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Funny Loss Poems | Funny Poems About Loss

These Funny Loss poems are examples of Funny poems about Loss. These are the best examples of Funny Loss poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

My Dilemma of Soup, or No Love For The Crackers

Oh, nicker.  Oh, nacker.
I broke my poor cracker
While putting it in my soup.
I just wanted a nibble,
But the soup had to quibble,
And thus all my plans turned to poop.

So now I'm here sittin'
A poor man quite smitten
With no other crackers to spare,
On soup that's unlawful,
So twisted and awful,
That it kills with no thought and no care. 

Why can't it relate,
And learn not to hate,
My crunchy, crisp wafers of bread,
It would have much more fun
Not to mention for one,
My crackers won't all end up dead.

I suppose it’s too much
To ask soup for such
A commitment to love other food.
But till its attitude mends,
And it learns to make friends,
I believe that my crackers are screwed.


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

Oh, Toilet Bowl

Oh, toilet bowl
Did you hear me in the hall
Talking to that bastard wall
Asking who moved the door

Oh, toilet bowl
Don’t ever have gin and tonic
Cause inebriation is quite ironic
When lost in your own home
 
Oh, toilet bowl
So accessible and cool
Forgive my 90 proof drool
Irony is about to surface

Oh, toilet bowl
We're no longer alone
I’m talking to Ralph
on your big white phone
He says he’s sorry

Oh, toilet bowl
My porcelain gold
If I may be so bold
Meet my bottom

Oh, toilet bowl!


Details | Light Poetry | |

AMY WINEHOUSE-Should have went to rehab


They tried to make you go to Rehab...
you said...
                NO!
                    NO!!
                       NO!!!
Shoulda' packed your bags ta' Rehab...
you wouldn't 
                 GO!
                     GO!!
                        GO!!!
  
 boo-hoo hot-mess
        Wine-HORSE


Details | Rhyme | |

Where Has Dad Gone, Mama Dear

Where has dad gone, momma dear?
Hush, my little lamb.
Your dad's gone to the thicket dear 
And mad old Abraham

That man went early this grim morn, and took his sharpened knife
And with him took his own first born, to offer up his life
With servants and with firewood, both, they journeyed to Moriah
And on the hillside there they built an altar and a fire

And Isaac, when he heard the plan, went willingly, it's odd
That he should let that daft old man, so worship his cruel god.
Your father, he was passing by, and heard but could not see
And foolishly could not deny his curiosity

So closer did your father scramble peering through the thorns
Unaware of how the brambles tangled with his horns
Just to see a crazy man who planned to kill his kin
Your father did not understand the danger he was in

For then again that mad old man started hearing voices
His god was speaking to the loon and giving him new choices
And so his plan to slay the boy came about to falter
And Abraham, he took your pa and dragged him to the altar

But that was never fair, mama, can you tell me why
When Isaac he was all prepared and well prepared to die
And all had been decided on, so what cruel trick mama
Was played upon that grand old ram, who was my own papa?

Life is not fair, my little lamb, nor is it like to change
And fate plays tricks on all of us, both sinister and strange
So you take care, my little lamb, with this advice from me 
Do not visit places where you know you should not be

The moral of this story dear, is take heed of the odds
And stay away from two-leggies worshipping their gods


Details | Couplet | |

ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

I was talkin' with the Lord when He said to me
"Are you okay?  Need some company"?

I told Him that even with all His creatures
I couldn't find one that had my features.

"Well, no need to worry about it." He said
Then he gave me a nightcap, and put me to bed.

When I awoke I was awfully sore
Little did I know there was to be a lot more.

For He had taken a bit of my hair and a piece of bone
And whilst I slept, formed for me a unique companion.

I caller her "Eve" as it seemed to fit
As time went by we were a hit.

We would talk and eat and walk the garden nude
No neighbors as yet,  we needn't be prude.

Then one day she said to me,
"Hey Adam, here, try some fruit from this tree."

Not knowing the difference between evil and good
I took a big bite, as together we stood.

