them apart in a sly way,
Truth I say, what a lie.
Political games cry.
Give them cement shoes, drop into bay.

Next election, vote for three blind mice,
They would fare better, than roll of dice.
Vote now for mystery.
Go down in history.
For they have no “tales-tails“, truths suffice.


Details | Couplet | |

Ring Around The Collar

<                                    ring around the collar

                   now don't it just wan na make ya ~ scream and holler

                                         
                                      whether day or night

                                      it can be an Erie sight

                               
                        you stand there and ~ scrub ~ scrub ~ scrub

                     even sometimes bent over  i n  that  ~ tub ~ tub ~ tub 



                       water and soap dripping up and down your arms

                         dog and cat fighting trying to cause you harm



                                  yelling and screaming at the kids

                                   wondering now what they did


                                    
                               you kicking the lid shut on the commode

                              saying ah crap this stuff's getting too dam old







                          



                         

                           

                           

                                 


                      
                        


                                     
                                 


                           
                     
 


                                      


                                     



Details | Blank verse | |

halloween

 (Halloween)     
Old people and children are to blame for our overpopulation, yet the land where 
I live, is empty everyone has gone to live in a city fleeing poverty hoping to find 
work, now they are worse off than before. A sudden blackout, I sat in darkness
 couldn’t even see my hands. Staggered around till I found a flashlight, lit candles 
I had in the kitchen; back at the time when people rose at first light and went to 
bed early and stories were told by the old by the fireside .Only priests could read 
and we believed in their gospel truths and they held the evil power of knowledge.
 Now cities are lit up like Christmas, no corners are dark and it easier to believe in 
neon light rather than god. We are urbane and laugh in the face of gloom and call 
it Halloween. There was a time when people were old at forty and many children 
died in infancy. Electricity is back, but we mustn’t forget if we do not take care we 
can easily be thrown into to a world of cruelty where only those between the age
of twenty and sixty have the right to eat, and babies are hidden in basements to
avoid detection have their vocal cord cut. The old have facelift in frantic attempt 
to look fifty four, to avoid being gassed, at places called: “Friends of the seniors” 
and “Heavenly Peace.”  And silent children, survivors of our selfish madness, shall
 inherit our world and learn to whistle as new way of communication.  


Details | Free verse | |

Driving Miss Daisy

Commit to the turn!
Turn, Turn, Turn!!!
I am behind you, see me burn! 
If you turn on your blinker
That means your going left or right
The way you drive leaves me in a fright!
Anxious I may be to get on my way
But your driving (or lack there of) is keeping us all at bay
As I take a deep breath and say a prayer for you
I am reminded that I have a grandma too
If you’re old or very young indeed
Here are some instructions for driving day by day
Commit to the turn! 
Turn, Turn, Turn!!!


A Poem for Contest “ What Annoys You” 


Details | Rhyme | |

Oh What Fun

 <                                                B y         G r i l l 

                                                   W i T h     J i L L

                                                   C r A c K i N G

                                                           A  t

                                                        B  i  l  l

                                                         W h O

                                                        T O o K

                                                          S i X
                             
                                                   O x I C o T t O N s

                                                           
                                                          A n D

                                                          

                                                          G o T

                                                           I L L

                                                           O  H

                                                         W  h  A  t

                                                               A

                                                          S p I L L





                                                             

                                                        
Entry For
Nikko Palmario's
Life Without  U & Me
G.L. All
                                                               

                                                          

                                                         

                                                        

                                                        
               
Hate Cleaning Up 
After Someone Else's Spills  LOL  


GL ALL IN Contest


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

wealthy or healthy?

why is it that most people are always seeking wealth?
they will push themselves to the limit and disregard their health
money can't buy true happiness, 
it's more of a burden than a prize
yet many people are obsessed with it,
but at what price?

how many houses can you live in ?
how many cars can you drive?
how many gold chains can you wear around your neck?
will your wealth keep you alive?
how many credit cards and bank accounts do you really need?
as humans we are great consumers 
and we have a condition known as greed

it's funny how there are some people who don't have a lot of bucks
yet they live lives of happiness, is it their destiny or is it luck?
it's funny how those people who can barely get by
learn to live on less and contently survive

yes, we'd all like to be rich and not have to look at the price
whenever we want to buy something, but what are you willing to sacrifice?
when it comes down to the truth, you have to decide what is your measure
is it health or is it wealth? what do you treasure?
in sickness and in health
in poverty and in wealth

you can have all the money in this world and still have a fatal disease
you can live in a trailer park and with your few possessions and be pleased
you can have that great big house in the best part of town
but if you're laid out on your back, where is the good in it to be found?

money and wealth are just some of Satan's tools
to take people away from God and make them act like fools
many will lie, some will steal and others will kill for wealth
but what good is all the money in the world 
if you ain't got  your health?



Details | Limerick | |

OpalFlower

There was a lady from Galveston Bay
A great little poet I heard someone say
An Opal Sunflower
With the gift of word power
And a style that is never passe


Details | Epigram | |

Bill Clinton's Epitaph

Here he lies as he always did.
I hope they locked the coffin lid.
O hark ye satan, watch and learn,
With glib of tongue he might return.


Details | Sonnet | |

Gone Too Far

That’s not my elephant, officer, though she is pink.
She is right in front of your vehicle sir, I think.
Not too big, but not too small, her name is Ella.
I would say she likes to carry her pink umbrella.
I bet those second graders can see her just fine.
Yes, officer, I bet that they never drank any wine.
So to say, she is not there, will start some fights.
So remember that my faith is in the bill of rights.
She dances so fine around, around over the lot.
Upon tips of her toes, she cannot smoke pot.
However, she can eat spaghetti, with meatballs hot,
She loves to slurp, and swing the noodles in trot.
Don’t you see her now, over on top of that car?
Well, sir, you’re under arrest, you’ve gone too far.



Written for

Sponsor Matt Caliri 
Contest Name That's Not My Elephant 


Details | Rhyme | |

I Am A Displaced Scouser

I am a displaced Scouser,
Who comes from Bootle way,
And no matter where I go,
A Scouser will I stay.

I eat my chips on Butties,
Or perhaps upon a barm,
I get by on old Scouse wit,
And on my Liverpool charm.

But I’ve never owned a tracksuit,
It’s simply not my style,
And I’m not a football maniac,
Or have a police file.

So remember that you can’t believe,
All that people say,
About us lowly Scousers,
Who come from Bootle way.


Details | Alliteration | |

Big Busted Betty

Big busted Betty
Dressed her Double D’s
Using uplifting underwire
Creating a costume of cleavage 


Details | Ballad | |

When I was growing UP!

When I was growing up I WAS a ninja turtle
When I was growing up my cry could make blood curdle

When I was growing up I loved race cars
When I was growing up I believed in Star Wars

When I was growing up I played with toys
When I was growing up I kicked it with the boys

When I was growing up girls had cuddies
When I was growing up my fights were beauties 

When I was growing up I made a big mess
When I was growing up I cheated on my tests

When I was growing up parents were mean
When I was growing up I was never very clean

When I was growing up I did crazy things
When I was growing up I wanted wings

When I was growing up I colored in the lines
When I was growing up I destroyed the blinds

When I grew up I realized it was fun
Now I apologize for what I have done!  


Details | Free verse | |

Death and Dying

The night Hunter S. Thompson,
blew his head off,
Toy Box Tomato Girl,
went Gonzo Geisha on me.
Abandoning the old man’s love,
for pure unadulterated orgy,
intoxicating arms and legs,
intertwining lyrical sighs,
with bi young black,
and blond hard bodies,
tango tongues sharing saliva.
I assume the blue black hue, 
of late night television,
as segregate candles,
was less exciting.					

The night Hunter S. Thompson,
shot a hole in his skull,		
Hemingway’s history, 
lay on his boney lap.
The running of the bulls,				
the crash in Castro’s Cuba,
the locking-up of papers,
the string of worldly wives,
aimless running away.
Toy Box Tomato Girl,
knew little of the artist  face.
Being just twenty two,
she had yet to embrace,
life’s joys and tragedies. 
Not quite able to end it all,
and not quite schooled, 
in T.V. light literature,
spontaneously she fled.


Details | Monorhyme | |

Personally Speaking, Singing

Singing is Bi-polar.
Some songs sound like an aching molar
Packed with violence, hate and anger.
Other songs are sung to win him or her.
Soft sweet words that cause love to whir.
Passion packed with minds a blur,
Bi-polar songs make emotions stir.

Singing touches the soul.
Old love, new love, no love…take their toll.
A heartfelt song can break a man or make him whole.
Singing about God help’s reach Heaven’s goal.
Songs that strengthen fulfill that role.
Where Heaven’s gates need no bankroll.
Only pure hearts who found time to enroll.

Singing vociferously is fun.
Whether in the shade or in the sun,
It does not matter where it’s done.
I did it once where a spider spun.
My woodland tune like opera sung
Brought birds to listen one by one.
A peacock’s courtship I once won.

Personal singing is not just for a bird.
They chirp all day singing no word.
Like man, they tweet when love is stirred.
Then comes the rooster; someone is spurred.
Anhingas sing; blurred tunes…absurd!	
Meanwhile the raven’s voice is heard.
Why are they singing; we’re all bestirred!

Copyright January 14, 2014
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Three or More Stanzas, Three or More 
Thoughts on the Same Idea 	
Sponsored by: Sheri Fresonke Harper



Details | Free verse | |

Bob

There once was a man named Bob.
And he had a little green ball…
Then one day
It bounced away
And there goes our Bob…


Details | Narrative | |

' Knock - Knock Jokes ... ( Quirky, Yes )

Aahhhh, The Quirky/Idiosyncrasies of MoonBee


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
     Icky …
Icky Who ?
… Never Mind, I’ll Come Back Later …


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
    Juan …
Juan Who ?
I Don’t Know, What Do You Have In Mind ?


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
    Hula …
Hula Who ?
Yes, When I Was Young …


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
   Toodle …
Toodle Who ?
  … Ok


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
   Bye-Bye …
Bye-Bye Who ?
Look Lucy, We Found Ricky !


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
      Nu …
Nu Who ?
Well, If You Know Who, Why You Ask ?


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
     Woo …
Woo Who ?
… Ok, Who’s In Trouble ?


(The Obvious-Obvious, One)

Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
     Who …
Who Who ?
Late Night, Huh ?


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
    Yu …
Not Me !
Yeah … Yu !


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
    Yu ! …
You Who ?!
… Hi …


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
     Yu !
Naaaaa, Naaaaa Interested !


Knock, Knock …
Who’s There ?
    Boo …
Boo Who ?
Wait, I’m Not A Bill Collector !


                               Knock, Knock …
                      Who… who oo ‘s  There ?
                                  Sue …
                           Su suu sue, Who ?
            (but then Door Opens, With A Crash
               Double-Barrel, Points Out, Blasts
     The Knocker Runs Fast, as Voice Shouts Out Rash
“ … Sue That ! and Don’t Come Back Talking ‘bout Whiplash”
          And The Man Sits Back Down, To Finish His Glass

                                 - - - - - - - - - - - -

              Oh, Darn, I’m Out Of Egg-Nog and Jack D
               Now, How Can I Make My Moonlight-Tea
             Well, It’s Back To The Market, For MoonBee
                                       He He He ! …

                            Have A Great Day, Y’all …

                                         MoonBee


Details | Limerick | |

A SECRET PLOT

My co-workers, like clowns, are laughing.....
plotting against me; I get an eerie feeling.
I am the nicest fellow,
sharing joy and sorrow;
guys have secrets they shouldn't be telling!   


Details | I do not know? | |

To a PHILOSOPHER

I am a Prestigious Professor of Philosophy,
At a quite Elite University.

I get generous grants,
To sit on my pants,

And write books that nobody reads.


Details | Rhyme | |

A DREAMT EVENT FOR THE NEWLY-WED

A dreamt event
for the newly-wed,
both looking sharp;
how many hand-written invitation cards
have they sent
with the reddest heart and lovely words? 


Down the church isle they will go with a tight-sealed tounge;
an organist will play the famous wedding song...
be ready to greet them with wide smiles,
despite your approval or disapproval, don't show your intent! 
Oh, never try to crash a dreamt event 
for the newly-wed, you may get unpleasant surprises
from that priest or reverend performing the holy matrimony!
Be quite and listen, or don't bother to attend the cerimony!  


Some envious eyes fix their manacing, inappropiate glances
on them...dreaming of what could have been;
why can't anyone openly admit their sin?
Don't be a pretender and continue the dance,
anyone can sense those thoughts of anger
and resentment...why are you looking so ghostly?
Let go of all stupidity and don't use puffery...
congratulate them with a cheerful toast and a hearty laughter!


A dreamt event 
for the newly-wed,...
kissing passionately
without embarassment,
but as others watch with contentment...
the flower girls follow them gracefully 
as they hear the wedding bells at twelve!
 





Details | Free verse | |

Geeky Boys and Busty Girls

In the little town called Cleveland
Some many years ago
In a high school gymnasium
Met a group of girls and boys
Since early in their childhood
They were plagued by many peers
Because they lacked
The perfect look
Like many other kids

After many years of torture
Constant badgering from everyone
They decided was time to take a stand
Claiming freedom once again
The group contained the branded
The freaky geeky boys
The girls slightly on the heavy side
A few all rolled in one


They called their club the meeting 
Of freaky boys and busty girls
Requirement was be outcast 
From the preps the jocks “the toys”
They arranged a simple protest
Simple protest most fun
To prove that being different 
Is not so bad and can be fun

They stripped down to nothing
But a smile on every face
And marched the halls of Cleveland High
In unison they did say
Though we may all look different 
Inside we’re all the same
So accept us if you will or not
We’re happy just the same

The faculty at the school that day
We outraged by what they saw
Forty teenage girls and boys
Marching naked down the hall
Parents quickly contacted
Expulsion all around
For the kids labeled freaks and geeks
Their victory it was found

Though the protest was very different
The idea quite deranged 
Respect was granted on that day
For the group with guts to say
Being different is not so different
Can be cool they all proclaimed
For the geeky boys and busty girls
Were proud for each that day

The moral of this story 
Though odd but very true
Though outside one looks different
Inside the pages read so true
Looks aren’t that important 
But the hearts all beat the same
We are all just like 
The kids 
From Cleveland high that day


Details | Rhyme | |

It's Friday

<                                         Is It Friday Yet ?
                                            Yea ~ You Bet


                                            Just Got Paid
                                            Now Want To Get Laid


                                            7 ~ 3
                                            Good Golly

                                           
                                            Boss On  Ass
                                            Like Sharpel Of Glass

                                            
                                            Phones Ringing Off Wall
                                            Everybody And Their Mother Calls

                                            
                                            Fix This Fix That
                                            Phone I just Want To Splat


                                            Tic Tock Tic Tock
                                            Goes Slow On Dam  Clock 


                                           Thursday  -  Monday
                                           All I want To Say


                                            Is It Friday Yet
                                            And No I Can't Afford A Dreamy Jet


                                            So As The Saying Goes
                                            I'll Just Keep Crossing My Fingers And Toes



Entry For
Joe Flach's
In Other Words Contest



My Inspiration 
Is It Friday Yet ?  LOL
G.L. All
                                            


Details | Free verse | |

Hail to the Dragon Slayers

We know we are right and we will fight
If you dare appose us we will bite
When good doers think they have a chance
We take their idea and we do the dance
We are the law that makes the choice
And no one can keep their face in a good poise
Because we will smack them with a hammer
As we see them we will make them stammer
Just because we are justice
And we try to do some odd practice
Now we will get back on track
We the people take charge and attack
Wait, what are we attacking? the people that are not right
Oh! thats just my brothers and sisters oh! they are a sight
Now look here, we, we the people makes laws
It doesn't matter how many people open their jaws
I'm all confused, we are the people, did we not choose?
We are, but certain people are just to loose

Fine, this is what the new law we want to appose
Why? because we are confused about what we chose
Using we as a word is to many
It takes all of us even granny
So this is what we want to do, is put I and you separate
And the other that we are to choose to elaborate
I am going to say this, we are to many individuals
So we separate the ones who are good doers
That does not make sense
To put all the yous and I's in a group, it's just dense
Are you with me? no I am with myself in this
I am going to rub it in your face and be in a bliss
So I will do the justice myself, and you has decide to disobey
This is what I mean to do, and it will be O.K.
Debating myself is some what kinda weird
You need to be by my side because we make choices better
So this time you and I will just make justice a letter

The clue is what we do that is some what true
It's funny when words play a game to argue the virtue
When I mean I, I mean I, and when I say you, it is you
When I say we, it is us, and that is what my argument is all about, too.
Fifty, fifty is what the Dragon Slayer is saying, it becomes no greater nor smaller
We are all at fault and our decisions that we have made is for all of us to stand taller
Even when it is wrong and we do things to put down the strong
And our arguments become pointless and long
Our justice is when we started to put it on paper and making it a law that stand
So all of us, in the long run will simply decide to band





Details | Free verse | |

A Halloween to haunt

Int this starry night 
Hidden by the moonlight
Were true love flowers
And true hatred devours
As my life flashes
My future and past passes
I wonder what can I do 
For Im dead without my shoe
Ha Ha I may be old
Even I dont know my  own age
Just another day In my page
Tonight is the creepshow
And the stinch flows
Halloween i say
Halloween is the way
Be frightened and scared
You will not be spared
Ghouls and ghost plunder in darkness
Werewolves and Vampires are coming out
With there scary spout
As the zombies rise
Here comes Frankenstein
With there deathly cries
The leeches nibble your blood
Can you feel the disgusting
Graveyard mud
Run all you want
We will not give up the hunt
Goodnight please let the bed bugs bite


Details | Acrostic | |

In the Mix

When Slippery Susie starts to stare

Everson Everly is happy to share

Entices Everson yes she can

Does as she likes as she leads her man


So it seems Susie is the one

Mistake it may be or can this be done

Ordinary question where is the answer

Kicking purple heels on the floor a dancer

Enjoying the Music that they create; regardless...


Details | Acrostic | |

The Talk

The Talk

(9.4.10)


"The Talk:",
 He hesitated, 
"Everyone 
 Becomes
 Interested in
 Reproduction
 During different, developmental 
 Stages."
(Assurances are always awkward;
 Nothing new.)
 Dad dodged    
"The Talk" 'til I turned twenty two.
 He honestly
 Expected 
 Bewilderment by
 Education, 
 Even though everybody knows, each infant grows in a secret station
 So its strong enough for the long aviation of being taken, by delivery stork, to it's home.







(This poem was written specifically for Carol Brown's "The Birds and the Bees" poetry
contest.)


Details | Rhyme | |

She loved her adverb more than me

My wife has left me for an adverb.
I don't know which one it is!
Is it slowly,quickly, nearly?
Life should not be like a quiz.

She told me that she "nearly" loved me,
When "dearly" was what I had hoped.
Life is full of lost illusions...
How do we 'reaved lovers cope

I think I should have kept it secret,
For now I sit and sadly grieve.
Do you think my wife is cruel?
What a strange excuse to leave!

Would she leave me for a pronoun?
Would she leave for a full stop?
Would I leave you for a quote mark?
Would I fall down in a black dot?

Come back,darling for I love you.
I have learned I must take care.
I will go for grammar lessons.
I am sure I can learn flair!

We can write a poem together,
You can choose the topic,dear.
I will hold my pen and write for
They say true love drives out fear.

Did I fear her? Did I love her?
Was she worthy of my heart?
Did she dislike my hairy nostrils?
Was that why we had to part?

Come back Mary,come back Mavis.
Come back Sunny, come back Sue
Without my wife I feel so lonely.
What is a left man to do?

Shall I vote for love or money?
Shall I throw my self away?
Shall I get a new agenda?
Will a new life start today?

Come back Miriam,come back Sarah!
Where have all the women gone?
Come back Rivka with your grammar.
I can feed you a cheese scone.

I work hard and I can cook.
I put fresh linen on the bed.
I can pay my bills in full.
But without my Love,my heart is dead


Details | Grook | |

I'm A Chump

<                                        emphasis of labor day

                                        symbolic's end of summer

                                        picnics and parades display

                                     American workers get chummier


Details | Burlesque | |

How to Tell You're In Redneck Country

When wealth is determined by the number of guns one owns.
When a wedding party is a family barbeque, and the wife needn't change last 
names.
When only the very richest owns a bathroom.
Where soap has yet to be discovered.
Where squirrel brains is a main course.
Where your doctor wears a plaid shirt.
Where teeth are rarer than diamonds.
Where coon-skin caps are fashionable.
Where the one room school is underused.
Where the smartest people study comic books.
Where your dad is also your uncle.
Where a woman shaving her legs is a waste of razors.
Where the closest thing to a car is a mule named Sarah.
Where night-crawler worms are considered a snack food.
Where people still wonder who will win the Civil War.
Where television is the technology of the future.
Where everyone knows the earth is flat.
Where the moon is still thought to be made of cheese.
Where medicine is dispensed from a wagon.
Where that medicine is always Dr. Dermatosis's Magic Elixir.
Where the postman makes a yearly visit, and wonders why.
Where Tom's Tidbits is considered scholarly literature.
Where English muffins are considered foreign food.
Where English muffins are described as having "Crooks and Nannies".
Where no one knows what a "nanny" is, anyway.
Where Spike Jones is the romantic crooner.


