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Funny Baby Poems | Funny Poems About Baby

These Funny Baby poems are examples of Funny poems about Baby. These are the best examples of Funny Baby poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Light Poetry | |

The Cuddling Cricket

It’s not enough to have a Dragon plus his penguins and pigeons, too?
Darn it! I had a limit, until a cute Cuddling Cricket found my shoe.
He was just a little baby, who saw the pigeons and decided to hide.
Now, he won’t let go of my pants leg; he’s definitely along for the ride.

The first time I saw him, I Eeekk’ed and I jumped, yep, about to pounce.
But at my response he sighed, and slumped, and he began to cry, at once!
At first I couldn’t believe it, so I pulled out my magnifying glass.
What I found were soulful eyes, and a face, so very cute, but sad.

So now when I stand, A Cuddling Cricket, comes along for the ride.
Yeah, he’s now part of the family… Well, of course! Sigh! I replied…
He sleeps in a cute little plastic bug box, with a matchbox for a bed.
But it’s hard to explain, to others found, in my life, which have fled.

I bring a magnifying glass, so they can see him bow so proper and nice.
But carrying my Cuddling Cricket around, does have a certain price!
Food stores aren’t very understanding, and restaurants, Not At All! Truly!
But the paparazzi seem to understand a Cuddling Cricket, completely!

He does have his own type of novelty as he carries around his blankie!
And he’s just a baby, who needs a Mom, and of course, his little binkie!
Honestly, I’m not kidding! There’ve been a few, strange turns, in my life.
But, if I have Trolls and Dragon, then a Cuddling Cricket seems, so right!


Details | Rhyme | |

Baby Power

Babies these days are moving hard,
Brains loaded like a memory card,
Jamaican babies or the ones abroad,
Can't let them out of your sight,head-ache,Dear Lord,
Careful what you do,think they didn't catch it,
Start watching them or you are gonna live to regret it,
Children Hospital is full,I can bet it,
Long,long lines,baby mother has to sweat it,
Jump down the stairs,try pulling the plug,
Pull down the iron-board,reaching for the hot mug,
Search your dirty sneakers and mess up the rug,
And if you ever hit them,they start to carry a grudge,
Don't feed me,I want to feed myself,
I can hold the spoon,don't need your help,
One year old,big woman,big man,
And from they start to walk,push away your hand,
Want to do their own thing,like they set the plans,
Worst if down by the kinder garden,they have their own gang,
'Waa waa,gugu gaga boo boo',baby talking to a next baby,
Translated by Google,'just cry,they were made to serve us',
So we will always be on stand-by,for our little baby genius...


Details | Limerick | |

Raccoon's Baby Sittin' Service




Mrs. Cat, I'm bringing back your kitten
I'm completely done with baby sittin'
She cried all day
Not worth the pay
And , so sorry, we couldn't find her mitten



For the "Tell Me About It " contest


Details | Lyric | |

A Piece Of Lace

[Verse-1]
I watched you walk by yesterday, and yes again you turned and looked away
You never give me the time of day, and you're always looking sad and grey
A small piece of lace from your pink dress, is all that's left of you and me
Wish I could take back yesterday, when I went astray and set you free
I wish I could find the words to say, instead of making you look away
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-2]
I know that I still need your love, because my heart is always feeling blue
And I guess I'll never be the same, for playing around and being untrue
You gotta know this isn't what I wanted, cause now I'm always on my knees
But I can see how you like your freedom, of being with him and not with me
But baby a twist of fate's what tore us apart, and placed this look upon my face
Oh! it's still funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-3]
All those things that you used to do, is what made me fall in love with you
You gave me your all once upon a time, but like a fool I up and flew
And the things I went and said that day, made you fade and drift away
I never shoulda treated you that way, cause baby I need you here today
The sun keeps hiding behind the clouds, and all I do is sit and cry
And this piece of lace holds my heart at bay, I don't know...maybe it's a sign