Then in a flash everything turned black
I knew we were in for some serious flak.

"What have you done?"  I asked aloud
"Was this from the tree, which was not allowed?"

"Well", she said, "The snake gave me the word
That if we ate it, we would be like the Lord."

We realized we were naked and ran off for some leaves
When the Lord started calling, we were hiding in the trees.

"What's going on?"  He said to me
"Have you eaten of the forbidden tree?"

Like all blame shifting men not skipping a beat
"Yes, Lord", I said, "Eve gave me some to eat.

"You foolish creatures . . . it would have been wise
You could have spent eternity in this Paradise."

"I'm sorry Lord, I can't say it enough."
"You're right, you can't, so I'm making this rough!

Because now, you will have to scratch out a life
For yourself, your children, and especially your wife.

If you think this is bad, you're in for a trick
Wait until some banker dreams up plastic.

She'll be shopping and buying and going all around
It'll be enough, to put you in the ground.

As for her, she'll suffer as much and more too
After all, now she'll have to put up with you!"

So an angel took us to the gate in the garden wall
Saying only, "Be careful, now it will hurt if you fall."

So there we were, On the Outside Looking In
At that manicured garden, where we committed our sin.

I wouldn't mind if so much weren't at stake
Now all she says is, "I have a headache."

I've tried to forgive her and a gentleman be
But I still can't let her control the remote for the TV.

So here I am thinking, "I've been such a dupe,
For posterity . . . I'll put this on Poetry Soup!"


Details | I do not know? | |

HEARING THINGS

Long ago, when I was young,
Before my hearing began to fail,
Why, I could hear a boll weevil
Tiptoe across a cotton bale.
                                                  
But many years have come and gone;
The ghetto blaster took its toll.
Now I couldn't hear an elephant
Dance in clogs with wooden soles.


Details | Dramatic Verse | |

The Cross Over

My Dog 


Today is the day!
I give my dog away!
I wonder if he's sick or if he's too lazy to play and do tricks.
I called the vet, “$80 I cannot pay.”

My dog, my favorite pet,
He does not want to chase the cat.
I understand that he does not like to get wet.
But, how come today, he doesn't want to play fetch.
I tell him to roll over.
That he doesn't even want to do :- ( 
When I call my dog Rover,
He gives me the puppy face too.
Maybe he's over fed.
All he does is lay there in bed.
He’s not even wagging his tail!

My dog, my favorite pet,
He didn’t walk with me to get the mail.

Should I call the Dog Catcher?
And ask why my dog is playing dead?


by;pd & son 


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Free verse | |

Poetic Robbery

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Free verse | |

Crayola Crayon Time

i prefer them bitten off =center
(a slow lick on a hard knife edge)
 a shecat sparkling like pinwheels
on the silky hilltops of waterbeds..
the ones that make you obsess -why they're one hour
-five minutes 
          late
why their mascaras messy,
making you waife their cologned necks,
checking for that strange strong scent
turn you into some kind of burning,paronoid
jittery flake.

i like'em a little mousy,a little off the 
         beat
a chick that can spit with class
kick the living MAN outta me...
A fireball that contorts and concocts,
attends to every want and need...
(ya know what i mean?)
hum-ta-dum...ta-dum... ta-dee 

but in the end what I really need
what we all need
is
periwinkle
predicatability
a crisco oiled apron
the one mamma used to don
a lullaby in the quiet cove of a racing mind 
reminding me of {dead} mother's...
undivided attention...
way back in Crayola Crayon time


Details | Light Poetry | |

Poetic PRESCRIPTION:

                               NO REFILLS---Dr. P. Soupenstein
                               Rx *7563287      BEC 11/11/11      
Seems to me,
what you need 
for healing this condition...
is something real
you can feel
to ease this mean affliction

Patient please
accept from me
this poetry prescription:

      ( <_____PUSH & TURN_____> )

Take ONE positive poem
Read ORALLY 2 times BY MOUTH -----
Every 4-6 HOURS AS NEEDED for the pain 

Blues and belly aches will dissipate
resulting in healthy energy gains 

                  WARNING!!!
-Alcohol may intensify the effect of being drowsy 
attempting to read while operating machines... 
will cause you to drive lousy.