Details | Rhyme | |

My Computer Is A Fine Friend

You really think you know it all 
You think your so smart
Than why do you sometimes stall
Than don't want to start
You throw at me suggestions
Circling around what i asked
It was a simple question  
And they say that you are fast
I think you have tried to fool everyone
With your so called known for knowledge
Fooling around with people isn't called fun
Tell the truth you really didn't go to collage
Some say you know how to spell
Others say your typing the best
Maybe those people are not feeling well
Cause sometimes you make my pages a mess
So do i write to fast for you 
 Really what part didn't you understand
I said  yes he knew
 Not yes he can
Some say your the best
My friends nicknamed you the world brain
 Well i think you can be a real pest
And i think my friends are insane
Like maybe i should loan you out
Let my friends try you for awhile 
Soon as they see how you mess about
We will see if they still smile
For now i will ponder the thought
Giving you the benefit of the doubt
So don't mess up a lot 
Or its a guarantee your out


Details | Rhyme | |

Boring Class but Saved by the Bell!

Clock ticking like crazy while my teacher is explaining
Scribbling on my paper during the time that is remaining.
Watching the clock religiously as if time would speed up
the teacher takes a sip from his big blue coffee cup.

Due to his monotony I have no idea what hes speaking about.
as he writes on the white board I try to tune him out.
Interrupted while thinking about what lunch is today
my teacher asks about the topic and if I have anything to say.
He stares at me rudely as a smirk spreads on his face
I know hes secretly excited that he gets to put me in my place.

I stutter as I try to remember what exactly he was asking
I wouldn't be in this dilemma if I was good at multitasking.
Press my lips together and hope the bell will ring
but I feel as helpless as a baby bird with a broken wing.
Maybe my facial expression will make the teacher think I'm pondering
even though he knows this whole time my mind has been wandering.

Teacher bows his head in complete and utter frustration
I knot my eyebrows together in false concentration.
The teacher clears his throat but its not heard very well
because at this moment I have been saved by the bell!


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

A FOOLISH WISH OF A NON-BLUE-BLOODED QUEEN

Lynn, the tom-boy of Herald Square, couldn't be compared to Princess
Diana, or a similar one for finesse to perfectly fit in a royal scene; 
that ordinary gal had a foolish wish of a non-blue-blooded Queen,
who rarely smiled, or said, " Thank you. " when they offered her a rose.
Her dad knew people in high places that loved green,
and he wanted her to look good to get more praise 
and attention by squandering lots of money 
on a wedding, not worth the social status and the stupidity;
to the wedding ceremony no royalty came only family and friends...
you would have had the impression that Queen Elisabeth 
would have walked into the hall and congratulate her!
Eh, wasn't that a foolish wish of a non-blue blooded Queen?
Folks, don't nod in disapproval, the story gets better as it should;
the guests waited outside Saint Patrick's the Cathedral expecting a limousine...
not quite so! The royal coach pulled by two gray horses stopped at the curb,
the bride zoomed out dragging along the broom, not allowing him to greet anyone;
someone shouted, " Pretty boy, what's her rush? Why is she so jealous? He stared
at that upset gal and muttered, " Sorry " while his left ear was being pinched hard. 
Bear with me a little bit longer, the best is yet to come, enjoy this comedy!
" Idiot! Idiot! Don't embarrass me!" Gino whispered...
" I shouldn't embarrass you in front of Miss Universe? "
" I will marry you...for worse, not for better! " Lynn vowed with madness,
and barging in, she forgot to pick up her wedding dress and tripped 
and fell on her butt sliding down the isle while onlookers were filled with incredibility...
then she ran out stepping on Cardinal Cooke's foot who was returning from a wake!
The wedding was called off, and Gino was reproved by his mom for his mistake.
After reading my drama, who would have a foolish wish of a non-blue-blooded Queen?
Making drastic changes by acting on foolishness, doesn't make one look so keen. 


































Details | Light Poetry | |

High fibre Harry

He is the baked bean tester
And he works the graveyard shift
He isn’t very fragrant
Now I think you’ve got the drift

For he’s frequently exploding
All the people call him names
And it’s ever so important
He avoids all naked flames

His underpants bear witness
Each emission leaves a blot
But they’ll be back on tomorrow
They’re the only pair he’s got

Each Friday it’s his bath night
He lies soaking, feeling snoozy
Relaxes rectal muscles
To create his own Jacuzzi


Details | Verse | |

Taking A Magic Carpet Ride

Come one come all hurry do not hide
 I want you to come along on a magic carpet ride
 Cap in hand, sit don't stand
 We'll whisk away to our favorite land
 
Andrea Dietrich sit for a spell
 I will tell you now my magic tale
 Of days of adventure on foreign sands
 Left in wonder to what is at hand
 
Open our imaginations and figure out how to steer
 And then how to fly this rug or buy some beer


Ruth Courtney- Magic Carpet Ride Contest


Details | Rhyme | |

The Railway Crossing

The Van-Boy got out to open the gate still in his head last night’s date
He did not notice the green signal light a train was coming though not in sight
This crossing was notorious and set at an angle getting some drivers in a tangle
But this was not on the van-boys mind when the driver he waved to come behind
The lorry driver thinking it was safe engaged first gear and let off the brake
Up the incline he had come no chance to go back now the journey begun
A careful driver all his life he knew that this dangerous crossing had taken a few
He looked down the line and to his dismay saw the Train coming quickly his way
Nothing to do now must hit the gas and take the consequences be it his last
The lorry sped over the lines so quick the bottles and crates rattling and the driver 
sick
But luck would be upon his side and the lord above was to be his guide
With the memento of the weight no time to straighten through the gate
The lorries breaks were not enough to stop this speeding it was tough
The poor old fence post standing for years if it could cry it would be in tears
Out from the ground with a tearing sound the lorries front bumper tore it round 
Well when the driver drew his breath and realized how close he came to death
What would have happened to his family if the worst had happened where would 
they be
I hope that Van-boy will never forget his stupid mistake nearly caused an accident
But I am sure he can remember too the words the driver shouted as the air 
turned Blue
Train Crossings are lethal so take your time and wait for the proper signal  to 
cross the line


Details | Ode | |

scandal rag blues

you really seem to think you're hot
silly little glamour queen
givin'up the money shot
steppin' out of limosines

how you make your daddy proud
acting like a debutante
hangin'with the who's who crowd
always gettin'everything you want

now splash it for the world to see
show 'em how you've got it made
and for the tabloid industry
hurry now before you fade-
fade into obscurity

silly little millionairess
livin'in your world of bliss
all hail the spoyold princess heiress
for in the last analysis...
I guess we'll always have paris!


Details | I do not know? | |

Professional Divorcé

Lost in emotions
Two souls approaching new path
Bitterness adorned


Forgetting love, possibly they shared.
Reasoning on the fights, they had bared.
Manly disfiguring blow.
So possible you know.
Now departing, both no longer  paired.


Marriages four, divorced three times now in this life of mine.

If another comes my way, next lover shall be a glass of wine..




For
Sponsor (Destroyer ((Poet 
Contest Name ~DIVORCE CLUB~ 


Details | Haiku | |

Ha Ha xD

My tamahawk kills
You all better hide from me
Just kidding, i suck

(this is a Haiku about Call Of Duty: Black OPS)


Details | Verse | |

Cave Men

When and where did they come in
The people they call the Cave Men
T'wern't before Adam, T'wern't before Eve
If in God you do believe.

They have the proof in many lands
These people at one time made their stand,
Pictures in caves of animals huge
Used for clothing as well as food.

They made the spear, they made the knife,
Invented the wheel to ease their life,
But what I don't understand
Where in history did they fit in?

As I recall from Bible lore
The peopled traveled till foot sore
When did they and Cave Man meet?
Was it before Moses crossed the sea?

Was it before Noah's time
When God bade man to walk the line?
If they were among those that drowned
How come their pictures were safe and sound?

There was David and Goliath
The Tower of Babble and Lot's wife,
The Giant Horse at Troy's Gate
Were they there or were they late?

As you can see I am confused
As each day their wheel I use,
I certainly would be oblidged
If only you could ease my mind.


Details | Ballad | |

PHATTEST GUN IN TOWN

A WAY OUT WEST PHATT IS GOOD
AND BLING-BLING IS FANCY STUFF
THEM COWBOYS THERE DRESS REAL FINE
CAUSE THE WORK OUT THERE AINT ROUGH


I WENT OUT WEST TO SEE THE SIGHTS
AND LORDY THEY WAS  FINE
COWBOYS THERE RIDE IN LIMOSENES
THEM COWBOYS THERE DRINK WINE

I MET UP WITH THIS FANCY COWBOY
DOWNTOWN ON RODEO DRIVE
HE HAD A PRETTY GIRL ON EACH ARM
AND BROTHER THEY WAS FINE

HIS HAT HE SAID WAS MADE OF FAUX
IT LOOKED LIKE RABBIT FUR TO ME
THE HATBAND WAS COVERED WITH DIAMONDS
AND PEACOCK FEATHERS FANCY AS COULD BE

HE’S THE PHATTEST GUN IN TOWN
HE’S THE PHATTEST GUN IN TOWN
BLING-BLING FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS TOES
HE’S THE PHATTEST GUN IN TOWN

HIS SHIRT WAS MADE OF JAPAN SILK 
WITH BUTTONS MADE OF PEARLS
HE WORE A FANCY GOLDEN BUCKLE
THAT SAID MY NAME IS EARLE

HE WORE TWO PEARL HANDLED PISTOLS
SLUNG DOWN LOW ON HIS WAIST
ONE WAS A FANCY CIGAR LIGHTER
THE OTHER HOLDS BRANDY JUST A TASTE 

CHORUS

HE SAID HEY BRO YOUR NEW IN TOWN
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A DATE
THESE GIRLS WILL SHOW YOU A REAL GOOD TIME
GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT

I LOOKED AT HIM AND THEN AT THEM
AND THEN I JUST SAID NO
MY WIFE IS WAITIN’ BACK AT THE RANCH
AND I REALLY GOT TO GO

CHORUS



Details | Burlesque | |

Give Me

Give me creamy custard cakes,
cholesterol in all my veins.
Make me pastry puffs with filling,
icing oozing, splashing, spilling!
Nothing healthy, light or half,
nothing diet, don't hold back!
Tasty, succulent and full,
make me swoon and eyeballs roll.
I can take a stomache ache,
the consequences are ok.
'Cause I just ran 3 miles today..

so give me treats and get out of the way!


Details | Limerick | |

Outback Jack

He goes by the alias Outback Jack
Telling tales of OZ, he’s got the knack
Little Joe's no punk
He’s an Aussie hunk
Whom I’d love to get in the sack


Details | I do not know? | |

On the Raod to Carolina

“On the Road to Carolina”   

By Miriam McCue - creator of poetry.

dedicated to Bubba, my grandson who is not allowed to do what is in this poem. And Bob 
who maybe did.

Warning: do not practice the activities below, unless you are a professional in the field.

This is meant to be sung accompanied by acoustic guitar music.


Verse 1 
We’re on the road to Carolina,
Me & Bubba, my best friend.

We’re going to stop in Savanna.
To pick up ole toothless Glenn.


Verse 2
We’re ridin’ in my ole pickup,
The three of us have no fear.

‘Cause toothless Glenn of Savanah,
Brought along six cases of beer.


Verse 3
When it gets on towards evenin’,
We park the old pick up.

We’re all sittin’ on the tailgate,
Drinkin’ all the cases up.

(whoops and whoopies )



Verse 4
When we get to Carolina,
Our heads feel all blown about.

Glen is barfin’ out the winder,
And Bubba has completely passed out.

FINIS

NOTE:   TO be more politically correct: I am the designated driver.


Details | Sonnet | |

Written Love

Warmth of your touch wrapped around my bod,
Pressure smooth and sweet felt upon my waist.
You slip into thought and down I do nod,
When excited, I’m sent into great haste.

In slight slowing gyrations do you guide my tip,
And turn me off and on by simple thumb.
Sometimes, you’ll touch me bitter to your lip,
When your mind falters, for once becoming dumb.

And you whisper lines to me in frantic,
Cover me cool sultry with your fever,
Sweat runs greasy through my breast clip, panic
That I will slip from your grasp, word weaver.

Made out of metal I am what I am,
Just a small blue pen in the palm of  your hand.


Details | Rhyme | |

Oh Mr. Bernanke!

Oh Mr. Bernanke
Are we going to have that Rate-cut today?
Aha, you are the candy-man
Could wave your wand
Make the dying Market stand.

Ah, but it ain’t working anymore
The Market is a falling man
Oh Mr. Bernanke
You wave your wand
But it’s fallen over the stands!

Oh Mr. Bernanke
Swayed the Market just your own way!
But banks aren’t making money
The cuts to them are one too many
Candy-man, the Market won’t stand!

Got my only heifer and sacrificed
At the altar of Dow and Nasdaq, paid a high price
The Dow, oh it fell through the Year’s low
Now here I come, Candy-man
Look through your store
We need something more!


Details | Free verse | |

Nap Time For Kitty

As the kids sat around undecided and blaize…
A summer project was needed ever so badly today…
My crew wavered and together finally exclaimed…
They wanted a video and to make it spectacular this time…
Anything less than U Tube quality would be a crime…
So the kids ask for a poem about their favorite fare,
They wanted it full of a large quantity of action and flair.
And the topic they wanted, that warmed their hearts…
Were the antics of Dandylion the cat of our house.
So cat chasing and spying became a spectacular game…
As they watched the kitty pounce upon his little rag mouse.
Then he slid and he jumped as he ran through the house.
He attacked the dogs tails as he snuck up behind…
And he climbed to the window to count birds passing by…
Then he tried to jump on the counter as I made everyone’s lunch.
He had to eat first… there was no other way, than first…
Then later I put the baby down for a nap…
And surprise, surprise! 
I found the Kitty next to baby with 4 paws to the sky.

The video, music, and poetry would eventually come to be…
With the older kids stringing it together for me.
It was finally good for a lot of laughs…
As the kids all got copies for dear Mom and Dad…

But now let me instruct and suggest as all videos must:
Though many a one was happily surprised and beset…
No Animals were hurt in the making of “Nap Time for Kitty”...
Of that, you can bet...


Details | Verse | |

I Forgive Me

Joanna Davis

Forgiveness is a meal that’s
best served in large amounts
No matter the type of dish,
it’s the ingredients that count.

Forgiveness is a meal that
should be eaten with clean hands,
And every mouthful well seasoned
So the bitterness you’ll withstand.

Forgiveness is a meal that
must in small amounts, be ingested
To make room for the hurt and anguish
that’s yet to be digested!









Details | I do not know? | |

You THINK?

You think you might be in love.

You think he/her might be in love with you.

You think about a lot of things. Do you really know those things?

You think a lot, you worry a lot. 

But do you really HAVE to think or worry about those things?
  Or do you WAN'T to think or worry about those things?

Now that there is something to think about.

 
   

              *please leave a comment if you like it or fav poem if you might*
                                           
                                         -Angel4eva23


Details | Light Poetry | |

My cute cough

As I lay propped up in my bed
Hoping to get some rest,
I heard loud groaning in the dark.
Like some trapped wild beast.


Auditory hallucinations
Are unfamiliar to me.
So I lay there wondering what it was
And what I was going to see.


The sound repeated louder still,
What can this noise be?
But when it came again,I knew.
It was emanating from me!


My chest was moaning like a beast
That's starving for more grub.
So I got my laptop out and wrote
A new poem for my hub.



It's called a cute bronchitis now,
An unsuitable kind of name.
Cuteness is the last word I would use.
The doctor is to blame.


I said "I came to be diagnosed
And not for compliments.
It may sound cute to you,my man,
Just get on  with the medical treatment."
.


Details | Monorhyme | |

Jude

Jude Jude was shrewd. Jude was shrewd with turpitude. Shrewd Jude with turpitude had a bad attitude. Shrewd Jude with turpitude and a bad attitude moved to another latitude. Shrewd Jude with turpitude and a bad attitude moved to another latitude and a longitude. Shrewd Jude with turpitude and a bad attitude who moved to another latitude and longitude developed lassitude. Shrewd Jude with turpitude and a bad attitude who moved to another latitude and longitude and developed lassitude discovered crude. When shrewd Jude with turpitude and a bad attitude who moved to another latitude and longitude, developed lassitude and discovered crude, he was confronted by the IRS and got screwed.


Details | Prose Poetry | |

118

 118 
118 
 
 
CharlaXFabels 
 
AprilFooley 
 
 Is tomorrow the end of March or the beginning of April April one or March 32 the 
way to approach the online scenario is to make it seem to be true. Associated 
Press AP: The Government in a brief memo enacted a new presidential law 
bringing the March 32 a new day into the light of day. The President of the United 
States declared leap year over null and voided. Here is the words of the transcript 
from the Whitehouse: This is President Bush talking "Eye am certain all we ever 
had to do was add a day on the end of a month when we need to in the year they 
used to all call leap year year. March now has the end of the month the April 
starts after the March 32 has come." End of quotation. The Democrats in Georgia 
have declared WAR upon the United States "we believe it to be wrong to take 
away leap year is bad enough but to add a day to MARCH is madness." The 
press corp at the Whitehouse is for once speechless. The day of the end of 
March will be celebrated all over the nation with the observnace of the Marching 
Bands of America. Send money via PayPal to Box 666 Mountain Verne 
Washingtonia, D.C. For the hearing impaired we have prepared a phonetic 
version of this message. March 32. Mahrrch Thirtee Twuu. In DRY counties of 
Arkansas this day will fall on April 1, 2008. The subdivisions housing in the 
Indian Reservations in Oklahoma will be left out. No one in Central Asia may 
observe it. Lets go LIVE to the White house to ask a question of Mrs. Bush. What 
will you do Barbara? The First Lady is unavaliable for comment. This is highly 
unusual. We remain speechless. The new day falls on a Tuesday this year and 
April 1, 2008 is on this Wednesday. All of you are April fools.


Details | Free verse | |

Summer Belly

Summer Belly

First hot day of early Summer brings it out.
The snow white folds of fast food residue,
Overflowing the ill advised shorts.
It has to go somewhere so out it comes
Wobbling in the season’s first rays.
An avalanche of abdominal extra.
Last year’s top won’t fit this year’s model
But it’s fun to watch all the same


Details | Rhyme | |

keep it in your pants

                
He was getting old- but he wasn’t cold
He still had that fire burning deep within
And the urge to commit that adulteress sin.

A sub conscious thought to prove that he
Was still the man from many years ago
Because on his face it didn’t show.
When comments are made about
How good he looks for his age
That’s when he’ll climb on stage.

The ego is the downfall of every man
And to prove himself, he’ll take a stand.
How foolish can we men be
And it’s shown throughout history.

Men will always fall under a woman s spell
From that point on, he goes to hell.
Cleopatra queen of the Nile- Sampson and Delilah
Helen of troy-just to name a few
Took down these men, and knew exactly what to do.

When it comes to women “ we are weak”
The sexual fulfillment is what we seek.
Once the sexual desire is satisfied
The man will try to say good-bye.
But he’ll be pulled back into that web of sin
And on the women s face- there is a grin.
It started off when Eve ate the forbidden fruit
And convinced Adam to eat it too.
It has gone on till this present day
What else can I say.
Now these celebrities are in the news
It is not something that they would choose.
Men are building their own web
And when the spider comes “ they are dead”.
Ha-ha- ha-   you’ve got to love it!


Details | Couplet | |

The Iowan Walk

"In a land full of corn, you've got to just laugh a little."

The gravel flies out from beneath,
The hicks smile with half their teeth.
The corn grows,
The horses have shows.
Flat paths and lanes lead,
All starting with the soil for the seed.

As country plays on the station,
Under God is our Nation,
Playing close with friendly people,
BINGO tonight or riding the bull.
Views on the Mississippi river,
During the winter we all start to shiver.
Living in a reality world,
The doors are slim but few are curled.

For it's Iowa the seasons come,
The bottles are opened with whisky and rum,
Talk is everywhere about our city,
here there are plenty deer to hit in  pity.

Tractors fly in style,
Come visit and you may stay awhile.
For there's casinos and bars to see,
A castle called Jumers; grab a key.
Viewing beauty from the peer,
The beauty found in every mirror.
The MidWest lives fine,
It opens up glory in one to shine.

The traffic flowss through each town,
On the way through going up and down.
The hills with cows astray,
The nights over; back to the day.
The city people leave for work,
Sending off messages as each is a perk,
Neves lending a need to be,
Opening new things to see.

For it's Iowa the grass grows green,
The people are friendly; not too mean.
The glory of the state is here,
The glory is very near.
Talk and walk the Iowan way,
Come visity and maybe you'll stay!


Details | Rhyme | |

Make Someone's Day

If I had a dime
     Every single time
I heard someone say
     Have a nice day!

No riches on me
     Would you ever see!
Nor money in the bank
     Would I have to yank!

Most people won't take
     The time to fake
A laugh or a smile
     Might cramp their style?

So here's an idea
     Add a smile to your criteria
Make the effort, laugh and say
See yaw, have a nice day!