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace


Details | Rhyme | |

Gugu,Gaga,Baby Talk

Huggies pull ups,size 6 to 10 months,
Crawling around, had a sudden attack,
High quality,Huggies air lock,
Bubu,bubu,back again Mr Mention,
Mummy told grandma you were overseas,
Gaga,gaga,gaga but auntie told Tony,
You got a 3 months sentence,
Dudu,dudu,pampas need changing, 
Baby wipes,dada,dada,dada,
Get rid of this strange thing,
Here comes mom,baby start smiling,
Mama,mama,mama,mama start working,
Giggle,giggle,dirty pampas off,
Uhgu,ughu,ughu,baby oil wiping,
Hands raise to heaven,new pampas on,
Tee,tee,tee,a bottle,a few gentle rocks,
Twep,twep,finger in mouth,both eyes locked,
One last sentence,bugu,lugu,bugu,
Later,gonna take a nap....


Details | Lyric | |

Santa Baby

Santa Baby won't you give me some candy tonight
Santa Baby won't you let sit on your lap snuggle 
Up close and kiss goodnight

Santa Baby I need some Christmas lovin' you see
Santa Baby how neat that you came in a box
Spruced up just for me..

Santa Baby won't you give me some candy tonight...
Nite Nite....

In honor of Carolyn..

You know..


Details | Limerick | |

Baby Gaga of Verse

Since the time I was wearing a bib,
I was wise to the guys. That’s no fib!
“Hey, Baby,” I’d say,
“Come on over and play.
You just meet me tonight in my crib!”

And while most kids were learning to poo,
I was thinking up poems by age two.
I could coo a sweet verse
With no need to rehearse
Saying things like, “I’m gaga for you.”

I was writing my lines by age three
And creating sublime poetry.
First boys and then men
I caught with my pen.
LADY Gaga of verse now: that’s me!

For Susan Burch's
Ridiculous Self Exaggerations Poetry Contest

And now for PD's anything Goes!!!




Details | Rhyme | |

Baby Bug or My Pet Race Roach

Well, I've been in jail since Juvember,
And I've pulled thru Maynever,
And now it's past September,
And I wonder if I'll ever,
Get out of here,

Yea, this place sure would be lonely,
If it wasn't for my pet,
And he sure is real homely,
But still, my love he'll get,

He sleeps in a matchbox,
And wakes up in my bed,
He's sometimes in my socks,
Or a layin' by my head,

I enter him in races ,
With all my criminal friends,
And me, he never disgraces,
My race-roach always wins,

He can really move fast,
One second for five feet,
And I sure hope his legs will last,
So he'll never get beat,

And he holds the track record,
Here in this ol' jail,
And he might just beat it,
But only time will tell,

But then one day my race roach
Was walking on my shelf,
When he suddenly fell off of it,
And nearly killed himself,

So I hollered for the Sheriff,
And he came a runnin' fast,
I told him to call the doctor,
Or my race roach wouldn't last,

Well, the doctor came a flyin'
A little later in the day,
I told him my race roach is dying,
What more could I say?

The doctor said I am sorry son,
But his leg will never bend,
I believe his career's done,
He'll never win agin,

So I started crying,
I cried agin and agin,
I almost felt like dying,
Now my roach would never win,

So the doctor took him away,
Yea, he took him out the door,
And I just have to say,
I haven't seen him anymore,

But what really puzzles me,
Is where'd he take my "baby bug?"
I wish he'd bring him back to me,
So I could give him one more hug!!

Hey!!!I just caught another one,
A little faster than the last!
This little "Bugsie" can get it on!!!
Gosh is he ever fast!!!!!