Details | Limerick | |

Bug Lover

She had more than a hundred thousand miles
But when I saw the “bug,” it gave me smiles
     Bright and red, it had some kinks
     Radio on -- off it blinks
But the engine withstood many more trials

This tiny Volkswagen looked like an elf
I had learned to change her tires by myself
     She chugged hard going uphill
     Just drive slow, she’d make it still
I knew she’d never be placed on a shelf

With tune-ups and oil lubes, she kept going
And never once did she require towing
     She took me from work to school
     Made me feel so very cool
My love for my bug just kept on growing

Time for a new car come graduation
But it never gave me the sensation
     Of being queen of the road
     When it was time to unload
My cousin drove "bug," e’er making her run

Do you remember the movie “Sleeper”
Bug found in cave seemed claimed by the Reaper
     Woody turned the key; it ran
     A centuries-old life span
I ask myself, “Why didn’t I keep her?”

New is nice, but reliable’s better
That tough old bug was quite the go-getter
     It was just one month later
     I was a new car hater
Driving the Camry, I was a fretter

I tried to buy my old Volkswagen back
To convince my cousin, I had no knack
     He loved my bug, laughed at me
     Refused to return the key
When my new Toyota’s engine did crack 



*By Carolyn Devonshire for Carol Brown’s “My First Car” contest


Details | Bio | |

My Life These Days

Leonora I am a loyal, loving, caring and responsible friend and sister The only daughter of my loving parents , Manuela and deceased father Leonilo Lover of poetry, arts (portraits and painting) and playing piano Who feels alone, exhausted and so bored Who fears loss of love, loss of life and snake is the most Who would like to see different countries, future kids and great poets on poetry soup A proud resident of Candon which is not a boarder of Canada and London Galinta
written: Oct. 1,2012 First Place Contest: Life These Days Poem Judged: Sponsor: Poet Carol Sunshine Brown


Details | Lyric | |

My first car-2

My first car

A great uncle of mine, those days, bought an used car,
Which  turned  out to be such a terrible sore,
Frantic, he pushed it up a hill, in front of all
And, sent  it down  to the river below in a free fall.
Not so  bad was the used one I first bought
Still it stretched  my nerves and finances so taut
Workshops at hand saved it from a similar fate
Till I sold it for a song without a second thought.



 4th Mar 12
S.Jagathsimhan Nair
For: Carol Brown’s  "My first car"contest


Details | Rhyme | |

Something Aint Right

Awoke in the dark upon my bed
With the cat sleeping on my head,
Grabbed my socks and blew my nose
Tried to pull my hanky onto my toes.

I knew something wasn’t right
Shoulda turned on the light.
Staggered to the kitchen,
While the cat was kickin’...

Seems I put her food in the litter box,
And now she’s going into detox.
Where in the heck is the coffee pot?
Sure am trippin’ a lot.

I knew something wasn’t right.
Shoulda turned on the light.
Time for me to go to work,
Gotta get the coffee to perk.

Tastes awful weak without the grounds.
Time to go to work and make my rounds,
On no …. that’s right… I Lost my job!
Oh well, might just go for a jog.

I knew something wasn’t right. 
Shoulda turned on the light.