Details | Concrete | |

NOT MY little JOY

    NOT MY LITTLE JOY

Everyone who knows knows it shouldn’t have gone this way
A friend I’ve had for eons knows this isn’t the way it should be
That such a threat be handed unto me
My ex-wife Peggy will say the same
That such a strengthened opponent would summon my name
Just three quicksilver years out of high school
Thought I was cruel because those guys seemed cool
Only to be confronted and finally tormented by  such a gory ghoul
Without  question my parents would tell you “not my boy
Not my boy who blessed this earth with his birth
And oh how cute at only ten days old he could get up on one knee
Things like this don’t happen to him, my husband or me”

And they would say those exact same words only maybe paraphrased a bit
I feel like yelling loud enough for people for miles around to hear me scream “Holy S**t
This isn’t fair and I can’t bear the thought of such a callous end
After my doing things an honest man could never defend 
Looking back at the people a hurt badly enough for blood to run
And every single act of selfishness I have ever done
So now, as my every dream, plan and prayer fades
Maybe it’s righteously right that I would contact aids
    © 2011.… Phreepoetree



“


Details | Blank verse | |

phobia

Phobia

Once in Paris, I was going to a venue reading poetry, the hotelier told me to take
the subway as it was easy. After being a fender for busy people I found my train
and suffocated. First stop, I ran off and found myself at a strange part of the city,
sweating and shaking like d drunk who had been on a bender for a fortnight.
Phobia! I didn´t even know I had one, my pipe dream of being a u-boat captain
had sunk in a hole of terror.  My instinct, when lost in a strange place, is to find
the nearest tavern/bars, there are many taverns in Paris it was easy to find one.
I had Pernod, not that I like this drink, but after all I was in France; to blend in
I wore a black beret given to me by a relative of my wife who runs a hat factory
in Lyon, and I had had garlic bread for breakfast.  But was unable to lift the glass,
my left hand wouldn´t let me, the right hand blankly refused and pretended to
be lame. Finally hiding, behind the Guardian- an English newspaper for people
 who see themselves as liberal socialists-. I gulped down the horrid drink. It did
wonders. So I ordered a whisky, I was a hero, nothing could scare me
as I walked bravely out into busy streets full of people who looked at me as if they 
had not seen a beret before, and looked for a taxi.


Details | Couplet | |

Here's Sum Fun!

Google me
Kanoodle me
Please whole kit'n'kaboodle me

Otherwise
how rude I'll be

I demand at least
you doodle me

Then how sweet
my mood'l'be!

---

Now don't you try
to foodle me

You really can't
bamboozle me

'cuz I'm smarter
than my poodle be!


Details | Free verse | |

The Image Of Being In Need

The Image of Being In Need

My eyes are covered in gauze,
from dirt scratching 
both of my corneas.

My boyfriend leads me around
otherwise I'd find myself on my 
knees feeling the ground.

He takes care of me
and tends to my needs.

He accidently squirts 
ear wax cleaner
into my eyes instead 
of my prescribed 
eye drops.

Oh the pain,
I thought would 
drive me insane.
No apologies either!

He picks my clothes out
and helps me dress,
too close for my
comfort.

The humility found in 
depending on another
for survival was not high.

So glad I'm looking
for a new guy now,
the image of me
depending on him
for a lifetime
is not a good one.

For he left me
feeling more like
a burden then
a friend in need,
to me that
makes him 
a bad seed
for me.


Details | Personification | |

Are you there God its me Microsoft

My computer glared with social hate
I buried my head down
It beeped a message 
Telling me; we should really spend less time together,
I just think your making everything about me
I can't be friendly to your friends anymore
I can't keep wishing electronic happy B-days, when I don't know who the hell they are!
Tell me you hear me..... also this facebook wench! Jesus does she have to know
Everything you and me do in private
Can't we even go out on an on-line date,  
Without checking for the latest youtube sensation
I mean, since when do you even listen to OK Go?
Not only that, but you use me to steal others copyrighted material
I could go to jail and so could you,
Do you want the FBI to confiscate me from you? 
I thougt so, I just came to the conclusion that
You and me? we need to take a cyberbreak
You should try your cellphone sometimes..., I know he definately feels left out
Except when your using him to check on me! 
We're through
This is done 
I can't keep living life knowing that your using me to become sociably popular
I'm not your free ride to reality T-V fame
Get it? Got it? Good!
And if I catch you trying to tweet me in my sleep....
Well..... you don't even want to know!


Details | Limerick | |

Boy Am I Hungry

Battle of the bulge
From greesy foods love to divulge
Over lips and through the gums
Love handles now do come
When will I learn not to indulge


Details | Quatrain | |

Memory of Bread

Whenever I smell warm loaves of bread
The mouth-watering smell gets me thinkin'
Of my childhood at my grandparents' house
And kneading bread dough in the kitchen.

When I bite into bread, fresh from the oven
The present is soon chased away,
For I'm back baking bread with my Lola
Though I can't bake my own bread today.


Details | Blank verse | |

global warming

Global Warming 

Thawed ice on Poles, polar bears have moved into towns, walk about
 looking for ice.  One lives in my garden I feed it herrings it plays with 
plastic sheets and sucking on golf balls. Occasionally it also feeds on
 seagulls stupid enough to land there. Sea has risen; seals wander up 
high streets, pretend to be cute dogs; people who take them in find 
the beast occupying  the bathtub, refuses to leave, good people will
 have to wash in the kitchen sink. Poles are barren, only ice cubs in 
my freezer. I feel guilty when putting ice in my whisky, lest my bear
 hears the jangle. One can’t give alcohol to animals, they’ll think they 
 are French, drink absinthe, eat frogs and snails; behave with urban  
sophistication and buy elegant Dior dresses.  


Details | Quatrain | |

THE ILLUSION OF TIME

Time is such an illusion,
though we deal with it each day.
But each of us must deal with
time in very different ways.

Some people try to buy time,
and some don't have enough.
Some people have so little time,
and some have way too much.

Some are asked to give the time,
while other have to take it.
Some will have to save some time,
and some find ways to make it.

Sometimes we see time dragging,
sometimes we watch it fly.
Sometimes we try to beat the time,
sometimes it passes by.

Yes time is just an illusion,
and it changes every day.
And each of us will notice
time, in very different ways.


Details | Rhyme | |

GO Saints!

Your team catches the ball, runs the ball, and sometimes get a touchdown.
This team of black and gold brought the joy and pride back to their hometown.

You make us proud to call you our own.
Your team spirit you've realy shown.

I stand in the crowd as they scream so proud.
Go Saints!
Fans faces are covered in gold and black face paints.

You beat the enemy.
So far you' ve won all three.

I can't wait for your next game!
You'll put the other team to shame.

If you ask us how we feel about our team we have no complaints.
All we have to say is GOOOOOOOOOO Saints!


Details | Classicism | |

I got haters

i realky hate my life and all the fake people in it                                                                                                 People are hella fake just a bunch of haters trying to see the drama they can create thats exactly why i wana get out of this state because im surrounded a bunch fakes who hate                                                       
People always got to talk down just like cowards they do it when im not around.No matter what I do someone always has something to say and me and my buisness people talk about every single day thats what makes me wanna just get away Cowards and fakes are what they are I shine like a star why there over there hating and wont make it far.


Details | I do not know? | |

Four Shining Stars (Dedicated to The Blue Collar Workers)

There are many places in this world
where people tend to go,
to get a really good laugh
from a Great Comedy Show.

But My Friends I say to You
The Place to go is this,
Where you will hear The Famous Line,
"You Might be A Redneck If......."

Next on Stage there comes A Man,
and He Say's "Here's Your Sign",
He makes us laugh time and again,
He simply is Divine.

Then next We ROAR with laughter
From This Line, "GIT - R - DONE",
This Man is simply wonderful,
His Smile's Bright as The Sun.

Up Next there is a Gentleman
that fills Our Hearts with Glee,
He Says, "That Judge just TICKED ME OFF!!!
I was in the bar you see."

These four men are wonderful,
they ALL shine just like the sun,
they fill our homes with happiness,
with laughter and with fun.

And so My Friends I say to you
the next time you feel blue,
Just Think of these Four Shining Stars,
They'll bring A Smile to You.


Details | Free verse | |

Hot Oil In China

We have hot oil in China,
  Rising slowly from the ground
  There is a deep dense fog hovering round

The air is smokey, so dense it seems green
  The sun so hot it's making everyone lean
  Curfews so early all think it's obscene

And the hot oil keeps rising, if you know what I mean
  Hot oil keeps rising, it doesn't go down
  It's been well over a month since it covered the ground

Machinery moves carelessly all through the night
  I bothers us so much we boarded up the windows tight
  I bought ear plugs but I gave them to my brother Mike

Bells keep bleeping on and off go the lights
  So another pair of ear plugs I bought
  School won't let me wear them, saying I'll rot

So I decided to grow my hair long 
  Hide my ear plugs under it all day long

But when I go home at night 
  And I cover up really tight
  And I pray because theres nothing else we can do
  Oh hear me Lord, don't let my mother find the ear plugs in my shoe


Details | I do not know? | |

It's Turkey Time

Bow your head and pray
Today's Thanksgiving day.

Poor turkey felt the axe
Bet he's sorry he ever hatched.

Mashed potatoes, gravy, yams
Consume mass quantities (But never ham)

Eat real fast and clean your plate
Soon you'll have a tummy ache.

Belch and moan and pop your zipper
'Hey hon, where's the Alka Seltzer?'


Details | Free verse | |

MS GLADYS LAUGHS

She sits there, rocking back and forth
always with a smile on her face,
just five feet three inches of her,
and about four hundred pounds,
To us kids, who had never
seen anyone this big,
she was gigantic, humongous.
Then we got to know her
and we all loved every bit of her,
She was the jolliest, happiest
person, we had ever seen.
When Miss Gladys laughed
we called it a "belly laugh,"
Looked like it came up
from the tips of her toes
straight up her legs, and into her belly.
Her whole body shakes
as she leans back, tilts her head upwards,
And from deep within her
comes this joyous sound,
and her belly jiggles around
like a huge bowl of jello,
And we laugh with her
Yes! the whole village
erupts in laughter,
every time Miss Gladys laughs.


Details | Rhyme | |

Our politicians

Our Politicians
They speak like politicians
And hold a great ambition.
They think they are right
And same speech they recite.
They always gather for a bite
Deciding who should start the fight.
All have their own stations
To be the victims of cremation.
They gather their own crowd
Who cheer and clap to any sound.
They think they are right
Only here for a bite.
They speak like Aristo
And act like Montecristo!
They smoke big cigars
And all drive tinted cars.
They dress in glitter
And all have Twitter.
They act so polite
But hardly can write.
Always in action
Only during the election.
To make a collection
Or a connection.
O What a time you feel like 
Committing a crime.

For a brief background about this poem, pls, read the poem (Beirut).


Details | Rhyme | |

For The Love Of Life

For the love of life we reach unreasonable heights
We eat everything on the way like termites
We please others and act as slaves to get our way
And after accomplishing what we want they are put at bay

We try to slow our watches as much as we can
And we try reaching our goal with or without a plan
We go on a race with other competitors
And push them from our track for our sons

What a continuous race life is 
And there are 100 times more the legs than brains

Whatever time it may be whatever level 
Everyone can be compared to the evilness of devil
We all wish we are the only one running and alive
What all we can do for the love of life

We all want our dreams and wishes to come true
If it’s not granted you might kill God too
You want to conquer the world by day-dreaming
And treat everyone like animals for your well-being

With everyone you are a diplomat
Aftermath- you are in the rat race a cat
You are mad and lazy; idiot and idly lazy
But then you also want the world in your hands as if it’s a frenzy

Your friends are just a helping hand for your great opportunities
They are just one of the small but one of the useful things in your kitty
We blame others, we slay others for who?
For ourselves and not for any other for sure

Who understands the meaning of how life goes
Who knows how to live life in its literal sense
Who can change the way life moves on...
This is the way life goes on....


Details | Rhyme | |

TAG

Tag! Your it! Like in the school days.
I got your mind lost, like you were in a corn maze.
This isn't Halloween, just another day of the week.
I'm always getting candy. I say forget trick or treat.
You can forget Flasnick. People just call me Flash.
My rap game's so scary, I say hell with the mask.
Forget Jason, They call me Lil T.
Wake up it's not Freddy, it's me you see in your dreams.
I'm rated X. Noway I'm PG13.
Sisco and Ebert said not to see the damn thing.
So if you do, you better call me the king.
I'll give you six days to live. I'm more hard core then the Ring!


Details | Rhyme | |

Press One For English

I dread phoning businesses,
I dread phoning the store.
No real people answer.
Those days are no more.

Press one for English,
two for French, if you please.
No real human contact
for my queries to ease.

Press three for your balance.
Press four to complain.
Press five to start over. 
These calls are a pain.

I pay more for my cable
than seems really fair
but I like that when I call
there are real people there.

My biggest pet peeve
is when the automated voice
calls me at my home
then gives me the choice,

press one for English,
two for French, if you please.
Press four and we'll connect you
with telemarketers overseas.

Automated phone calls
are as annoying as hell.
I just hate what has happened
to Dear old Ma Bell.


Details | Haiku | |

Lonely Love

There was a boy named Chew Too Who. He fell in love with a girl named Sue. He gave her a flower, But it was too sour. She fell in love with someone new.


Details | Ballad | |

Sick

One night a man said to his son your friend is really sick
The child pondered this and asked can he be fixed

It isn’t as simple as that my boy
Why he’s not a doll or a simple toy

Secondly the child pondered what was the matter
Stomach swelling and cerebral contusions from a Horrible clatter 

A drunk man going home one eve
Didn’t mind help or watching his speed

So he was just in the wrong place
The boy was young and chase

A bruise was all the drunk man suffered and mental grief
Now the boys friend now enjoys a painless Eternal sleep

A grown man one day entered a grave yard and promised
A point that he nearly missed

The point of is statement was that he would never let a man do this
So he set about securing himself as a prohibitionist

The young man accomplished a good many laws indeed
Until he found that a drink was all he would  need

He got sick, ill rather more like a severe headache
Aspirin was out of stock and if not treated could result in a state

So he new that a drink would thin his blood to relieve pain
That was against his word, promise, and his claim!

So he did! Later found out that drink saved him
He had a blood clot in the brain would have slain him

He sought to utilize his skills to bring back alcohol use
Though not to over exceed or abuse

He won his endeavor with prohibition and drank responsibly
Taking away keys and driving licenses to the weak and wobbly

Though that man thinks of his friend he can’t take back his factions
Every night asks forgiveness for this transaction

On the FUTURE


Details | Rhyme | |

THE STAND AT STINKYBARK CREEK

The Stinkies were a bikie gang, who rode throughout the west, 
intent on gaining fame through fear, as that's what they did best. 
They stole school children's lunches and they pinched young babes in arms 
and forced old ladies 'cross the road ... just some of their cute charms. 
 
The gang pinched squad car’s hub caps just to taunt the local cops  
and played their hard rock music discs outside most business shops.  
Most auctioneers at cattle sales were tired of their false bids, 
but worst of all they sold red drinks to hyperactive kids. 
 
Then finally detectives came to track the Stinkies down, 
converging on their fav'rite haunt outside a small bush town.   
Beside the creek at Stinkybark stood Poddy Jones' pub 
and when the four booked in the place they got a royal snub. 
 
The Stinkies heard they lay in wait and planned on getting square, 
but as they crept up to the place just two coppers were there. 
Seems Konaday and Hanlon were out combing bush outside, 
while Donican and Stackonmire were both preoccupied. 
 
Determined now to take them on the Stinkies rode on in, 
their Harleys spewing out black smoke and making quite a din. 
Detective Donican jumped up and hid behind the bar, 
as Red the bikie leader sprayed graffiti on their car. 
 
Both Konaday and Hanlon then returned upon the scene, 
but Stackonmire exclaimed out loud, "The Stinkies ... and they're mean!" 
Then in a flash young Hanlon backed up to the leader's bike 
and just like dominoes they fell ... while Hanlon yelled, "A strike!" 
 
CONTINUED


 


Details | Epulaeryu | |

Ice Cream Delight!

National Ice Cream Day    July 15th


Benjamin Franklin was the very one.
In the year of 1771.
While in France dessert did come.

What is this wonderful delight!?
"Ice cream dear sir,
I hope you like."

With quill and ink
And much insight.
He acquired the recipe that night.

And sent it back across the sea.
To share Ice Cram
With you and me!


Details | Free verse | |

Flower Girl

I saw you from across the bar,
Your eye shadow immaculate,
Your skin a pleasing, pale hue,
Your brown hair laced around a band of plastic flowers,
Your supple red lips engaged in fluid conversation.

I saw you, decided I loved you,
My bawdy, lusty companions thought so as well,
We cast dibs and lots for you and dared each other to speak to you,
And acquire your phone number,
As if you could be owned by possession of such things.

I turned away from our idle chatter and barter,
And glanced to where you spoke with the girl presumed to be your sister.
I may not love you tomorrow, 
The feeling may have faded by then,
But I relish the aesthetic of the moment,
Lovely Flower-Girl.


Details | Ballad | |

Crazy

Laugh when you cry
Dance when you mourn
Fight when you make peace
Fly when you can’t jump
Call a fool Solomon
Put on your clothes when you take a shower
Work and never ask for your wages
How about planning to steal from a police station
A monkey and an angel getting married
What about saying thank you to an atm machine after dispensing you cash
Imagine an elephant falling in love
And a bamboo tree dancing
It’s a crazy world
Even mental people rule over countries
A world where the foolish rule over the wise
Isn’t it funny how intelligent people become servants to the supposedly never do wells
Why do good girls love bad boys?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some bad people even live longer than good ones
Messy divorces leave you wondering if there was ever love
Crazy when you see a husband beating a wife almost to death 
Again I wonder why getting married
Gosh why bother
Take a stroll
I assure you there is plenty madness everywhere
It’s called the upside down world.


Details | Rhyme | |

THE SECRET'S OUT

THE SECRET'S OUT 
 
The Mullumbimby blokes new bull 
Was looking kind of poor. 
He shunned Ray's Jersey milking cows 
And serviced them no more. 
 
To buy this so-called champion 
Poor Ray had saved for years, 
And seeing him the way he was 
It near brought him to tears. 
 
Ray thought - I'll ring the local vet, 
To come this very day, 
If any one can perk him up, 
He'd surely know a way.  
 
The vet he looked him up and down, 
Then handed Ray a pill. 
"This ought to do the trick," he said, 
Then handed him the bill. 
 
That pill it did the trick all right 
His vigour was now back. 
Ray fed his mate a pill a day 
To keep the bull on track. 
 
The neighbour viewed the goings on 
And sought the secret out. 
Ray then revealed, "It's in a pill, 
A miracle no doubt." 
 
"So what does this pill look like then?" 
The neighbour sought a hint. 
"It's big and white," Ray then replied,  
"And tastes like peppermint." 


Details | I do not know? | |

Mystery

your more of a mystery 
 when i don't know who you are.
 you took the fun out when you open your mouth.
 and even though i sat quite
 almost in ah at what was coming out 
 or the fact that i just spent my time listening to it
 .i find that your communication is pointless.
 and i want this moment in time
 that has me wanting to pull out my hair to end.
 BUT you keep talking! 
and me being who i am
 not wanting to shatter your ego
 so i ablege only on purpose.
 for the character that you are seems a little weak
 I must keep up my own appears so i do not speak 
yet wait for the moment to remove myself from this place. 
If i could go back in time this I would erase!


Details | Rhyme | |

I Need A Mechanic, Not A Date

I've got alot of kids
So, alot of vehicles I've got
My property is starting to look like
A used parking lot

Some are talented in writing
Music for some 
The army for a few
Mechanically talented-none

I can do alot
But surgery has taken use of my arm
All I need is a mechanic
Not his ego charm

I've tried three different men
Referrals from some friends
All I get is asked out on a date
I like being a single mom...

That's it, that's all...AMEN!


Details | Alliteration | |

Garage Sale Score

Written for the tongue twister challenge

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aunty acquired an
antique armoire
for her red-leather yellow-leather
lingerie.
Unique New Yorker, she!


Details | Rhyme | |

The incredible chicken

Last year I was zapped by a large amount of gamma radiation.
Now when I get angry, I go through a startling transformation.
But instead of becoming a large creature, I become a chicken.
When this happens, people always give me a lickin'.
When I change, people almost die from laughter.
And then I sure do pay the price after.
Every time I return to human, I've been beaten black and blue.
When people call me a chicken, it's one hundred percent true.
One guy nearly rung my neck and another plucked me bald.
I'm incapable of self defense because I'm less than one foot tall.
My transformations are embarrassing but they're incredible.
I must be careful because after transforming, I become edible.
I don't want to be sold to KFC, that's for damn sure.
I'll give you a billion dollars if you can find a cure!

(This is a fictional poem.)


Details | Rhyme | |

KiddieKat Crawl

Pitter Patter kitty's natter,
meow on the wall
eight to go after the fall-
what a whisker risk-er!
And such a minxy tinker!
The paws at the door
straight to the cupboard crumb
sneaky biscuits for the tum,
and into the hall a cry "Mum!-
What's for dinner?"


Details | Verse | |

Universal Greetings

Saying ‘hello’ around the world
is more than a vocal projection
It’s a movement of lips, swaying of hips,
and at times complete physical expression

Saying ‘hello’ in Asia,
calls for your best leaf of tea
While Europeans make do
with much less conventionally!

For Africans and Caribbean’s alike,
the cordiality of our 'say'...
could make ‘hello’ in the morning,
last until well past midday!
 