Details | Rhyme | |

Seemed Like A Routine Day

Being a nurse I had a good understanding of medications for pain, Explained to my Obstetrician I wanted everything, I was not insane, This was my first baby and being in healthcare had very few perks, I’d be given an epidural when the time came, but not by any jerks. Worked full-time then started maternity leave 2 weeks before my due date, Of course I sat at home for another 5 weeks, oh my first baby was really late. I read every book in the library and cleaned my house more than one time, Everyday the neighbours would drop by, I was tired of the door bell chime. Walked into the hospital to have a non-stress test, done every other day, My doctor laid his hand on me and asked “how long have you been this way” I replied “ for about 11 months, you should know you’ve seen me every week” He firmly instructed the nurse to call my home, for my husband they must seek. My husband knowing my test was routine, had driven to town to go to the Gym, What is that you say dear doctor, “I’m fully dilated, I’m soon going to be slim” Well first I’ll I just zip home to grab my luggage and I promise I just zoooom, What’s that- “I’m bypassing the labour and going straight to the delivery room” So I hopped onto the table, took deep breaths and put my feet in the snare When finally my dear husband arrived ~ with more than five minutes to spare “It’s a beautiful girl with dark hair, 8 lbs 7 oz ” I heard the delivery room nurse say, My love has never been stronger, my greatest moment, our most memorable day. Written by Lee Ramage October 6, 2011 For Frank Herrera’s contest “One Stand Out Day” Won 4th place


Details | Limerick | |

Why There's No Baby Planes

On a flight to Auckland one day A mother over hearing her son say Cats and Dogs can have babies Can planes do that maybe Ask the attendant, see what she says So off to the attendant he asks Is it possible that planes do this task Did your mother tell you To ask me if it's true Tell her to tell and not mask As the little boy was walking away Following him the attendant did say No baby planes you will find Qantas pulls out on time Ask mum to explain this today . Written about a Joke I heard ;-)


Details | Limerick | |

Bend Over Baby

Got referred to a female Urologist
After which I needed a Psychologist
"I'm a licensed physician
Please resume your position!"
Next appointment: Her sister Proctologist


Details | Free verse | |

Everybody

Love me tonight girl we won't meet again ,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby, ha ha ha ha,
Let your body decide what it does ,
It's okay baby cause everybody ****s,
I know it's straight to the point,
But I'd rather be straight up and straight forward,
Instead of playing with your heart and your mind,
Games are waste of time, now we can do the nasty,
And do what the do and see what the does,
Either we gonna love what we do to each other,
Or just let it be what it was,
No harm, no foul, no commitment, no vows,
Maybe a contract or two,
But by that time I'm already tired of the way you like it, oh,
And let your body decide, exactly what it does,
But it's no secret baby, everybody fücks,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
Love me tonight girl we won't meet again,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does, it's okay baby,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby cause everybody fücks,
Now I can hear your body calling me,
Tell me what it is, what's gon be,
Only got one night cause I'm...,
Lil mama is a bad one, ain't she? 
Maybe she might be a little timid,
Love when I get it,
Or I might even give a text when I'm finish,
Been doing all this talking, let's get it,
And you can tell me what you wanna do,
I guarantee you can do that,
Or you can teach me like a thing or two,
But I bet you I already knew that,
So one night one time baby girl,
Let's take this chance,
We ain't trying to be love strung,
But I know that Everybody ****s,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
Love me tonight girl we won't meet again,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does, it's okay baby,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby cause everybody ****s,
Let your body go, let your feeling show,
Say what's on your mind, I already know,
I can read your eyes, see your body sign,
(Every sign you give baby) with a little bump and grind,
Nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
Baby there ain't nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
There ain't nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
Baby there ain't nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
Love me tonight girl we won't meet again,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does, it's okay baby,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby cause everybody ****s,
Believe that believe that baby,
Everybody ****s…


Details | Limerick | |

SWEET BABY ON SALE

my wallet’s tounge getting longer and longer 
credit cards’promos pumping stronger
flat tv, i-pad, santa trimmings  at low cost
really now, my unpaid dues on zero defrost
egad, i’ll be jailed being a triple goner

the dark side tempts me—a real shopaholic
will win the lotto and forget being catastrophic
can’t wait to blow left-over greens
christmas ads ringing pied piper dreams
buy, buy, buy utterly catatonic

dashing like a mad woman i daringly arrive
snooping at branded goodies my eyes crazed overdrive
surprised by a chipped baby- on-a- manger sale
reminding me my sweet spirit has gone pale
went to bed tucking  christ babe, so glad i’m richly alive!