Details | Haiku | |

Parking Ticket

Friends told a secret
Put the ticket on the shield
No more new tickets
I did not wait long
To realize the secret advice
When I got ticket
I did what they said
I left my car with ticket
Glad to know the trick
Dark when I came back
I saw the ticket gave birth
I do l!#*ve my friends


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Free verse | |

Ship Ahoy Divorce Style

<                                              Haiku

                                          sea's tranquility
                                   bestows harmonic balance
                                      amidst  tides rising



                                               Limerick



                          aye ye matey walking its own plank
                          let not ye other take thee to bank
                                raise thy anchors set sail
                              give heeve hoe to those failed
                         find ye other sailor's who's yet sank  




                                              Couplet



                    shivery timbers captain bow is about to break
                    toss overboard it's ye baggage holding thee dam weight 




Entry For
{Destroyer { Poet's
Divorce Club
Haiku /Limerick/Couplet Contest
G.L. All


Details | Lyric | |

The Unhappy Moth

She chose a red scarf. The most red 
of them all.
Of a dark red, a sweet and thick red color,
just as wine.

She carved from the red scarf
from the middle
to the size of a Martini glass.

Then she carved one more glass,
and she kept carving 
till she fell asleep.

Yesterday
she saw her Beloved Moth 
flirting with a Younger Moth, 
carving together from a sweater
while she was getting busy,
carving in the shelves.

The Unhappy Moth drank lots of wine
woolen wine, 
last night.
She drank lots, too much
for a Moth.
The Unhappy Moth got drunk
and fell asleep
on the red scarf,
unhidden
with a heart filled with peace.

She was not afraid no more. 
Now she could be seen easily,
laying on the scarf
and easily crushed.

The Unhappy Moth was not 
afraid of death no more,
at least, now she knew 
how wonderful the red scarfs are
and that they taste
like red wine.


Details | Epic | |

Just in a split second-The sexuality of the lady in Red

Already in the bar at about 7:45pm, as weak as a 'just fed' serpent my body movements, so slow, like a turtle, walking in caution of danger, feeling so stiff like a concrete block, and even my heart beat, I could strongly feel which outweighs the noise, music and bells all combined. Then came this lady, elegant and sharp very beautiful and on skimpy clothing. She sat with the aura of royalty, just three chairs away from me. I was cold, stiff and lost in space and her short red skirt accentuated her voluptuous curves. She graced with divinity and was absolutely magnetic, her attraction was so axiomatic to be unnoticed. Her smile? They were inevitably contagious, and all one could do is to fall sick of a follow up excitement. She twisted her Neck gently and tenderly, turning left and right as she talked to the persons around her. Her words, so soft and peaceful, could turn even a Lion on. Her changing positions, switching legs to cross over the other, only made me more of a moron. My ego dropped, principles sublimed and I was in the depth of wretchedness and lustful desires, sudden heat from an internal inferno came out of me, Those wonderfully, shaped, spotless and artistic legs of hers, stopped my systemic circulation, increasing my lust for her. Nothing can describe perfection, not even close to this beauty. Her naturally curved circumferential breasts, which dangle as she speaks, sapped all oxygen in me. The way she licked her lips during any pause in conversation, so red, flexible and thin, has made me drown so deep in sin, Not even gallons of whiskey nor hundreds of bottles of beer could make me stare away from this rare creature. I just needed that particular soft touch from her, I needed to smell the stimulating scent from her hair, exhibiting such liberty like a loose elastic ring. A wonder of Nature and an epitome of sexuality, the symbol of masculine vulnerability and the object of love and lust, all in one package is what even the Angels covet the most, and here is one who is just three yards away from me. as I stood up like a transformed wrecked engine, with full confidence as though ready to face a panel, all of a sudden I heard "Honey, I am done for today, let's go home" coming from the bar Tender. As I stood up in shock and Heartbreak I checked my watch and it was still 7:45pm.


Details | I do not know? | |

That damn beard!

(This is a fictional poem)

My girlfriend used to be in a circus because she has a beard.
She thinks it makes her look sexy but it really makes her look weird.
People point and laugh wherever we go.
I asked her to shave it off but she said no.
this is getting to be too much for me to bear.
I kissed her last night and I got a mouthful of hair.
I tried to shave it off while she was sleeping but she broke my arm.
The one thing that this lady lacks is charm.
At one time I really did love her.
But now i'm going crazy because I can't get rid of her.