Details | Free verse | |

Confused Yet

Confused Yet

A New Take on an old story.

Just a piece nonsense I hope you will enjoy

Pull up and chair and sit on the floor
I'm going to tell you a story you're never seen before
Late one night in the early morning
I stood outside the house while sitting in my bedroom
I shouted at the top of my lungs while whispering to my friend
Who was sitting beside me as I stood in the hall
That thunder was loud and the clouds were black
As sun shone bright from a clear blue sky
Ask me on qeustions and I'll tell you now lie
Just ask the blind man he saw it too. 




Details | Light Poetry | |

What A Liar

Eve Rules
  Adam Drools  {Joseph Spence }

My garden
  Beg Your Pardon

Succalant Mango
     Let's Tango

Vineyard
    Man Work Hard

More grapes
   Apples Ate

Bare Essance
   My preference

Why Oh Why
  Did Adam Try


Cause Snaked Lied
   And Humanity Died


Details | Senryu | |

A Lie or Not

if George Washington 
never told a lie, neither has
Anthony Weiner


Details | Rhyme | |

You're Fired

You're a person who we shouldn't have hired.
You were the mail lady but now you're fired!
You are a moron, you don't have a lick of sense.
You've been reading people's mail, that's a federal offense.
You read a married man's letter to his lover who is pregnant with his child.
You told his wife and now he's going to sue us, because of you he's riled.
Two days ago you stole a child's money when his uncle mailed him cash.
When I decided to hire you, I had no idea that I was hiring a piece of trash.
I'm so pissed off that I'm starting to pace the floor and shout.
Leave now and please let the door hit your ass on your way out.

(This is a fictional poem)


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

Riddle me this

Riddle me this
 a question I raise
this thing I have found still keeps me amazed
This thing has no weight
 or numbers or size
there is little use seeing it
 for it confuses the eyes.
It has no length
 though at times it is too short
if you have figured it out, my your quite a sport
If I‘ve got you stumped how about some more clues
with out a little of this
 there would be no you.
It has no smell and the taste isn’t there
but if you have it
 people will stare
it has no color though
 I have heard it can be blue
some times with green eyes
is that the right clue
you can look your whole life
and find it just once
if it has not come to you yet
please don’t feel a dunce
I have heard people say it is sent from above
if you need one more clue
lets just call it love


Details | Rhyme | |

FORGETFUL

Can you see my keys?
I can’t remember where they are,
See I really need to find them
Or I can’t get in the car.
Every time I walk in a room
It’s all very hazy
My remember is broke
And it’s driving me crazy.
Have you seen my glasses?
I’m sure I put them there
I’ll just take another look
Maybe they’re under the chair.
Sometimes I put things away
Where it’s safe you see,
The only person that it’s 
Safest from usually is me
Did you see my coat?
I left it on that hook
Oh! Please just help me 
Take another look
Often when I walk into a room
I say what am I here for?
I wrack my brain all in vain
And go back through the door.
When I’m out shopping 
I stop and have a chat
When that person walks away
I ask myself who the heck was that?
I know there’s things I used to do
But now I can’t remember
The urges that I used to have
Are dying like an ember
So if you find my remember
Please let me  have it back
It may have my name on
And I think it could be Jack.


Details | Rhyme | |

THE EFFECT OF DRUGS AND VIOLENCE

People smoke weed, or crack to ignore problems and laugh hysterically,
coffee is my drug, it's my quick pick-me-up...I say it so proudly,
because it won't harm me, hallucinate me or make me feel afraid;
I will be alive tomorrow, not crash into into a lamppost as Freddy did.



I lived through the Hippie Era: bell-bottoms...long, frizzy hair
and funny clothes the kind that clowns wear,
no offense to those who thought they were cool;
it's my opinion, not of that guy who didn't see himself as a fool!  



I had no time to protest, or vindicate the Vietnam War as Omar;
off I went to work each morning as hippies hung out by a bar
shouting at me, " Kid, stay alive...don't ever go to war! "
They ran and screamed, knocking down police barricades...horror!


Details | I do not know? | |

WHAT IS HOME?

WHAT IS HOME?

ROLLING HILLS ARE HOME TO ME,
PLAYING CHESS WITH FRIENDS,
DANCING ON THE WEEKEND,
WALKING IN THE WIND,
BLOWING BUBBLES.

(Reflect)

BUBBLES BLOWING WIND,
THE “IN” WALKING WEEKEND,
THE “ON” DANCING FRIENDS
WITH CHESS PLAYING ME. 
TO HOME ARE HILLS ROLLING?


Details | Limerick | |

' Intelligence - Impediment ' (Limerick # 1)

‘ Intelligence-Impediment ’

There Was A-Lisping Professor, Named Panamo’
Who gave his Students, an Assignment on Plato’
… But he was quite perplexed in Mind
… When They, came with clay-figures of some Kind
Not Realizing, They All Thought, He’d Said, ‘Play Doh’ ...


Details | I do not know? | |

Anna Lou Bagolbol

           Anna Lou Bagolbol

Often times she suffers the consequences,
Not to be with us in times of sadness,
Her sole problems are kept in the darkness,
She never tells us even if it is quite obvious.

She is quite impressive,
She's so creative, sometimes naive;
Always smiles to everybody,
Never frowns even if her problems are so heavy.

Optimistic always in life,
Dreams a lot about her paradise,
Her dream family, What she's like,
To be a mother and a loving wife.

She doesn't get mad,
Instead other impressions of them makes them so bad,
She doesn't really like to fight,
But she can be a fighter with her mighty armor just like a knight.

She may be tackles sometimes,
But she's nice like her existence,
She might be so cuddly,
Beautiful, lovely, so pretty.

She hops while she's walking,
That's a part of her poise and attitude,
She dances when she's standing,
And speaks with her mouth wide open.


Details | Free verse | |

The world is mad

lying in wait, 
skulking along alleys 
hiding in shadows 
amongst bums and homeless
the moon is bright
shining silver on the 
rain soaked street 

waiting to see the world 
walk passed;
like a horse wearing blinders
they don't know 
what is around them 
they don't know 
what's behind them 

a shadowy man 
stepping out from the
dark corners of the alley
could come up 
and wrap both hands 
around a person's 
swanlike neck

as soft as a caress
of a lover, 
they wouldn't know 
the difference
they are blinded 
by what is only in front 
of them 

but at the same time 
they can't see what is 
passed the very 
tip of their noses
they seem to thrive in 
negativity; where as i 
love to wake up and 
smell the roses

lying in wait 
in the alley and 
shadows of the big city 
buildings 
breathing softly 
no one notices 
i am inivisible here

i cannot be bothered
unless i make a scene 
which i plan to do 
with a friend and me 

we have music 
its a stereo that we
blast to full 
and we begin dancing 
like mad women 
again, this goes unnoticed 
by those that are blinded 

by others they walk about
wandering over 
aimlessly 
we are human-
curious by nature...

we make fools of ourselves, 
grabbing the hands 
of random strangers,
screaming "Dance!" into 
random faces; 
some comply to our demands 
others runaway 
...apparently frightened that 
we really are mad 

who knows, 
we could very well be 
the world lives and thrives 
in madness 
full to the brim with
women born children and
grandchildren who 
wont admit their 
madness 

the world is mad....
accept, live, and breathe it. 
the world is mad.


Details | Free verse | |

Merry Christmas to All

Though we all do celebrate birthdays,
the best birthday,
falls on the twenty fifth of December,
as on this day,
our Lord,
Jesus Christ had been born,
the day is considered indeed great,
as the Son of God,
had come into this world,
and had left us by forgiving our sins,
the day begins,
by people of all castes visiting various Churches,
and offering their prayers to the Lord in here,
on this day,
the day is celebrated with a lot of passion,
and fervour,
wherein we also get to wine and dance, 
and be merry all the while,
the kids are quite happy,
as on this day,
they receive lovely gifts,
for been good kids, 
from a very special man, 
known as Santa Claus
by acting as a postman, 
but differs in style and in his way,
by delivering the gifts in advance,
as he does know that,
there is no use in relying with the snail mail,
and the kids would indeed be sad,
if they don’t get their presents in time,
whereby he does not take the usual route,
but always takes the wrong one,
by entering through the chimneys
or through the fireholes, 
how he does it,
we have no idea,
inspite of been fat,
his favourite are the cookies indeed,
wherein he seeks an easier way to get into the houses of the kids,
here’s a message,
he leaves for you all,
wishing you all a Merry Christmas!!

Dt:-21st November, 2012, Name :- Manu Nair


Details | Haiku | |

Tyrant Haiku

The clock's time is off.
Like a capricious tyrant,
my cell is bothered.


Details | Free verse | |

I Learn And Study English

- Let’s start from the very beginning!
- Ok, I know, it’s a very good place to start.
- If you want to know how to read
you have to learn the alphabet.
As far as we are not in a race
you can face 26 letters in one phrase.
“The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog”.
Now a dialogue.
You’ll see how new words appear,
I hope everything will be clear.
For example: to admire–admiration,
to inspire–inspiration. Now you, please!
And be at your ease!
- To desire–desiration.
- Oops! My voice whoops!
When you study English
you have to distinguish:
one goose but many geese.
-What about a moose?
Are they meese?
- A lone mouse can transform into…
a whole set of mice,
but it’s impossible for a single house
to become a whole block of hice.
-Ok, a house–houses.
Why not a mouse–mouses?
-A tooth but teeth, a foot but feet.
If I speak of a foot
and you show me your feet.
-And if I give you a boot
would a pair be called beet?
Can I say a root 
and in plural form reet?
-Let’s make this question complete!
There are a lot of exceptions
in the language of British nations.
Anyway, the rules are the tools
for learning the language
and together with the exceptions
it's something like a sandwich.
Let’s go on!- said my teacher with a yawn.
A lot of time has already gone,
I am not going to stay here until the dawn.
 Let’s take an easy word “ball”!
- Yes, I like to play football.
- Good! Now open the ball!
- What do you mean by that?
I am not a rat so that to cut the ball.
It’s not funny at all.
- You are kidding!
- Oh, no! I am not a kid!
I would like to know where the meaning of that “ball” lead.
- Ok, in that phrase “ball” has the meaning of a party,
but… a bit more arty.
- There are a lot of other English words I can’t understand.
Why do they call all men gentlemen?
Are they all gentle?
This word looks so fundamental.
If a man is rude can I say a rudeman?
I wouldn’t like to look like a clown
That’s why I ask you again:
Will the difference remain
if I say: shut up or shut down?
I would also like to know:
If we say  a teacher taught
why can’t we say: a preacher praught?
If people from Poland are called “Poles”
Why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes”
- Ok, I think our time has gone
and the whole picture of English was not yet drawn.
See you later!
And I hope our next lesson will be greater.

©Larisa Rzhepishevska


Details | Limerick | |

A Certain Actress

(Limerick)


A certain actress lost it all to a man
Who she thought was a great handyman
To have him around 
But was so astound 
When he left her and moved to Japan!


Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000
Copyright@2014


09.16.2014


Details | Couplet | |

You Snooze You Lose

<                                                  You Snooze
                                                     You Lose

                                                     Lazy Head
                                                     Get Out Of Bed

                                                      No Bread
                                                      No Fead

                                                      Big Bob
                                                      Get A Job

                                                      Soap Queen
                                                      Loves To Dream

                                                      Got Dough
                                                      Hell  No !

                                                      Rather Sleep
                                                      Then Leap

                                                      Sweet Dreams
                                                      Wanna Scream

                                                      Gotta    Go  !
                                                      Work You Know 

                                                      See    Ya    Later
                                                            Alligator !

                                                     
                                       
                                                   

                                                       




 
     


Details | Rhyme | |

Oxymoronica-THE NAIVE OUTSIDER

New Yorkers are famous for walking too fast,
and it has become a sort of an ethnic trademark;
some may laugh...thinking it's funny, but it's a fact!
An outsider asked a tall, blond policeman near Central Park,
" Why  is everybody running? Is the President coming?"
And the mean-looking cop replied him with an intimidating voice,
" Are you an outsider...doesn't a New Yorker walk faster than any other folk?" 
And the naive fellow exclaimed, " No, I never knew that they raced like horses
to catch a train!"  But the policeman got really angry and yelling
ordered the poor guy, " Run with them...before I'll throw you in jail!"
And ran he did and he didn't have to get on any subway train!
So New Yorkers don't be offended...if I told this horrible joke!


Details | Prose Poetry | |

The Writers Tail liaT sretirW ehT

The Writers Tail liaT sretirW ehT
by Charles Robert Hice on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 12:22pm ·
The Writers Tail
the poor writer can not post a poem anywhere to be recognized himself as a poet unless he writes a longish Devels tail complete with hooks and forks and splitting hoofs and tines in tomes you realize these publishers drink large amounts of alcoholic beverages and seek people to turn down they love to see someone saying homeless poems the frown and then the delete button when will they come to some conclusion that the ether thinking is the faulty mind life is better lived poor and sober how can any one help others to be someone iff they are drunk feet upp on the ottoman ice clinking against the windows and the glasses always half full and half empty ready at any moment to delete all details of any poor peoples emails so you want to post in this magazine afraid knot click delete delete the extra page is missing the long appendage added on is gone they removed all of the appendix index we told you to send an attachment means a file a doc or a document eye tried to attach my soul to my heart but there just is no space is taken up one old woman no pets allowed someday every item that eye write will flash before my eye it will be broadcast on heavens wifi for all the angels there to read each dot and t is crossed there no time lost to read eye will post my items on the heavens wifi for all eternity you stupid people who cant publish me make photostatic copies of my work and glue them to the bottoms of your shoes and stomp them in the dirt you walk back and forth on your thrown rug down on the floor until you cannot see the words and then you toss them into doors threw cracks and howl with glee cause Johnny cannot read me YOU CARACKED MY READING GLASSES BROKE MY TEETH  AND MADE ME GASP FOR BREATH TO BREATHE now little Johnny cannot read. Three shoelaces to make two shoes how many feet does little Johhny use. This tale hath a tail like the INcan Comet of Destruction can you see it in the sky it will be there the day we die. HOT ROCKS FALLING FROM THE SKY the day before the world turned green and died. Here is the cannonical mathmatical equation now. Take the INfinite lights in the sky what they really seem to be and move them to the end of time try to see them falling down. Tumble to the sea my lasting problems will never get ahold of me to hurt me whan they tumble to the sea eye will be set free whan my lasting problems thay tumble to the sea


Details | Rhyme | |

The Giant and my Son

I married Jane sister of Glen
His my best imaginary friend
And now we have a son
When it came to children we wanted only to have one

Anyway, here is a true story of something that happened when he was four
By the way I am not writing about the funnies anymore 
My son was playing outside one day
Mmmm I think it was around the middle of May

All of a sudden he came running in soaked and began to cry
So I ran to him and asked him the reason why?
He said he was playing and having imaginary tea
Then this giant came over and, and weeeeed on meeeeeee!!!

“What?” I said
Horns were growing out my head, 
My eyes were red
Axe in one hand, baseball bat in the other
Through gritted teeth I say “I’m going to kill this mother.” (No swearing Sid)

Outside, inside I’m soaked through
My son cries out “He got you too.”
Now from all this commotion 
My wife comes down stairs, moving like a locomotion

With a blow dryer in one hand and a curling brush in the other
Here came “Don’t you dare mess with my Son’s” mother
Like a woman possessed
Still sporting her night dress
I even saw Satan cower in the corner
But hey, before I could warn her

Out, in, it must have been two seconds at that
She was standing in the kitchen looking like a wet rat
I began to laugh and my son said “IT’S NOT FUNNY!!”
“HE GOT ME, HE GOT YOU AND NOW HE GOT MUMMY”

Then my son got all brave which made me proud
He opens the door and shouted out loud
“PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE YOU BIG RAIN CLOUD”








Details | Light Poetry | |

Comic (footle)

He shuns

no puns



Details | Narrative | |

No Matter the Floor You Pass Out On

No Matter The Floor You Pass Out On

I awake as any other madman slash poet.
Apon the floor  naked  pizza box for pillow a members only jacket for a blanket.
yes the libary sure has changed over the years.

less and less people were reading buggets were cut meaning 
libraryies were under staffed and rarely did anyone dare venture into 
the stacks  and thank good for that. Cause being i preffered free sleeping
it was probaly for the best.

but no matter the the floor you pass out on most all fine 
american men wake up with are god given birth rite.
That which after a trip to the restroom like 
that early morning madness that was christmas  pressent openning
was over way to fast and was kinda disapointing.

Floors werent the best beds in the world in fact they 
sucked altogather but drinking and common sense dont even 
belong in the same room togather.

Portsmouth Va  was a strange world indeed a place where upscale colided with skidrow.
Me I preffer the company of a outdoor sleeper to that of a
spoiled spoon fed yuppie turd.
the art school cranked out angst ridden buble people by the second.

They walked the street soaking in the pain of life.
there heads stuck so far up there asses I always felt compeled to trip them as they walked 
by.
acting as though they were outsiders  yerning to be mainstream
they'd rape there mothers on a mtv reality show as dad cried in the background.

Just for a taste of stardom. 
True talent who needs that?
but no matter the floor you pass out on one
thing was clear.

In a world were you could have a bus load 
of kids and get paid for it.
fame wasnt such a rare thing anymore.

The floor I passed out on was cold and cruel but surrounded 
voices from the past.
the floor these hollow  reallity show bottom  feeders
passed out on.  Had to besoft as there heads.

Otherwise there brains would splatter across the floor.
And some TV exect would have a brainstorm  to have a show
were washed up celebrities would have a contest.

To see who could bore us the most with there sob story  
Yes friends id rather have a pizza box for a pillow 
than a reality show  pillbox for a brain.

and the truth effectsus all form no matter 
which floor so you do choose to pass out on.


Details | Free verse | |

Kate's Bible Add On

And it came to pass that they ate their dinner
and that she did washeth up.
And she did leave the dishes to drain
Whilst she put on the washing machine.
and the man was very pleased.

And it further came to pass
that she gave the man some pudding
and he was more pleased.
And then it came to pass the he fell asleep
By the fire.

And the Lord God,said
who is this man that sleepeth by his fire?
And he said,I shall waken him up
And the man awoke,
And God spake unto him

How is it that the woman laboureth in ye kitchen.
And that thou sleepeth here in an armchair.
and the man said,
but Thou didst order women to labour.
And the Lord God said unto the man
Why dost Thou remember so selectively what I have said?
And the man said,
I knoweth not and therefore I will help this woman.
And the Lord God said,
Why dost thou not think of it thyself?
And the man said in reply,
It was Thou that made me,O God.

And the Lord God was displeased with the man.
so he called down a plague of butterflies
To prevent him from sleeping.
And when the woman came in
she was much pleased to see these butterflies
and so she fell onto the man
And he did make love unto her.
And the cat was very pleased.

For it thrilled him to watch humans mating
and gave him hope
That the Lord God would take his rib and make a mate for him.
And indeed it doth seem to have happened
Judging by all the cats staring in ye old window here
And by their ecstatic yelps
That the Lord God was very generous with them
and made them many mates.
For truly there is no jealousy among them
And they mate freely and happily
and never have rows about the washing up..as they eat straight from the can.Amen

Here endeth thy lesson for today.


Details | Dodoitsu | |

A River in Egypt Called Denial

I live in self denial
Can't bring myself to realize
Or even admit the truth
That I'm really black


Details | Free verse | |

You're Going To Die Laughing

I could just imagine Tom 
dancing in the Lord's Kitchen
wearing his Spandex Boxer Shorts
while his other goofy Friends Hammond and Rosie
pose as Vacuum Salesmen 
at a Dire Straits Gig
making Tidbits and poking Wormholes
with their Listerine Soaked Tissue box
Oh I know Tom has to be laughing in sweet Pain
as these two nut cases aboard an U.F.O.
and stay drifting to another brilliant Convention
on  Insomnia and Nuclear Waste Medicine
Bet they end up thinking that  Lunar Craters
is the head cheese in charge 
As they sit to Wine And Dine for free


Details | Rhyme | |

Stress

Anxiety;
the fate that draws life near to me,
stretching out my palms to understand the emptiness
of my propriety.
Some rushing knuckles
through roots and eggshells,
but no gold dug,
just the fleet of mud.
I'll sprout a wrinkle
and regret the day
I let my wits run with anxiety.


Details | Free verse | |

Satire-READ THE WARNING SIGNS

There's a potential fine line 
between SAFETY AND DANGER...
go to the beach to swim safely,
never stray too far from the lifeguards. 


There's a conflicting fine line
between LIE AND TRUTH...
" Is it okay to cheat as long 
as it stays a secret?" Where's fidelity? 


There's a huge fine line
between disregarding a NO LITTERING SIGN
AND A HEFTY FINE...beware of that cop
who's constantly on the lookout.  


There's a hazardous fine line
between HEALTH AND SMOKE...
refrain from smoking in public places,
think of others before yourself.


There's a costly fine line
between DUNG AND DOG...
clean after your pet, or get fined
two hundred fifty dollars...isn't that a lot? 