(for PD's HOLIDAY POEM contest)
by: nette)


Details | Light Poetry | |

Lilly's Teddy Bear Picnic

Lilly wanted a teddy bear, so her Mom FunkunDilly gave her one.
Lilly kept telling me how she loved it, and was having so much fun.
Though strangely, she was keeping it, at Grandpa Troll’s bridge.
I couldn’t seem to, understand this at all, not even a small smidge.

She didn’t bring it home at night; she didn’t even drag it around.
She only visited it under the bridge, when Grandpa Troll was around.
Finally I ask her why she didn’t bring it home, to tuck it in at night.
She said it was a fragile thing, that couldn’t leave it mama’s sight.

This itself, should have told me it was better, to leave well enough alone.
But I was not the brightest thing, to reason out, what was being done.
So I invited Lilly, and her teddy bear, and all the Trolls, to come on a picnic lunch.
FunkunDilly ask for honey, lots of sushi, cookies, and baby bottles by the bunch.

Grandpa Troll laughed and said he’d come along, to see how this was done.
Sure enough the teddy bear was there… and his mama had ALSO come along.
Gurgling noises came from my mouth, and my hands had a life of their own.
It wasn’t long before I found myself on the ground, as I fainted with a groan.

When I awoke Mama bear was saying  ‘how high strung these human creatures are!’
She won’t hurt my little one? Is she crazy, do you think? OH, is that a chocolate bar?
I tried to regain my composure… as I passed the honey to put on the chocolate bar…
So yes, we had a teddy bear picnic as Lilly’s Teddy and his mom became the stars.

We all discussed the weather, daytime soaps, and how honey works with crumbs, 
Plus how to stop, our precious little ones, from constantly sucking on their thumbs.
Grandpa Troll was laughing about Lilly’s Teddy Bear Picnics for years to come. 
And he thought I had handled it very well… even though at first I had succumbed.

In the end, leave it to a Baby Troll... to have a real Teddy Bear to love and hold...


Details | Acrostic | |

LOST BABY BOY


L Like a juggler, rhythm of harried routine, a mother performing
O On finding the cling-clang-thump symphony's beats missing
S She froze mid-way through her act, something's just not right
T To her surprise, her rambunctious baby boy was nowhere in sight

B Brushing fears aside, she set to seek him in the game of peek-a-boo
A As she peered in every nook and cranny cooing,"momma loves you!"
B But success evaded her and she was fast losing heart and hope
Y Young mother burst into tears, her sanity dangling on a tattered rope

B "Boo!" a voice behind her in a squeamish cry, all too familiar
O Overjoyed she spun around crying and laughing all the same, feeling happier
Y "You naughty boy!"and he smiled impishly, right behind her, under kitchen counter!

7/8/2012


Details | Limerick | |

Mother-To-Be

Mother-To-Be
Dr. James E. Martin
©May, 2013

A mother-to-be was she.
She was happy as she could be.
A new baby boy,
Would bring her much joy,
If only she weren’t seventy three.


Details | Rhyme | |

TWO BABY DINOSAURS LEARNING TO FIGHT

Come out and watch two baby dinosaurs having a match...
will they hurt each other or enjoy this experience as they stutter?
How long will it take for them until they become groggy and itch?
All kids love this kind of friendly fight as they shout," Punch harder!"


Jeff and Garry creep, trying to get closer, but they push them off
with their enormous feet groaning as two vexed grizzly bears...
" Look out, Garry...they ares aiming at you! they seem hungrier than a wolf!"
But Garry in shock replied, " Compare me to an aunt being crushed by beasts!""


Garry, getting up, finally caught his breath screaming," Keep away,
just watch them fight, we're here not to cause any troubles today!"
" Fine,"  Larry said withdrawing his excitement which had built up too fast,
and as the little dinosaurs continued to improve their skills, a lightening hit.


Poor dinosaurs they didn't know what was happening, they only felt the quaking ground
and quicker they fought resembling two animated robots spinning around,
trying not fall on the grass and make a hole wider than a volcano's crater...
then they gained control and went on with their fight to be amused by the kids' laughter.