Details | Limerick | |

Another Lottery Dope


I just knew it would be my lucky day
The lottery I decided to play
But I had no luck
Not even a buck
Now we're eating beans until my next pay


Details | Verse | |

Of Birds and Bees

Heney Penny spent her money
On a hive of buckwheat honey
But the bees were not so friendly
They chased off poor Heney Penny
Left of her money, she hadn’t any
But of bee stings, she had many
She was doctored by Mcclenny
They were married in Cal Genny  
Now her thoughts are full and plenty
On her clutch of four and twenty. 


Details | Dodoitsu | |

One Step Forward, Two Back

Spelling a thing of the past, Thank-you cards will disappear, Cursive writing will be lost, No more postal mail. Phone conversations are gone, All temples of worship close, Libraries lock their front doors, No more paper books. Good news for Craig Ferguson, Entertainer - Late, Late show, The all new Johnny Carson, No more Jay Leno. Written by Lee Ramage September 7, 2011 For Linda-Marie’s Contest “Crystal Ball” Placed 7th


Details | Haiku | |

Environmental Muggers on the Loose

Just in: Reported 
Thefts of fresh air leave victims  
Of B.O. gagging!


9/16/11

Received 3d place in "Make Me Laugh" contest
Received 5th place in "any Haiku will do" contest


Details | Elegy | |

Toonami I Miss You So

Once, something we took for granted
Now gone, forever to be mourned.
My source of awesome anime has been transplanted.
Cartoon Network, you face an enemy scorned!

-----Note-----
Though it's been so long I still miss it. RIP Tom.


Details | Couplet | |

Spritual Gangster

You don’t want to miss this
But don’t be confused this aint Christmas
You’ve gotta get real my brotha and kiss this
I’m a spiritual criminal with lipstick

If you’re lucky you just might make my hit list
Coz I’m a murderer killing *****es ego’s with fake riffs
If you’re a moral criminal and do the minimal you can’t hit this
We must stand together my brother to beat this

Pleasure - pain, generosity - blame, loss - gain infamy and greed
It’s not hard don’t get angry and there’s no need to bleed
It’s just like John Lennon said when he said love is all you need
Stand with me my friend and let go of fear if you want to be freed 

I’ll mind punch you in the heart and give you a soul diss
Aint no big brotha gonna hold me and frisk this
You’re not lost or all alone coz my arrows fire straight and can’t miss
Things aint changed and love can still fix this

Pleasure pain, Generosity blame, loss gain infamy and greed
It’s not hard don’t get angry and there’s no need to bleed
It’s just like John Lennon said when he said love is all you need
Stand with me my friend and let go of fear if you want to be freed 
Love -love- love is all you need


Details | Narrative | |

Ten Brothers

Beneath a flag of red and white
A soldier quietly lies,
His mother sits just to his right
Tears falling from her eyes.

Brothers lie all laid in rows
Around his final bed,
A cross for each one shows
Their names above their heads.

Seven more stand by his side
With rifles standing tall,
Dressed in honor, feeling pride
For this brother who gave all.

One more stands by his feet
A bugle in his hand,
Plays that melody so sweet
Of taps now for this man.

Two more now step up to fold
Old Glory from her pall,
And place it in Mom's hand to hold
A present from us all.

Ten brothers stand by this man's grave
With respect in just suffice,
For this soldier who proudly gave
His life for freedom's price.

Ten brothers came to send him on
To take his final station,
But thousands more sit at home
Giving thanks with the entire nation.

Somewhere, lying overseas
The man who took this life,
Ten buzzards now has he
Giving thanks at his grave site!


                          Timothy I. Brumley


Details | Haiku | |

North Pole Divorce Club

Snow everywhere
once joined, now melting apart
causing much distress.

Santa got divorced and also got fixed
too many little Santa's running around because of his tricks
  Santa liked the women.
  Too many little guys were swimmin'  ;)
Now we all know how Santa got his kicks!

Santa slept around and ate too much grubb
His wife finding out made him join the North Pole Divorce Club!


*For PD's Divorce Club contest.