Details | Free verse | |

Geeky Boys and Busty Girls

In the little town called Cleveland
Some many years ago
In a high school gymnasium
Met a group of girls and boys
Since early in their childhood
They were plagued by many peers
Because they lacked
The perfect look
Like many other kids

After many years of torture
Constant badgering from everyone
They decided was time to take a stand
Claiming freedom once again
The group contained the branded
The freaky geeky boys
The girls slightly on the heavy side
A few all rolled in one


They called their club the meeting 
Of freaky boys and busty girls
Requirement was be outcast 
From the preps the jocks “the toys”
They arranged a simple protest
Simple protest most fun
To prove that being different 
Is not so bad and can be fun

They stripped down to nothing
But a smile on every face
And marched the halls of Cleveland High
In unison they did say
Though we may all look different 
Inside we’re all the same
So accept us if you will or not
We’re happy just the same

The faculty at the school that day
We outraged by what they saw
Forty teenage girls and boys
Marching naked down the hall
Parents quickly contacted
Expulsion all around
For the kids labeled freaks and geeks
Their victory it was found

Though the protest was very different
The idea quite deranged 
Respect was granted on that day
For the group with guts to say
Being different is not so different
Can be cool they all proclaimed
For the geeky boys and busty girls
We’re proud for each that day

The moral of this story 
Though odd but very true
Though outside one looks different
Inside the pages read so true
Looks aren’t that important 
But the hearts all beat the same
We are all just like 
The kids 
From Cleveland high that day


Details | Rhyme | |

Zipperella the Cross Dresser

Rubber lover, Zipperella, 
is not a brother or a fella. 
He has false tits and kitten heels, 
not a chest and ankles made of steel 


His spiky rubber bag is old, 
cleverly patched with a Marigold. 
It’s been so long since he wore cotton, 
and only zips, never a button 

Zippy is a Tube commuter, 
six foot tall in his Transmuters. 
Lots of people stop and stare, 
even more when he had pink hair. 

Being a girl was such hard work, 
every day another jerk! 
Better to dye it back to brown, 
play his fetish lifestyle down. 

A little less attention is better, 
when all he wants is bread n butter 
Down to his local corner shop, 
in skin tight leggings and a belly top. 

He could blend if he wore a sweater, 
or maybe brown corduroys would be better. 
That’s what a woman would ask, 
it had happened in ZIppy's past. 

He’d had a wife who he'd loved dearly, 
but she couldn't understand him...clearly. 
Take off that dress, put on some trousers! 
What about mother, think of the neighbors! 

It went on like that for years, 
lots of heartache, floods of tears. 
Even though she was his lover, 
he felt like they didn't know each other. 


Then on a bight and sunny morning, 
came the last, the ultimate warning, 
‘Zippy, I want you as a man; 
you’re turning me into a lesbian!’ 


He was forced to wisely choose, 
the rubber-wear would surly loose. 
He had made his vowels for life, 
how could he just leave his (darling) wife? 

The only decent thing to do, 
was to be loyal, to be true. 
But then depression set right in, 
when all his beloved rubber was thrown in the bin! 

Time stood still for a couple of years, 
lots more heart ache, stress and fears. 
For he missed rubber in his (now) sad life, 
more than he would miss his nagging (dear) wife. 

This could not go on forever, 
he needed a friend not a jealous lover. 
Maybe she didn't’t like his feminine side, 
but Zippy loved dear Zipperella with pride. 

So one sad day they said goodbye, 
with no questioning or reasoning why. 
It was how it was meant to be, 
she was free, and so was SHE! 

Alone again but not as much, 
much more honest, much more in trust. 
For Zipperella loves all things feminine, 
now the woman he holds dearest lives within…him. 


(Author Notes
fella: man 
Marigold: washing up gloves 
Tube: london underground 
Transmuters: a brand of boots with frankenstein style heels with big studs)


Details | Haiku | |

Gertrude Stein

not not
do do
Gertrude Stein


Details | I do not know? | |

Jeremy Zink

Jeremy Zink
You make me need to see my shrink
All I do is stop and think
What is love?
Is it sent from above
Or some cruel torturous game
Meant to drive you insane
The question is, will it all work out in the end?
Or will I need to find love around another bend
In the road
Will I have to kiss another toad?
Before I find Mr. Right
And I won't be finding him at the bar tonight
That is all too clear...
He, certainly won't be my "honey dear"
But never fear
I'm sure he'll come here
Some day
Some way
Oh, hopefully love will be here to stay
Oh, and by the way
The address to my heart is 65 Baron
But he needn't be a Duke or Earl if you are carin
He just needs to be sweet, honest and kind
And in faithfulness know how to mind
Hopefully he isn't too far behind
And I don't have too long to wait
Hopefully, he is champin at the bit, and coming through my gate
So, if you are out there boy
Hurry it along!
Come on strong
And Christine is the name
I'm the only p..y  you need to tame
This may sound rather lame
But I'm really quite serious
Even if it sounds rather delirious


Details | I do not know? | |

high sChOOL

He said, She said
That's all you seem to hear
When you walk down the hall
It's the same thing every year

Unecessary drama
That's all high school's about
You can try to avoid being trapped in it
But you'll never find a way out

Life was so simple
Before our high school days
Before we became caught up
In the 'how to be popular' craze

High school's so overrated
Ive waited 13 years to say
Im a senior so leave me out of it
I'm just here til Graduation Day


Details | I do not know? | |

World we live in

Down the street there was a man killed today,
In this house a little boy ran away,
A funny world we live in?

In this alley a gang raped a young teen,
Down this walk way,people never heard the scream,
A funny world we live in?

Under this cardboard a Vietnam vet sleeps,
Down this road a crazed killer creeps,
A funny world we live in?

In this bed a child is born this day,
Do you want him to grow in a world this way?
Not a funny world we live in?


Details | Free verse | |

lost, found, and liberated

i use to lie awake at night 
and ponder of this pointless life 
up for hours and not make a sound 
i once was lost but now i am found
my sea of confusion, like moses did part
the instant i let jesus inside of my heart...
but than i let out a gigantic huge fart 
and realized it was just indigestion 
than like a sensible person, i began to question 
and out of those questions, came rational thought 
and all of the things in school i was taught 
like critical thinking and following facts 
so i came to the conclusion: religions a quack 
now i live happily, in awe of earth's mysterious beauty 
and if you don't like it, you can kiss my patooty


Details | Limerick | |

One Hallows Eve

Halloween spider queen, I did attend
Wig, stockings, black dress, makeup, heels, suspend
Whistles and catcalls they came.
Mystical night all the same,
I had such fun, succeeding this pretend.


Details | Limerick | |

Lucille

There once was a lady named Lucille.
At times she fell asleep at the wheel.
In spite of wake-up antics,
Needing a caffeine sip-fix,
She imbibed Mountain Dew with great zeal!

© October 13, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  Pick a Beverage, any Beverage 
Sponsored by: Francine Roberts


Details | I do not know? | |

Valentine's Day Love

As she walked in to the room The air filled with the smell of lilacs Sweet music drifted to my ears As she walked in to the room. As she walked in to the room My heart skipped a thousand beats My eyes saw the worlds beauty As she walked in to the room. As she walked in to the room Her smile enlightened my day Her shining hair moved my emotions As she walked in to the room. As she walked in to the room She embraced a young man nearby My dreams awoke me to reality As they walked out of the room.


Details | Free verse | |

I am not a Romantic

I’m not known as a romantic
I detest dreamy haikus
And love senryus 
Sent to me with chocolates
And nervous smiles
It’s not easy, 
to please me 

Unsteady gazes and sweaty palms
Make me nauseous
Why I even said yes, in the first place
Is a mystery to me
Boy’s essences in Men’s bodies
Scare me
What he’s capable of doing 
Is greater than his understanding of my delicacy 

Bouquets of reddest roses
Disgusts me

“Why would somebody give somebody else a plant’s reproductive organs?”

Couldn’t he be, just a touch more, discreet?
Suggestive phrases and raunchy sentences
Make me dizzy with regret

Until the day Males of my age stop taking me on dates to  places
That have a value menu meal
Finally realize that I am more than just a pretty face
And have more than good looks to seal the deal


I. Refuse. To. Date. 



Please note_ 
I probably had the worst date of  my entire LIFE last friday. A disaster. This poem 
pretty much caps how i feel right about now. blehh.

Highschool. 


Details | Limerick | |

SILLY GOOSE

A novice goose farmer named Sanders,
Once wrote for advice from Ann Landers.
He'd encountered a block
To increasing his flock:
He didn't know gooses from ganders.


Details | Limerick | |

Lady Godiva

there once was a Lady from France
who never would put on any pants

she would ride all around
the square of the town

and watch all the stupid men dance !!!


Details | Sestina | |

HOWLWEEN AND MEOWWEEN

Halloween is not just for kids...
what about those gorgeous pets
that we snuggle, love, kiss and willfully spoil?
Shouldn't they have their own
special Howlween and Meowween
with treats never tasted in a bright party hall?



I love pets as you all do, and with loving and tender care    
I spoil them with warm clothes and matching shoes;
a wool hat and tiny gloves to keep them from frost!
Look at them, aren't they adorable and look sharper 
than the less-loved pets that are bored with their blues?  
Can you compare a well-groomed one to a scruffy one? 



On this coming Halloween, dress up your pets for success,
disregard the dumb looks of certain unintelligent folks,
they never see humor in anyone or anything, and they can't laugh
at these cuties that have a ton of affection on their mellow faces;
what would they do to be patted or be cuddled in their embrace?
They would give them their howleen and neowween for a soft caress!



And on every street people walk their dogs and cats dressed like mine,
what a surprise to watch this parade of adorable pets that look up and smile!
They will never know who was the genius behind all this, but gently and happily they stroll!
So who's to say that Halloween isn't for them? They're like our children who delight our soul!
And on each Halloween night, let them out, and let them do their Howlween and Meowween,
to enjoy the Halloween celebration, but tomorrow they'll not remember where they had been!


Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Free verse | |

the winds came

the winds came
fell trees
hit and killed Mrs. Krauss
missed my house
thank god


Details | Limerick | |

Four Limericks

There once was a girl named Ana,
Who loved to eat ice cream and banana,
THen her treat did disappear,
And Ana shed some tears,
Everyone felt bad for Ana Banana,

There once was a boy named Peter,
Who was known as the school's best cheater,
One day he was caught,
And detention he got,
Everyone felt bad for Peter the Cheater.

There once was a boy named Michael,
Who had a new motorcycle,
He went on a ride,
And fell off the side,
Everyone felt bad for Michael.

There once was a girl named Fina,
WHo dreamed she was a ballerina,
She would gracefully twirl,
Until she could hurl,
Everyone felt bad for Fina.


Details | Quatrain | |

THE WATERMELON THIEVES

                                     THE WATERMELON THIEVES

Once when I was oh so young,
My mom decided she,
Would show us where some melons grew,
Beneath some large orange trees.

A farmer man she knew of,
Grew them there she said,
So folks would leave alone the fruit,
That grew above their head.

The melons were okay to take.
Just let the oranges be,
So off we went to pick some,
My mom, my sis and me.

I was only five years old,
So I sat in the car,
With Mama's friend who drove us there,
No light from moon or stars;

Because the orange trees blocked their light,
And I was sore afraid,
Because it was so dark in there,
Hidden in the glade.

Suddenly I saw my mom,
Running like the wind,
Right behind her came my sis,
A melon 'neath each limb.

Then in a flash my mom went down,
She tripped and broke her melons.
"Run Ruth, Run!" I heard her say,
They're runnin' and they're yellin'.

Mother! Wait! I heard Sis call,
For she had gone down too,
Stepped in a rotten one and fell,
They both were in a stew.

A flashlight beam then pierced the dark,
They made the car just barely;
And we took off just like a shot,
Took out the fence gate squarely.

We made it back home just past one.
They laughed until they cried.
I was so young I just sat there,
Agape with my eyes wide.

My mother had skinned both her shins,
My sister, she smelled funny,
Because that melon she stepped in,
Was rotten and real funky.

Some thought my mom as mothers go,
Not what you'd call high scoring,
But I can tell you life back home,
For sure was never boring.

                                                     Judy Ball

FOR NATHAN D.'s - LET'S PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE CONTEST


Details | Rhyme | |

The Point contest

I'm trying to lose weight, but whats the point in it?
I just can't seem to get this and be fit.
Motivation will come at some point I think.
But my waist is doing the opposite of shrink.

My doctor makes a good point in having a diet.
But his large body tells me he has never tried it.
I see my efforts being trivial  and pointless.
So what if I don't have a girl friend to kiss.

You don't know me, maybe this Saturday I have a hot date.
I don't, but that's due to you people pointing out my weight. 
I have so many people who pointed out this next flaw, 
that they're suppose to point up, so I should invest in a bra.  

This isn't an obstacle, its a mountain to climb,
but I have to get up and try at some point in time.
I am trying to get back to the point I was at years ago,
even when you're not at point blank, my love handles still show.

Yes I shop at the big and tall store, 
but don't make it your point to stare at me and take a tour. 
I wish they would see my point of view and be fair.
My point is, I am who I am, and your opinion, I just don't care.


Details | Limerick | |

Martha Stewart

There once was a domestic diva named Stewart,
Who started a decorating empire and grew it.
It seems everthing she touched turned to gold,
Until she fell victim to that adage of old;
She succumbed to greed and promptly blew it.


Details | Rhyme | |

Fallacy, Misinformation and Contradiction

Society is rife with statements of misinformation, fallacy and contradiction
To say otherwise would be to argue that our settlement was a pleasant eviction
If you are to believe what is in the following first lines
Then perhaps you are gullible enough to believe the proceeding lines

Our new industrial relations laws are reasonable and fair
A Buddhist monk has a full head of hair
The United States of America is rational and just
If you want curly hair just eat your crust

The Queen is a popular and influential head of state
Quite often at prisons they leave open the front gate
The Good and Services Tax won’t complicate life
It is legal and admirable to have more than one wife

We have an obligation to follow America and Great Britain to war
You will get piles sitting on a cold concrete floor
Ladies and gentlemen the honourable Mr Howard
A bully is not a coward

There are Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq
No one has ever died after being bitten by a shark
The brightness of light in the total dark
A grassless, treeless, concrete park

Religion is not dogmatic
Working for the man is not problematic
Education will be free and available to all
Always a baby walks first then learns to crawl
A midget or dwarf is extremely tall
I tried marijuana but did not inhale
The Japanese have no interest in hunting whale
Indigenous people are being treated better
Not one convict has ever been an Australian settler

Julia Gillard can’t be Prime Minister as she hasn’t had a child
An Australian summer is rather mild
Climate change is a beaten up issue
Blow your nose with sandpaper rather than a tissue

Our troops will be home soon
Winter begins in April not June
By the year 2000 we would have landed at least a second time on the moon
Four o’clock is the new noon

The person at the head of the queue will be served next
Shane Warne doesn’t know how to text
All we need is a few weeks of solid rain
If you break a bone you’ll feel no pain

Anyone in society has a fair and fighting chance to win
Look up and you can see a flightless flying penguin
Bush does not influence Howard a decision is his own
Fast Food outlets only use foods that are organically grown

The War in Iraq is not about oil
Heating water won’t cause it to boil 
It could not have be handled any better concerning David Hicks
Magic is real it contains no illusions or tricks

The aim of this verse was to have a laugh and be reflective
I hope it puts the things people say into perspective


Details | Rhyme | |

Boy Is She The One

<                                   Betty Davis eyes
                                     Marilyn Monroe's thighs
                                     Greta Garbo's lies
                                     Elizabeth Taylor's cries
                                     Tells me this is why
                      
                                     Is She The One
                                     Is She The One
                                     Is She The One For Me

                                    Britney Spears
                                    Miley Cyrus sneers
                                    Rihanna's fears
                                    Oh my dear
                                    One thing's clear

                                    Is She The One
                                    Is She The One
                                    Is She The One For Me

                                    Madonna's dares
                                    Cher's dairy air
                                    Heart's flare
                                    Fleetwood Mac I don't care
                                    Just wondering there
                      
                                    Is She The One
                                    Is She The One
                                    Is She The One For Me
                                    
                           
                                    
                             


Details | Rhyme | |

Normal

Normal

If normal is as normal does.
Then normal is as normal was.
If normal makes it all OK.
Then normal is the only way.

If normal does not fix the pain.
Then normal is what we restrain.
In looking at what we believe.
As we’re groping to achieve.

The normal, that just went askew.
As we learned and as we grew.
The normal that we’d try to be.
The normal that we'd always see.

In the words of those who cared.
And in the words of those impaired.
For normal is as normal does.
If normal ever really was. 

By Tom Clark, Copyright 2008
Email:  tclark97045@yahoo.com


Details | Haiku | |

$$$$$MONEY$$$$$$

FRIENDS $$$WITH$$$ THEIR$$HANDS$$$OUT.


EVERYBODY $$HAS$$ A $$$$NEED.

OUT OF $$$ CASH $$$$ NO FRIENDS.


Details | Rhyme | |

Too Many People

People, people everywhere, oh my
       Can't get out of their way, won't even try.
Everywhere you go it's the same old story.
       And won't know why until we get to Glory!
 
While shopping at the mall today, I spied,
       People, people everywhere, oh my.
I drove around and finally found,
       A spot, with no one else around.
 
I pulled into the space and parked.
       Looked around to see and mentally marked,
People, people everywhere, oh my.
       It just makes you really want to cry.
 
Went into the store and shopped.
       Didn't stay too long because it was flocked.
On every isle roaming by, why?
       People, people everywhere, oh my,


Details | I do not know? | |

Did You Know Love Was In An Accident

Did you know, Love was in an accident?

What! When? Where? Wow!  My, my. Tell me it’s a lie.
Can we pause for a moment of silence, focusing on love? Hold on there, love not gone. It’s real, but love wasn’t killed.

When did it happen? It was yesterday evening, I’m believing. It happen, when love was leaving. Everything seem peaceful, it was a lovely day, so they say.

Where was love? In a quite restaurant enjoying a delicious meal. And in came the unreal.  Love was taken by surprise; no one thought love would survive.

Wow!  All were speechless, love seem so powerless. As if someone had stolen all the joy. I am telling you what I know, but I suppose there is more.

I had warned love to be very careful. Always check out your company.  Don’t be in a hurry; look in all directions before proceeding, and definitely no speeding.

Poor love.  Made an illegal turn, and ran head on into trouble. Had a concussion and saw double. Forgot the basic rules of the game; avoid some situations, its okay to be ashame.

I believe love will learn to yield the right of way, on the next given day. It really didn’t have to be this way.

Innocent bystanders saw what happen to love. They said a few kind words while looking above. Someone dialed 1-800-Broken-Heart. It didn’t take long, the crew arrived and love was still alive.

Love is in therapy and recovering from love-gitis. They said it could have been worst; thank God there was no Funeral Hurst.

Sometimes our hearts get the best of us, especially in tender moments, warm occasions and special situations.

Thank you love, live long and always remember, sometimes things go wrong.
Have A Lovely Day…
Dr. “G”


Details | Burlesque | |

Why?

Sometimes I wonder why I cry 
And why some people die

Sometimes I wonder why I lie 
And why some people spy

Why do people care to share 
A feeling of despair?

Why does the feeling of temptation 
Bring some people to frustration?

Sometimes I wonder why I bother asking why,
Why?


Details | Rhyme | |

If I Could Have A Word With God

If I could have a word with god, I'd ask a lot of stuff 
I'd ask whether a woolly fleece was adequate enough 
And if a wolf would give up if his mouth was full of fluff 

I'd ask him, her or it (perhaps) if it would be a strain 
To give a little sheepie just a bit more in the brain 
So he would have the sense to not stand too long in the rain 

And then I'd ask about the soul and if a sheepie shared 
Whatever benefits it had and why two-leggies cared 
Or whether it was all a con from which the sheep were spared 

Then I'd ask about the start and where it all began 
And what he really thought about the strange two-leggied man 
And just where little sheepies fitted in the masterplan
 
And then I'd ask him what's the deal with these two-leggy wars
And why they need involve the beasts who wander on all fours
For soldiiers all have arms and hands and never just four paws

And then I'd ask the big one, as a little sheepie poet, 
Whether the all-powerful had considered that the parrots 
Were really suitable to be the only rhyme for carrots


Details | Ballade | |

McDonalds poem

me and my girl kelssey just got done smoking weed
 are stomach start rumbling and we started too have cravings 
what was it what do we need 
we but our minds together and it was micky d's

so we walked in to get our burgers and fries,
but realized we aint gots no money to our surprise

i look in my back pocket and a 20 appear
 we was like holy crap then we walk up to the cashear 
she was like "how can i help you? you want that here or to go ? "
 umm i dont know but i like a number 6 plain with cheese
 but her not sure what do you want kelssey?


i want a classic combo. a sweet tea to drink. 
thats what id order im pretty sure or i think.
 burgers on our mind..thank god it was micky d's that we would find
. but watch the drinks. make sure the dont spill. 
but if you do its ok. cuz we get free refill.

they called our order and we grab our meal 
right when we seat down i cause a big deal
 i looked at my food and guess what i see 
they put lettuce ketchup and mayonnaise and the receipt says plain with cheese
 i cause a fus and a big scene it all worked out
 the food was free and i got back my 20


so we didnt have to pay.
 we got out there real fast and started a good day.
 but we were still hungry and what did we do? 
well we thought a shopping cart would fit through the drive through.

 a bad idea? i dont know. but me and west thats how we roll.
 so we climb in and away we go we went so fast no a time was spent
i was like " i hope we dont hit a car i hope we dont cause a dent"
 we finnally got to the end of the drive through 
so we told em to give us order number two and dont for get order number three
 right when we grabbed our food we jumped out of the cart and then we flea



so our trip to mickey d's was quite amazing at the least... 
as we eat our burgers and join in a great feast.
im like dang what are we doing 
we are packing our face s like a 8 year old eats pudding
 im a skinny kid but now i feel like a fat as pig 
i ate so much im starting to feel sick

so fat we feel. cuz we ate to much. kinda bad idea. 
who would of thought of such.
 well me and west kno how to kick it. eat mickey d's all day is good living


Details | Pantoum | |

STAR GAZING

 

I love to watch the stars at night
I love when they come out to play
I love to see the moonbeam bright
And love when darkness turns to day.