Details | Limerick | |

My baby dreams.

There once was a dream in my sleep
I was out in the fields with my sheep
I wanted to pee
Let it out with glee
I woke up with in a puddle in my keep.


Details | Light Poetry | |

The First Christmas Present

A spider spun a silver web in a mound of golden straw, Then he hid himself inside the stack, away from the wind so raw. He yelled down to the sheep below Who were trying to huddle close, “It’s times like this that I wish there was a fire for a mutton roast. For winter had come upon the land and his barn was deathly cold, He wasn’t sure if he’d survive the night if the truth of it were told. He tried to dream a dream of hope to get him through the night, But he couldn’t bring himself to sleep because of a blinding light. A star was shinning down on them as if the sun in mid-day glory, The little spider had yet to learn of the coming Christmas story. Below was a ewe with her lamb both snuggled up together, Trying their best to keep warm in the cold of the winter weather. “I’d never trade places with you anyway,” the mother sheep bleated out, “Why are you so happy in your hate to lend voice to pain and doubt?” The light from heaven kept them awake and staring in wide wonder, When two weary travelers entered in and the straw became their plunder. The little spider became dislodged as a nest of straw was piled, And he could see that one of the travelers was very great with child. The three companions watched it all; they’d never seen a human being born, They were all surprised when at his birth There came the peal of an angelic horn. A herald’s call went out to all the land announcing the newborn king, And the spider and the ewe shared a laugh to think of such a thing. Because this baby was so very small and his parents were so poor, Yet there was something about this newborn child that neither could ignore. The spider looked down on the ewe and said in a voice too bold, “This baby needs to be swaddled now to keep him from the cold. Good ewe I can spin for him a cover if you’ll allow me to use your fleece.” So together they worked to swaddle the child on this night of Holy peace. The mother smiled at them all as she took the blanket for her boy, Then laid him in a manger poor and they were overcome with joy. The meaning of this wondrous event was what made them all feel glad, For they had brought the first gift to the Lord by sharing what they had. And the warmth, which they had provided the child, also kept the three of them warm, May the loving joy that they discovered keep you this Christmas morn. Merry Christmas!


Details | Epigram | |

Baby Face Nelson

1908-1934  Not taken soon enough! Not only the good die young.

For Epigram Contest
By: Richard Lamoureux


Details | Blank verse | |

Old son, Young Dad

He died forty
with strength and wit
He left a son Young and young

He died nighty 
With bones no teeth
He left a boy pale and forty

They meet in paradise
Dad still forty
Son at nighty
Dad thought it was grand pa
Son thought he was grand son
Who had died also


Details | Rhyme | |

Silly Pendulum

__uPON her shoes__

The best I could do 
Is to sit upon her shoes.
The show is still on,
So don't judge me now...move on!

She is still sleeping
And she wants no awakening.
She loves me and wants me idle
And sit upon her shoes.

One hour gone,
Two hours gone...
Now five hours are gone.
But she loves me
And wants me 
Wholeheartedly.
I mustn't stand idle
But sit upon her shoes.

Thank God she's awake.
Now to take a break.
"Can I stand up" I inquired
"Not now" she replied.
"Won't you take me for lunch" she required.
"I will... Of course let's go" I replied.
At least now I don't stand idle.
May be after lunch, I won't fuddle.

"Waiter, I’ll like you to serve me a plate of rice and chicken.
Listen waiter, serve him 'Eba'. He loves that thing."
I admitted to what I don't like
And still will pay for what she likes.

Again to sit upon her shoes.
Another round I must do.

       <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

*** Eba: Is one of Nigeria solid food (a product of cassava flour), usually known with the Yoruba people of Nigeria. It can be taken with local soup like "Ewedu", "Efo", "Gbegiri" and so on.
 
