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Christian Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Christian

These Christian Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Christian. These are the best examples of Christian Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Free verse |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
leather-shoes...
(ya hoo)


Details | Carpe Diem |

I

If its money I got its money ill keep. If its money I have its money ill weep. If its love that I give its love ill receive. For I am but no one who just see's beneath. Some say your only as strong as you feel, but how could we change..in a place that's so unreal. People are hearing but..not really hearing. Why is the world so blind. I keep on screaming and screaming and screaming for things to be revolutionized. I am just a small song in a world full of cries, laughter, tears and french-fries.


Details | Rhyme |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar


Details | Footle |

Ancient Footles

1. Walls of Jericho:
Giddy
City
 

2. Moses:
Hopper
Stopper


3. The Egyptians:
Water
Fodder


4. Jael:
Hammer 
Slammer


5. Sampson:
Pillar
Killer


6. Laban:
Fuzzin'
Cousin


References: 
1. Joshua 6:20
2. Exodus 10:17-19
3. Exodus 14:28
4. Judges 4:21
5. Judges 16:29-30
6. Genesis 31:41

Written July 2d and 3d, 2013



Details | Ballad |

The Contest of Hymns

Today my fellow Christians 
Today we have a need to pay
To pave the way for Godly deeds
I offer this contest today

Three hymns you may choose
To whom may ever give the most
Of dollars which are in need
So may you be leaded by the Holy Ghost

Thus the collection plate did pass
Among the members who gladly gave 
As cheerful givers do make
Treasures in heaven to gain

The assembled elders preacher and me
To start the count now gathered
But the preacher gasped
When he did smilingly behold
A folded thousand dollar 

Shouting praise the Lord do pray tell
Who gives such grand benevolent a gift 
Who wins the hymns of three
Who has sacrificed the best

And spied he did old hard hearing Edda May
Slouched low a back row seat
Shyly raising hand to the sky
The preacher ran to greet

Come forth and choose thy prize
Three hymns to you now may claim
As Edda May began to stand  
Edda May the winner of three

With back bone straight and wondering eye
Edda May released a snickering grin
Declaring her name loudly spoke
Giving voice for all with in
 
I do tell at this moment of truth
Pointing her crooked index out 
So many to choose from 
So many have I always liked

And thus she began
Pointing to Sam
Raymond
And Claude
I’ll take him and him and him

The congregation began to sing
Have Thy own why Have thy own way
Edda May the potter
The three are the clay

Edda May just smiled
The children all did snicker
As Edda May walked arm in arm
With her new paid for fellers


Details | Blank verse |

Pages of the Book

On earth on a Mission
purpose redefined with singleness of vision
clarity came cause i sat to look
through the pages of the book


Some days skipped with nothing to dine
some nights slept with nothing to wine
yet more nourished than a royal cook
for i am best fed from the pages of the book


When I lost focus and fell
drowning in the depths of the well
yet I was lifted by an unseen hook
as i flipped through the pages of the book


What about you my dear friend
when the terrestrial race comes to an end
and death vomits all that it ever took
will your name be found on the pages of the book


Details | Verse |

Grattitude First lesson in Christian Living

Dear little pony, the children’s clown,
Rough mane stands tall, his thick tail tumbles down.
Jiggety, jog.  Yes, some riders have frowned.
Dad can ride him with two feet on the ground!
 
He’s a tough little, nuggety, wonderful chap
Who can live on the roughest of diet mishap.
We don’t feed him oats much, he’ll founder on those,
But if you can ride him you’re right home and hosed!
 
He’s full of the tricks that intelligence brings.
He’s always a challenge until mummy sings
Out loud, lets him know that he can’t get away
With presenting his backside to children today.
 
The children must learn how to command him too.
It isn’t the easiest thing they must do,
But they look for the pleasure of riding again,
So they learn how to handle tough diamond disdain.
 
They must learn how to stop him from racing away
Towards home when his head is turned facing that way.
His mind is on resting with food in his trough,
But his job is to teach, and he does it but tough!
 
Tough diamond’s a doorway to wonderful thrills
In the glorious world of the horseman’s spills
And great challenges.  Once you can master this rascal
Nothing can daunt you.  Introductory sample
 
Of every excitement that riding can offer,
He’s cute, pert, adorable, and he can proffer
Essential abilities.  Gratitude is
The gateway to mastery, sire of bliss!
 
Every offence becomes laughable when
You think back to this tough little customer. Then
Your mind turns to teaching, as Daddy once did.
No more can the mud of offence cause a skid.
 
You’ll go round it.  Or jump it. There’s no need to fall
 When Gratitude’s mastered.  Remembering all
Those scuffles you had that your dad helped you through,
You’ll mother, or father, or teach others too.
 


Details | Free verse |

Just as if I'd

rocking the boat                                                                                                -    Hey Hey what are you doing                                                                                            There is a snake


Details | Limerick |

laugh out loud brawy limerick

sip your coffee and smoke cigar
you the ass holy and mob boss 
catholic faith noth
protestants’ hybrid
St. John the Baptist spurious


Details | Light Poetry |

Jonah's Reason

For Jonah, it began with a word
to travel awhile
to preach against the vile
but he pretended he hadn’t heard.

We know the story
swallowed by the whale
it’s quite a tale
that ends in God’s glory.

But do you know why he ran?
He thought the vile did not deserve
the mercy in God’s reserve
like he did… a righteous man.

Today I choose never to deny
the mercy of the Son
from any wicked one
for there might be a whale nearby.

*Refers to the book of Jonah from the Holy Bible.