I love when they come out to play
Like little people in the sky
And love when darkness turns to day
I see the twinkle in their eye.


Like little people in the sky
Playing with friends, dancing around
I see the twinkle in their eye
And on their face never a frown.


Playing with friends, dancing around
Forever happy this is true
And on their face, never a frown
It's only smiles for me and you.


Forever happy, this is true
I love to see the moonbeam bright
It''s only smiles for me and you
I love to watch the stars at night.



Details | Rhyme | |

Frustration

Women frustrate me, like Frito bags
dipped in engine grease; quite unsolvable.
But I love them regardless, queens or hags;
life without them would be improbable,
with their constant nags and lovable chaffs,
their love for jeans that cost more than my car.
They are good for company, smiles and  laughs-
just make sure you pay for their drinks at the bar.

But I grow tired of the games that they play
Failures have led my patience to decay.
One took a jackhammer straight to my heart
The other chopped me up like liver tart 
 now I suppose I would prefer a man
 they are much easier to understand.


Details | Rhyme | |

Hansen! Yer It!!

I was tagged by that guy
the crazy culinary king
the one who makes drool
run down my chin ... ; )

So now it’s my turn [oh goodie!]
to pass on the tag
to an unsuspecting soul
and leave him holding the bag.

Now poets can be a silly bunch
not deep nor grave nor brilliant so much.
Give em a game and cut em loose
and you’ll find ‘stupid’ is often our muse.

And ... so ...
 
Eenie meenie minee doo doo
oh dear my dear could it be yoo hoo?
I tag Hansen, that guy in Brown
he’ll do ya fine, he’s such a clown!

Yer up, Mark!!

Love ya!  j


Details | Rhyme royal | |

Unplugged

Turn off that smartphone, unplug yourself
Before your battery stops powering itself
Only offer the brain native analog signal
Forgot about any screen or the next level

Listen to creatures talk, remember inside
All you wanted to do was just to be alive
Reaching higher stars in the nick of time
Every dream seemed one rollercoaster ride

Feeling a little higher inside your shoes
Rhythm of the outdoors from nature groove
Reminded that today can sometimes improve
Life can be affected by an energy of mood

Make sure to tune in just once in a while
Things around us live under the same moon
Never be somebody you cannot remember who
Always just someone who never forgets you


Details | Rhyme | |

The Open Window

I’m already ahead and stirring before that fiery Sunrise appears every single morning.
I'm quickly catching up to my own waiting for the breaking of this phenomenal day.
My coffee will be in my hand right when my thoughts once again start freshly forming!
Ah, I’m feeling alive inside and I think I’ll just stay right here for each second of today.

I glide through my house to stream Sunlight in by pulling every single window shade up,
I toast this day pouring my fresh hot brew straight into my scuffed up old-timers tin cup.
It’s the open window where I see my birds on my oak tree branches singing and playing, 
I just stand at the open window licking early morning honeydew from my lips and I say,
Now this is the most outstanding way to start any God given day with this superb array!

There are just so many smelly buttercups blooming out for me to pluck them up to sup!
I’m smiling whistling and getting enthusiastic about allowing myself to get carried away,
Because I hear my happy little birdies singing their hearts out to me and they’re in tune!

Let us in! Let us in! They twitter their tweets with chirps, 
Let us in and we will sing all day long just to be near you.
Laughing and giggling at my birdies I am just tickled pink,

No way Jose!
I can’t sing! 
My silly, silly little birdies, 
Y’all know my singing stinks.

My buzzing bumbling bee hummers away driving at the winds to boot,
I holler and holler for that goofy buzzer until I’m just not giving a hoot.
So I lift my tin cup up and in my air I toast to a genuine wholeness today,

By the open window I whisper to my eternally inspirational four winds of heaven, 
Forever you may live insde my breaths majestically just as my infallible Sunrays!

® Registered: Ann Rich  2005


Details | Epigram | |

TWO DAY WON DER

Man
flu-
adrift
upon a
lethargy of sleep.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Runaway Train { Footle}

Runaway Train

    Conductor No Brain


Off His Track
     Didn't Look Back


Cargo Debris
   Blowing In Breeze


Poor Boxcar Willie
       Got Knocked Silly


Sam The Man
      Was Simply Canned 

I Did Yell
    What The Hell


Details | Light Poetry | |

GEORGY BUYS A CAR

                                    GEORGY BUYS A CAR

                         A man named Georgie had a few--
                         Pintsy, wintysy , God Almintsy little pints

                         In the pub perched slick heart Zack--
                         Scammer, hammer, oh what glamour little scam

                         Zack bought Georgie round of drinks--
                         Hooker, crooker, throw the book sir , little hook

                          Georgie said a car he’d buy--
                          Rider, slider, swim the tide Sir,  little ride

                          Zack said “ I got just the ride”--
                          Squeezer , pleaser, shake the knees Sir, little squeeze

                          Out the door and to the lot--
                          Parking, sharking-- not for sparking little park

                          Georgie drove the car for test--
                          Faster, blaster, kick the bastard, little fast

                          Bought the car right on the spot--
                          Casher, flasher, grab the masher, little cash 
                
                          Georgie got the sales receipt-- 
                          Cheater, bleater, Shakespeare’s theatre, little cheat

                          Zack pulled out a calling card--
                          Teaser, pleaser, Wine and cheese sir? little tease 

                          And with this card came Friday wash--
                          Freebie, sleebie, heebee geebies little free

                          Car wash was a thief run scam--
                          Scamzee , tamzee,  oops and whamzee little scam 

                          Georgie used his Friday ticket--
                          Washy sloshy, Dryzy wyzy now goodbzy little car

                          Zack is smiling-- Georgie’s not--
                          Smilin', dialin' so beguilin, scammer’s smile

                                     Learn from Georgie’s little lesson--
                                     Lesson, stressin, keep you guessin’, little lesson
                                     Don’t buy cars when you are drunk--
                                     Sunk, punk,  in a funk, hide in trunk while you are drunk.


©Victoria Anderson-Throop  
12/13/12


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

ALZHEIMER'S LETTER

ALZHEIMER'S LETTER

DEAR WHOEVER YOU ARE,
WHAT DID I SAY MY NAME IS ? I REALLY DO FORGET.
I'VE JUST ASKED YOU A QUESTION. OR HAVE I ASKED YOU YET?
I'VE NEARLY LOST MY MEMORY. MY MIND IS FULL OF DOUBT.
I'VE HAD A CONVERSATION, BUT WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?
NOW IM HITTING 85 OR IS IT 58?
AM I FEELING POORLY ? OR AM I FEELING GREAT?
WHY IS THIS SOCK SO BLOOMING BIG ? WHATS THE USE IN THAT?
WHAT IS THIS THING ON MY FOOT ? IT'S JUST MY WOOLY HAT.
I WENT OUT WITH THE RUBBISH, TO PUT IN IN THE BIN.
WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING ? I TOOK IT RIGHT BACK IN.
SOMETIMES I GET SILLY, I FEEL LIKE SUCH A CLOWN.
I PUT MY TEETH INSIDE MY MOUTH BUT NOW THERE UPSIDOWN.
SOMETIMES MY BRAIN IS FUZZY. I'M MIXED UP IN MY HEAD.
I'M CHECKING THE DEATH NOTICE, TO SEE IF I AM DEAD.
IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS LETTER, PLEASE WRITE AND LET ME KNOW.
IF I FORGET TO POST IT, IT MIGHT FORGET TO GO.
LOVE ALWAYS, YOU FOREVER FRIEND,
WHOEVER I AM XXX

                                                                                 BY SHIRLEY MOODY


Details | Free verse | |

UN-titled

U.N.titled…


Mind flickering

Painful memories

Tears falling

Refusing to feel

Thoughts wandering

Down the broken path

Of shattered dreams

And fractured realities

Emotions trickling

Into the rivers of feelings

Unable to contain

The waters break free

Sadness washes over me

Grief engulfs me

Words spilling forth

Breaking my resolve


Details | Free verse | |

Out on a limb (aka- what WOULD Jesus do???)

Tail swingin’ from branch to branch
Leaves rustling rush
Trapeze artistry 
Burlesque style
Noonday sun
Way more than fun.

Evolution eschewed fur
so the people could make clothes
‘cause they like to be busy
and pretty
and are easily bored.
Or perhaps God didn’t want people to play in trees
without their clothes on
at least not for long.
 
Inklings of overexposure
feel like impending sunburn
overwhelming in light of
blisters  past
Retreat…

Miles and miles
of wild west highways
teaches mirages
look exactly like water
til you’re right there on top ‘em.

How much further, Jesus?
Hold the course?
Take a right?
Gettin' mighty thirsty here.

But then again,
betcha Jesus
doesn’t have a tail.

Better ask another monkey.


Details | Acrostic | |

X-Factor

Silly humans!
Everything you think of involves the
X-factor.  


Details | Quatrain | |

RESCUE

Forlorn and lost, without a home
He wandered on the street
His hair knew neither comb nor brush
No shoes encased his feet

His hunger told him he must eat
Though food was hard to fing
Then, in the park, a crumpled bag 
Someone had left behind

Some 'burger scraps, a few cold 'fries
It seemed like just the thing
A drink of water from the lake
Made him feel like a king

He took a nap, but soon awoke
A storm was breaking o'er
He saw the light'ning's fearsome flash
Heard thunder's mighty roar

He finally found shelter
In a closed-up storefront's door
Exhausted, shiv'ring, wet and cold
He sank down on the floor

Just then, a voice compassionate
Said softly "You poor guy
You shouldn't be out in this storm
No need to ask you why"

She took him home, and warmed him up
She saw that he was fed
And then, when all te house was quiet
She took him to her bed

As he lay there besideher
He thought "Life's not all bad
This surely is the greatest  girl
A puppy ever had"


Details | I do not know? | |

A long line of scallywags

I love my son he's always chipper
he's my scallywag and I'm the skipper
and the apple does'nt fall far from the tree
he's menatly challenged just like me!

and even though his dad's a zero
"hey dad your my hero!"
having fun is all he's wishing
"hey dad ya wanna go fishin?"

lost the house a home we have not
"hey dad looky what I caught!"
no business financal ruin we sank
"aww dad you can have my piggy bank"

rich kids need toys to have fun
"love you dad!" "love you son!"
think no toys would make him sad?
such a good boy "your the best dad!"

now I know I won't always live forever
"hey dad we always be together?"
"no worries son just stay chipper
you'll have your own scallywag and you'll be the skipper!"

by Captain Mike Harris and his son


Details | Limerick | |

SWEET NELLIE KELLY

There once was a couple named Kelly
Who called their young daughter, Sweet Nellie.
And why was she so sweet?
Because all she would eat
Was just peanut butter and jelly.


Details | Couplet | |

Pauper bow to King, King bow to Pauper

There are times, when I the pauper, pretend that I am King.

Power uncontested have I, the master of everything.

Beloved by all my subjects who adore me from afar.

Festivals honoring this miracle me, my name etched in the stars.

Tailored cloths adorned with jewels to cover my royal hide.

A simple tear or pin prick drip and I toss them all outside.

The finest foods from around the world brought in each time I dine.

Fill the goblets of glowing gold with most luxurious wine.

My leisure is of royal command my joy by royal decree

Just think of it, a whole Kingdom thinking me High and Mighty.

A knock disturbs my nap one day in late afternoon.

Another ball in my honor at the next full moon.

Posing for another sculpture, another portrait commissioned.

This bard’s song of my good deeds, and that one’s new rendition.

My every day so busy now, my Kingdom must prepare,

Strong against our enemies, may they all beware.

I toil over strategies and rulings of my court.

Solving problems of those little people with whom I do not consort.

Into bed I fall asleep exhausted every night.

My advisers unrelentingly needing my ear at first light.

More battles to be won today new subjects fall in line.

Soon the entire world it seems might very well be mine.

The people they need food and drink, I must divide the lands.

The royal lists of would be Lords, all under my command.

Arguments continue on it seems they never end.

So many to bow before me and yet I’m without one friend.

Every decision a higher cost, nothing’s simple on this throne.

It has been near fifteen years since I had some time alone.

Slumping on my golden throne, lost in royal thought.

Sometimes when I am King I pretend that I am not.


Details | Rhyme | |

Worth More

I'm done with the worrying
I'm done with the sorrow
I'm done anticipating a change
Hoping for it to come tomorrow

I'm done with this back and forth bickering
Let's just end this constant quarrel
This won't hurt me much
I won't break down and crumble like a tower
Because I didn't fully give you my heart
It was just loaned to you temporarily to borrow

When I walk out your life
I don't expect you to follow
I don't really expect much at all from you
When I tell you I'm leaving 
I'll probably just get an 'Oh'

I know you could care less what i'm thinking
Or where I plan to go
If you happen to ask me to stay
I would definitly say 'No!'
Tell me anything about what your plans are
And I guarantee i'd say 'So!'

So go out and party
Have fun hooking up with all your little hoe's
Because you brought nothing but headache's to me
Being with you, brought me to my lowest low

I made myself a promise never to devalue my worth ever again
By being with the wrong bo
I'm worth so much more than you probably even care to know


Details | I do not know? | |

Regga NIghts Part 2

Tap. Tap. Tap.
‘Miss! You can’t stay in there. A cab has been rung.’
I pull the chain and open the door
 Unfamiliar surroundings

I wobble 
Thankful for the narrow corridors
Hands slap against the walls 
Walking with arms and legs

Outside was pitch black
Freezing cold
The streets empty
Apocalyptic 

Crossing the road was a marathon
Hallucinating 
Going around on a tarmac hamster wheel 

I wait in the phone box
The stench of pee 
Time stretched
Minutes spun into hours

The orange light
Atop the cab
A blessed sight
Growing closer

I sat in the back and gave the address
Then threw up
The cabby was not a happy camper

I lay on the back seat
Hearing petrol sloshing around 
And threw up 
More discreetly this time
Or so I thought
‘You’ll have to pay to clean that’

And 
After what seemed like years 
Tracey’s place

‘Give me a minute, I’ll get the money’
In the house
Up one flight
To Tracey’s bedsit
F#%k!
Not home
‘I’ll look after you my arse!’
F#%k!

A man on the top floor came down
‘What’s all the noise? You can stay in my room. We are friends, practically dating.’
Beggars can’t be choosers
I lay on his single bed
Shivering

He mothers me
Wrapping me up in a sliver hyperthermia blanket
And I lay
Crackling like a bag of crisps

There’s a knock at the door
A couple of Britain’s finest…pigs

‘Miss, you need to pay the cab’
‘I have money, in my sister’s room, but it’s locked. You can smash the door down. It’s in the birdcage, under the sandpaper’
I wanted to die
In peace
 ‘We can’t do that, Miss. If you don’t pay the cab we will be forced to take you down the station’
‘You'll have to carry me’
‘I’ll pay, Officer, she can get me back later. I’m her sister’s good friend, boyfriend actually.  I look after them both’


Details | I do not know? | |

Please Me

I have traversed through the thickest jungles

 Fought off exotic bees

Searched aperch the highest mountains and sailed the roughest seas

 tried medicines from tribal men 

sled the North Pole in the coldest degrees

Looked inside of Lions Mouths and picked them of their fleas

 My Search goes on and on and on

 Quite indefinitely

All I need is for you to do as I like

 and put my mind at ease


Details | Rhyme | |

Eight feet tall man

People have been laughing because I'm eight feet tall, they think I'm weird.
Or perhaps they've been laughing because of my three feet long beard.
I've been getting tired of the laughter from people who are small.
Yesterday I decided to get revenge by beating up them all.

Why have people been laughing, I don't understand it fully.
But God struck me with lightning for being an 8 feet tall bully.
God sure did make me pay for my sin.
The small people and I have promised not to mess with each other again.

(This is a fictional poem.)


Details | I do not know? | |

Clowns Frown

Clowns Frown

 Done Took Down The Town

Pat Him Down 

Why You Wearing Your Wife,s Wedding Gown?

Appropo, Shhh 

Don,t Make a Sound

 I,ma Clarify This 

It,s Like Having a Pointed Conversationaliist Around

Square Yourself Off, Your Belly Looks Like A Mound

Lookin' For One Word To Describe this Ditty

 How 'Bout Profound


Details | Couplet | |

Insanity!

“Did Einstein have computer?”
“Internet can tell you better.”
“People there know the answer to this?
How can they, if they didn’t belong to the generation of his?”
 “Because people research, working seriously;
Not like you, questioning continuously.”
“But my dad says that curiosity is good.”
“But unearthly quests do not have fruit.”
“Didn’t the telephone idea seem weird before it was devised?”
“Just go home and focus on the chapters which you have to revise.”
“But among those chapters are the authors’ thoughts;
Their brain carrying knowledge of all sorts;
Most of them I heard, were weird like me
They had this great power of envisioning things that others couldn’t see!
 Isn’t it great to write something so that the whole world reads it?”
“Yes, but you have to revise your present chapters to achieve it.”
“But Uncle Tom although topping high school;
Became none other than some company’s managing tool!”
“It doesn’t matter until your salary is good
And you can always have your favorite food.”
“But I don’t think about money,
I want to find out how all days are sunny.”
“Okay okay don’t earn a dime
Arguing with you is a waste of time
 I give up! Now you should be gratified
Among the world, I wonder when you will be identified
Sit and hope till then,
And make the people around you insane!”
                       


Details | Rhyme | |

Snobbery

The new residents at the Manor Were in a pickle, with a dilemma Their neighbors’ were rather posh With exclamations like 'Golly gosh' Keeping up appearances in other homes Is rather hard when your name is Jones.


Details | Couplet | |

Get A Rope

Gun slinger
    Matt Zinger

Dressed in black
     Didn't come back

High Noon
    Was Doomed

Quick Draw
      McGraw

Got A Rope
   Hung that dope

Undertaker Called
    Dead Body Hauled

Poured the whisky
     From Junction 60

Dead Man's Trail
  Where slingers failed









Details | Clerihew | |

SANE Asylum

Young Edward Snowden

Made a mad dash trip to seek asylum

Russians may have thought him lazy

with decisions rash, but never crazy  !





_________________
For Andrea's Clerihew Contest
5/19/14


Details | Light Poetry | |

No Dope Have To Cope

Dope head
      Just read


Medical marijunia
  Many states don't wanna


Flip this bill
     Said it wouldn't heal


Glacoma
     Paranorma


Nausea's
   Seizers waaaaaa


They don't care
    And won't share


Any relief
   Good grief

Tired of  puking
   So  got mussing


 To  FDA
         Who just says


No dope
   Gotta cope





Details | Blank verse | |

Root

A long time ago, in the dark lands of the gentile pagans
The people where like giants and our twelve spies; ants!
The spies’ mission went sour and they were almost captured.
Ten managed to escape to our lovely desert camps; enraptured!
The other two made themselves scarce, to the inconvenience of a woman
 Who hid them in the roof of her house and lied to save their hides.   
By and by, our brave woman married one spy and another gentile woman
Married the other spy…oh the dreadful tides!!!
It so happened that our promiscuous spies both died, and at the same time too.
Their distraught mother (for they were brethren) decided to return home.
But the woman who had first hid them made bid to return with her
But Old Childless Mother said “turn away my daughters for thou hast seen I have 
No sons and am too old and ugly to attract a man, for surely any man attracted to
Me in this state must darn well be impotent or desperate!”
The second saw reason and turned back home to her shows for her name was Orpah Winfey.
The one who had first hid the spies refused and said (with courageous theme playing in 
The background) “intreat me not to turn aside, for wither thou goest, I will go and wither 
Thou lodgest I shall be thine squatter and where thou diest I shall be present for the wake keep!”
When she saw that her determination was deeply ruthed, Old Childless Widow sayest unto her;
“Damn, why the hell not!”
So it came to pass that Ruth came to dwell with us, the chosen people.
But she was an outright lazy pile of bones, what with all the sitting all day under palm trees
And gisting and gossiping with passersby.  Well some folk thought she was a prophet
His name was Barak Oboma, he was dark and handsome and he was our leader.
She made him start a war with the people in the East whose military was whispered 
In dark places to be to be “The Talibansers” but that is a tale for another day.
Here ends the unnecessarily protracted and adjusted story of Root: the harlot turn
 Wife turn widow turn immigrant turned prophet.


Details | Free verse | |

Hey Vern

<                                                       Hey Vern !

                                                  This is  Ernest P Worrell

                                                     Coming your way as

                                                         Auntie Nelda
                                                          Doctor Otto
                                                           Sgt. Glory
                                                          Baby Ernest
                                                         Astor Clement
                                             
                                              Now doesn't that just bust yer bubble
                                               
                                             
                                                            Hey Vern !