Note: This poem is honest lied situation put up for fun of the contest. However, I have feelings that it possesses (some) qualities that could be related to real life situation.
18/5/2013

For: "Silly (FUNNY) Poems Only old/new' Contest 
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Great Manger Heist

Two brand new manger scenes were donated to our local church, One went on the minister’s desk the other took the organ as its perch. The idea was to provide a scene that was both merciful and mild. But when the organist came to practice on Tuesday night there was no holy child. No babe was laid in the manger meek to receive the gifts from kings, No baby to offer love and light or the joy that the season brings. When a ransom note was found it was circulated through the staff, “Will return the one inch Son of God in exchange for a plastic calf.” What cad could have committed this crime and done this awful deed? Who could have cold heartedly stolen hope from this world of need? “What should we do?” asked the organist to the church’s secretary, “We need to restore the Holy family and calm the heart of Mary.” The secretary looked worried as this news caused her own heart to sink, Now for the first time in many years someone had asked for her to think. The choir director offered up, “Let’s give in, it’s only a plastic cow, I don’t see how giving one calf away could hurt anything anyhow.” “We should not negotiate with terrorist.” Said Sam the custodian, “If we give in to their petty demands our troubles would just begin.” “Then let’s organize a search party to look for the wayward child, We will thwart the plans of this prankster who will forever be reviled.” “What is all of this about?” Asked the minister as he came into the room, The organist told him about the babe and the note of impending doom. “So we’ve decided to work together as a team to bring the baby home, Every square inch of the church will be covered with a fine-toothed comb.” “As a team!” the minister exclaimed, “Well that’s a change long over due, It’s good to see the four of you working together as a single crew.” “It’s been too long since you pulled as one with the goal of finding Christ, I think you’ll find that the rewards are great while solving this baby heist. “Before I send you on your mission let us all join hands in prayer, It’s so wonderful to see you brought together it shows how much you care,” “Let us pray for guidance from the Lord before this search begins,” So they didn’t notice as they bowed that his Mary had given birth to twins. And so he sent his staff into the night to find the newborn King, Then as he returned the baby to the manger he began to sing. He was then struck with inspiration and he added to his plan, And so they found the missing baby in the arms of a fourth wise man.


Details | Rhyme | |

Bim and Kim

Bim and Kim are my best friends, 
I think they’re rather neat.
Bim and Kim can twist and bend.
There second names are feet.

Bim goes left Kim follows suit,
If Bim jumps Kim jumps to.
The two of them are so darn cute,
When snuggled in my shoe.

Bim and Kim they like to run,
Trying to outrun each other.
They stick to me when having fun,
I guess I am their mother.

When Bim gets tired Kim stays still,
I watch them as they snooze
I laugh at them, I always will
When the two of them trade shoes.

Bim and Kim they love to laugh
And like to run through puddles.
Then after we all take a bath,
I give them lots of cuddles.

Brenda Meier-Hans
Written 08.31.2014


Details | Limerick | |

Valentine Baby



I wait for my Valentine baby

He said he would come here to save me

Just give me some bling

Not any old thing

My answer could well be a maybe!


Details | Couplet | |

CRY BABY CRY

CRY   BABY   CRY


What makes me cry is not  a sweet word  
Humor, sadness, loss or  anything  so absurd,
But  the whole  raft of rules I gotta obey.
There must be “ No Names”   but without my name, hey. . .   
How will favorites like me be rewarded?
I must “please date”.  Must be a new poem, and regarded
As such, so as usual I will pick out one of my oldies, re-title it, 
Change one word, add today’s date,  and that’s the whole bit.
I must use “spell check”  instead of just
Turning in any old guff  -  which I usually must.
I have to use any form which is acceptable, the norm,
Except, “ I don't know” which is my favorite form, 
So instead I will simply call it ‘verse’, 
Cos that’s pretty much the same thing, but worse.
These rules and regulations are cramping my natural style
Sooner than enter such a contest I would walk a mile.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
Note
A light-hearted, humorous piece, not to be  misinterpreted , except by the paranoid. 
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . .
Written  27  July  2012
Entered in Lisa Cooper ~Dark Poetess’s   Contest  One Silver Tear