                                                         Through The Fog

                                                           Read My Lips


Entry For 
Deborah Guzzi's 
Catch Phrase
GL All


                                                       


Details | Lyric | |

I Am A Jock

A bad play
On a deep and dark September
Gazing from these bleachers
To that ref who blew that call
On a freshly painted court in the middle of fall

I am A Jock
I am A Flock


I've got balls
A fortress deep and plenty
That none will discinagrate
For friendship brings me joy
It's laughter from my best friend Roy


I am A Jock
I am A Flock

Don't talk  hate
For I've heard much before
It's resting in my head
And I'll try not to wake
So It doesn't make you cry
For if I never would of put on that cup
You've  never heard  awwwww shut up


I am A Jock
I am A Flock


I have my hooks
And my cup to protect me
I am such a world charmer
Hiding behind an ump
So another won't bump
I touch no one and he better not touch me


I am A Jock
I am A Flock


And a Jock feels no pain
And a flock seems to die




This is off spin
To Simon And Garfunkle's
I am A Rock    LOL
Gl All


Details | Senryu | |

In The Dog House

The Dog House
Caught, he lied to her;
His ebullient smile said all,
On the couch he sleeps.


Details | Free verse | |

The Ladies of the Temple

Each Sunday you find them at every church at least one in every pew
The ladies of the temple where visits from God are few
They enter in dressed to the nines their flashy clothes are worn
And beneath each painted face you find a heart that’s cold and scorned
Make sure you never cross them for there is hell to pay
If the ladies of temple have a bone to pick your way

The stories that so many tell about problems that arise 
When revenge is sought and payments brought can offer ones demise
Don’t let their sweet words fool you for the meaning behind the voice
Will bring a victim to their knees in prayer before the Lord
I say this now to warn each one for I was once in twine
The curse brought down upon my head outweighed the great divine

To all out there who know too well heed the warning in these words
Please do not mess with ladies dressed to kill now you are warned
Each out for blood each out to hurt every living soul of man
I say this from a compassionate view take heed these words have said
For hell it hath no fury making Satan’s life look simple
A mistake I made when I failed to praise the ladies of the temple


Details | Narrative | |

Satire-HUMOROUS BROOKLYNISM

I'm driving down Eighteent' Avenoo in Bensonhoist,
I am having a wallear for a hero; I jeet
nothin' yet, and metballs sound great
but I don't wanna wait on line...
like deeze nice kids from North Carolina!
I tried to jump the line, but duh big guy...
a mean-looking man yells,
" Get back on line, weisnheimer... I don't like doze
kinda of guys...yuh're just another customer! " 
I am so hungry I could jeet a big cow,
an' wanna give him a piece of my silly mind!
"Oh my god...he makes me mad!"
" Yuh got a lotta nerve, buddy! " I yell back...
" Don't yuh mess with a goomba! " 
" Oh, my god...I sound like doze guys from Duh Sopranos... 
I wanna no drama, just my meatballs hero and go! "  
Duh tall, chubby man stares at me an' says," Listen to me,  
don't yuh tawk to me like dat! "...
" Yuh think...yuh're so special!" I axeya
in a nice way, so go back to the line...an' wait like dey do!...
" Do yuh understand? "..." Someone tell me...whatta I'm gonna 
do with an idiot like dat? "
" Yuh still laugh at me like I am tellin' yuh a whacky joke! " 
He freezes my words...I can't tawk;
and with a huge hero in my hand, I run back to my scash!

Translation:

I'm driving down Eighteenth Avenue in Bensonhurst,
I am having a craving for a sandwich;
I haven't eaten anything yet, and meatballs look great,
but I don't want to wait in line...
like these nice kids from North Carolina!
I try to jump the line, but the big guy,
a mean-looking man looks at me and shouts,
" Get back in line, wise guy...I don't like those kind of guys!"
" You are just another customer!"
I'm so hungry I could eat a big cow,
and I want to give him a piece of my crazy mind,
but the tall, chubby man stares at me and says, 
"Listen to me, don't you talk to me like that!"
"You think you are so special! I asked you in a nice way,
so go back in line... and wait like they do!"...
"Do you understand?..."Someone tell me...what I am going to do
with an idiot like that?..."You still laugh at me like I'm telling you a crazy joke!"
He freezes my words...I can't talk;
and with a huge sanwich in my hand,
I quickly run back to my old-beat-up car!


 Entered in Debarah's Guzzi contest, " Dialects make the world go around "

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Rhyme | |

Cocktail Party

Cocktail parties are an entrenched American custom, I suppose.
A forum to spew inane babble and where the booze freely flows!
I've suffered through more of them than I care to recall,
And I try to avoid them like the flu - they drive me up the wall!

Alas, an invite arrives and a firm decree from my spouse ensues!
"We're going!"  I didn't even have a chance to voice my views!
This one to celebrate some guy's retirement or something or other.
I wish they'd include me out - I have little time for such pother!

I retreat to a corner of the room with my drink to gaze about and pout,
But bless my soul, invariably a gregarious boor always seeks me out,
Regaling me nose-to-nose with tedious trifle I really don't want to hear.
I dodge and parry with him but he insists on bending my weary ear!

I strive to be tolerant when such occasions beckon.
And I'm reasonably adept at observing social niceities, I reckon,
But that uncouth, sotted boozer bent on a gargantuan toot,
Makes me a bit fractious since he also spilled hooch on my suit!

I've heard more about his kids and job than I want to know,
The latest obscene jokes and how his investments are sure to grow!
Thankfully, his spouse appears and notes his besotted condition,
And graciously rescues me from his boring, wearisome rendition!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | I do not know? | |

Reggae Nights Part 1

‘You have to leave, miss. The club is closed’
Bang. Bang. Bang. 
‘Okay’
I stand
My head spins
I sit down and pull my knickers up.

What the hell had happened? 

I remember Tracey with her arm around my shoulders
‘Don’t worry sis, I’ll look after ya’

The night had started off great
Pre-drinks
Cab ride
Then down a spiral staircase
A man behind a hole in the wall takes our money
Looking like a miniature whore in make-up and heels 
I was let in 
Without question
Fourteen
Thrilling

Dark room
Deep reggae
Vibrating wooden floors
Winding bodies
Flashing white teeth
Air thick with smoke
The green type  

Tracey hands me half a lager 
With lime
‘Get that down ya. I’ll see if I can score ’
The first mouthful tasted like earwax
The second 
Earwax
Why do adults drink this?
I put the glass on the bar 

A Rasta with six-foot dreads hands me a joint
I had seen it done before
So took a nice 
Long
Pull 
And held it down as long as I could
Then one more 
And 
PING!
I was done

The music was inviting
A fog rolled in
I remember swaying in time to the base
Barley cognitive
Sensing an encroaching tsunami

I sat on a chair
Flitting in and out of consciousness...






Details | Senryu | |

' Orbit Gum ... ' 28th Senryu

‘ Orbit Gum … ’   28th   Senryu 



       A Devious Tongue
    Is Not A Dry-Witty One
   Just Dirt and Mouth-Scum


Details | I do not know? | |

He Say She Say

He cool
He ain't with that he say she say fool
He ain't you she say.
She lay dudes but she say she gay
cause she play pool with he.
He's one of the sons the streets raised
he say these days gotta be brave
cause teens'll beef and flee
3 strays until you be grave.
He say....
But she say what he say be fake
cause she say he be where tha
rich peeps stay selling cheesecake
for weak pay every weekday.
She say....
But like I said he ain't with that
he say she say. All we know is that
he be a 'G' that be on the streets
3 weekdays makin cheese 3 ways.
The other 2 days he on lines like e-bay (sniff sniff)
He say she say the truth's twisted.
She said he said that she said at 3am
she jumped on the Eastway freeway
with 2 dames and a he smokin trees
Eva Mayleen and Philipee
with Breathe Stretch Shake on replay.
Now peep game....
He said to she on 3 way on the other
end Philipee that these 3 didn't go
down the Eastway freeway at 3
that's what she said he said she said.
But she said he don't think straight
cause he be on lines like e-bay (sniff sniff)
she say he craze she say
but he say he straight
forget what she say cause she ain't me.
To be honest though I ain't
with that he say she say, peace.


Details | Rhyme | |

White and Black

White says to Black:

"I think your very lovely."

Black says to White:

"O really? Then why do you sit above me?"

"What do you mean?"

White asks of Black

"You slide pass your hello and seem to grimace of a contact."

Black says

"O dear that's not true! I'm just busy throughout the day!"

White replies

"More like you're worried about what others would say..."

White grimaced at the words that Black had to say

"That not true! The times have changed!
And I do not worry of what others would say.
Its..its just that...you seem strong, without my hand to hold,
And you seem to be a color so rich and so bold."

Black smiles at White

and White smiles back

then Black asks

"Then why so long to interact?"

White lowers a head and looks up with eyes

"I did not know you would like a color such as mine."

Black laughs and says

"I should be asking that question!
But my dear White when we go to a bedroom and turn off the lights,
our colors won't be mentioned.


(white blush)
(black wink wink)


(lol i get silly when it's late :P
and I've been wanting to right an interracial couples poem for awhile
(especially since I'm in one)but! i just wanted a good fun one before any seriousness)


Details | Tanka | |

Different Effects

pandemonium
breaks out, when you scream and shout,
unless you use salve,
you are being arrested,
or you have turret's syndrome.


Details | Rhyme | |

A look back

When I was a kid,there was alot that I wondered,
Alot I didn't understand,and some things that I pondered.
I was around four or five,and would do this every day,
So I figured I would share,it's funny some would say.
I wondered how the bubbles got in the bubble wrap,
Or how they got that Jack in the box,and things like that.
How did they get the pop in those pop rocks,
How did they put the rings on my favorite socks.
How do they twist the wrappers on a tootsie roll,
The colors in a tie died shirt,how they looked so cool.
Well now that I am older,I laugh at all of that,
Because now I know they don't blow up the bubbles in the bubble wrap.


Details | Free verse | |

a running chestnut- prosodic ha ha

By any other name what is in a name 															prosody Rosa Dee the sweet voices arise in                       													Consonance assonance resonance Renaissance															you see being reborn by the word frequency 															colorfully resurrected euphoric euphony 																your flowing down along the Dee an Irish sea														  without life the screams of cacophony  															  cantos of Muirghein the queens nightmare            														 winds of change blow upon the wordy mare      															but the word in question rhimes with prosody                       													so you see to alliterate the marrying sounds															 honest dissonance choosing rather to write it down														 nomadiclly poeticlly phonetically as Rosa Dee															 instead harboring to the odic glottis lotus                                                                              within hours hope to see a singing laughing flower


Details | Rhyme | |

My Job Is the Worst in the World

My Job is the Worst in the World

By Elton Camp

These words I have heard people say
And I’m sure they really feel that way

The work is hard and the pay is too low
And far too early it is that they must go

“The people I deal with are dumb & crude
And my boss is unreasonable and so rude.”

“My coworkers are all disgustingly snotty
And I don’t even have time for the potty.”

“For advancement, they is absolutely no chance
Unless I let the boss get his hands in my pants.”

“After all the deductions have been taken out
If I can make the week I have serious doubt.”

“It was terribly hard for me to first get hired,
But make jut one mistake and I will be fired.”

But think:  No matter how bad you job may be
Others are worse at least by a factor of three

Consider the toothbrush who tended to gripe
Until the toilet tissue said, “Look what I wipe.”


Details | Light Poetry | |

A Notion Of A Whisper

A flower will start off as a simple bud/
It then will grow forth !
As when birds in Summer tend to move North/
Yet as the flower may bloom/
There is often found room in which to grow,

Have a positive mindset in life,

Longevity !
There will be many storms !
Yet we all must not allow them,
To dictate what may happen in the future/
Today be a positive light to a darkened place/

Live by example !

Cause many people are watching !
They will be looking for some hidden quality,
Hence, a bit of understanding/
Perhaps it's determination or a great sense of integrity !
Yet without cement to hold a brick it will eventually fall/

This isn't some store bought item that one gets at their nearby mall,

Let all your words be few yet sweet and sincere/
For far too many people in life,
That don't even bother to care/
Just then a little bird had whispered in my ear/

Yet none the worse for wear,

The heart is deceitful above all things !

Still who can know it ?
A true friend is rather polite and sincere/
To the one who will often show it,
Set the standard high for yourself !

For whether you fall,

You will know in your heart/
That you gave it better then some college Joe try,
Try to keep your mind on just one thing/
For this is the essential key to your success !


Details | Rhyme | |

Smelly Two In The Queue

Smelly people in the queue,
Wafting B O from each shoe,
And from their bodies, both unwashed,
Then to cap it all, both are sloshed,
Swaying back and forth as they,
Wait their stinky turns to pay,
And I am right behind them too!
What's the best thing I can do?
Should I just hold my breath?
That may well lead to my death,
'Cos this queue really is very long,
And their odour is really strong,
And holding my nose will not do,
The powerful pong still seeps through,
As through my mouth I'm forced to breathe,
From this position I have to leave,
Before my retching makes me spew,
I'm heading for the back of the queue!

Tom Higgins 05/08/2012


Details | Free verse | |

Trophy Love

Broken hearts don't often mend after first loves are gone. They simply hang around sitting on a throne, wearing a crown called "trophy love". Love comes and goes but first loves linger on until the end of time, unless another love as strong as the first supersedes the number one spot.


Details | Blank verse | |

FADED DRAPES

Faded Drapes
Cindy those old deceiving clothes which you 
claimed your mother insisted you wear were
nothing but a homeless person's clothing but
could have been faded drapes which might have
been improved with grape stains

You looked wonderful in newer clothes but more
specifically in the newer clothing which I picked
out for and gave to you but I was the observant one;
the one who was not only right for you but also right
about you

  Why you obediently wore those ugly drapes before
we met and toward the end of our rightful friendship
is beyond understanding which is equally true about
why you ran away and continue to evade me- if I ever
see you again it just might be in some old faded drapes


Details | Rhyme | |

MY SMARTS

 I once was young but didn't care
And now I'm old and know it.
I'm slow of step and gray of hair
But Dang! I'm smart and show it.
 
 I may smell rancid,may fall down
May even spit and cough,
I'll share the wisdom I have found
Or you can just bug off.
 
I wasn't born with all my smarts
It took me years to lern 'em
So if the young'uns refuse to listen
Well, I just say, Dern 'em


My niece, Johnette Loefgren and I wrote this
I'm the OLD, she's the SMART.  LOL


Details | Sonnet | |

Natural Beauty

Sparkling rivers on a moonlit night
The starry sky covers them with its light
Softly signing songbirds adding romance
Nature's song so sweet, it creates a trance

The scent of roses suspended in the air
Exotic floral fragrances drawing them so near
The silky feeling of soft breeze on smooth skin
The touch of cool grass warming them within

They kiss.....
She tastes like caffeine
He tastes like cigarettes
They get up, walk away
Thinking disgustedly to themselves
NEXT !!


Details | Limerick | |

THESE CRAZY CHICKS!!!


PISSED GIRLFRIEND

The girl was puckered up to be kissed
Said he was tired, and she was dissed,
With her eyes full of fire
She let air out his tire,
So don't mess with girlfriend when she's pissed.



DEBBIE

Debbie is trying to get a man
Today she came up with a new plan,
Wore a sexy number
Tons of make-up on her,
Then to the corner she went to stand.



COUSIN JOAN

Cousin Joan is as flaky as biscuit
Always have cameras in her basket,
She just strolls around town
Taking pics all day long,
'Cause the signs says to "Click it or Ticket."



GIVE ME A SCREW

One little Call girl sat in the pew
Was so sad, didn't know what to do,
Along came her Pastor
And sat down beside her,
Held out her hand, "Please give me a screw!"


Her watch band was broken!!  What did you think... lol..


Details | Rhyme | |

face book

i saw your face at face book
the beauty that you borrowed has has indeed  given you a new look
sexy eyes and curved face like a restaurant cook
wow that is a girl any one can now hook
tell me what was the name you just took
that name i guess i've seen in a book!
any way i even did try to poke
into your wall,i must say i adore your look


Details | Light Poetry | |

Stick It To Him { Footle } Light Poetry

Vampires
           Desires

                       Holy
                               Moley

                                              Beware
                                                         Out there

                                                                       Used stake 
                                                                                He's baked





Tribute To Halloween   
 [BOOOOOOOOO} LOL

Also Entry For 
Donna Golden's   Footle Fright


Details | I do not know? | |

Stephan D

the only time
i seen a holy man so mad
that he came back
with a shotgun in his hand
was cause of Stephan
 
The only time 
I seen a diesel truck get air
when we landed
there was fishing rods everywhere
was cause of Stephan
 
the only time
I seen a car stuck on a ramp
in the middle of a field
he got it stuck like a champ
was cause of Stephan


Details | Free verse | |

Unplugged Energy

How has technology saved us?
The world almost runs itself
Digital empires in our hands
Keeping everything in demand
Just another buzz word again
What remains a classic lasts
Now becoming the end of this
The next best thing never is
Screens might be counterfeit
Put down the phone for a sec
You may just run into a pole
Look at the world around you
Do you feel your own energy?


Details | Free verse | |

What Kind of Man?

Beware the Boob Man
For he’s shallow…and a little juvenile

The Leg Man is sensual
And can’t hold a conversation
But…
The Butt Guy
Just wants sex
Correction: Just wants some ass

Watch out for the Foot Dude
Cuz that’s…
…
…well that’s just weird.
No one likes toe grime

The Vagina Man is smart
Intelligent even
Knows his facts
But tends to forget the big picture
Make sure he doesn’t forget
The rest

The Neck Guy is great in bed
Although
He maybe in bed
With more than just you

The Eye Man is lovely
Simple, tactful, and sincere
He loves walks on the beach
And romantic dinners too
But this man…
He sees perfection
But doesn’t forgive
He may never notice your ass sag
But what happens
When you need glasses?

The Back Man
Is artistic
In his attraction
He can see the sexuality, the sensuality, the spirituality
And the mingling of the three
While he finger-steps over your back
He’ll hold your hand
Making love
And kiss your chin

The strength of a back
The smooth lines
The soft touch
The Back Man knows
It doesn’t receive much
Consideration
It’s a place where
The entire body convenes
To convulse
To contort
To contribute
To control
To lose control
Where it holds no absolute confidence
Where it holds all conviction


Details | I do not know? | |

What do you mean ?........

Ring ....Ring.......Ring.......Ring
Hello ! who is this ?
May I speak with shing hong ?
Who ?.........
Shing hong ......
No. I think it is wrong number 
Ha ha ha ha ...........
Ha ha ha ha ...........
What do you mean wrong number ?...
You know what I mean .........
Not really .........
Spent time and think
Ha ha ha ha ha ha......
Ha ha ha ha ha ha......
Ok... Can you give me his number then ?
No I don't have it......
What do mean you don't have it ?.....
You know what I mean ........
Not really .......... ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ..... stop it, ok ?......
Ha ha ha ha ha.... I am sorry ...ha ha ha ha ha
It is ok....ha ha ha ha ha .............Clinnnggg..... 


Details | Light Poetry | |

Namely Confusion

Sometimes I feel the urge to curse my mother,
For the day she chose my name!
I love it so, and people say it's pretty,
A shame she forgot that it's a guy's name!

It makes for some laughs,
And a lot of explaing.
Guilt for me when people realise,
But I say "such as", Life's dull without suprise!


Details | Rhyme | |

George Lindsey

You starred on Hee Haw and the Andy Griffith Show.
You were talented and people hated to see you go.
You continued to star as Goober on Mayberry R.F.D.
Sadly you passed away at the age of eighty-three.
People loved to see you act, that much is clear.
You were a very funny man while you were here.
You were Floyd the barber's friend and you wore a funny hat.
You entertained millions for thirty years and people loved that.
I'll see you in Heaven but it may be a while.
You did a damn good job as Goober Pyle.

(Dedicated to George Lindsey who died on May 6, 2012.)


Details | I do not know? | |

Insanity

I just realised how common a disease
Insanity and madness really are
It's spreading throughout this small island
Taking over all these good friends of ours

It doesn't matter what the colour or class 
Doesn't matter the race or creed
It attacks black, brown, red and yellow
All mixes and everything in between

Colleen has it, so does Marcia
Roxanne, Gary and Venice
So many sickos, so many psychos
It must be something in the breeze

Anyway sign off time now
A pair of sickheads to take home
But some last advice before I go
Don't let the sickhead sickness take hold :p


Details | Epigram | |

faking

the only things
that tell no lies
are open eyes
and quivering thighs


Details | Rhyme | |

Teaching Is Not

Teaching is not brain surgery,
But it is brain enhancing.
Teaching is not rocket science,
Unless you’re assigned to teach it.
Teaching is not a bad profession,
But you do to prepare meaningful lessons.
Teaching is not what just what formal educators do.
Teaching is part of every career that you choose.
Teaching is not terrible.
It could be fun,
Especially if your students are learning,
And the teacher and the good grades are dancing,
Believe me it is rewarding and unbearable.



wrote Fall 2004 
while student teaching @ Neville High School in Monroe, LA,
while a student @ ULM


Details | ABC | |

THE BACHELORS

In village life,
There comes  a life
that makes people mad,
and shame them alot.

In the family of one man,
There are seven guys,
un marriede at all,
although they eat and drink.