Details | Light Poetry | |

Drinking from the Baby Bottle

Holidays come and holidays go, but the grocery store is a war zone.
You got to get there fast… or Honey you’re just plain out of luck!
My diabetic hubby drinks caffeine free diet soda and what luck…
You know the ones he takes to work... Only the little bottles are left…
I knew I was truly sunk when the 3rd store was just the same.
So as lunch came around, my manly man’s manly sized lunch came out.
But everyone became quiet and laughed as the baby sized bottle came out.
Everyone was laughing as my hubby drank it down.
Then he held it up and said “In your diapers” as everyone laughed around.
And to everyone’s surprise he pulled another one out from his lunch…
This time there was applause as he drank that sucker down.
Today was his day to entertain.
Tomorrow it’ll be someone else’s to claim.
Thank goodness his sense of humor… is worthy of acclaim…



Details | Limerick | |

Baby Harry

In his cage in a rage- Baby Harry
and those visit his realm best be wary.
A smart cockatoo
who screams out: " #*@# you!"
What his master might say could be scary.


My Theme is : Birds singing.
But I hope that birds talking is okay.
However, as I write this,
Baby Harry is talking, but not in a socially acceptable way...


Details | Narrative | |

A Sister's wish

"It has to be a girl," she had firmly announced,
My sweet little daughter, always craved for a sister!
So the news of a would-be sibling, did make her glad.
She had jumped and bounced.

"A girl would be perfect, boys are messy,
"I'd play my dolls with her and read princess stories",
Said my daughter, who was all girlie-girlie
She kept things in order, was neat and tidy, even a bit fussy!


She'd shopped for pink blankets, rompers, spoons and forks!
Smart girl that she is, she very well knew
"Babies don't come from hospitals nor gifted from temples
Neither are they dropped by visiting storks!"

She would be there for pregnant momma, a helping hand to lend.
She'd pat the sick mother and soothe her with a touch
Fetch her a glass of water
would not allow her to bend!

"My sis would look like me", so said Sara
Ecstatic she was about the brand new arrival
she promised even her stuff to share!
Found a rhyming name, "I'll call her Aura."

One fine day, mommy gave birth to a son
Hale and hearty, Sweet and chubby.
The family rejoiced but the sister said,
"Its not going to be fun."

"Give him back to the doctor, We won't keep this boy",
She said over the phone and with a frown on her face
She came visiting. Took the baby in her lap,
Saw his Angelic face and was filled with joy.

"He is cuter than any baby in the world can be", said she
Stroking her brother
"His skin is so soft and his fingers so tiny,
Well, we'll take him home, he looks just like me!"


Details | Rhyme | |

Dear Son

Just a few lines I hereby write to let you know
that I, in my entirety am still alive,
care I give, when with pen perceiving you so slow
the words upon these lines, just in time will arrive.
You will not know the house, when you come on back home
twelve month ago the rent we defaulted, so we moved,
which was good for your mother, she’s too old to roam,
while it seems her affair with the rent man, unproved.
I’ve managed to get myself a really good job
having many hundreds of poor sods beneath me,
as greenkeeper, the graveyard grass I cut and swab,
that is when this terrible pain stops in my knee.
Your sister Edna has had a baby this week
not yet found out if baby boy or baby girl,
so don’t know if it’s got a tap to take a leak
or a hands free strikingly attractive pearl.
We both went to the doctor the other day
it’s your mother she is not keeping all that well,
the doctor placed a small tube down her passage way
said “Don’t talk”, I offered to buy, but wouldn’t sell.
Your uncle Raymond drowned last week in a large vat
this full of single malt whisky at the brewery,
workmates tried to save him, but he fought them off, drat,
cremated, fire took days to douse, come floury.
The weather is o.k.; it has rained twice this week
first off for three days, then the other for four days,
then undertaker rang, sounded very bleak
said, “Payment for grandma’s grave, or does not here stays”.
Oh! by the way I was to send you some money
but I forgot to place it in the envelope,
sealed it with kiss, thought you may think that’s funny
till you hear mum gave you to the charity “SCOPE”.

© Harry J Horsman 2012 

the idea is not mine originally, it is
   An adaptation of an Irish letter.