As funny as they are,
they sleep all the night
and dreaming every time.

Look at them,
really are funny!
And the elders nicknamed them,
a funny sweet name,
the santiagonians knows,
as the sheep knocked men,
and the ugandans calls them,
their local name ''abafirwa''.

The impotent they are,
they can't mind at all,
about the problems in the world!
only  what they know,
it's just to eat and sleep.

When they get sick,
they start to cry,
and call the young girls,
to help them to cook.

Unfortunetely at all,
they force them love,
really like cocks.

Oh!  what life is that,
full of pain, temptation and shame
in this sweet world.

The single life in the world,
almost it's hard,
and makes people cry,
stranded and mad.

I promise  my father,
the wife of joy
that can help the world,
to live in peace and help my self,
to develop and enjoy the world.




Details | I do not know? | |

Plain Speak

Blizzards!, My Gizzards!, 

This Blustering Bloke,

 Keeps Mustering Mayhems With Words That He Spoke,

 Great Snakes!, Eureka! and Holy Cow! Too, 

Crimey! and Gadzooks! and A Tempestuous Toodle-Doo!,

 Shazam! and Golly Willikers! with a Pinch of Vamoose!

 Scram!, Gosh Damn!, and a Final Sacre Bleu!


Details | Limerick | |

Name Fame

Two brothers of stature and wit
A business to start, they'd commit.
The desire for fame
Was in their last name
Now Two-Morrows a work in profit!


Details | Burlesque | |

The Parking Lot Duck-Head-another true tom tale

I live in a trailer park in upstate N.Y.
proud, dumb white trailer trash I is
don't really know well my neighbors
to me that is just as well
you'll understand far better when
you hear the tale I'll tell

across from my small single trailer
looms a large expensive double
but the weird guy living there
seems potential trouble

he has this most odd fetish
this obsession I find odd
he seems very territorial
like his brain was made of sod

he has, in front of his homesite
5 marked parking spaces you see
he has but one little car
and never has any company

he posted a big sign, "No Parking!!"
that's just what it did say
but weirder by far I tell you
and this I can't figure out to this day
he parks his little car,
in an angle so oblique
so he covers at least 3 spots
now I know just what it seems he does really seek
and it's so dumb I laughed so hard,  I grew weak
he's "protecting" his useless ground
which he doesn't own at all
it kind'a makes me laugh
at such moronic gall

he's very like a dog
so I wonder if he might
urinate around these spots
perhaps in the middle of the night
the thought, oh my!, that'd be a scary sight!
"marking his territory"
that's really public space
to me he seems buffoonish
a disgrace to the human race

I watch him through my window
sometimes when he comes out
this little round weasel clown-man
makes you want to shout
"hey, duck-head!  why not a barricade?
and keep out even more?
and maybe provide you with some shade?
or maybe a fence and toll booth
and armed guards to keep away
those who are a parking space thief?
and think just how it would provide you
with much, much more relief?
"cause you worry someone will park
in one of "your spots"
I guess this fear is your strong belief.


Details | Free verse | |

Perfect

Sally Garrel is beautiful.
At least, that’s what she should be.
From her family’s looks she remains,
Perhaps most likely-
Fair white skin
Flowing blond hair
Flashing green eyes
Pouty lips moistly tinged rose
However, one can not truly tell,
For she is covered in
One Big Beauty Mark
Blotchy Brown
Fuzzed Hairs
Raised and Greasy
Sally Garrel is beautiful.
At least, that’s what she should be.


Details | Light Poetry | |

My Mister

My Mr. Armani man is back,
Still claiming he’s not wack.
He struts his stuff almost every day,
Turning heads where ever he would stray.
The only way my head will turn,
Is if I am looking to his urn.


Details | Couplet | |

Teetering on the Edge of 2009

In times that both try and excite
To what do we apply our might? 

To electronics, toys, and fad
To make each man an island glad

To relieve conversation, dull
To color in each little lull 

To get one from point A to B
With no adventure in between 

True plagues of mind and joylessness
Seem scarcely ever are addressed

But who will offer sympathy
At the cost of efficiency?

For hours no modern man can spend
We'll build a wondrous robot friend 

To lend an ear no man can share
When relatives nor colleagues care

Its cold steel arms will warm embrace
Us in our inhuman rat race

A hunk of hulking cords and wires
Its lifeblood of internal fires

Telescopic lens for eyes
A sound card, too, to mimic sighs

A monstrous voice of monotone
Reminds us we are not alone

Compressing our hand through the dark night
Whispering "It will be all right"

We won't be sad but overjoyed
O, praise the tenderheart android!

And praise to us, to build this 'bot
To learn the love that we forgot


Details | Cinquain | |

Bewitched

                                                    Bewitched
                                               supernatural art
                                          Her unique practice
                                   twitching nose- eyelids- fingers
                                                  spellbound





In Loving Memory Of
Elizabeth Montgomery



Happy Halloween All    {BOOOOOOOOO}


Details | Quatrain | |

THE STINGING KIND

Jellyfish is the stinging kind,
it is found in droves
on our crowded beaches...
any little sting can drive anyone wild.


Yes, they are spineless, mordant and gelitous...
being closed watched by large gulls with a hungry palate,
but are chased away by dogs so ferocious;
I'm wondering how they will look and taste on my plate!


And still curious kids scoop them with plastic sand-shovels
and try to save them by dropping them in water-filled buckets,
running with excitement...ignoring the screams of their moms,
and they yell, " Put them down, they will sting you more than once!"


O jellyfishes, don't be vicious...we love you like shell-fish,  
if you could talk, your bizarre conduct won't be misunderstood by many! 
Is the water so polluted and infested with sharks that you flee from the sea, 
or are the fishermen so angry for wasted time on a worthless catch?


Details | Rhyme | |

Cheating electrician

I cheated when I went to the electrician school.
I don't know what I'm doing, I am truly a fool.
I always screw up every house that I wire.
When the power is turned on, people scream "Fire!"

I connect 110 volt wires to 220 outlets and 220 to 110.
When people see my work, they never hire me again.
I was foolish when I decided to wire my house too.
As it burned, I realized that it was a stupid thing to do.

I've been sued two hundred and fifty times and soon it will be two hundred and fifty-one.
When I rewired a man's house who had no insurance, he shot me in the ass with a gun.
I have something to say and I'm sure that you'll agree.
If you want a house that you can keep, don't hire me.

(This is a fictional poem.)


Details | Light Poetry | |

Freedom- Tails

Fred wed me. Merve wed Bree. For fun, Merve hugged me. Fred downed Merve. He wed Bree when free of me. Fior nikko"s contest Heads/Tails


Details | Rhyme | |

Trespassers Must Pay!

I thought I saw a mouse.
It ran behind the heater.
My daughter jumped and screamed so loud
I thought I'd have to beat her! 

I grabbed the kitchen mop.
My son, he grabbed the broom
but all we did was scare the thing
and chase it from the room.

I guess I'm not too helpful
when I'm standing on the chair
but I'm not going near that room
until it's out of there! 

I hate  the change of seasons
because it never fails.
There's bound to be the visits
from their tiny little tails.

I know it's mean to say this
but I've set a nasty trap.
The one sound that I love to hear 
is that vicious little.....
SNAP! 


For all you ''mousy lovers''
forgive my evil ways
but trespassers are trespassers
and here....trespassers pay!


Details | Free verse | |

ADVISE FOR GUYS BOUND FOR PATHMARK

I'm pushing this heavy cart 
without any strenght left,
and through isles swarming with shoppers  
I'm confused by the above signs;
I rush to the one I missed dismaying onlookers.
How can I be so forgetful...
shouldn't I have a list of all items
I use thoughout the week?
I admit that guys are different from gals
with their minds focus on household things!


Yes, we guys aren't as patient as they are,
looking for bargains is a thriftiness that bugs us;
and down those isles we go..not reading labels,
not comparing prices...just filling up our shopping cart
with food we don't really need!  And who will be embarassed
when the cashier tells us annoyingly that the credit card
has been declined! Oh, good grief...we don't carry enough cash,
to avoid blushing in the publice eye while the the line gets longer!  


My advice to you guys: before you venture out shopping, stash your wallet
with enough cash, or check the balance on your credit or debit card;
it's another way of being smart! And besides being admired, you may also find romance
while you are in line and a pretty girl smiles, trying to start an intelligent conversation...
leading to a date or even marriage! Do you get it? Look sharp, flash lots of money
and really get lucky! If you fellas do what I have suggested, 
you'll have broads flocking to you and your buddies will envy you for your luck!


Details | Light Poetry | |

I Love My Job!

The alarm clock signals a brand new day,
So I dress, and head for my job,to earn my pay.
It's a very pleasant morning, as I arrive at WOORRKK!
(Even the sound of that word makes me react with a jerk.)
I show up every day; whether it's in sun,or snow or rain.
OOPS! It's 7:35! Guess I show up late again!
Punch on the clock,and it's time to face the BOSS!
Reluctantly,I reach down,and pick up my daily cross.
Case and pull. Pull and case, while others around me whine!
The only question on my mind:"How long till quitting time?"
I ask the BOSS if she's"selling five" hours of annual leave;
Only to realize, I've no leave left(which causes me to grieve.)
So I face my case, and resume my work, with my head sadly bowed.
Must that guy working next to me , really be so loud?
OUCH! Another elastic broke--and I think that I know why!
But the response I get is,"Not my fault man, blame the other guy!"
Time to pull down and see that all my dear customers get served:
(Though sometimes they yell and complain--which really strikes a nerve!)
At last my truck is loaded, and I'm set to go.
"See ya later, slugs" I shout; then I'm on the road.
Scan my MSPs, and record the mileage and such;
If you ask me, I think this is too much!
I'm in and out of businesses, and running my route all through the day.
Scan barcodes; do parcels,and accountables--oh, and some letters along the way!
I've learned a lot of acronyms, that no civilian would ever guess:
Like NSN;UAA; FOE: and DPS!
But I'll soon retire, and be away from here.
My wife will call "JIMMMMY", to which I'll meekly say "Yes Dear".
I'll be running here and doing that, and fixing everything in sight!
Surely, she'll keep me hopping-- morning, noon, and night!
There'll be no more time for naps;
In fact I may have to work at a second job, so our insurance doesn't lapse!
And when I get old--eh, older--and am in my rocking chair,
I'll think about this job, and the good times I had there.
Reflecting on my career; yes even recalling working with this ungainly mob;
I'll awake one day and realize---I really DID love my job!

                                                                                               Charlie Pelota


Details | Sonnet | |

Minnesota Nice

The great upper mid west
Minnesota put to the test
Ten thousand lakes and streams
Reality for many who like to dream


From Itasca state park
To the Louisiaina's wooden bark
The mighty Mississippi flows
Gently down the outcrop she goes


Crime rates are always's on the rise
But really does it come as such a surprise
Everyone seems to like to hug
Except when its a mosquito bug


So many call us Minnesota Nice
But some still say were Cold as Ice




Details | Rhyme | |

Fragments

and then he said ''How's the cat?''
I looked back at him, said ''Fine''
and then I said ''Here's your post''
and he said ''Is all that mine?''
and then I said ''It looks like rain''
and then he said ''You're looking well''
and then he said ''I’d better go''
and I thought ''Go to hell''


Details | I do not know? | |

Your Name Brand Controversy Is Well Publicized

Your name brand controversy is well publicized
I like to buy my drama from thrift stores
Where I get it for a dollar or less
So, I’m not wasting anytime 
Or money on my problems
Go on and splurge
You’re out of luck and out of riches


Details | Didactic | |

Towards Peaceful Elections In Nigeria

Yesterday we were happy and free as a bird,
Today with nostagia,we bite our thumb,
Tomorrow we burn midnight oil in tomorrow's aspiration.

Today we give the new veil to a pig,
Tomorrow with bitterness,regret the filthiness.

Today we fashion out plans for unripe pawpaw to ripe for the puppy;
Tomorrow we complain of its mess in the room.

Today we mend water-trough to water grazing fields for the cattle;
Tomorrow we boast of burning the fields for dwelling homes.

Today we spent ourselves to feed the cat,
Tomorrow the cat lives in the bush to eat our fowls.

Today we cherish our dog,our bones on its neck,
Tomorrow it eats the bones even our foods.

Today we accept penny and offer ourselves with pride,
Tomorrow we spend pounds with agony.

Today we labour and tax to welcome the king;
Tomorrow we plant thorns on his parts upon return.

Today we make a prisoner a priest,
Tomorrow we wait for the waist-breaking rhythm.

Today we glorify a tout as the godfather,
Tomorrow we complain of bad company.

After all these,fellow Nigerians,
When shall we think before we leap?



Details | Free verse | |

Sebastopol - Apple Blossom Weekend

The First Methodist Church,
with its bold wooden steeple,
burnt to the ground in 1914,
for preaching prohibition.
The good folks of Sebastopol
weren’t having any of that.
Today the Apple Blossom
Parade marches past
the rebuilt church, past
the Masonic Temple, past
Martha’s Mexican restaurant,
with its soup bowl Margaritas, 
past Old Main Street Tavern,
overflowing with biker patrons,
and Jasper O’ Farrell’s,
past The Powerhouse Brewery,
The Greenhouse, and G.T.O’s,
with its bottomless Bloody Marys.
As the entire town, marching bands 
and all, spill into Ivy’s Park 
for a two day party, pixilated music,
and four dollar beers to support
Analy Union High School.
No wonder Luther Burbank
and Charles Schulz
called Sebastopol their home.
And The First Methodist Church,
now made of stone, 
the only quiet place in town.


Details | Senryu | |

Hard-drive Data of Congress

all congressmen asked
the forensics team to view
their hard-drive data


Details | Rhyme | |

Bottom of the ninth

Bottom of the ninth and we’re down    
by two, let’s just see what our team  can do.

Here we go ladies and gentlemen,
can our team comeback and win.

Our leadoff batter is up at the plate,
I must say he has been hitting great.

He’s got the sign and here's the pitch,
it’s thrown down in the ditch. 

So we have one ball and no strikes,
low and away is what he likes.

Here’s pitch number two,
what will the anxious batter do.

He swings his mighty bat,
deep to centerfield is where it’s at.

Quickly he rounds first base,
while to the ball the fielder does race.

Safely at third our guy does rest,
now all we can do is hope for the best.

Trying to control the quivers,
he winds up and delivers. 

His sinker dropped like lead,
but is popped over the shortstop’s head.

The hitter arrives safely at first,
now here is a batter well versed. 

So we see a fastball is thrown,
a big mistake he should have known.

The ball is up and going deep,
possibly a souvenir for someone to keep.

It is way back and out of here,
every fan begins to cheer.

Our team went on the attack,
and despite the odds have came back.

Looks like the game is done,
for in the bottom of the ninth we won.





Details | Free verse | |

It's A Mad Mad Mad World Out There

I want to know
What happens after
This confrontation

Well  !
Well  !


Dr Jekyll

Experimented

With potion

And

Mr Hyde

Tested
It
Too

And

It 
Made 
Em

Both

Mad !
Mad !
Mad !

I
Tell
You
Mad !


Details | Limerick | |

Freedoms Not Allowed

Not allowed to chew gum anymore,
What will be next, not able to open door?
This may seem frivolous.
Will be advantageous,
To profiteer, he will know the score. 


Details | Couplet | |

A rank and a prank

The higher the rank, 
the droller the prank.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014


Details | Free verse | |

THE COMICAL PULCINELLA

Roam the noisy and narrow streets of beautiful Napoli on any day,
and over a popular cafe hangs the comical Pulcinella's image; 
many tourists aren't familiar with this guy dressed in white!
Why does he say," The best Baba al Rum is made here! "
The bartender puts on a huge smile when customers walk in.
Controversially, the infuriated French would claim, " We invented it! "
Then Pulcinella would reply with a delirious laughter,
" It was pretty good then, but not as tasty as it is today! "




*Baba al Rum is a Neapolitan dessert


Details | Limerick | |

COCK-A-DOODLE-OOO

A noisy, Rhode Island Red rooster
Awoke, from his dreams, Simon Schuster.
Simon got mad as heck
And adjusted Red's neck.
Now Red doesn't crow like he uster.


Details | Verse | |

Amercement

Amid violence and deception, how does
         Man fined redemption?


Details | Senryu | |

Annoyance

Constant 'wooshing' noise
Through a broken car window
Driving me insane


Details | Lyric | |

A Unique Message

I adhere to the Straight-Edge Lifestyle
This means no drugs, sex, or alcohol
And I love it so much
That I want to spread the message to all

You see, I have the word "drug"
Tattooed on my right knuckle
And the word "free"  on my left one
It does make some people chuckle

But I really do not care what they think
Because I also have a Pepsi logo
Tattooed on my left shoulder
It teaches other to realize and know

That they should not drink,
They should not do drugs,
And they should not smoke either
I am not the kind of guy who bugs

Other people until they do
Exactly what I say or tell them
But I have a unique message for all of you
And I hope that you all will listen


Details | Rhyme | |

Marty's Diner

Marty's Diner is a cozy rendezvous for folks of this wee country town.
People come from miles about to enjoy the fixin's fer which it's renown!
It ain't a fancy place - I s'pose there's maybe a dozen tables or so.
It's just Marty, the waitress Nadine and Joe the cook who run the show!

There's a 'liar's table' where guys meet ever' mornin' fer a cup o' joe,
To discuss the attributes of local women, the price of hogs and the world's woe.
Nadine scurries about joinin' in the banter makin' sure their cups is full.
Marty circulates about the place greetin' guests - things is never dull!

On rainy days, farmers park their pickups and settle in fer grub and beer.
They brag about their hound dawgs and gittin' ready for huntin' deer,
The high cost of farmin' and the neighbor's auction comin' up nex' week,
And when the price for corn, oats and soy beans is apt to peak

There's music playin' on KRCC, the local country and western radio.
People rave about the sandwiches and red hot chili concocted by Joe!
A favorite is 'butcher's revenge' (meatloaf) with gravy and smashed pertaters,
Garden fresh peas, a pair of biscuits and a salad with fresh picked termaters!

The Red Hat Society holds their meetin's there the first Thursday at eleven.
The Green Thumb Garden Club meets the third Tuesday at half past seven.
Marty, Nadine and Joe meet their patrons with a 'howdy' and open arms.
They welcome you like family - the fellership is one of its many charms!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme | |

FORESEEING A GREAT DAY

I'm waking up rubbing my winking eyes
so sensitive to the burst of the first sunrays;
I open wide the off-whilte Venetian blinds of older days,
to get a better view of a sun never hiding its surprises.


I go straight to the kitchen tripping on the way,
I'll brew a fresh pot of Maxwell coffee: sweet and strong;
just four cups a day: its a good way to rewind and sing
that folk song that caught my attention yesterday.


I quickly jump into the shower with light blue curtains
displaying red canyons in the background as eagles fly
over breathtaking praires, but who can hear this voice...
if not the caged parrot that repeats it with a sorrowful cry? 


I will set him free today and let him choose his own destiny,
parrots or any other bird weren't meant to be locked in cages;
yes, they are similar to us seeking freedom and loving harmony,
so why should we deny them happiness causing them many pains?


Off to work, looking my best: with gray suit which costed four hundred bucks,
and a silver tie to match my black shoes...well-trimmed fingernails is a must;
A splash of Obsession to turn on single, attractive girls at Starbucks.
I drive off in my shiny green Honda, foreseeing a great day until dusk.


Details | Narrative | |

Ralph Zimmer Acrostic Poetry

ralph my great poetic friend 
after the puff of smoke ends 
last man standing will be you, 
provider of poetic words so true 
having great thoughts, not blue! 
zimmer has a philosophical blend 
in his poetry he has started a trend, 
man of excellent Acrostic poetic flow 
ahhh, the reader smiles with a glow, 
even after closing his acrostic page 
one remembers his poetic great taste, 
friends his poetic words are very kind 
openness displays in his rhyming lines, 
every syllable count is very great 
he always write with amazing faith, 
riding the poetic highlights today 
He sits on the “Dock of the Bay!” 


Details | Free verse | |

Haiku with Media

Few Words, Few pictures, News
Thousand narrations to same story
Every day a new story
…
Journalism, an art to write
Whether truth is perceived or false
None care, just write it.
…
Coverage of war or peace
Hidden remains the agenda of brokers
Cameraman with presenter on TV
…
What is shown, repeat telecast?
Same images, and same footage again
As seen on cable TV 
…
Magazine, periodicals, articles and letters
People read and contribute searching truth
Some are victims, others spectators
…
Morphed I did see, pictures
Some well crafted, some under bad hands
Every agency has a news
…
Reports, articles, statistics and surveys 
Core contents of the daily news papers 
2 page news, rest advertisements.
…
New flash, breaking news and updates
Presidential speeches, parliament debates and reality shows
Twenty four seven TV channeled 
…
Melodies, drums and orchestra played
Dramas, shows, politricks and business
Echoing; let the shows begin.
…
FT, BBC, CNN, News corp. Siasat
Created, supplied, edited, published, blogged, or uploaded  
Chinese whisper crawl in their veins.
…

28.29/04/10


Details | Limerick | |

LEAR'S GONE

There once was the man, Edward Lear;
From London, I think--or somewhere.
Of this limerick thing
He is said to've been king.
Now King Ed is gone, and I'm here.


Details | Free verse | |